Discussion What is stopping you from ctb right this second?

[lukespain22]

What is stopping you from ctb right this second?

 

[Lmd]

I'm saving some things for someone and if I die no one is going to give them back.

 

[Mizuri]

A promise I gave to my very close friend not to kill myself before 30th – the day I'll visit a therapist.

 

[Seaghost]

Deep feelings for a person

 

[LittleJem]

Exhaustion, not being confident in technicalities of my method (CO), the effort to organise my method (tent, charcoal burner) while barely functional, and I haven't yet got my affairs/will in order.

I don't have hope of getting better. Agitation, exhaustion, depression, drugs, rinse and repeat.
Hate it.
And today 150 mg of Tramadol. Hope it kicks in soon. It helps my depression. I don't take it every day. It makes me terrible at crossing roads.

 

[Downbylife]

Hope that something will change. Not losing it so far, but I'm closer to the edge with every day passing by.

 

[Numbtopain97]

Survival Instinct

 

[IcyBat]

Awaiting sn order, ordered just this morning and hope they send the package out (located in germany)

 

[LonelyNick]

can't make up my mind

 

[GarageKarate07]

fearing ill fail and have to live with whatever damage it causes. i've been practicing the night night method and hopefully i will be able to go this week. i have nothing and nobody to live for.

The first answer of a person who is almost not a chicken with an excuse. ❤

 

[orlandom]

At the moment I'm happy and I don't want CTB. But in the morning it was not like that.

 

[Meh]

I'd prefer it if my mother died thinking I was on the right path and that she'd done a good job
Plus my cats :)

 

[Astral316]

They're still producing South Park episodes.

 

[EmbraceOfTheVoid]

My dog; if he was gone I can't even see how survival instinct would stop me.

 

[killedbypsychiatry]

living with my controlling and overprotective family. not wanting my twin to suffer.

 

[Lost]

Not enough alone time. False hope for things getting better ‍

 

[silentvoice]

My cat got pretty sick recently so I'm worried about him. He was throwing up all over the place and yowling throughout the night. He's my best friend, he's been there for me since high school so I want to make sure he's ok before I go.

 

[EraseRewind]

Lockdown

 

[greyismyfavecolor]

i haven't found the right method yet

 

[AbsoluteNothingness]

I dont have 'access' to any 'reliable'/'quick'/'guaranteed' or whatever tf all that means method/'way out' at all[[[*****]]] ((((('apparently' i can get the "'covid' 'vaccine'" or whatever the damn fuck that even is/means AND {'supposedly' or whatever the fuck that 'word' means, 'according' or whatever tf that means too to 'some' 'people' 'lol'} ""die"" because of it, 'according' to 'some' 'people' and a 'member' 'here' lmao. Well if that was actually 'true' and DEATH was '100%' [or whatever the fuck "100%" fcking means] 'guaranteed'/'ensured' or whatever the fuck those 'words' mean, id definitely go for it and would DEFINITELY and IMMEDIATELY get it without "hEsItAtIoN" {if i 'actually' 'could', and ONLY if i 100% knew that it WILL kill me, not only that it 'can' but that it 'WILL'. And if its completely RELIABLE AND GUARANTEED and that ill yes or yes fucking finally DIE/NOT 'EXIST' AT FUCKING DAMN ALL WITH IT} or whatever the fuck all that is/means i dont give a damn shit lmfao and and just 'wait' for it to FUCKING FINALLY ""kill"" me because apparently the 'vaccine', 'according' to a 'member' 'here' and 'some' 'people' in general, "can" end up "killing" you [but what if it fucking takes so fucking long {or its 'unreliable' and it 'actually' wont kill me like some 'people' 'cLaIm' or whatever the fuck that 'verb'/'word' means} I dont want to fucking 'wait' at all ffs] but I dont 'think' thatd be 'reliable' at all and that itd actually KILL me like 'some' 'people' 'say'. If its 'made' for just the 'opposite' 'pUrPoSe' (tO nOt 'cAtCh' tHe 'vIrUs' aNd NoT dIe At AlL) then I 'doubt' or whatever tf that even fucking means that it would yes or yes 'kill' me/that DEATH would be 'guaranteed', and if it does "kill" me it would 'probably' take 'months' or even 'years', or whatever the fuck that fucking means, and 'who' the fuck 'knows' how many fucking years and that if it would actually end up "killing" 'me' or not. It could or fucking unfortunately couldnt. I 'wish' i could '100%' or whatever tf that means 'know' or whatever the fuck that 'verb'/'word' fucking means too that it could and would actually KILL me, but anyways my 'parents' dont 'allow' or whatever tf that means me to get the 'vaccine' (ok lmao, im not 'looking for' or whatever the fuck that 'verb'/'action' means this ""method"" anyway) so. 'apparently' there have been cases of 'people' or whatever the fuck 'people' 'are'/'means' "dying" from it (if thats the 'case' i 'envy' or whatever the fuck that even fucking means them so damn fucking much, basically I 'envy' anyone/everyone in general that COULD DIE and is 'now' dead/NOTHING/NONEXISTENT/NOWHERE/NO ONE AT ALL, no 'matter' what was the 'way' ['suicide'/'murder'/'illness'/'accident' etc] 'they' died, if "you" are DEAD/NONEXISTENT/NOTHING/NO ONE/NOWHERE ETCETC, i fucking 'envy' you so damn much) after 'days' or 'weeks' (but 'where' the fuck is the 'proof'/'evidence' or whatever the fuck those 'words' fucking mean too) but the 'majority' of the 'people' who got it haven't died at all, so that means its not 'guarateed' and not 'reliable' neither, and Id just get the 'jab' or whatever the damn fuck that 'word' means of it if i '100%' 'KNEW'/IF I WAS 'TOTALLY' 'SURE' that itll 'definitely'/'100%' kill me yes or yes and that DEATH is 'guaranteed'. Which im sure it actually isnt at all and that it 'depends' on the 'person' and or blahblah whatever the damn fuck. But well my 'parents' dont 'allow' me to 'anyway' so I cant get it 'anyway' lmao. ('they' 'obviously' DONT 'know' that i JUST/ONLY want to FUCKING FINALLY NOT 'EXIST' AT FUCKING DAMN ALL NOR 'EXPERIENCE' ETCETC ABSOLUTELY TOTALLY BASICALLY LITERALLY ANYTHING IN GENERAL AT FUCKING DAMN ALL WHATEVER/HOWEVER TF IT IS OF ANY TYPE ANY WAY ANY KIND ANY FORM ETCETC ANY ABSOLUTELY FUCKING ANYTHING NOR A LOOOOOOOOOOONG ETC. and i 'obviously' WONT/WILL NEVER tell them that id get the 'vaccine' {if it actually was 'guaranteed' and 'reliable' or whatever the damn fuck crap that even fucking means} ONLY because it apparenly "can" "kill" you. Id be FUCKING UNFORTUNATELY immediately 'sent' to a fucking goddamn 'psych ward' garbage shit and on 'sUiCiDe WaTcH', 'besides' that theyd be 'again' and fucking 'again'/'constantly' 'assuming' and 'insisting' tHaT iTs BeCaUsE oF a ReAsOn, ThAt tHeReS a 'CaUsE'/'fAcToR' aNd An 'ExPlAnAtIoN' fOr It and blah blah blah all that crap) what I 'precisely' want and the ONLY "thing" i want and want to want, have ALWAYS wanted and literally ALWAYS will is to fucking finally DIE/NOT EXIST AT FUCKING DAMN ALL/NOT "BE" ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING ANYONE ANYWHERE ETCETCETC IN FUCKING GENERAL AT FUCKING DAMN FCKING ALL AND FCKING FINALLY 'DISAPPEAR' FOREVER FOR LITERALLY ALL ABSOLUTE TOTAL LITERAL 'ETERNITY'. WHAT I 'PRECISELY' WANT AND ONLY WANT AND WANT TO WANT HAVE ALWAYS WANTED AND LITERALLY BASICALLY DEFINITELY ALWAYS WILL NO FCKING 'MATTER' WHAT ETC IS DEATH/ETERNAL ABSOLUTE TOTAL PLAIN PURE ENDLESS INFINITE NOTHINGNESS/NONEXISTENCE. and Id ONLY get the fucking 'vAcCiNe' if I 'was'/'could' be completely totally sure that it WILL KILL me and that id be FUCKING FINALLY DEAD AND NONEXISTENT AND NOTHING AT ALL NO ONE AT ALL NOWHERE ETCETCETC AT ALL. Id ONLY or whatever tf that 'word' means get if it could/WOULD actually KILL me//if i could/WOULD actually DIE with it, NOT get it for its 'oRiGiNaL' 'pUrPoSe' that is bEiNg "pRoTeCtEd" tO 'aVoId' 'cAtChInG' tHe 'vIrUs'/dEaTh aNd To NoT dIe 'aT AlL cOsTs'. (lmfao as if DEATH [ETERNAL COMPLETE ABSOLUTE TOTAL INFINITE LIMITLESS ENDLESS PERMANENT UTTER PLAIN PURE NOTHINGNESS/NONEXISTENCE!!!!!!!!! NOT ANY "sOmEtHiNg"/"tHiNg"/"aFtErLiFe"/"lIfE aFtEr DeAtH" NOR BASICALLY/LITERALLY ANY OTHER FUCKING BULLSHIT GARBAGE TRASH CRAP DAMN FUCK SHIT LIKE THAT NOR IN GENERAL AT ALL OF ANY TYPE/WAY/KIND/SORT/FORM ETCETC NOR ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING FUCKING ELSE IN GENERAL AT FCKING DAMN FCKING ALL!!!!!!!!] was """"bAd"""" ""/""""sAd""""/""""nEgAtIvE""""/""""dEpReSsInG""""/""""tErRiBlE"""" or whatever the fuck all those 'words'/'adjectives' even fucking mean {and as if i fucking gave a fucking goddamn damn fuck if it "is" all those """nEgAtIvE""" 'words' and or whatever/any other """"nEgAtIvE"""" 'words'/'adjectives' and or whatever the fucking fuck or not LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO death/nothingness/nonexistence has always been/is/will literally ALWAYS be the ONLY ""thing"" ILL EVER/ALWAYS WANT AND WANT TO WANT NO FUCKING 'MATTER' WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!} aNd A """"'hOrRiBlE' 'tHrEaT'"""", a """"tRaGeDy"""", """"bAd LuCk"""" fOr "mE" AND """""sOmEthInG""""" """""i WaNt To 'aVoId' aT aLl 'cOsTs'"""""" and or whatever other crap garbage shit like that in general LMFAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO )
if my 'parents' didnt 'tHiNk' (and 'according' to them, "kNoW") that the 'cOvId' 'vAcCiNe' "can" kill you and they 'believed' that it will 'aCtUaLlY' 'pRoTeCt' yOu FrOm ThE 'vIrUs' (as if i wanted to 'aVoId' 'cAtChInG' tHe 'ViRuS' aNd wAnTeD tO 'aVoId' DEATH iN gEnErAl LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO its all the 'opposite' or whatever the fuck that means has always been and always will, DEATH IS 'PRECISELY' WHAT/THE ONLY "THING" ILL LITERALLY ALWAYS 'WANT'/'CRAVE'/'DESIRE'/'SEEK'/'WISH' OR WHATEVER TF THOSE 'VERBS'/'WORDS' MEAN NO FCKING 'MATTER' WHAT ETCETC AND THATS FCKING IT FFS AND ITS FCKING NOT BECAUSE OF ABSOLUTELY TOTALLY LITERALLY BASICALLY ANY GODDAMN REASONS/CAUSES/FACTORS ETC IN GENERAL AT ALL OF ANY TYPE) and blah blah blah all that fucking crap, then I 'guess' theyd get the 'vaccine' 'themselves' and would 'also' 'allow'/'let' me get it too and then i could probably FUCKING FINALLY DIE/NOT EXIST AT FUCKING DAMN ALL with it, but they dont 'believe'/'tRuSt' or whatever the fuck that those 'verbs'/'words' mean in the 'vaccine' or whatever the fuck "vaccine" fcking means too and blah blah all that fcking crap. (as if i gave a damn fuck if 'they' 'believe'/'trust' or not in the 'vAcCiNe' and if the 'pAnDeMiC'/'cOvId'/'vIrUs' [AND NO FFS LMAO I DONT WANT TO DIE """"bEcAuSe Of ThE "cOrOnAvIrUs"/"cOvId"/"lOcKdOwN"/"rEsTrIcTiOnS"/"pAnDeMiC""""" {or whatever the fuck all that even is/means i couldnt give any less of a damn goddamn fucking shit and itll NEVER at all NEITHER """""aFfEcT""""" "me" NOR """""wOrRy""""" "me" LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO} NOR BECAUSE OF ABSOLUTELY LITERALLY BASICALLY TOTALLY COMPLETELY ANY OTHER FUCKING DAMN FUCKING REASONS/CAUSES IN FUCKING GENERAL AT FUCKING DAMN FUCKING ALL OF ANY TYPE IN GENERAL AT FUCKING DAMN ALL FFS. I COULDNT GIVE ANY LESS OF A FUCKING GODDAMN DAMN FUCK SHIT ABOUT/IF THERE'S A|THERE ARE """pAnDeMiC"""/"""vIrUs"""/"""rEsTrIcTiOnS"""/"""lOcKdOwN""" or whatever the fuck all those 'words'/'things' fucking mean OR NOT LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOO IT DOESNT AND NEVER AT ALL WILL """"wOrRy""""/""""aFfEcT"""" mE LMFAOOOOOOOOOOO WHY THE FUCK IT FUCKING HAS TO JESUS FUCKING CHRIST LMFAO] and/or whatever the damn fuck is a """hOaX"""/"""fAkE"""/""""pLaNdEmIc"""" or whatever tf all those 'words' fcking even mean lmao or if its """rEaL"""/"""tRuE""" or whatever the fucking damn fuck lmfaoooooo. and as if i gave a fucking goddamn fuck if tHeReS a 'vIruS'/'pAnDeMiC'/'vAcCiNe'/'rEsTrIcTiOnS'/'lOcKdOwN' or whatever the fuck all that even fucking is and means or not LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO) But they "kNoW"/'tHiNk' that what the 'vaccine' would 'likely' do to me is {*}KILL me [thats PRECISELY WHAT I WANT IT TO 'DO' LMFAO WHY THE DAMN FUCK CANT I LITERALLY JUST WANT DEATH/NOTHINGNESS/NONEXISTENCE FFS WHY THE FUCK CANT I FCKING JUST NOT/DONT 'WANT' NOR 'NEED' NOR GIVE A FCKING GODDAMN FUCK DAMN SHIT ABOUT ETCETC AND NOT FCKING WANT TO FCKING WANT TO AT ALL NO FCKING 'MATTER' WHAT ETC ABSOLUTELY LITERALLY BASICALLY TOTALLY COMPLETELY DEFINITELY UTTERLY EXACTLY PRACTICALLY ANYTHING IN GENERAL AT FCKING DAMN ALL WHATEVER HOWEVER THE DAMN FUCK IT IS/CAN BE NEITHER WHAT TYPE/WAY/FORM/KIND ETCETC NOR AN 'IMMENSELY'/'EXTREMELY' LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG ETC AND THATS FUCKING IT WITHOUT ABSOLUTELY ANY SINGLE FCKING GODDAMN FCKING REASON/CAUSE/FACTOR ETC IN GENERAL AT FUCKING DAMN ALL OF ANY SINGLE FCKING TYPE IN GENERAL AT ALL NEITHER FFS] or 'leave' me 'pArAlYzEd' [as if that """"aFfEcTeD""""/""""wOrRiEd""""/""""cOnCeRnEd"""" "mE" LMFAO ]
{*}WHAT I 'PRECISELY' WANT HAVE ALWAYS WANTED AND ALWAYS WILL!!!!!!!!!! and not fucking unfortunately 'pRoTeCt' mE fRoM tHe 'vIrUs'. so no, I cant 'consider' the """'cOvId' 'vAcCiNe' method""" neither, anyways i dont 'know' if DEATH/DYING with it is 'guaranteed' or at least 'likely' nor if there actually are 'possibilities'/'probabilities' or whatever the fuck that means to fucking finally DIE with it. i dont give a damn shit about the 'vIrUs'/'pAnDeMiC' in general so I dont know if there have been cases of 'people' DYING from the vaccine, 'apparently' yes but FUCKING UNFORTUNATELY only a 'few' and were vErY 'sPeCiFiC' 'cases'. and I WOULDNT get it if it wouldnt kill me. And well, my 'parents' (well at 'least' not my 'mother' [ok lmao]) (i neither "believe" nor "dont believe", i just literally dont fucking give a goddamn damn fuck shit lmao) dont 'believe' 'that much' in the 'pandemic' or whatever the fuck that even is/means (and i couldnt give any less of a shit if 'they' or whoever the fuck in general 'bElIeVeS' or not in the 'pAnDeMiC' and or whatever the damn fuck in general, neither if its "rEaL"/"tRuE" or "fAlSe"/"fAkE" or whatever the fuck all those 'words' mean or whatever the fuck lmfao i literally just couldnt give any less of a damn fuck if "there is" or "there isnt" a "pandemic"/"virus" or whatever tf that even means or whatever the fucking damn fuck lmfaooooooo it literally DOESNT """"aFfEcT""""/""""wOrRy"""" "me" lmao I just dont give a damn shit ffs) and 'they' 'both' 'think' that 'getting' the 'vaccine' wIlL pRoBaBlY aCtuAlLy 'kIlL' yOu 'iNsTeAd' oF 'pRoTeCtInG' yOu FrOm tHe 'vIrUs' (as if that it would KILL me """"aFfEcTeD"""" and """"wOrRiEd"""" "mE'' LMFAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO and as if i fucking wanted to fucking unfortunately be 'pRoTeCtEd' fRoM tHe 'vIrUs' and or whatever any other thing in general that can fucking finally KILL me and fucking finally make "me" DIE and NOT 'exist' in general at fucking damn all LMFAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO) and 'say' that 'several' {how fucking much is "several"} 'people' 'who' have 'received' the 'vaccine' 'so far' or whatever the fuck that means, 'died' not 'long' 'after' it [LMAO THATS 'PRECISELY' WHAT I WANT/WISH/DESIRE/CRAVE/SEEK or whatever the fuck all those 'verbs'/'words' even fcking mean lmao but well obviously I cant 'tell' them that AT ALL, 'first' they'd 'assume' that iTs bEcAuSe Of A rEaSoN lIkE fOr ExAmPlE "dEpReSsIoN"/"lOw sElFeSteEm"/"sElF hAtReD"/"aPaThY"/"fEeLiNg 'bAd' iN gEnErAl" and or whatever other fucking 'rEaSoN' crap like that and or in general and or that 'sOmEtHiNg' """bAd""" 'happens' to 'me'/is """wRoNg""" with 'me' and id be fucking 'sent' to a fucking 'psychiatrist'/'psychologist' and be 'forced' to fucking 'see' them every fucking 'month' 'AGAINST' MY FUCKING 'WILL' AND FOR NO DAMN FUCKING REASON IN GENERAL AT ALL and would 'probably' be 'sent' to a 'psych ward' too and blahblah all that fucking crap] aNd tHaTs wHy iM nOt 'aLlOwEd' tO, 'tHeY' dOnT wAnT tO 'rIsK' mE gEtTiNg tHe 'vAcCiNe' 'iNjEcTeD' aNd DyInG oR 'bEcOmInG' 'pArAlYzEd'. (LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOO AS IF THAT """""aFfEcTeD"""""/"""""wOrRiEd""""" "mE" ) I couldnt give any less of a damn shit about the "covid"/"pandemic"/"restriction"/"lockdown" or whatever tf all that even means lmao and all that """"""""nEgAtIvE""""""" 'tHiNg'/tYpE oF 'tHiNgS' in general lmfao (NOR about absolutely anything/everything fucking else in general at damn all whatever/however the damn fuck it is/can be, of any type/way/form/kind etcetc, no fcking 'matter' what/where the damn fuck it's fucking from/about/related to etcetcetc nor a looooooooooooooooooooooooooooong etc for fucks sake. LITERALLY BASICALLY TOTALLY COMPLETELY DEFINITELY ABSOLUTELY SIMPLY FCKING ANYTHING IN FCKING DAMN GENERAL AT FCKING DAMN ALL FFS NOTHING!!!!!! ABSOLUTELY N O T H I N G!!!!!!!! AND THATS FCKING LITERALLY IT AND ITS FCKING NOT BECAUSE OF ABSOLUTEKY LITERALLY ANY SINGLE FCKING DAMN REASONS/CAUSES ETC IN GENERAL AT ALL FOR FUCKS SAKE. AND WHATS THE FUCKING """""pRoBlEm"""""?????!!!!!! {as if i gave a daaaamn fuck if tHeReS a """""pRoBlEm""""" or not 'anyway' lmfaooo I couldnt give any fucking less of a goddamn crap } I LITERALLY TRULY INTENTIONALLY SERIOUSLY HONESTLY ABSOLUTELY TOTALLY BASICALLY SIMPLY or whatever the fuck all those 'words' mean JUST FUCKING DONT/DONT WANT TO/DONT WANT TO WANT TO AT ALL, ABSOLUTELY NEVER AT ALL HAVE FCKING HAD AND NEVER AT DAMN ALL EVER FUCKING WILL AND THATS LITERALLY BASICALLY FCKING IT AND I FUCKING SHOULDNT BE FCKING OBLIGATED/FORCED TO JESUS DAMN FCKING CHRIST FOR FUCKS SAKE) i couldnt give any less of a damn fuck shit if tHeReS a "pAnDeMiC" or not, if tHeReS a "vIrUs" or not, if tHeRe ArE "rEsTrIcTiOnS" or whatever tf that even means not, if tHeReS a "lOcKdOwn" or whatever the fuck that means too or not LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOO i dont fucking give not even a single a damn fcking bullshit fuck shit and never will, it doesnt """aFfEcT"""/"""wOrRy""" "mE" at all and never will lmfao. Id only get the fucking 'vaccine' or whatever the fuck that is/means if I 100% 'knew' itd KILL me after 'getting' it, NOT "'pRoTeCt' mE fRoM 'cAtChInG' tHe 'vIrUs'/'cOvId' tO 'aVoId' 'dYiNg' fRoM iT aNd dEaTh iN gEnErAl"
""'pRoTeCt' mE fRoM 'cAtChInG' tHe 'vIrUs'/'cOvId' tO 'aVoId' 'dYiNg' fRoM iT aNd dEaTh iN gEnErAl"" .... EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW or whatever the fuck "ew" means too (FUCKING UNFORTUNATELY 'AVOID' DEATH/NOTHINGNESS/NONEXISTENCE, the ONLY "thing" ive ALWAYS wanted/wanted to want, want and want to want and ALWAYS/EVER will want and want to want and 'crave'/'desire'/'seek'/'wish' or whatever the fuck all those 'verbs'/'words' fucking mean) If it was actually 'true' ('100%' 'true') that it CAN and WILL 'kill' me and if i could be completely/totally 'sure' and 'guaranteed' or whatever the fuck that means that the 'vAcCiNe' actually definitely CAN/KILL 'KILL' me then Id DEFINITELY ABSOLUTELY AND IMMEDIATELY/RIGHT AWAY go fucking get it WITH NO "hEsItAtIoN"/"dOuBt" AT ALL because id know that itd 100% kill me and that id fucking finally DIE/NOT EXIST AT ALL with it. but well.. lets 'say' that its 'actually' totally/'100%' 'true' that it CAN (AND WILL!!!!!!!!! NOT ONLY "CAN" BECAUSE WHAT IF IT FUCKING UNFORTUNATELY DOESNT KILL ME?) and WILL KILL ME AND I'D FUCKING FINALLY DIE/NOT EXIST AT DAMN FUCKING ALL, i wouldnt be 'able' to get the 'vaccine' 'anyway' (and FUCKING FINALLY die/NOT exist at fucking damn all!!!!!!!!!!) because my 'parents' dont 'let'/'allow' me to, so, i cant 'consider' this """"method"""" neither. fucking 'sigh' lmao or whatever the damn fuck "lol"/"lmao"/"lmfao" even fcking means couldnt give any less of a fuck))))) [[[*****]]]nor basically any 'method'/'way out' in general at all of any type and its so fucking damn hard to 'find' one thats "suitable" {and that at the same 'time' it's 'reliable' and 'quick'} for me and that I can 'use'/FUCKING FINALLY 'attempt' with 'considering' that i don't 'lIvE' alone. Not 'lIvInG' 'alone' makes finding a reliable method TO FUCKING FINALLY NOT EXIST IN GENERAL AT ALL WITHOUT ANY FUCKING 'RISKS' OF FUCKING UNFORTUNATELY "sUrViViNg"/BEING "sAvEd" AND FUCKING UNFORTUNATELY ENDING UP IN A FUCKING 'HOSPITAL'/'PSYCH WARD' 'SURROUNDED' BY FUCKING 'PRO LIFERS' OR WHATEVER THE FUCK THAT DAMN FUCKING GARGABE BULLSHIT CRAP SHIT FUCKING IS/MEANS a lot 'harder' (and i fucking risk being found and FUCKING UNFORTUNATELY or whatever the fuck "unfortunately" even fcking means sent to a fucking 'hospital' and 'psych ward' even more) *and even 'almost' 'impossible' or whatever tf all that means because for example getting SN (and basically anything/everything else like that in general) 'delivered' 'here' to my 'parent's' 'house' would be 'extremely' 'risky' and i wouldnt 'know' what fucking 'excuse' I could make without 'sounding' 'suspicious' at all/without 'risking' anything, and 'sending' a 'rope' 'here' would be much much 'riskier' even, a lot more than with SN, with a 'rope' theres no 'excuse' at all I can fucking make. They'd 'suspect' 'immediately' and Id be fucking 'sent' to a fucking 'psych ward' 'instantly'/'right away' or whatever the fuck all that means. *and it's so damn fucking 'FRUSTRATING'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Im 'scared' or whatever the fuck that even means of FUCKING UNFORTUNATELY 'failing'/'sUrViViNg' the 'attempt' and the fucking goddamn 'consequences' that'd fucking unfortunately or whatever tf that 'word' means have (ending up in a fucking 'psych ward' shit 'surrounded' by fucking pRo LiFeRs bullshit garbage goddamn crap shit trash [or whatever the fuck "shit"/"crap"/"trash"/"garbage"/"bullshit" fcking even mean lmfao], being on fucking 'sUiCiDe WaTcH', being fucking 'forced'/'obligated' to fucking 'see' a fucking 'pSyChOloGiSt'/'pSyChIaTrIsT' and or whatever other fucking bullshit garbage crap trash fuck damn shit [or whatever tf all those 'words' even fucking mean lmao] like that in general, not having any more 'opportunities' to fucking finally attempt to fucking finally 'LEAVE'|GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE 'MEAT SHELL'/'FLESH' 'PRISON' OR WHATEVER TF A "HUMAN BODY"/"BODY" IN GENERAL FUCKING IS AND FUCKING DIE/NOT 'EXIST' AT ALL, for at fucking 'least' 'several' fucking 'years', or 'who' the fuck fucking 'knows' how fucking much, and an 'etc' of fcking 'consequences' and all that fcking shit, that 'failing' or whatever the fuck "fAiL"/"fAiLiNg" even fucking means the 'attempt' would fucking unfortunately have.)

