Venting Anyone suicidal due to detransition?

[neurotoxic]

Not the only cause, I've been suicidal for awhile. but past five months I've been detransitioning after transitioning medically for about nine years and being out for longer. I know there are a lot of trans people on here (which breaks my heart) but just wanna be clear I'm not one of "those" detrans ppl. Just doing it out of idk, too many bad experiences due to being trans even after I passed. Detransitioning really has been the icing on the suicide cake, maybe its been a form of pushing myself to fucking do it, I don't know what I'm doing. I don't want to be male, and yet I've taken drastic steps to undo things that made me very happy for a long time. I just needed to be a more survivable person and unfortunately that person had to be a cis man. It's unfortunate that is has made things easier, which doesn't make me less suicidal but enabled me to stick around longer. It allowed me to get a new job quick after I quit my old one. Job hunting is easier when you're (newly) cis and a man. last time I was looking for a job it took me months. took me less than a week this last time. It makes interactions easier. My extended family speaks to me again.

Oh well, gave it a good run. Woulda worked great if I was stronger.

 

[Kadaver]

I'm so sorry you had to detransition. I'm trans and suicidal because I don't have access to any care. I wish we could just be accepted for who we are. Why does everything have to be so difficult and painful?

 

[neurotoxic]

I'm so sorry you had to detransition. I'm trans and suicidal because I don't have access to any care. I wish we could just be accepted for who we are. Why does everything have to be so difficult and painful?

I'm not sure where you're located but where I'm from a lot of the difficulties stem from trans people just being a convenient boogeyman for the right wingers. And that fear mongering translates into real policy and healthcare decisions as well as employment and general social disparities.

 

[Kadaver]

I'm not sure where you're located but where I'm from a lot of the difficulties stem from trans people just being a convenient boogeyman for the right wingers. And that fear mongering translates into real policy and healthcare decisions as well as employment and general social disparities.

I'm in the US. And yeah that's exactly what it is. First it was gay people (and still is but to a lesser extent) and now its trans people who are "grooming children" when in reality if you want to find a group of people famous for abusing children just look at the catholic church. Or the Christian church. The amount of prominent church figures who use their position of power to abuse children is insane

This is a little off topic but the religious people who hate trans people really make me angry. "The Bible says he made you perfect so changing yourself is going against him!" not even they believe that. Firstly they circumcise babies and secondly if a baby was born with something wrong with it they wouldn't say "well god made them that way so just leave it." I'm also just so so sick of god being shoved down my throat. I don't give a shit what the Bible says. I don't. And I'm tired of being bludgeoned over the head with it.

 

[goatmonster :3]

i started transitioning over a year ago and stopped about 5 months in. pretty much solely because i brainwormed myself and i felt like the spiro dose i was on was slowly killing me so i stopped (even though i could have lowered the dose... idk why i do the things i do) now with the Big Baby Blue Bill™ taking away covered HRT, i don't see any point in fighting.

i'm sorry things went that way for you. no one deserves this shit.

 

[neurotoxic]

i started transitioning over a year ago and stopped about 5 months in. pretty much solely because i brainwormed myself and i felt like the spiro dose i was on was slowly killing me so i stopped (even though i could have lowered the dose... idk why i do the things i do) now with the Big Baby Blue Bill™ taking away covered HRT, i don't see any point in fighting.

i'm sorry things went that way for you. no one deserves this shit.

I was on Spiro for 8 of the nine years I was on hrt, until I got orchiectomy. only bad side effect I had was having to pee more, thirst, and salt cravings. i know some people get more side effects, but never heard of it killing anyone.
but yeah, the politics definitely has played a major part in me choosing to detransition. I truly felt hated by my country, family, and with the bullshit "groomer" rhetoric it caused very real issues for me, when you work with kids, some of them will come from families who are right wing and hold those prejudices and those people genuinely believe you're a bad person. its fucking sick what they're doing to us and our reputation just for votes and money from the gullible evangelicals
the school district in my hometown banned trans kids from sports, and enacted a forced outing policy for all staff. this is in southern California, mind you. the rest of the country is far worse. where I am now is far worse.

 

[goatmonster :3]

i

I was on Spiro for 8 of the nine years I was on hrt, until I got orchiectomy. only bad side effect I had was having to pee more, thirst, and salt cravings. i know some people get more side effects, but never heard of it killing anyone.
but yeah, the politics definitely has played a major part in me choosing to detransition. I truly felt hated by my country, family, and with the bullshit "groomer" rhetoric it caused very real issues for me, when you work with kids, some of them will come from families who are right wing and hold those prejudices and those people genuinely believe you're a bad person. its fucking sick what they're doing to us and our reputation just for votes and money from the gullible evangelicals
the school district in my hometown banned trans kids from sports, and enacted a forced outing policy for all staff. this is in southern California, mind you. the rest of the country is far worse. where I am now is far worse.

i was being hyperbolic with the "killing me" part. i was on 150 mg per day and i couldn't muster the energy to even get out of bed.

 

[Linda]

i started transitioning over a year ago and stopped about 5 months in. pretty much solely because i brainwormed myself and i felt like the spiro dose i was on was slowly killing me so i stopped (even though i could have lowered the dose... idk why i do the things i do) now with the Big Baby Blue Bill™ taking away covered HRT, i don't see any point in fighting.

i'm sorry things went that way for you. no one deserves this shit.

All you need is 50 -100 mg of spironolactone a day. With that dose you will certainly grow breasts after a few years. Were you taking more than that?

 

[ConfettiSpaghetti]

I don't know if it counts as being detrans but I've completely given up, I don't wear women's clothes anymore, nor do my makeup, no voice practice, I'm holding no hope for medical transitioning. Either I die looking like a man in women's clothes, where I feel miserable because I look like a man and no one views me as a women, or I live my life as a man not in women's clothes miserable because I'm a man and no one views me in a women.