What is right and what is wrong

[unabletocope]

I am so ill. I've lost sense of what is right and what is wrong. What did I get right? What did I get wrong? I'm a static mess of confusion and I can't say to myself 'by doing this you specifically got this wrong and you should have done this, this is what would have been the right thing to do to get you what you wanted' I can't work out my issues to this point, maybe it's an impossible task but I know I'm at a point where I can't put anything right and it's only a matter of time before I kill myself, my CMHT are taking too long to help me now despite two calls between 2hrs and my sense of what was wrong and right is fucked. When I figure out what was right and what I should have done, that is the point I will cross over and die, bring it on

 

[unabletocope]

It's hurting me again. What is right and what is wrong. What were my choices? To do what I did, to use social media, to keep going out with people. I hate social media but accept when you're a 19 year old trying to date, it's the way to contact people. I wasn't confident with the people I had, I felt nights out would not have helped me. That leaves me with what I did, which was to keep turning up at someone's work to try and initiate something, but that left me vulnerable to being called a stalker which is exactly what happened. I am shattered over the way I am seen to be a stalker by people. People say to me now it happened a long time ago, no one cares. If someone did the exact same thing they would be called a stalker as well. Not only that, the whole experience has crippled me from being secure with people, I feel constantly on edge like I could be attacked by people which in turn has affected me being able to feel secure with people. I shouldn't have kept turning up at her work, I should have used social media to contact her even though I was insecure with social media, didn't feel secure enough to feel attractive enough, I should have kept going on nights out with guys I wasn't happy with, it was still more secure with what I had, I keep getting it all wrong, will chloroquine be enough to kill or do I have to go through the ordeal of ordering SN again, please help me work what is wrong and what is right I need closure before I die