Also, all 'accessible'/"easy" methods and methods that dont 'require' any or 'barely' any fcking 'mAtErIaLs'/'pRePaRaTiOn'/'pLaNnInG'/'eFfOrT' (or whatever the fuck all that damn fcking garbage crap fucking means jfc why the damn fuck it fcking has to fcking be so damn fucking hard TO FUCKING FINALLY GET THE FUCK OUT OF/DITCH/LEAVE THE FUCKING 'MEAT' 'CARCASS' 'FLESH' 'PRISON' 'SHEATH' OR WHATEVER THE FUCK A "HUMAN BODY"/"BODY" IN GENERAL FUCKING IS AND FUCKING FINALLY DISAPPEAR ENTIRELY COMPLETELY TOTALLY ABSOLUTELY FULLY DEFINITELY LITERALLY ETERNALLY FOREVER AND NOT 'EXIST' IN GENERAL AT FUCKING DAMN ALL AND NOT "BE" ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING NOR ANYONE NOR ANY DAMN FUCKING WAY/TYPE/KIND/FORM/SHAPE/DIMENSION NOR ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING FUCKING ELSE IN GENERAL AT ALL, ANYWHERE ETCETCETC IN GENERAL AT FCKING DAMN ALL AND NOT "EXPERIENCE" IN GENERAL ETCETCETC ABSOLUTELY LITERALLY BASICALLY TOTALLY COMPLETELY DEFINITELY UTTERLY ANYTHING IN GENERAL AT FCKING DAMN FCKING ALL WHATEVER/HOWEVER TF "IT" IS/CAN BE ETCETCETC NOR A LOOOOOOOOOONG ETC FOR FUCKS SAKE why the FUCKING damn fuck its so FUCKING damn hard FOR FUCKS SAKE????????!!!!!!!!!!) and all that goddamn fucking crap shit are so fucking 'slow' {'some', 'depending' what method, 'apparently' can take not 'hours', but even the 'whole' 'day' or more fucking 'days' to totally/completely kill. jfc too damn fucking 'slow'} 'unreliable' and 'painful'*** (((i dont give a damn fuck if its 'painful' lmfao but 'depending' on the 'level' of the 'pain', the fucking 'body' would 'probably' make me 'inevitable' 'let out' or whatever the fuck that means a 'scream' or whatever other fucking 'nOiSe' in general. I dont give a damn shit about the 'pain'/how 'pAiNfUl' it'll be as long as the 'method' isnt too fucking 'slow'/doesnt 'take' too fucking 'long' to 'work' and as long as after the fucking 'pAiN' and all the fucking 'wAiT', Ill be 'guaranteed' to be fucking finally dead/gone and that "I" [or whatever the fuck "I", "you", "he", "she", "they", "we" and or whatever the damn fuck fucking means lmao] fucking finally WONT "exist" and that i WONT be ANYTHING/ANYONE/ANYWHERE ETC AT FUCKING DAMN ALL. Im 'pretty' 'sure' I can 'bear' the 'pain' or whatever the fuck that even means lmao, just not if it'll be too fucking much because if its too 'painful', the 'risks'/'possibilities' of being found/caught are 'higher'/'bigger' or whatever the fuck that means because the fucking 'body' or whatever the fuck that is/means in general, would fucking 'inevitably' make 'me' 'probably' end up 'screaming' or whatever the fuck that even means too because of the 'pain' that it fucking 'causes' and thatd make fcking 'noises', and i 'probably' wouldnt be 'aBlE' to 'control' or whatever the fuck "bEiNg 'aBlE'" and "control" fucking means the 'inevitable' 'screams' or whatever other fucking type of 'noise' ('noises' i 'most likely' or whatever the fuck that means wouldnt be 'aBlE' to 'control'/'avoid' like 'convulsions'/'groans' etc or whatever the fuck all that crap means/is) that the fucking 'pain' {if its too 'unbereable' or whatever the fuck that means} would fucking 'cause' because "i" would be still fucking 'trapped' in the fucking 'meat suit'/'sack' of 'meat'/'carcass'/'sheath'/'shell'/'body'[****] {that 'by the way' is 'hEaLtHy', 'fUnCtIoNaL', nOt 'dIsAbLeD', dOeSnT hAvE aNy 'iLlNeSsEs'/'pAiNs'/'dIsOrDeRs' or whatever the fuck that means eTc At AlL, hAs 'gOoD'/'iDeAl' or whatever tf that means/'nOrMaL' 'wEiGhT' and blah blah blah all that """pOsItIvE""" garbage bullshit crap trash fuck damn shit and I couldnt care any fucking less LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO i just dont give a daaaaamn shit lmao ffs I DONT WANT never at all have wanted never will TO FUCKING "HAVE"/"BE" ANY FUCKING "HUMAN BODY" AT ALL NOR BASICALLY ANY "BODY" IN FUCKING GENERAL AT DAMN FUCKING ALL, NOR ANY "BRAIN"/"MIND" OR WHATEVER THE FUCK THAT BULLSHIT GARBAGE CRAP DAMN SHIT FUCK TRASH FUCKING IS/MEANS OF ANY FUCKING TYPE/WAY/KIND/FORM ETCETC NO FUCKING 'MATTER' HOW TF IT IS ETCETC, ANY FCKING "aGe", ANY FCKING "rAcE", ANY FCKING "sPEcIeS"/"bEiNgS"/"eNtItIeS" IN GENERAL AT ALL OF ANY TYPE ANY WAY ANY FORM ANY SHAPE ABY FUCKING ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING, ANY FCKING "aPpEaRaNcE" OF ANY FUCKING TYPE/KIND/FORM/SHAPE/WAY ETCETC, ANY FCKING "gEnDeR", ANY FCKING "vOiCe", ANY FCKING "nAmE", ANY FCKING "iDeNtItY", ANY "pErSoNaLiTy"/"cHaRaCtEr"/"aTtItUdE"/"bEhAvIoUr" ETCETC NOR LITERALLY BASICALLY TOTALLY ABSOLUTELY ANY OTHER FUCKING DAMN BULLSHIT GARBAGE CRAP TRASH FUCK DAMN SHIT LIKE THAT NOR IN GENERAL AT ALL!!!!!!!!!! ANY ABSOLUTELY LITERALLY SIMPLY FUCKING ANYTHING FOR FUCKS SAKE!!!!!!!!!!!} [****] or whatever the fuck a "human body"/"body" in general fucking is/means I couldnt give any less of a shit lmao. Id try as 'much' as 'possible' to not let the fucking 'flesh'/'body' make "me" make any fucking 'noise' but if the fucking 'pain' would be too fucking much/too fucking 'unbereable' or whatever the fuck "uNbErEaBlE" means too, i 'probably' or 'most likely' wouldnt be 'aBlE' (or whatever the fuck "aBlE' fucking means ew lmao i dont want never at all have wanted never will to "bE" "aBlE" or whatever the fuck that """""pOsItIvE""""" bullshit garbage damn rubbish crap damn fuck shit fucking means tO/fOr absolutely literally basically ANYTHING in general at all of any type/way/kind etc, whatever/however the fuck it is/can be, no fucking 'matter' what the fuck its fucking about/related to/associated with etcetc nor an 'endless' etc basically, why the damn fuck do i fucking have to jesus fcking christ LMFAOOOOO) to 'avoid' making any fucking 'noises' at all, even the 'minimum' 'noise' could 'already' 'lead' or whatever the fuck that means to a 'failed' attempt because 'someone' could fucking 'hear' it and 'call' a fucking 'ambulance' or whatever the fuck and id get FUCKING UNFORTUNATELY fucking 'caught' and would be FUCKING UNFORTUNATELY 'sent' to a fucking 'hospital', then a fucking 'psych ward', then id be fucking 'forced' to fucking 'see' 'pSyChOloGiStS'/'pSyChIaTrIsTs' or whatever the fuck that bullshit garbage trash crap shit is/means and Id be on 'sUiCiDe WaTcH' and blahblah all that fucking crap.
Even if I wouldve had the 'opportunity' to FCKING FINALLY attempt and FCKING FINALLY leave/get the fuck out of the/get fucking 'rid' of the fucking 'flesh' and FCKING FINALLY not 'exist' at damn fucking all because my 'parents' would be 'out' at that 'time', the fucking *'screams' if the 'method' is too 'painful'/the 'pain' is 'too' 'unbereable' or whatever tf that means (*or whatever other fucking 'noise' crap in general that the 'pain' of the 'method' would make me have no 'choice' but to fucking 'make' and wouldnt be 'aBlE' to 'avoid' or whatever the fuck that means) would 'probably' [*]'aLeRt' 'sOmEoNe', 'depending' how fucking 'loud' they'd be. [*]'maybe' a "nEiGhBoR" or whatever the fuck that is/means or a 'family' 'member' or whoever the fuck in general that could 'probably' 'ring' the 'doorbell' anytime, and Id fcking 'risk' getting 'caught' and FUCKING UNFORTUNATELY "sAvEd"/"rEsCuEd" and FUCKING UNFORTUNATELY being fcking taken to a fcking 'hospital' and 'psych ward' and would also be fcking 'forced'/'obligated' or whatever tf that means to fucking 'see' a fcking 'pSyChOloGiSt'/'pSyChIaTrIsT' or whatever tf that bullshit crap shit fcking is/means too))) ***and i DONT want to fcking 'risk' being FUCKING 'UNFORTUNATELY' or whatever tf "unfortunately" means too "sAvEd"/"rEsCuEd" nor end up in a fucking 'hospital'/'psych ward' and on fucking 'sUiCiDe WaTcH' without any more 'opportunities' to attempt/try to fucking finally NOT 'exist' at all for 'who' the damn fuck knows how many fucking 'years'.

