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cupio dissolvi

cupio dissolvi

Member
Oct 20, 2018
48
What did your therapist say about this? Ive never heard of this condition.

My therapist says it's obsessive-compulsive disorder. I mean, it IS obsessive-compulsive disorder, but I'm afraid there's more to it. Whenever I talk to someone with my condition I wind up feeling lonely because no one can relate to my specific obsession. It'd be quite common if it weren't for my conflicting feelings towards him. These feelings coexist. I know how to tame my terror to a certain extent (massive amount of exposure therapy), but nothing mitigates my longing.

Edit: my therapist is also somewhat confused about this, by the way
 
Cubashii

Cubashii

One second in Valhalla Is all I really would want.
Oct 22, 2018
144
Obsessive-Compulsive disorder does come in many forms. Don't feel alone. We All have something going on with us thats why we are all here. Im gonna say a word but dont be wigged out cause im gonna break it down. Psy- which means how your brain processes normal things. cosis- osis which means abnormal condition. The OCD could be so severe thats its causing your brain to produce too many chemicals. Example is hearing his voice you automatically feel fear. Seeing his face in other peoples faces. There are alot of different meds to take for that condition. Hell im on seroquel 900mg cause mine is so bad. But once I started the med Im way better.
 
WaitingForTheBus

WaitingForTheBus

Student
Oct 27, 2018
136
Fear. Fear that I won't even make it through the weekend. Fear that if I do, it may only be because I failed. Fear that if I fail, my body will be that fucked up, I've probably wasted my last chance of going out on my terms. I know I will be fine today, it is tomorrow night when I will be my most vulnerable. I haven't quite hit the bottom yet but it's coming and like most of us, I will face it alone. Seeing as though I don't have all the supplies for my preferred method (SN), my death will be violent with the ever so slightest chance of survival. I fear failing and surviving.

In all honesty, I don't want to ctb. Like all of us, I would prefer that my life was better and I didn't feel like this was the only option. In reality though, I know things won't get better, I've been trying so hard most of my life to change, yet I'm still stuck in this shitty endless loop.
 
Cubashii

Cubashii

One second in Valhalla Is all I really would want.
Oct 22, 2018
144
Fear. Fear that I won't even make it through the weekend. Fear that if I do, it may only be because I failed. Fear that if I fail, my body will be that fucked up, I've probably wasted my last chance of going out on my terms. I know I will be fine today, it is tomorrow night when I will be my most vulnerable. I haven't quite hit the bottom yet but it's coming and like most of us, I will face it alone. Seeing as though I don't have all the supplies for my preferred method (SN), my death will be violent with the ever so slightest chance of survival. I fear failing and surviving.

In all honesty, I don't want to ctb. Like all of us, I would prefer that my life was better and I didn't feel like this was the only option. In reality though, I know things won't get better, I've been trying so hard most of my life to change, yet I'm still stuck in this shitty endless loop.


What is one part of your life at this moment right now that you can change? I have a lot of fear daily. Fear my college will find out im mentally ill and throw me out. But I made a big step to join anyways because I knew that job was for me. Have you ever tried college?
 
cupio dissolvi

cupio dissolvi

Member
Oct 20, 2018
48
Obsessive-Compulsive disorder does come in many forms. Don't feel alone. We All have something going on with us thats why we are all here. Im gonna say a word but dont be wigged out cause im gonna break it down. Psy- which means how your brain processes normal things. cosis- osis which means abnormal condition. The OCD could be so severe thats its causing your brain to produce too many chemicals. Example is hearing his voice you automatically feel fear. Seeing his face in other peoples faces. There are alot of different meds to take for that condition. Hell im on seroquel 900mg cause mine is so bad. But once I started the med Im way better.

I'm glad meds have been working for you!! My psychiatrist prescribed me an SSRI, didn't really work and I'm quite stubborn and didn't want to take meds in the first place, to be honest. Eh. I'm just really confused. Thanks for talking to me, by the way, you seem like a nice person.
 
Cubashii

Cubashii

One second in Valhalla Is all I really would want.
Oct 22, 2018
144
I'm glad meds have been working for you!! My psychiatrist prescribed me an SSRI, didn't really work and I'm quite stubborn and didn't want to take meds in the first place, to be honest. Eh. I'm just really confused. Thanks for talking to me, by the way, you seem like a nice person.

You are most welcome! Anytime you want to talk send me a message in my message box! I want to keep up with how you are doing.
 
Cubashii

Cubashii

One second in Valhalla Is all I really would want.
Oct 22, 2018
144
I am fearing of my future, of quarrels with my gf and my constant mental problems

With future I say take baby steps. One foot in front of the other. Plan for the next day only. Explain to your girlfriend how your mental health is affecting you and how she could help.
 

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