Also i havent fucking finally attempted/ctb/DIED 'yet' because I dont live alone/im not in whatever fucking 'place' alone (AND I JUST DONT FCKING WANT [NEVER AT ALL HAVE WANTED NEVER FUCKING WILL!!!!!!!!] TO 'bEcOmE'/'bE' 'iNdEpEnDeNt' or whatever the fuck that """"pOsItIvE"""" BULLSHIT GARBAGE CRAP TRASH FUCK DAMN SHIT FUCKING MEANS LMFAO EW [NOR LITERALLY BASICALLY ABSOLUTELY ANY OTHER FCKING """""pOsItIvE""""" GARBAGE BULLSHIT FUCKING RUBBISH DAMN CRAP TRASH FUCK DAMN SHIT or whatever the fuck all those 'words' even fcking mean lmao LIKE THAT NOR IN GENERAL AT ALL NOR BASICALLY ANY DAMN FUCKING 'WAY'/'ADJECTIVE'/tYpE oF 'pErSoN' ETCETC IN GENERAL AT FUCKING DAMN ALL WHATEVER THE FUCK IT FUCKING IS WHATEVER TYPE IT IS NEITHER WHAT THE FUCK ITS FUCKING ABOUT ETCETC FFS ABSOLUTELY ANY SINGLE FUCKING DAMN 'WAY' ETC IN GENERAL AT ALL] NOR HAVE NO FCKING DAMN 'CHOICE' BUT TO FUCKING 'wOrK' OR WHATEVER TF THAT FUCKING """"pOsItIvE"""" BULLSHIT GARBAGE TRASH CRAP FUCK DAMN SHIT IS/MEANS EWWW LMAO THAT I'D HAVE NO FCKING 'CHOICE' BUT TO FCKING 'dO' TO HAVE FCKING 'mOnEy' or whatever the fuck "mOnEy" fucking is/means i dont give a damn shit!!!!!!!!!!! FOR A DAMN FCKING 'hOuSe'/'ApArTmEnT' WHERE I'D FUCKING FINALLY BE 'ALONE' AND WOULD FUCKING FINALLY BE 'ABLE' TO ATTEMPT/NOT EXIST AT FUCKING DAMN ALL "WITHOUT ANY" 'RISKS' AT ALL, AND DONT WANT AT ALL TO HAVE NO FCKING 'CHOICE' BUT TO FCKING 'WAIT' FOR SO MANY FCKING 'YEARS' UNTIL I FCKING FINALLY CAN 'BUY'/'HAVE' THE DAMM 'hOuSe'/'aPaRmEnT' FOR FUCKS SAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) and because of that i dont have 'enough' time to be completely 'alone' in the 'house'/dont have the 'nEeDeD'/'rEqUiReD' time' to FUCKING FINALLY!!!!!!!! attempt/CTB ("ctb" to eternal absolute complete pure total literal infinite plain endless NOTHINGNESS/NONEXISTENCE. And "CTB" in my 'case' DOESNT fcking mean """cOmMiT sUiCidE"""/"""dIe BeCaUsE oF|fOr a ReAsOn""", but just simply DIE/NOT 'EXIST' IN GENERAL AT ALL AND WITHOUT ANY FCKING REASONS/CAUSES/FACTORS ETC IN GENERAL AT ALL OF ANY TYPE!!!!!!!!!!) without being 'found' in the 'middle' of the attempt/without 'risking' anything at all. I fcking 'risk' 'failing' the attempt and getting 'caught'/being 'found' and being 'sent' to a fucking 'hospital' and 'psych ward' a lot.


And also well.. I 'guess' i cAnT 'hElP' to but to 'fEeL' (or whatever the fuck "feel" fucking means) "sad"/"bad" or whatever the damn fuck those 'words'/'adjectives'/'sTaTeS' oF 'bEiNg' mean too (or however the fuck else to fucking call it lmao) for my 'parents'/'family' (or whatever the fuck "parents" and "family" in general fcking mean too for fucks sake I simply just dont give a goddamn fuck shit about literally absolutely basically anything/anyone etc in general at all ffs!!!!!!! No fcking 'matter' "what" neither "how" neither "who" neither "where" etc "it"/"they" is/are/can be and or whatever the fucking damn fuck neither what type/kind/way/form etcetx "it" is/can be etcetc nor a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG etc for fucks sake!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) because 'they' 'love'/'want' me a lot (or whatever the fuck "lOvE"/"wAnT" even means too lmao couldnt give any damn less of a shit for fucks sake jfc) blahblah and I know theyd be 'very'/'extremely'/'utterly' (or whatever the damn fuck all those 'words' mean) 'devastated'/'hurt'/'shocked'/'traumatized' or whatever the fuck all that means and would 'suffer'/'cry' a lot (or whatever tf those 'words'/'verbs' mean too) and would never 'overcome' it and would be 'extremely' 'affected' and 'sad' or whatever tf all that means and blah blah blah. And well, i guess I dont want them to 'gO tHrOuGh' tHaT/dont want to mAkE tHeM 'sUfFeR' (or whatever the fuck "suffer" even fcking means too lmao i literally just couldnt 'care' any fucking less ffs) blah blah and well thats 'basically' another rEaSoN why "I" still 'exist'/"Im" 'still' 'here' ["I" FCKING LITERALLY SIMPLY BASICALLY TRULY SERIOUSLY INTENTIONALLY HONESTLY ABSOLUTELY DEFINITELY or whatever the damn fuck those 'words' mean JUST DONT FCKING WANT NEITHER TO "BE" "HERE" IN GENERAL WHATEVER/HOWEVER THE DAMN FUCK "IT" IS/CAN BE/WILL BE NO FCKING 'MATTER' IF ITS ANY/WHATEVER """""pOsItIvE""""" OR ANY/WHATEVER """"""nEgAtIvE"""""" 'WAY'/'ADJECTIVE'/'THING' IN GENERAL/TYPE OF 'THING'/'PLACE'IN GENERAL/TYPE OF 'PLACE' AND OR BLAHBLAHBLAHETC WHATEVER THE FUCKING DAMN FUCK IN GENERAL LMAO, NEITHER WHAT TYPE/KIND/WAY/FORM ETCETC "IT" IN GENERAL AND iN 'pArTiCuLaR' IS/CAN BE/WILL BE, NOR WHAT THE FCK 'THERE IS'/'THERE CAN BE' NEITHER WHAT 'HAPPENS'/CAN 'HAPPEN' NEITHER WHAT 'WAY' AND OR WHATEVER TF IN GENERAL IS "STRUCTURED"/"DESIGNED"/"INVENTED"/"ESTABLISHED"/"STANDARDIZED"/"PLANNED"/"CREATED" AND OR BLAHBLAHETCETC WHATEVER THE FUCKING DAMN FUCK IN GENERAL, NEITHER WHAT ITS/CAN BE "ABOUT" NOR HOW TF IT "WORKS"/CAN "WORK", NOR BLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHETCETCETCETC A 'HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGE'/'LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG''/'LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGE' ETC AND 'BASICALLY' AN 'ENDLESS'/'INFINITE' ETC FFS. NOR ANYWHERE/ANYTHING FUCKING ELSE IN GENERAL AT ALL WHATEVER/HOWEVER THE FUCK "IT" IS/CAN BE ETCETCETC OF ANY TYPE/WAY/KIND/FORM ETCETC NOR AN 'ENDLESS' ETCETC FFS ANYTHING/ANYWHERE ELSE IN GENERAL AT FCKING DAMN ALL!!!!!!!!!]/Im not FINALLY GONE/NOTHING yet and why I didnt "ctb" (NOT "CTB" TO "SUICIDE"/"COMMIT SUICIDE"/"dIe bUt bEcAuSe oF 'sOmEtHiNg'/A rEaSoN", BUT "CTB" TO JUST SIMPLY NOT 'EXIST' IN GENERAL AT ALL/NOT "BE" ABSOLUTELY LITERALLY BASICALLY TOTALLY COMPLETELY DEFINITELY UTTERLY ENTIRELY EXACTLY ANYTHING ANYONE ANYWHERE ETCETCETC IN GENERAL AT FCKING DAMN FCKING ALL/DISAPPEAR ENTIRELY TOTALLY COMPLETELY DEFINITELY UTTERLY ENTIRELY EXACTLY PRACTICALLY FULLY LITERALLY ETERNALLY FOREVER AND NOT 'EXPERIENCE' IN GENERAL NOR BLAHBLAHBLAHETCETCETC A LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG AN ENDLESS/INFINITE ETC ABSOLUTELY LITERALLY BASICALLY TOTALLY COMPLETELY DEFINITELY UTTERLY EXACTLY ENTIRELY ANYTHING IN GENERAL AT DAMN ALL NO FCKING 'MATTER' 'WHAT'/'HOW'/'WHERE' ETC THE FUCK "IT" IS/CAN BE WILL BE ETCETCETC NOR A VERY LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG ETC!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND ITS FCKING NOT BECAUSE OF ABSOLUTELY ANY DAMN REASON IN GENERAL AT ALL OF ANY TYPE FFS AND THERE FUCKING ARENT NEVER AT ALL HAVE BEEN NEVER WILL ANY FUCKING "CAUSES"/"FACTORS"/"EXPLANATIONS" NOR LITERALLY BASICALLY ABSOLUTELY ANY OTHER FCKING BULLSHIT GARBAGE TRASH CRAP SHIT FUCK LIKE THAT IN GENERAL AT ALL OF ANY TYPE AT ALL FFS) many years ago. it's 'iNeViTaBlY' a "hArD" "dEcIsIoN" or whatever tf "hArD dEcIsIoN" even fucking means because of 'them' basically (and well my 'parents' 'adopted' a cat that 'loves' me a lot too and blahblah), but that theyd be 'devastated'/'hurt'/'traumatized'/'shocked' or whatever the damn fuck all that even fucking means DOESNT mean that Ill nEvEr 'attempt'/{{*}}"ctb"/{{*}}'kill myself'/FUCKING FINALLY DIE AND NOT 'EXIST'IN GENERAL AT ALL//that iLl nEvEr At alL wAnT tO LITERALLY JUST NOT 'EXIST' IN GENERAL AT ALL NOR 'EXPERIENCE' ETCETCETC NOR ABSOLUTELY LITERALLY BASICALLY TOTALLY ANYTHING FUCKING ELSE IN GENERAL AT ALL ABSOLUTELY LITERALLY BASICALLY TOTALLY COMPLETELY DEFINITELY UTTERLY ANYTHING IN GENERAL AT FCKING DAMN ALL WHATEVER HOWEVER THE DAMN FUCK IT FCKING IS/CAN BE BLAHBLAHETCETC NOR A LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG ETC/NOR AN 'INFINITE' AND 'ENDLESS' ETC NOR BLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHETCETCETCETC ABSOLUTELY LITERALLY BASICALLY TOTALLY ANYTHING FUCKING ELSE IN GENERAL AT ALL lmao I definitely fucking finally will someday, but 'for now' i have no damn fcking 'choice' but to fucking unfortunately 'keep' fucking 'waiting'. ***Im 'very' 'very' 'sorry' for them or whatever the fuck "bEiNg sOrRy" even fucking means, i know theyll 'suffer' and 'cry' a lot and 'tHiNgS'/ThEiR 'lIvEs' wOnT bE tHe SaMe wItHoUt Me and blah blah blah blah all that, but I FUCKING FINALLY definitely WILL attempt/"CTB"/fucking finally leave the meat flesh 'carcass' 'prison'/'capsule'/'sheath'/'vessel'/'shell' [or however the fuck 'else' to fucking 'call "human bodies"/"bodies" in general] and fcking finally NOT "EXIST" IN GENERAL AT ALL/NOT "BE" ABSOLUTELY LITERALLY BASICALLY TOTALLY COMPLETELY DEFINITELY UTTERLY ENTIRELY EXACTLY PRACTICALLY ANYTHING ANYONE ANY DAMN FCKING 'WAY' ETC ANYWHERE ETCETCETC IN GENERAL AT FCKING DAMN FCKING ALL/'DISAPPEAR' ENTIRELY TOTALLY COMPLETELY ABSOLUTELY DEFINITELY BASICALLY LITERALLY FULLY ETERNALLY FOREVER 'someday' anyway, (well thats what I 'hope' or whatever tf "hOpE" fcking means too) thats for more than sure lmao I have no "dOuBt" about that, never at all have had and never will. I CANT (or whatever tf "cAn"/"cAnT" fcking means) fucking 'wait' for that 'day' to FUCKING FINALLY come. Im so fucking 'DESPERATE' or whatever the damn fuck that means to FUCKING FINALLY NOT 'exist' in general at all /NOT "be" absolutely totally basically literally ANYTHING ANYONE ANYWHERE ETCETC IN FCKING GENERAL AT FCKING DAMN FCKING ALL/ENTIRELY COMPLETELY TOTALLY UTTERLY EXACTLY FULLY LITERALLY ETERNALLY DISAPPEAR FOREVER/NOT "EXPERIENCE" NOR ETCETCETC A LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG AND 'ENDLESS' ETC ABSOLUTELY LITERALLY BASICALLY TOTALLY COMPLETELY DEFINITELY UTTERLY ENTIRELY EXACTLY PRACTICALLY ANYTHING IN GENERAL AT FCKING DAMN ALL WHATEVER HOWEVER THE DAMN FUCK IT IS/CAN BE OF ANY TYPE ANY WAY ANY FORM ANY SORT ANY KIND ANY FIMENSION ANY SHAPE ANY ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING AT ALL NOR BLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHETCETCETCETC BASICALLY AN 'ENDLESS'/'INFINITE' ETC!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But it's so damn fucking hard fucking 'unfortunately'. The fucking 'wait' is so DAMN fucking 'exhausting' and 'frustrating'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
***"This" in general SHOULDNT be a fucking 'obligation'/'obligatory' 'thing'/'prison' (**) (NOT the same type of """prison""" that you all 'refer' to when 'referring' to "this" in general, i DONT mean ""sUfFerInG""/""pAiN"" or whatever the fuck that even means nor literally absolutely basically any other """"""nEgAtIvE"""""" 'thing'/type of 'thing' etcetc in general at all nor whatever the fuck else in general at all, i mean with "prison" that "this" is in general a fucking obligation or whatever the fuck that even fucking means that i cant literally just NOT/DONT fucking want/give a dam shit about/have any fcking "iNtErEsT" etc for nor etcetcetcblahblahblah absolutely anything fucking else/any other fucking 'verb'/'action' etcetv in general at all and NOT want to 'experience'/'know' about/'participate' in/'be PART' of/'enjoy'/'do'/'live'/'learn' about/'perceive'/'see'/'explore'/'discover'/'inhabit' ETCETCETCBLAHBLAH nor basically absolutely literally any other 'action'/'sense'/'verb' in general at all in general of any type nor whatever tf else in general at all so fcking 'matter' what/how the sn fuck "it" is/can be neither what type/way/form/kind etcetc "it" is/can be neither what happens/can happen neither what 'things'/types of 'things'/'places' etcetcblahblah and or whatever the fuck in general 'there are'/there can be/therell be, neither what the fuck "it" is "about" nor how the fuck "it" "works"/can "work", NOR BLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHETCETCETC a veeeeeeeeeery LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO etc/an 'endless' etc and that's fucking damn literally basically IT WITHOUT ABSOLUTELY LITERALLY ANY FUCKING GODDAMN REASONS/CAUSES/FACTORS/EXPLANATIONS ETC IN GENERAL OF ANY TYPE NOR BASICALLY ABSOLUTELY LITERALLY TOTALLY ANY OTHER FCKING BULLSHIT GARBAGE CRAP DAMN SHIT LIKE THAT IN GENERAL AT ALL OF ANY TYPE NEITHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! thats what i meant with """prison"""", NOT that "this"/"all this" in general iS """"sUfFeRiNg""""/""""pAiN""""/""""cRuEl""""/""""uNfAiR""""/""""aWfUl""""/""""hArD""""/""""mEaNiNgLeSs""""/""""pOiNtLeSs""""/""""bOrInG""""/""""uNiNtErEsTiNg""""/""""uNfUlFiLlLiNg""""/""""mOnOtOnOuS""""/""""uNsAtIsFyInG""""/""""uNwOrThWhIlE""""/"""wOrThLeSs""""/""""sAd"""" or whatever the damn fuck all those """"""nEgAtIvE"""""" 'words'/'adjectives' even fcking mean lmfao i couldn't give any less of a damn shit aNd Or blaHblAhBlAhEtCeTcEtC any/whatever other """"""""nEgAtIvE"""""""" 'way'/'adjective'/'thing'/type of 'thing'/'place'/type of 'place' etcand or whatever the damn fuck LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO as if I gave a damn fuck shit if its" all those """"""""nEgAtIvE""""""""" 'adjectives'/'words' or not FOR FUCKS DAMN SAKE and i DONT 'call' "this"/"all this" in general a """prison""" because of absolutely totally literally basically any other reasons like that nor in general at all, just that "this" is a fucking damn obligation and I yes or fucking yes have to/im fucking obligated|forced to fucking have a goddamn ReAsOn wHy/cAuSe/fAcToR/eXpLaNaTiOn wHy if i SIMPLY JUST DONT FUCKING WANT/DONT FCKING WANT TO WANT "IT" {NOR ANYTHING FUCKING ELSE IN GENERAL AT FUCKING DAMN ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!} AND DONT GIVE A FUCKING GODDAMN FUCKING SHIT ABOUT NOR ETCETCETC NOR WANT TO "EXPERIENCE"/"LIVE"/"ENJOY"/"DO"/"PARTICIPATE" IN/"INHABIT"/"DISCOVER"/"EXPLORE"/"FEEL"/"KNOW ABOUT"/"LEARN ABOUT"/"LIKE"/"SEE"/"PERCEIVE"/"BE PART" OF/"BELONG TO"/"TAKE PART" INNOR BLAHBLAHBLAHETCETCETC ABSOLUTELY TOTALLY LITERALLY BASICALLY ANYTHING ELSE IN GENERAL AT DAMN FCKING ALL//ANU OTHER 'ACTION'/'SENSE'/'VERB' IN GENERAL OF ANY TYPE ETC IN GENERAL AT ALL NOR BLAHBLAHBLETCETC ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING FUCKING DAMN FCKING ELSE IN TOTAL ABSOLUTE ALL IN GENERAL "IT"/"THIS"/"ANY OF THIS"/"HERE" {NOR ABSOLUTELY LITERALLY BASICALLY TOTALLY ANYTHING/ANYWHERE ETCETC FUCKING DAMN ELSE IN GENERAL AT ALL WHATEVER HOWEVER THE FUCK "IT" IS/CAN BE NOR ETCETCETCBLAHBLAHBLAH BLAH A LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG ETC!!!!!!!!!!} AND NO FCKING 'MATTER' WHAT NEITHER HOW NEITHER WHERE ETC THE FUCK "IT" IS/CAN BE/WILL BE ETCETC NOR BLAHBLAHBLAHETCETCETC A LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG ETC!!!!!!!!!/AN 'ENDLESS'/'IMMENSE'/'INFINITE' ETC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY THE FUCKING DAMN FUCK THERE FUCKING HAS TO FCKING BE A GODDAMN "rEaSoN"/"cAuSe"/"eXpLaNaTiOn"/"fAcToR" and or whatever other fucking goddamn damn bullshit garbage trash crap damn fuck shit like that in general yes or fucking goddamn yes just because 'people'/'humans' fucking say so and fucking feel fucking like it for fucks sake FUCKING WHY?????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) (**)or whatever the fuck all that even means FOR FUCKS SAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I JUST DONT FCKING WANT TO NOR WANT TO FUCKING WANT TO NO FCKING 'MATTER' WHAT/HOW ETCETC THE DAMN FUCK "IT"/WHATEVER THE FUCK IN GENERAL IS/ISNT/CAN BE NOR BLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHETCETCETCETC A LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG ETC/'ENDLESS' ETC AND THATS FUCKING IT AND I LITERALLY NEVER AT ALL EVER FUCKING WILL AND I FCKING SHOULDNT BE FUCKING OBLIGATED/FORCED TO AND I SHOULDNT FUCKING HAVE ANY DAMN FCKING REASONS/FACTORS/CAUSES/EXPLANATIONS OR WHATEVER TF ALL THAT FUCKING CRAP EVEN MEANS IN GENERAL AT ALL OF ANY TYPE FOR FUCKSSSSSSSSSSS DAAAAAAMN FUCKING SAAAAAAAAAAAAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I JUST WANT/WANT TO WANT HAVE ALWAYS WANTED AND ALWAYS WILL DEATH/NOTHINGNESS/NONEXISTENCE AND THATS FUCKING IT FOR FUCKS SAKE. ({{*}}NOT TO "SUICIDE"/"COMMIT SUICIDE", NOT "DIE bEcAuSe Of A rEaSoN"!!!!!!!!!!!! "Kill myself" TO FUCKING FINALLY SIMPLY DIE/NOT 'EXIST' IN GENERAL AT FCKING DAMN ALL/DISAPPEAR ENTIRELY COMPLETELY TOTALLY UTTERLY ABSOLUTELY LITERALLY ETERNALLY or whatever tf all those 'words' mean FOREVER AND FUCKING FINALLY NOT "BE" ABSOLUTELY BASICALLY TOTALLY COMPLETELY DEFINITELY LITERALLY ANYTHING ANYONE ANYWHERE ETCETCETC IN GENERAL AT FUCKING DAMN ALL FOR FUCKS SAKE!!!!!!! AND ITS FCKING NOT BECAUSE OF ABSOLUTELY LITERALLY BASICALLY ANY SINGLE GODDAMN "REASONS"/"CAUSES"/"FACTORS" ETCETC NOR WHATEVER TF ELSE IN GENERAL AT ALL OF ANY TYPE IN GENERAL AT ALL FFS!!!!!!!!!!! THERE ARENT ABSOLUTELY ANY AT ALL!!!!!!!!!!)

And well, what i 'mentioned' 'above' are the (ONLY!!!!!!!) 'reasons' I (fucking unfortunately) havent CTB 'yet'. If it wasn't for all that fucking crap (dying in general being so FUCKING UNFORTUNATELY fucking damn hard/difficult and risky, not having any way out/method in general at all much less any that it's reliable, all the fucking risks that being found/getting caught/'failing' in general the 'attempt' would fcking unfortunately have, not 'lIvInG' 'alone'/not being 'alone' in general in whatever fucking 'place' 'where' there isnt anyone 'around' etc) and because my 'parents'/'family' would 'suffer' or whatever the fuck that means a lot and would be 'immensely'/'extremely'/'utterly'/'very' or whatever the fuck that means 'devastated'/'hurt'/'traumatized'/'shocked' or whatever all that means and well i guess I dont want to 'hUrT' them, and because to FUCKING FINALLY NOT 'EXIST' IN GENERAL AT DAMN FUCKING ALL is so fucking damn hard/difficult and risky because of the fucking "pRo LiFeRs" (eeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwww lmfao) bullshit garbage trash crap fuck damn shit, I MORE than definitely (and immediately/right away or whatever the fuck those 'words' mean too) wouldve been FUCKING FINALLY gone/i wouldve fucking finally "ctb" and FUCKING FINALLY STOPPED 'EXISTING'/WOULD'VE FUCKING FINALLY ENTIRELY COMPLETELY TOTALLY LITERALLY ETERNALLY DISAPPEARED FOREVER AND FUCKING FINALLY WOULDNT HAVE BEEN ANYTHING ANYONE ANYWHERE ETC IN GENERAL AT FUCKING DAMN ALL a veeeeery long time ago/many years ago without any "doubt" at all, thats for sure. there's NO "dOuBt" about it at all

 

[Toptock]

Being too scared.

 

[booray]

I dont have 'access' to any 'reliable'/'quick'/'guaranteed' or whatever tf all that means method/'way out' at all[[[*****]]] ((((('apparently' i can get the "'covid' 'vaccine'" or whatever the damn fuck that even is/means AND {'supposedly' or whatever the fuck that 'word' means, 'according' or whatever tf that means too to 'some' 'people' 'lol'} ""die"" because of it, 'according' to 'some' 'people' and a 'member' 'here' lmao. Well if that was actually 'true' and DEATH was '100%' [or whatever the fuck "100%" fcking means] 'guaranteed'/'ensured' or whatever the fuck those 'words' mean, id definitely go for it and would DEFINITELY and IMMEDIATELY get it without "hEsItAtIoN" {if i 'actually' 'could', and ONLY if i 100% knew that it WILL kill me, not only that it 'can' but that it 'WILL'. And if its completely RELIABLE AND GUARANTEED and that ill yes or yes fucking finally DIE/NOT 'EXIST' AT FUCKING DAMN ALL WITH IT} or whatever the fuck all that is/means i dont give a damn shit lmfao and and just 'wait' for it to FUCKING FINALLY ""kill"" me because apparently the 'vaccine', 'according' to a 'member' 'here' and 'some' 'people' in general, "can" end up "killing" you [but what if it fucking takes so fucking long {or its 'unreliable' and it 'actually' wont kill me like some 'people' 'cLaIm' or whatever the fuck that 'verb'/'word' means} I dont want to fucking 'wait' at all ffs] but I dont 'think' thatd be 'reliable' at all and that itd actually KILL me like 'some' 'people' 'say'. If its 'made' for just the 'opposite' 'pUrPoSe' (tO nOt 'cAtCh' tHe 'vIrUs' aNd NoT dIe At AlL) then I 'doubt' or whatever tf that even fucking means that it would yes or yes 'kill' me/that DEATH would be 'guaranteed', and if it does "kill" me it would 'probably' take 'months' or even 'years', or whatever the fuck that fucking means, and 'who' the fuck 'knows' how many fucking years and that if it would actually end up "killing" 'me' or not. It could or fucking unfortunately couldnt. I 'wish' i could '100%' or whatever tf that means 'know' or whatever the fuck that 'verb'/'word' fucking means too that it could and would actually KILL me, but anyways my 'parents' dont 'allow' or whatever tf that means me to get the 'vaccine' (ok lmao, im not 'looking for' or whatever the fuck that 'verb'/'action' means this ""method"" anyway) so. 'apparently' there have been cases of 'people' or whatever the fuck 'people' 'are'/'means' "dying" from it (if thats the 'case' i 'envy' or whatever the fuck that even fucking means them so damn fucking much, basically I 'envy' anyone/everyone in general that COULD DIE and is 'now' dead/NOTHING/NONEXISTENT/NOWHERE/NO ONE AT ALL, no 'matter' what was the 'way' ['suicide'/'murder'/'illness'/'accident' etc] 'they' died, if "you" are DEAD/NONEXISTENT/NOTHING/NO ONE/NOWHERE ETCETC, i fucking 'envy' you so damn much) after 'days' or 'weeks' (but 'where' the fuck is the 'proof'/'evidence' or whatever the fuck those 'words' fucking mean too) but the 'majority' of the 'people' who got it haven't died at all, so that means its not 'guarateed' and not 'reliable' neither, and Id just get the 'jab' or whatever the damn fuck that 'word' means of it if i '100%' 'KNEW'/IF I WAS 'TOTALLY' 'SURE' that itll 'definitely'/'100%' kill me yes or yes and that DEATH is 'guaranteed'. Which im sure it actually isnt at all and that it 'depends' on the 'person' and or blahblah whatever the damn fuck. But well my 'parents' dont 'allow' me to 'anyway' so I cant get it 'anyway' lmao. ('they' 'obviously' DONT 'know' that i JUST/ONLY want to FUCKING FINALLY NOT 'EXIST' AT FUCKING DAMN ALL NOR 'EXPERIENCE' ETCETC ABSOLUTELY TOTALLY BASICALLY LITERALLY ANYTHING IN GENERAL AT FUCKING DAMN ALL WHATEVER/HOWEVER TF IT IS OF ANY TYPE ANY WAY ANY KIND ANY FORM ETCETC ANY ABSOLUTELY FUCKING ANYTHING NOR A LOOOOOOOOOOONG ETC. and i 'obviously' WONT/WILL NEVER tell them that id get the 'vaccine' {if it actually was 'guaranteed' and 'reliable' or whatever the damn fuck crap that even fucking means} ONLY because it apparenly "can" "kill" you. Id be FUCKING UNFORTUNATELY immediately 'sent' to a fucking goddamn 'psych ward' garbage shit and on 'sUiCiDe WaTcH', 'besides' that theyd be 'again' and fucking 'again'/'constantly' 'assuming' and 'insisting' tHaT iTs BeCaUsE oF a ReAsOn, ThAt tHeReS a 'CaUsE'/'fAcToR' aNd An 'ExPlAnAtIoN' fOr It and blah blah blah all that crap) what I 'precisely' want and the ONLY "thing" i want and want to want, have ALWAYS wanted and literally ALWAYS will is to fucking finally DIE/NOT EXIST AT FUCKING DAMN ALL/NOT "BE" ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING ANYONE ANYWHERE ETCETCETC IN FUCKING GENERAL AT FUCKING DAMN FCKING ALL AND FCKING FINALLY 'DISAPPEAR' FOREVER FOR LITERALLY ALL ABSOLUTE TOTAL LITERAL 'ETERNITY'. WHAT I 'PRECISELY' WANT AND ONLY WANT AND WANT TO WANT HAVE ALWAYS WANTED AND LITERALLY BASICALLY DEFINITELY ALWAYS WILL NO FCKING 'MATTER' WHAT ETC IS DEATH/ETERNAL ABSOLUTE TOTAL PLAIN PURE ENDLESS INFINITE NOTHINGNESS/NONEXISTENCE. and Id ONLY get the fucking 'vAcCiNe' if I 'was'/'could' be completely totally sure that it WILL KILL me and that id be FUCKING FINALLY DEAD AND NONEXISTENT AND NOTHING AT ALL NO ONE AT ALL NOWHERE ETCETCETC AT ALL. Id ONLY or whatever tf that 'word' means get if it could/WOULD actually KILL me//if i could/WOULD actually DIE with it, NOT get it for its 'oRiGiNaL' 'pUrPoSe' that is bEiNg "pRoTeCtEd" tO 'aVoId' 'cAtChInG' tHe 'vIrUs'/dEaTh aNd To NoT dIe 'aT AlL cOsTs'. (lmfao as if DEATH [ETERNAL COMPLETE ABSOLUTE TOTAL INFINITE LIMITLESS ENDLESS PERMANENT UTTER PLAIN PURE NOTHINGNESS/NONEXISTENCE!!!!!!!!! NOT ANY "sOmEtHiNg"/"tHiNg"/"aFtErLiFe"/"lIfE aFtEr DeAtH" NOR BASICALLY/LITERALLY ANY OTHER FUCKING BULLSHIT GARBAGE TRASH CRAP DAMN FUCK SHIT LIKE THAT NOR IN GENERAL AT ALL OF ANY TYPE/WAY/KIND/SORT/FORM ETCETC NOR ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING FUCKING ELSE IN GENERAL AT FCKING DAMN FCKING ALL!!!!!!!!] was """"bAd"""" ""/""""sAd""""/""""nEgAtIvE""""/""""dEpReSsInG""""/""""tErRiBlE"""" or whatever the fuck all those 'words'/'adjectives' even fucking mean {and as if i fucking gave a fucking goddamn damn fuck if it "is" all those """nEgAtIvE""" 'words' and or whatever/any other """"nEgAtIvE"""" 'words'/'adjectives' and or whatever the fucking fuck or not LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO death/nothingness/nonexistence has always been/is/will literally ALWAYS be the ONLY ""thing"" ILL EVER/ALWAYS WANT AND WANT TO WANT NO FUCKING 'MATTER' WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!} aNd A """"'hOrRiBlE' 'tHrEaT'"""", a """"tRaGeDy"""", """"bAd LuCk"""" fOr "mE" AND """""sOmEthInG""""" """""i WaNt To 'aVoId' aT aLl 'cOsTs'"""""" and or whatever other crap garbage shit like that in general LMFAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO )
if my 'parents' didnt 'tHiNk' (and 'according' to them, "kNoW") that the 'cOvId' 'vAcCiNe' "can" kill you and they 'believed' that it will 'aCtUaLlY' 'pRoTeCt' yOu FrOm ThE 'vIrUs' (as if i wanted to 'aVoId' 'cAtChInG' tHe 'ViRuS' aNd wAnTeD tO 'aVoId' DEATH iN gEnErAl LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO its all the 'opposite' or whatever the fuck that means has always been and always will, DEATH IS 'PRECISELY' WHAT/THE ONLY "THING" ILL LITERALLY ALWAYS 'WANT'/'CRAVE'/'DESIRE'/'SEEK'/'WISH' OR WHATEVER TF THOSE 'VERBS'/'WORDS' MEAN NO FCKING 'MATTER' WHAT ETCETC AND THATS FCKING IT FFS AND ITS FCKING NOT BECAUSE OF ABSOLUTELY TOTALLY LITERALLY BASICALLY ANY GODDAMN REASONS/CAUSES/FACTORS ETC IN GENERAL AT ALL OF ANY TYPE) and blah blah blah all that fucking crap, then I 'guess' theyd get the 'vaccine' 'themselves' and would 'also' 'allow'/'let' me get it too and then i could probably FUCKING FINALLY DIE/NOT EXIST AT FUCKING DAMN ALL with it, but they dont 'believe'/'tRuSt' or whatever the fuck that those 'verbs'/'words' mean in the 'vaccine' or whatever the fuck "vaccine" fcking means too and blah blah all that fcking crap. (as if i gave a damn fuck if 'they' 'believe'/'trust' or not in the 'vAcCiNe' and if the 'pAnDeMiC'/'cOvId'/'vIrUs' [AND NO FFS LMAO I DONT WANT TO DIE """"bEcAuSe Of ThE "cOrOnAvIrUs"/"cOvId"/"lOcKdOwN"/"rEsTrIcTiOnS"/"pAnDeMiC""""" {or whatever the fuck all that even is/means i couldnt give any less of a damn goddamn fucking shit and itll NEVER at all NEITHER """""aFfEcT""""" "me" NOR """""wOrRy""""" "me" LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO} NOR BECAUSE OF ABSOLUTELY LITERALLY BASICALLY TOTALLY COMPLETELY ANY OTHER FUCKING DAMN FUCKING REASONS/CAUSES IN FUCKING GENERAL AT FUCKING DAMN FUCKING ALL OF ANY TYPE IN GENERAL AT FUCKING DAMN ALL FFS. I COULDNT GIVE ANY LESS OF A FUCKING GODDAMN DAMN FUCK SHIT ABOUT/IF THERE'S A|THERE ARE """pAnDeMiC"""/"""vIrUs"""/"""rEsTrIcTiOnS"""/"""lOcKdOwN""" or whatever the fuck all those 'words'/'things' fucking mean OR NOT LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOO IT DOESNT AND NEVER AT ALL WILL """"wOrRy""""/""""aFfEcT"""" mE LMFAOOOOOOOOOOO WHY THE FUCK IT FUCKING HAS TO JESUS FUCKING CHRIST LMFAO] and/or whatever the damn fuck is a """hOaX"""/"""fAkE"""/""""pLaNdEmIc"""" or whatever tf all those 'words' fcking even mean lmao or if its """rEaL"""/"""tRuE""" or whatever the fucking damn fuck lmfaoooooo. and as if i gave a fucking goddamn fuck if tHeReS a 'vIruS'/'pAnDeMiC'/'vAcCiNe'/'rEsTrIcTiOnS'/'lOcKdOwN' or whatever the fuck all that even fucking is and means or not LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO) But they "kNoW"/'tHiNk' that what the 'vaccine' would 'likely' do to me is {*}KILL me [thats PRECISELY WHAT I WANT IT TO 'DO' LMFAO WHY THE DAMN FUCK CANT I LITERALLY JUST WANT DEATH/NOTHINGNESS/NONEXISTENCE FFS WHY THE FUCK CANT I FCKING JUST NOT/DONT 'WANT' NOR 'NEED' NOR GIVE A FCKING GODDAMN FUCK DAMN SHIT ABOUT ETCETC AND NOT FCKING WANT TO FCKING WANT TO AT ALL NO FCKING 'MATTER' WHAT ETC ABSOLUTELY LITERALLY BASICALLY TOTALLY COMPLETELY DEFINITELY UTTERLY EXACTLY PRACTICALLY ANYTHING IN GENERAL AT FCKING DAMN ALL WHATEVER HOWEVER THE DAMN FUCK IT IS/CAN BE NEITHER WHAT TYPE/WAY/FORM/KIND ETCETC NOR AN 'IMMENSELY'/'EXTREMELY' LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG ETC AND THATS FUCKING IT WITHOUT ABSOLUTELY ANY SINGLE FCKING GODDAMN FCKING REASON/CAUSE/FACTOR ETC IN GENERAL AT FUCKING DAMN ALL OF ANY SINGLE FCKING TYPE IN GENERAL AT ALL NEITHER FFS] or 'leave' me 'pArAlYzEd' [as if that """"aFfEcTeD""""/""""wOrRiEd""""/""""cOnCeRnEd"""" "mE" LMFAO ]
{*}WHAT I 'PRECISELY' WANT HAVE ALWAYS WANTED AND ALWAYS WILL!!!!!!!!!! and not fucking unfortunately 'pRoTeCt' mE fRoM tHe 'vIrUs'. so no, I cant 'consider' the """'cOvId' 'vAcCiNe' method""" neither, anyways i dont 'know' if DEATH/DYING with it is 'guaranteed' or at least 'likely' nor if there actually are 'possibilities'/'probabilities' or whatever the fuck that means to fucking finally DIE with it. i dont give a damn shit about the 'vIrUs'/'pAnDeMiC' in general so I dont know if there have been cases of 'people' DYING from the vaccine, 'apparently' yes but FUCKING UNFORTUNATELY only a 'few' and were vErY 'sPeCiFiC' 'cases'. and I WOULDNT get it if it wouldnt kill me. And well, my 'parents' (well at 'least' not my 'mother' [ok lmao]) (i neither "believe" nor "dont believe", i just literally dont fucking give a goddamn damn fuck shit lmao) dont 'believe' 'that much' in the 'pandemic' or whatever the fuck that even is/means (and i couldnt give any less of a shit if 'they' or whoever the fuck in general 'bElIeVeS' or not in the 'pAnDeMiC' and or whatever the damn fuck in general, neither if its "rEaL"/"tRuE" or "fAlSe"/"fAkE" or whatever the fuck all those 'words' mean or whatever the fuck lmfao i literally just couldnt give any less of a damn fuck if "there is" or "there isnt" a "pandemic"/"virus" or whatever tf that even means or whatever the fucking damn fuck lmfaooooooo it literally DOESNT """"aFfEcT""""/""""wOrRy"""" "me" lmao I just dont give a damn shit ffs) and 'they' 'both' 'think' that 'getting' the 'vaccine' wIlL pRoBaBlY aCtuAlLy 'kIlL' yOu 'iNsTeAd' oF 'pRoTeCtInG' yOu FrOm tHe 'vIrUs' (as if that it would KILL me """"aFfEcTeD"""" and """"wOrRiEd"""" "mE'' LMFAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO and as if i fucking wanted to fucking unfortunately be 'pRoTeCtEd' fRoM tHe 'vIrUs' and or whatever any other thing in general that can fucking finally KILL me and fucking finally make "me" DIE and NOT 'exist' in general at fucking damn all LMFAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO) and 'say' that 'several' {how fucking much is "several"} 'people' 'who' have 'received' the 'vaccine' 'so far' or whatever the fuck that means, 'died' not 'long' 'after' it [LMAO THATS 'PRECISELY' WHAT I WANT/WISH/DESIRE/CRAVE/SEEK or whatever the fuck all those 'verbs'/'words' even fcking mean lmao but well obviously I cant 'tell' them that AT ALL, 'first' they'd 'assume' that iTs bEcAuSe Of A rEaSoN lIkE fOr ExAmPlE "dEpReSsIoN"/"lOw sElFeSteEm"/"sElF hAtReD"/"aPaThY"/"fEeLiNg 'bAd' iN gEnErAl" and or whatever other fucking 'rEaSoN' crap like that and or in general and or that 'sOmEtHiNg' """bAd""" 'happens' to 'me'/is """wRoNg""" with 'me' and id be fucking 'sent' to a fucking 'psychiatrist'/'psychologist' and be 'forced' to fucking 'see' them every fucking 'month' 'AGAINST' MY FUCKING 'WILL' AND FOR NO DAMN FUCKING REASON IN GENERAL AT ALL and would 'probably' be 'sent' to a 'psych ward' too and blahblah all that fucking crap] aNd tHaTs wHy iM nOt 'aLlOwEd' tO, 'tHeY' dOnT wAnT tO 'rIsK' mE gEtTiNg tHe 'vAcCiNe' 'iNjEcTeD' aNd DyInG oR 'bEcOmInG' 'pArAlYzEd'. (LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOO AS IF THAT """""aFfEcTeD"""""/"""""wOrRiEd""""" "mE" ) I couldnt give any less of a damn shit about the "covid"/"pandemic"/"restriction"/"lockdown" or whatever tf all that even means lmao and all that """"""""nEgAtIvE""""""" 'tHiNg'/tYpE oF 'tHiNgS' in general lmfao (NOR about absolutely anything/everything fucking else in general at damn all whatever/however the damn fuck it is/can be, of any type/way/form/kind etcetc, no fcking 'matter' what/where the damn fuck it's fucking from/about/related to etcetcetc nor a looooooooooooooooooooooooooooong etc for fucks sake. LITERALLY BASICALLY TOTALLY COMPLETELY DEFINITELY ABSOLUTELY SIMPLY FCKING ANYTHING IN FCKING DAMN GENERAL AT FCKING DAMN ALL FFS NOTHING!!!!!! ABSOLUTELY N O T H I N G!!!!!!!! AND THATS FCKING LITERALLY IT AND ITS FCKING NOT BECAUSE OF ABSOLUTEKY LITERALLY ANY SINGLE FCKING DAMN REASONS/CAUSES ETC IN GENERAL AT ALL FOR FUCKS SAKE. AND WHATS THE FUCKING """""pRoBlEm"""""?????!!!!!! {as if i gave a daaaamn fuck if tHeReS a """""pRoBlEm""""" or not 'anyway' lmfaooo I couldnt give any fucking less of a goddamn crap } I LITERALLY TRULY INTENTIONALLY SERIOUSLY HONESTLY ABSOLUTELY TOTALLY BASICALLY SIMPLY or whatever the fuck all those 'words' mean JUST FUCKING DONT/DONT WANT TO/DONT WANT TO WANT TO AT ALL, ABSOLUTELY NEVER AT ALL HAVE FCKING HAD AND NEVER AT DAMN ALL EVER FUCKING WILL AND THATS LITERALLY BASICALLY FCKING IT AND I FUCKING SHOULDNT BE FCKING OBLIGATED/FORCED TO JESUS DAMN FCKING CHRIST FOR FUCKS SAKE) i couldnt give any less of a damn fuck shit if tHeReS a "pAnDeMiC" or not, if tHeReS a "vIrUs" or not, if tHeRe ArE "rEsTrIcTiOnS" or whatever tf that even means not, if tHeReS a "lOcKdOwn" or whatever the fuck that means too or not LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOO i dont fucking give not even a single a damn fcking bullshit fuck shit and never will, it doesnt """aFfEcT"""/"""wOrRy""" "mE" at all and never will lmfao. Id only get the fucking 'vaccine' or whatever the fuck that is/means if I 100% 'knew' itd KILL me after 'getting' it, NOT "'pRoTeCt' mE fRoM 'cAtChInG' tHe 'vIrUs'/'cOvId' tO 'aVoId' 'dYiNg' fRoM iT aNd dEaTh iN gEnErAl"
""'pRoTeCt' mE fRoM 'cAtChInG' tHe 'vIrUs'/'cOvId' tO 'aVoId' 'dYiNg' fRoM iT aNd dEaTh iN gEnErAl"" .... EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW or whatever the fuck "ew" means too (FUCKING UNFORTUNATELY 'AVOID' DEATH/NOTHINGNESS/NONEXISTENCE, the ONLY "thing" ive ALWAYS wanted/wanted to want, want and want to want and ALWAYS/EVER will want and want to want and 'crave'/'desire'/'seek'/'wish' or whatever the fuck all those 'verbs'/'words' fucking mean) If it was actually 'true' ('100%' 'true') that it CAN and WILL 'kill' me and if i could be completely/totally 'sure' and 'guaranteed' or whatever the fuck that means that the 'vAcCiNe' actually definitely CAN/KILL 'KILL' me then Id DEFINITELY ABSOLUTELY AND IMMEDIATELY/RIGHT AWAY go fucking get it WITH NO "hEsItAtIoN"/"dOuBt" AT ALL because id know that itd 100% kill me and that id fucking finally DIE/NOT EXIST AT ALL with it. but well.. lets 'say' that its 'actually' totally/'100%' 'true' that it CAN (AND WILL!!!!!!!!! NOT ONLY "CAN" BECAUSE WHAT IF IT FUCKING UNFORTUNATELY DOESNT KILL ME?) and WILL KILL ME AND I'D FUCKING FINALLY DIE/NOT EXIST AT DAMN FUCKING ALL, i wouldnt be 'able' to get the 'vaccine' 'anyway' (and FUCKING FINALLY die/NOT exist at fucking damn all!!!!!!!!!!) because my 'parents' dont 'let'/'allow' me to, so, i cant 'consider' this """"method"""" neither. fucking 'sigh' lmao or whatever the damn fuck "lol"/"lmao"/"lmfao" even fcking means couldnt give any less of a fuck))))) [[[*****]]]nor basically any 'method'/'way out' in general at all of any type and its so fucking damn hard to 'find' one thats "suitable" {and that at the same 'time' it's 'reliable' and 'quick'} for me and that I can 'use'/FUCKING FINALLY 'attempt' with 'considering' that i don't 'lIvE' alone. Not 'lIvInG' 'alone' makes finding a reliable method TO FUCKING FINALLY NOT EXIST IN GENERAL AT ALL WITHOUT ANY FUCKING 'RISKS' OF FUCKING UNFORTUNATELY "sUrViViNg"/BEING "sAvEd" AND FUCKING UNFORTUNATELY ENDING UP IN A FUCKING 'HOSPITAL'/'PSYCH WARD' 'SURROUNDED' BY FUCKING 'PRO LIFERS' OR WHATEVER THE FUCK THAT DAMN FUCKING GARGABE BULLSHIT CRAP SHIT FUCKING IS/MEANS a lot 'harder' (and i fucking risk being found and FUCKING UNFORTUNATELY or whatever the fuck "unfortunately" even fcking means sent to a fucking 'hospital' and 'psych ward' even more) *and even 'almost' 'impossible' or whatever tf all that means because for example getting SN (and basically anything/everything else like that in general) 'delivered' 'here' to my 'parent's' 'house' would be 'extremely' 'risky' and i wouldnt 'know' what fucking 'excuse' I could make without 'sounding' 'suspicious' at all/without 'risking' anything, and 'sending' a 'rope' 'here' would be much much 'riskier' even, a lot more than with SN, with a 'rope' theres no 'excuse' at all I can fucking make. They'd 'suspect' 'immediately' and Id be fucking 'sent' to a fucking 'psych ward' 'instantly'/'right away' or whatever the fuck all that means. *and it's so damn fucking 'FRUSTRATING'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Im 'scared' or whatever the fuck that even means of FUCKING UNFORTUNATELY 'failing'/'sUrViViNg' the 'attempt' and the fucking goddamn 'consequences' that'd fucking unfortunately or whatever tf that 'word' means have (ending up in a fucking 'psych ward' shit 'surrounded' by fucking pRo LiFeRs bullshit garbage goddamn crap shit trash [or whatever the fuck "shit"/"crap"/"trash"/"garbage"/"bullshit" fcking even mean lmfao], being on fucking 'sUiCiDe WaTcH', being fucking 'forced'/'obligated' to fucking 'see' a fucking 'pSyChOloGiSt'/'pSyChIaTrIsT' and or whatever other fucking bullshit garbage crap trash fuck damn shit [or whatever tf all those 'words' even fucking mean lmao] like that in general, not having any more 'opportunities' to fucking finally attempt to fucking finally 'LEAVE'|GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE 'MEAT SHELL'/'FLESH' 'PRISON' OR WHATEVER TF A "HUMAN BODY"/"BODY" IN GENERAL FUCKING IS AND FUCKING DIE/NOT 'EXIST' AT ALL, for at fucking 'least' 'several' fucking 'years', or 'who' the fuck fucking 'knows' how fucking much, and an 'etc' of fcking 'consequences' and all that fcking shit, that 'failing' or whatever the fuck "fAiL"/"fAiLiNg" even fucking means the 'attempt' would fucking unfortunately have.)

Also, all 'accessible'/"easy" methods and methods that dont 'require' any or 'barely' any fcking 'mAtErIaLs'/'pRePaRaTiOn'/'pLaNnInG'/'eFfOrT' (or whatever the fuck all that damn fcking garbage crap fucking means jfc why the damn fuck it fcking has to fcking be so damn fucking hard TO FUCKING FINALLY GET THE FUCK OUT OF/DITCH/LEAVE THE FUCKING 'MEAT' 'CARCASS' 'FLESH' 'PRISON' 'SHEATH' OR WHATEVER THE FUCK A "HUMAN BODY"/"BODY" IN GENERAL FUCKING IS AND FUCKING FINALLY DISAPPEAR ENTIRELY COMPLETELY TOTALLY ABSOLUTELY FULLY DEFINITELY LITERALLY ETERNALLY FOREVER AND NOT 'EXIST' IN GENERAL AT FUCKING DAMN ALL AND NOT "BE" ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING NOR ANYONE NOR ANY DAMN FUCKING WAY/TYPE/KIND/FORM/SHAPE/DIMENSION NOR ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING FUCKING ELSE IN GENERAL AT ALL, ANYWHERE ETCETCETC IN GENERAL AT FCKING DAMN ALL AND NOT "EXPERIENCE" IN GENERAL ETCETCETC ABSOLUTELY LITERALLY BASICALLY TOTALLY COMPLETELY DEFINITELY UTTERLY ANYTHING IN GENERAL AT FCKING DAMN FCKING ALL WHATEVER/HOWEVER TF "IT" IS/CAN BE ETCETCETC NOR A LOOOOOOOOOONG ETC FOR FUCKS SAKE why the FUCKING damn fuck its so FUCKING damn hard FOR FUCKS SAKE????????!!!!!!!!!!) and all that goddamn fucking crap shit are so fucking 'slow' {'some', 'depending' what method, 'apparently' can take not 'hours', but even the 'whole' 'day' or more fucking 'days' to totally/completely kill. jfc too damn fucking 'slow'} 'unreliable' and 'painful'*** (((i dont give a damn fuck if its 'painful' lmfao but 'depending' on the 'level' of the 'pain', the fucking 'body' would 'probably' make me 'inevitable' 'let out' or whatever the fuck that means a 'scream' or whatever other fucking 'nOiSe' in general. I dont give a damn shit about the 'pain'/how 'pAiNfUl' it'll be as long as the 'method' isnt too fucking 'slow'/doesnt 'take' too fucking 'long' to 'work' and as long as after the fucking 'pAiN' and all the fucking 'wAiT', Ill be 'guaranteed' to be fucking finally dead/gone and that "I" [or whatever the fuck "I", "you", "he", "she", "they", "we" and or whatever the damn fuck fucking means lmao] fucking finally WONT "exist" and that i WONT be ANYTHING/ANYONE/ANYWHERE ETC AT FUCKING DAMN ALL. Im 'pretty' 'sure' I can 'bear' the 'pain' or whatever the fuck that even means lmao, just not if it'll be too fucking much because if its too 'painful', the 'risks'/'possibilities' of being found/caught are 'higher'/'bigger' or whatever the fuck that means because the fucking 'body' or whatever the fuck that is/means in general, would fucking 'inevitably' make 'me' 'probably' end up 'screaming' or whatever the fuck that even means too because of the 'pain' that it fucking 'causes' and thatd make fcking 'noises', and i 'probably' wouldnt be 'aBlE' to 'control' or whatever the fuck "bEiNg 'aBlE'" and "control" fucking means the 'inevitable' 'screams' or whatever other fucking type of 'noise' ('noises' i 'most likely' or whatever the fuck that means wouldnt be 'aBlE' to 'control'/'avoid' like 'convulsions'/'groans' etc or whatever the fuck all that crap means/is) that the fucking 'pain' {if its too 'unbereable' or whatever the fuck that means} would fucking 'cause' because "i" would be still fucking 'trapped' in the fucking 'meat suit'/'sack' of 'meat'/'carcass'/'sheath'/'shell'/'body'[****] {that 'by the way' is 'hEaLtHy', 'fUnCtIoNaL', nOt 'dIsAbLeD', dOeSnT hAvE aNy 'iLlNeSsEs'/'pAiNs'/'dIsOrDeRs' or whatever the fuck that means eTc At AlL, hAs 'gOoD'/'iDeAl' or whatever tf that means/'nOrMaL' 'wEiGhT' and blah blah blah all that """pOsItIvE""" garbage bullshit crap trash fuck damn shit and I couldnt care any fucking less LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO i just dont give a daaaaamn shit lmao ffs I DONT WANT never at all have wanted never will TO FUCKING "HAVE"/"BE" ANY FUCKING "HUMAN BODY" AT ALL NOR BASICALLY ANY "BODY" IN FUCKING GENERAL AT DAMN FUCKING ALL, NOR ANY "BRAIN"/"MIND" OR WHATEVER THE FUCK THAT BULLSHIT GARBAGE CRAP DAMN SHIT FUCK TRASH FUCKING IS/MEANS OF ANY FUCKING TYPE/WAY/KIND/FORM ETCETC NO FUCKING 'MATTER' HOW TF IT IS ETCETC, ANY FCKING "aGe", ANY FCKING "rAcE", ANY FCKING "sPEcIeS"/"bEiNgS"/"eNtItIeS" IN GENERAL AT ALL OF ANY TYPE ANY WAY ANY FORM ANY SHAPE ABY FUCKING ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING, ANY FCKING "aPpEaRaNcE" OF ANY FUCKING TYPE/KIND/FORM/SHAPE/WAY ETCETC, ANY FCKING "gEnDeR", ANY FCKING "vOiCe", ANY FCKING "nAmE", ANY FCKING "iDeNtItY", ANY "pErSoNaLiTy"/"cHaRaCtEr"/"aTtItUdE"/"bEhAvIoUr" ETCETC NOR LITERALLY BASICALLY TOTALLY ABSOLUTELY ANY OTHER FUCKING DAMN BULLSHIT GARBAGE CRAP TRASH FUCK DAMN SHIT LIKE THAT NOR IN GENERAL AT ALL!!!!!!!!!! ANY ABSOLUTELY LITERALLY SIMPLY FUCKING ANYTHING FOR FUCKS SAKE!!!!!!!!!!!} [****] or whatever the fuck a "human body"/"body" in general fucking is/means I couldnt give any less of a shit lmao. Id try as 'much' as 'possible' to not let the fucking 'flesh'/'body' make "me" make any fucking 'noise' but if the fucking 'pain' would be too fucking much/too fucking 'unbereable' or whatever the fuck "uNbErEaBlE" means too, i 'probably' or 'most likely' wouldnt be 'aBlE' (or whatever the fuck "aBlE' fucking means ew lmao i dont want never at all have wanted never will to "bE" "aBlE" or whatever the fuck that """""pOsItIvE""""" bullshit garbage damn rubbish crap damn fuck shit fucking means tO/fOr absolutely literally basically ANYTHING in general at all of any type/way/kind etc, whatever/however the fuck it is/can be, no fucking 'matter' what the fuck its fucking about/related to/associated with etcetc nor an 'endless' etc basically, why the damn fuck do i fucking have to jesus fcking christ LMFAOOOOO) to 'avoid' making any fucking 'noises' at all, even the 'minimum' 'noise' could 'already' 'lead' or whatever the fuck that means to a 'failed' attempt because 'someone' could fucking 'hear' it and 'call' a fucking 'ambulance' or whatever the fuck and id get FUCKING UNFORTUNATELY fucking 'caught' and would be FUCKING UNFORTUNATELY 'sent' to a fucking 'hospital', then a fucking 'psych ward', then id be fucking 'forced' to fucking 'see' 'pSyChOloGiStS'/'pSyChIaTrIsTs' or whatever the fuck that bullshit garbage trash crap shit is/means and Id be on 'sUiCiDe WaTcH' and blahblah all that fucking crap.
Even if I wouldve had the 'opportunity' to FCKING FINALLY attempt and FCKING FINALLY leave/get the fuck out of the/get fucking 'rid' of the fucking 'flesh' and FCKING FINALLY not 'exist' at damn fucking all because my 'parents' would be 'out' at that 'time', the fucking *'screams' if the 'method' is too 'painful'/the 'pain' is 'too' 'unbereable' or whatever tf that means (*or whatever other fucking 'noise' crap in general that the 'pain' of the 'method' would make me have no 'choice' but to fucking 'make' and wouldnt be 'aBlE' to 'avoid' or whatever the fuck that means) would 'probably' [*]'aLeRt' 'sOmEoNe', 'depending' how fucking 'loud' they'd be. [*]'maybe' a "nEiGhBoR" or whatever the fuck that is/means or a 'family' 'member' or whoever the fuck in general that could 'probably' 'ring' the 'doorbell' anytime, and Id fcking 'risk' getting 'caught' and FUCKING UNFORTUNATELY "sAvEd"/"rEsCuEd" and FUCKING UNFORTUNATELY being fcking taken to a fcking 'hospital' and 'psych ward' and would also be fcking 'forced'/'obligated' or whatever tf that means to fucking 'see' a fcking 'pSyChOloGiSt'/'pSyChIaTrIsT' or whatever tf that bullshit crap shit fcking is/means too))) ***and i DONT want to fcking 'risk' being FUCKING 'UNFORTUNATELY' or whatever tf "unfortunately" means too "sAvEd"/"rEsCuEd" nor end up in a fucking 'hospital'/'psych ward' and on fucking 'sUiCiDe WaTcH' without any more 'opportunities' to attempt/try to fucking finally NOT 'exist' at all for 'who' the damn fuck knows how many fucking 'years'.

Also i havent fucking finally attempted/ctb/DIED 'yet' because I dont live alone/im not in whatever fucking 'place' alone (AND I JUST DONT FCKING WANT [NEVER AT ALL HAVE WANTED NEVER FUCKING WILL!!!!!!!!] TO 'bEcOmE'/'bE' 'iNdEpEnDeNt' or whatever the fuck that """"pOsItIvE"""" BULLSHIT GARBAGE CRAP TRASH FUCK DAMN SHIT FUCKING MEANS LMFAO EW [NOR LITERALLY BASICALLY ABSOLUTELY ANY OTHER FCKING """""pOsItIvE""""" GARBAGE BULLSHIT FUCKING RUBBISH DAMN CRAP TRASH FUCK DAMN SHIT or whatever the fuck all those 'words' even fcking mean lmao LIKE THAT NOR IN GENERAL AT ALL NOR BASICALLY ANY DAMN FUCKING 'WAY'/'ADJECTIVE'/tYpE oF 'pErSoN' ETCETC IN GENERAL AT FUCKING DAMN ALL WHATEVER THE FUCK IT FUCKING IS WHATEVER TYPE IT IS NEITHER WHAT THE FUCK ITS FUCKING ABOUT ETCETC FFS ABSOLUTELY ANY SINGLE FUCKING DAMN 'WAY' ETC IN GENERAL AT ALL] NOR HAVE NO FCKING DAMN 'CHOICE' BUT TO FUCKING 'wOrK' OR WHATEVER TF THAT FUCKING """"pOsItIvE"""" BULLSHIT GARBAGE TRASH CRAP FUCK DAMN SHIT IS/MEANS EWWW LMAO THAT I'D HAVE NO FCKING 'CHOICE' BUT TO FCKING 'dO' TO HAVE FCKING 'mOnEy' or whatever the fuck "mOnEy" fucking is/means i dont give a damn shit!!!!!!!!!!! FOR A DAMN FCKING 'hOuSe'/'ApArTmEnT' WHERE I'D FUCKING FINALLY BE 'ALONE' AND WOULD FUCKING FINALLY BE 'ABLE' TO ATTEMPT/NOT EXIST AT FUCKING DAMN ALL "WITHOUT ANY" 'RISKS' AT ALL, AND DONT WANT AT ALL TO HAVE NO FCKING 'CHOICE' BUT TO FCKING 'WAIT' FOR SO MANY FCKING 'YEARS' UNTIL I FCKING FINALLY CAN 'BUY'/'HAVE' THE DAMM 'hOuSe'/'aPaRmEnT' FOR FUCKS SAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) and because of that i dont have 'enough' time to be completely 'alone' in the 'house'/dont have the 'nEeDeD'/'rEqUiReD' time' to FUCKING FINALLY!!!!!!!! attempt/CTB ("ctb" to eternal absolute complete pure total literal infinite plain endless NOTHINGNESS/NONEXISTENCE. And "CTB" in my 'case' DOESNT fcking mean """cOmMiT sUiCidE"""/"""dIe BeCaUsE oF|fOr a ReAsOn""", but just simply DIE/NOT 'EXIST' IN GENERAL AT ALL AND WITHOUT ANY FCKING REASONS/CAUSES/FACTORS ETC IN GENERAL AT ALL OF ANY TYPE!!!!!!!!!!) without being 'found' in the 'middle' of the attempt/without 'risking' anything at all. I fcking 'risk' 'failing' the attempt and getting 'caught'/being 'found' and being 'sent' to a fucking 'hospital' and 'psych ward' a lot.


And also well.. I 'guess' i cAnT 'hElP' to but to 'fEeL' (or whatever the fuck "feel" fucking means) "sad"/"bad" or whatever the damn fuck those 'words'/'adjectives'/'sTaTeS' oF 'bEiNg' mean too (or however the fuck else to fucking call it lmao) for my 'parents'/'family' (or whatever the fuck "parents" and "family" in general fcking mean too for fucks sake I simply just dont give a goddamn fuck shit about literally absolutely basically anything/anyone etc in general at all ffs!!!!!!! No fcking 'matter' "what" neither "how" neither "who" neither "where" etc "it"/"they" is/are/can be and or whatever the fucking damn fuck neither what type/kind/way/form etcetx "it" is/can be etcetc nor a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG etc for fucks sake!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) because 'they' 'love'/'want' me a lot (or whatever the fuck "lOvE"/"wAnT" even means too lmao couldnt give any damn less of a shit for fucks sake jfc) blahblah and I know theyd be 'very'/'extremely'/'utterly' (or whatever the damn fuck all those 'words' mean) 'devastated'/'hurt'/'shocked'/'traumatized' or whatever the fuck all that means and would 'suffer'/'cry' a lot (or whatever tf those 'words'/'verbs' mean too) and would never 'overcome' it and would be 'extremely' 'affected' and 'sad' or whatever tf all that means and blah blah blah. And well, i guess I dont want them to 'gO tHrOuGh' tHaT/dont want to mAkE tHeM 'sUfFeR' (or whatever the fuck "suffer" even fcking means too lmao i literally just couldnt 'care' any fucking less ffs) blah blah and well thats 'basically' another rEaSoN why "I" still 'exist'/"Im" 'still' 'here' ["I" FCKING LITERALLY SIMPLY BASICALLY TRULY SERIOUSLY INTENTIONALLY HONESTLY ABSOLUTELY DEFINITELY or whatever the damn fuck those 'words' mean JUST DONT FCKING WANT NEITHER TO "BE" "HERE" IN GENERAL WHATEVER/HOWEVER THE DAMN FUCK "IT" IS/CAN BE/WILL BE NO FCKING 'MATTER' IF ITS ANY/WHATEVER """""pOsItIvE""""" OR ANY/WHATEVER """"""nEgAtIvE"""""" 'WAY'/'ADJECTIVE'/'THING' IN GENERAL/TYPE OF 'THING'/'PLACE'IN GENERAL/TYPE OF 'PLACE' AND OR BLAHBLAHBLAHETC WHATEVER THE FUCKING DAMN FUCK IN GENERAL LMAO, NEITHER WHAT TYPE/KIND/WAY/FORM ETCETC "IT" IN GENERAL AND iN 'pArTiCuLaR' IS/CAN BE/WILL BE, NOR WHAT THE FCK 'THERE IS'/'THERE CAN BE' NEITHER WHAT 'HAPPENS'/CAN 'HAPPEN' NEITHER WHAT 'WAY' AND OR WHATEVER TF IN GENERAL IS "STRUCTURED"/"DESIGNED"/"INVENTED"/"ESTABLISHED"/"STANDARDIZED"/"PLANNED"/"CREATED" AND OR BLAHBLAHETCETC WHATEVER THE FUCKING DAMN FUCK IN GENERAL, NEITHER WHAT ITS/CAN BE "ABOUT" NOR HOW TF IT "WORKS"/CAN "WORK", NOR BLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHETCETCETCETC A 'HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGE'/'LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG''/'LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGE' ETC AND 'BASICALLY' AN 'ENDLESS'/'INFINITE' ETC FFS. NOR ANYWHERE/ANYTHING FUCKING ELSE IN GENERAL AT ALL WHATEVER/HOWEVER THE FUCK "IT" IS/CAN BE ETCETCETC OF ANY TYPE/WAY/KIND/FORM ETCETC NOR AN 'ENDLESS' ETCETC FFS ANYTHING/ANYWHERE ELSE IN GENERAL AT FCKING DAMN ALL!!!!!!!!!]/Im not FINALLY GONE/NOTHING yet and why I didnt "ctb" (NOT "CTB" TO "SUICIDE"/"COMMIT SUICIDE"/"dIe bUt bEcAuSe oF 'sOmEtHiNg'/A rEaSoN", BUT "CTB" TO JUST SIMPLY NOT 'EXIST' IN GENERAL AT ALL/NOT "BE" ABSOLUTELY LITERALLY BASICALLY TOTALLY COMPLETELY DEFINITELY UTTERLY ENTIRELY EXACTLY ANYTHING ANYONE ANYWHERE ETCETCETC IN GENERAL AT FCKING DAMN FCKING ALL/DISAPPEAR ENTIRELY TOTALLY COMPLETELY DEFINITELY UTTERLY ENTIRELY EXACTLY PRACTICALLY FULLY LITERALLY ETERNALLY FOREVER AND NOT 'EXPERIENCE' IN GENERAL NOR BLAHBLAHBLAHETCETCETC A LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG AN ENDLESS/INFINITE ETC ABSOLUTELY LITERALLY BASICALLY TOTALLY COMPLETELY DEFINITELY UTTERLY EXACTLY ENTIRELY ANYTHING IN GENERAL AT DAMN ALL NO FCKING 'MATTER' 'WHAT'/'HOW'/'WHERE' ETC THE FUCK "IT" IS/CAN BE WILL BE ETCETCETC NOR A VERY LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG ETC!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND ITS FCKING NOT BECAUSE OF ABSOLUTELY ANY DAMN REASON IN GENERAL AT ALL OF ANY TYPE FFS AND THERE FUCKING ARENT NEVER AT ALL HAVE BEEN NEVER WILL ANY FUCKING "CAUSES"/"FACTORS"/"EXPLANATIONS" NOR LITERALLY BASICALLY ABSOLUTELY ANY OTHER FCKING BULLSHIT GARBAGE TRASH CRAP SHIT FUCK LIKE THAT IN GENERAL AT ALL OF ANY TYPE AT ALL FFS) many years ago. it's 'iNeViTaBlY' a "hArD" "dEcIsIoN" or whatever tf "hArD dEcIsIoN" even fucking means because of 'them' basically (and well my 'parents' 'adopted' a cat that 'loves' me a lot too and blahblah), but that theyd be 'devastated'/'hurt'/'traumatized'/'shocked' or whatever the damn fuck all that even fucking means DOESNT mean that Ill nEvEr 'attempt'/{{*}}"ctb"/{{*}}'kill myself'/FUCKING FINALLY DIE AND NOT 'EXIST'IN GENERAL AT ALL//that iLl nEvEr At alL wAnT tO LITERALLY JUST NOT 'EXIST' IN GENERAL AT ALL NOR 'EXPERIENCE' ETCETCETC NOR ABSOLUTELY LITERALLY BASICALLY TOTALLY ANYTHING FUCKING ELSE IN GENERAL AT ALL ABSOLUTELY LITERALLY BASICALLY TOTALLY COMPLETELY DEFINITELY UTTERLY ANYTHING IN GENERAL AT FCKING DAMN ALL WHATEVER HOWEVER THE DAMN FUCK IT FCKING IS/CAN BE BLAHBLAHETCETC NOR A LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG ETC/NOR AN 'INFINITE' AND 'ENDLESS' ETC NOR BLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHETCETCETCETC ABSOLUTELY LITERALLY BASICALLY TOTALLY ANYTHING FUCKING ELSE IN GENERAL AT ALL lmao I definitely fucking finally will someday, but 'for now' i have no damn fcking 'choice' but to fucking unfortunately 'keep' fucking 'waiting'. ***Im 'very' 'very' 'sorry' for them or whatever the fuck "bEiNg sOrRy" even fucking means, i know theyll 'suffer' and 'cry' a lot and 'tHiNgS'/ThEiR 'lIvEs' wOnT bE tHe SaMe wItHoUt Me and blah blah blah blah all that, but I FUCKING FINALLY definitely WILL attempt/"CTB"/fucking finally leave the meat flesh 'carcass' 'prison'/'capsule'/'sheath'/'vessel'/'shell' [or however the fuck 'else' to fucking 'call "human bodies"/"bodies" in general] and fcking finally NOT "EXIST" IN GENERAL AT ALL/NOT "BE" ABSOLUTELY LITERALLY BASICALLY TOTALLY COMPLETELY DEFINITELY UTTERLY ENTIRELY EXACTLY PRACTICALLY ANYTHING ANYONE ANY DAMN FCKING 'WAY' ETC ANYWHERE ETCETCETC IN GENERAL AT FCKING DAMN FCKING ALL/'DISAPPEAR' ENTIRELY TOTALLY COMPLETELY ABSOLUTELY DEFINITELY BASICALLY LITERALLY FULLY ETERNALLY FOREVER 'someday' anyway, (well thats what I 'hope' or whatever tf "hOpE" fcking means too) thats for more than sure lmao I have no "dOuBt" about that, never at all have had and never will. I CANT (or whatever tf "cAn"/"cAnT" fcking means) fucking 'wait' for that 'day' to FUCKING FINALLY come. Im so fucking 'DESPERATE' or whatever the damn fuck that means to FUCKING FINALLY NOT 'exist' in general at all /NOT "be" absolutely totally basically literally ANYTHING ANYONE ANYWHERE ETCETC IN FCKING GENERAL AT FCKING DAMN FCKING ALL/ENTIRELY COMPLETELY TOTALLY UTTERLY EXACTLY FULLY LITERALLY ETERNALLY DISAPPEAR FOREVER/NOT "EXPERIENCE" NOR ETCETCETC A LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG AND 'ENDLESS' ETC ABSOLUTELY LITERALLY BASICALLY TOTALLY COMPLETELY DEFINITELY UTTERLY ENTIRELY EXACTLY PRACTICALLY ANYTHING IN GENERAL AT FCKING DAMN ALL WHATEVER HOWEVER THE DAMN FUCK IT IS/CAN BE OF ANY TYPE ANY WAY ANY FORM ANY SORT ANY KIND ANY FIMENSION ANY SHAPE ANY ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING AT ALL NOR BLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHETCETCETCETC BASICALLY AN 'ENDLESS'/'INFINITE' ETC!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But it's so damn fucking hard fucking 'unfortunately'. The fucking 'wait' is so DAMN fucking 'exhausting' and 'frustrating'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
***"This" in general SHOULDNT be a fucking 'obligation'/'obligatory' 'thing'/'prison' (**) (NOT the same type of """prison""" that you all 'refer' to when 'referring' to "this" in general, i DONT mean ""sUfFerInG""/""pAiN"" or whatever the fuck that even means nor literally absolutely basically any other """"""nEgAtIvE"""""" 'thing'/type of 'thing' etcetc in general at all nor whatever the fuck else in general at all, i mean with "prison" that "this" is in general a fucking obligation or whatever the fuck that even fucking means that i cant literally just NOT/DONT fucking want/give a dam shit about/have any fcking "iNtErEsT" etc for nor etcetcetcblahblahblah absolutely anything fucking else/any other fucking 'verb'/'action' etcetv in general at all and NOT want to 'experience'/'know' about/'participate' in/'be PART' of/'enjoy'/'do'/'live'/'learn' about/'perceive'/'see'/'explore'/'discover'/'inhabit' ETCETCETCBLAHBLAH nor basically absolutely literally any other 'action'/'sense'/'verb' in general at all in general of any type nor whatever tf else in general at all so fcking 'matter' what/how the sn fuck "it" is/can be neither what type/way/form/kind etcetc "it" is/can be neither what happens/can happen neither what 'things'/types of 'things'/'places' etcetcblahblah and or whatever the fuck in general 'there are'/there can be/therell be, neither what the fuck "it" is "about" nor how the fuck "it" "works"/can "work", NOR BLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHETCETCETC a veeeeeeeeeery LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO etc/an 'endless' etc and that's fucking damn literally basically IT WITHOUT ABSOLUTELY LITERALLY ANY FUCKING GODDAMN REASONS/CAUSES/FACTORS/EXPLANATIONS ETC IN GENERAL OF ANY TYPE NOR BASICALLY ABSOLUTELY LITERALLY TOTALLY ANY OTHER FCKING BULLSHIT GARBAGE CRAP DAMN SHIT LIKE THAT IN GENERAL AT ALL OF ANY TYPE NEITHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! thats what i meant with """prison"""", NOT that "this"/"all this" in general iS """"sUfFeRiNg""""/""""pAiN""""/""""cRuEl""""/""""uNfAiR""""/""""aWfUl""""/""""hArD""""/""""mEaNiNgLeSs""""/""""pOiNtLeSs""""/""""bOrInG""""/""""uNiNtErEsTiNg""""/""""uNfUlFiLlLiNg""""/""""mOnOtOnOuS""""/""""uNsAtIsFyInG""""/""""uNwOrThWhIlE""""/"""wOrThLeSs""""/""""sAd"""" or whatever the damn fuck all those """"""nEgAtIvE"""""" 'words'/'adjectives' even fcking mean lmfao i couldn't give any less of a damn shit aNd Or blaHblAhBlAhEtCeTcEtC any/whatever other """"""""nEgAtIvE"""""""" 'way'/'adjective'/'thing'/type of 'thing'/'place'/type of 'place' etcand or whatever the damn fuck LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO as if I gave a damn fuck shit if its" all those """"""""nEgAtIvE""""""""" 'adjectives'/'words' or not FOR FUCKS DAMN SAKE and i DONT 'call' "this"/"all this" in general a """prison""" because of absolutely totally literally basically any other reasons like that nor in general at all, just that "this" is a fucking damn obligation and I yes or fucking yes have to/im fucking obligated|forced to fucking have a goddamn ReAsOn wHy/cAuSe/fAcToR/eXpLaNaTiOn wHy if i SIMPLY JUST DONT FUCKING WANT/DONT FCKING WANT TO WANT "IT" {NOR ANYTHING FUCKING ELSE IN GENERAL AT FUCKING DAMN ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!} AND DONT GIVE A FUCKING GODDAMN FUCKING SHIT ABOUT NOR ETCETCETC NOR WANT TO "EXPERIENCE"/"LIVE"/"ENJOY"/"DO"/"PARTICIPATE" IN/"INHABIT"/"DISCOVER"/"EXPLORE"/"FEEL"/"KNOW ABOUT"/"LEARN ABOUT"/"LIKE"/"SEE"/"PERCEIVE"/"BE PART" OF/"BELONG TO"/"TAKE PART" INNOR BLAHBLAHBLAHETCETCETC ABSOLUTELY TOTALLY LITERALLY BASICALLY ANYTHING ELSE IN GENERAL AT DAMN FCKING ALL//ANU OTHER 'ACTION'/'SENSE'/'VERB' IN GENERAL OF ANY TYPE ETC IN GENERAL AT ALL NOR BLAHBLAHBLETCETC ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING FUCKING DAMN FCKING ELSE IN TOTAL ABSOLUTE ALL IN GENERAL "IT"/"THIS"/"ANY OF THIS"/"HERE" {NOR ABSOLUTELY LITERALLY BASICALLY TOTALLY ANYTHING/ANYWHERE ETCETC FUCKING DAMN ELSE IN GENERAL AT ALL WHATEVER HOWEVER THE FUCK "IT" IS/CAN BE NOR ETCETCETCBLAHBLAHBLAH BLAH A LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG ETC!!!!!!!!!!} AND NO FCKING 'MATTER' WHAT NEITHER HOW NEITHER WHERE ETC THE FUCK "IT" IS/CAN BE/WILL BE ETCETC NOR BLAHBLAHBLAHETCETCETC A LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG ETC!!!!!!!!!/AN 'ENDLESS'/'IMMENSE'/'INFINITE' ETC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY THE FUCKING DAMN FUCK THERE FUCKING HAS TO FCKING BE A GODDAMN "rEaSoN"/"cAuSe"/"eXpLaNaTiOn"/"fAcToR" and or whatever other fucking goddamn damn bullshit garbage trash crap damn fuck shit like that in general yes or fucking goddamn yes just because 'people'/'humans' fucking say so and fucking feel fucking like it for fucks sake FUCKING WHY?????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) (**)or whatever the fuck all that even means FOR FUCKS SAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I JUST DONT FCKING WANT TO NOR WANT TO FUCKING WANT TO NO FCKING 'MATTER' WHAT/HOW ETCETC THE DAMN FUCK "IT"/WHATEVER THE FUCK IN GENERAL IS/ISNT/CAN BE NOR BLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHETCETCETCETC A LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG ETC/'ENDLESS' ETC AND THATS FUCKING IT AND I LITERALLY NEVER AT ALL EVER FUCKING WILL AND I FCKING SHOULDNT BE FUCKING OBLIGATED/FORCED TO AND I SHOULDNT FUCKING HAVE ANY DAMN FCKING REASONS/FACTORS/CAUSES/EXPLANATIONS OR WHATEVER TF ALL THAT FUCKING CRAP EVEN MEANS IN GENERAL AT ALL OF ANY TYPE FOR FUCKSSSSSSSSSSS DAAAAAAMN FUCKING SAAAAAAAAAAAAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I JUST WANT/WANT TO WANT HAVE ALWAYS WANTED AND ALWAYS WILL DEATH/NOTHINGNESS/NONEXISTENCE AND THATS FUCKING IT FOR FUCKS SAKE. ({{*}}NOT TO "SUICIDE"/"COMMIT SUICIDE", NOT "DIE bEcAuSe Of A rEaSoN"!!!!!!!!!!!! "Kill myself" TO FUCKING FINALLY SIMPLY DIE/NOT 'EXIST' IN GENERAL AT FCKING DAMN ALL/DISAPPEAR ENTIRELY COMPLETELY TOTALLY UTTERLY ABSOLUTELY LITERALLY ETERNALLY or whatever tf all those 'words' mean FOREVER AND FUCKING FINALLY NOT "BE" ABSOLUTELY BASICALLY TOTALLY COMPLETELY DEFINITELY LITERALLY ANYTHING ANYONE ANYWHERE ETCETCETC IN GENERAL AT FUCKING DAMN ALL FOR FUCKS SAKE!!!!!!! AND ITS FCKING NOT BECAUSE OF ABSOLUTELY LITERALLY BASICALLY ANY SINGLE GODDAMN "REASONS"/"CAUSES"/"FACTORS" ETCETC NOR WHATEVER TF ELSE IN GENERAL AT ALL OF ANY TYPE IN GENERAL AT ALL FFS!!!!!!!!!!! THERE ARENT ABSOLUTELY ANY AT ALL!!!!!!!!!!)

And well, what i 'mentioned' 'above' are the (ONLY!!!!!!!) 'reasons' I (fucking unfortunately) havent CTB 'yet'. If it wasn't for all that fucking crap (dying in general being so FUCKING UNFORTUNATELY fucking damn hard/difficult and risky, not having any way out/method in general at all much less any that it's reliable, all the fucking risks that being found/getting caught/'failing' in general the 'attempt' would fcking unfortunately have, not 'lIvInG' 'alone'/not being 'alone' in general in whatever fucking 'place' 'where' there isnt anyone 'around' etc) and because my 'parents'/'family' would 'suffer' or whatever the fuck that means a lot and would be 'immensely'/'extremely'/'utterly'/'very' or whatever the fuck that means 'devastated'/'hurt'/'traumatized'/'shocked' or whatever all that means and well i guess I dont want to 'hUrT' them, and because to FUCKING FINALLY NOT 'EXIST' IN GENERAL AT DAMN FUCKING ALL is so fucking damn hard/difficult and risky because of the fucking "pRo LiFeRs" (eeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwww lmfao) bullshit garbage trash crap fuck damn shit, I MORE than definitely (and immediately/right away or whatever the fuck those 'words' mean too) wouldve been FUCKING FINALLY gone/i wouldve fucking finally "ctb" and FUCKING FINALLY STOPPED 'EXISTING'/WOULD'VE FUCKING FINALLY ENTIRELY COMPLETELY TOTALLY LITERALLY ETERNALLY DISAPPEARED FOREVER AND FUCKING FINALLY WOULDNT HAVE BEEN ANYTHING ANYONE ANYWHERE ETC IN GENERAL AT FUCKING DAMN ALL a veeeeery long time ago/many years ago without any "doubt" at all, thats for sure. there's NO "dOuBt" about it at all

I'm curious as to how long it takes you to type a post like this and which drug you're using at the time.

 

[Tasdevil]

Not enough time alone

 

[stygal]

Not enough time alone

This.

 

[GarageKarate07]

I'm curious as to how long it takes you to type a post like this and which drug you're using at the time.

Sigh. Booray you probly dont want that answer.....

 

[ondodera]

I know it wont matter if i'm dead, but the guilt of leaving my family who express unconditional love for me. Maybe I just gotta be selfish.

 

[FarAcrossTheWater]

I want to CTB through carbon monoxide. I need a house or a car for that. I don't have those things yet. SN is somewhat painful so I don't want to do that. I also want to get in shape before I CTB. Getting in shape is probably the biggest reason why I'm still alive.
.

 

[Ani198]

What is stopping you from ctb right this second?

Courage. I know the people I'd leave behind don't care about me, but my delusional side wants to think they'd be sad if I died. That thought scares me, not death. I suppose there's nothing physical stopping me, my sn is right next to me.

 

[Ihavenofriends]

I tried to ctb today by jumping.... I guess what's stopping me from jumping is that it'll probably hurt. But I know if I jump right, I'll die instantly, so, I guess fear of heights? My heart started beating really really fast just looking off of the building. I got closer to the edge this time than the last time though, so I'm hoping that if I keep trying I'll eventually have the courage (or desperation) to jump.

 

[zapffes_son]

Denial to the degree which my life is permanently ruined.

Last chance I've got is moving to a new continent, but at 38, in the exhausted, tortured, traumatized state I'm in, and the conditions which make sure it never heals, there's no way in hell that's going to happen.

Strange looking at life now like I've got a terminal illness in short time ticking down... talk about a crap life.

 

[IcyBat]

Can't order sn bc of my jurisdiction, no other methods available