Discussion What is keeping you from ctb?

[KillerIsMe]

The fact that I'll go to sleep not knowing if it will work. And the fear of the unknown. I was never particularly a questioning or inquisitive person, which is a shame. Thus I'm afraid of the unknown and not curious about it.

 

[Beyond_Repair]

What is keeping you from ctbing rn? I always wish there was a guaranteed peaceful way, I probably wouldn't exist if there was, that's what has been holding from ctb. I feel like at one point I will take my own life even if it takes pain, I don't care anymore. I just wanna exit this life. I can't live with the sufferings anymore.

My dog. I love him so much, I can't leave him behind. He's the only one in the world who loves me unconditionally, and he deserves that same love and care back until he goes. Once he passes, that's when I'll start seriously planning

 

[Ammended]

Lack of a reliable method

 

[GoneFromRevolution]

What is keeping you from ctbing rn? I always wish there was a guaranteed peaceful way, I probably wouldn't exist if there was, that's what has been holding from ctb. I feel like at one point I will take my own life even if it takes pain, I don't care anymore. I just wanna exit this life. I can't live with the sufferings anymore.

If I do it, there's a pretty good chance that at least one member of my immediate family will also do it. It honestly wouldn't surprise me if everyone else did it too. I don't want to be the cause of a potential cluster.

 

[bgd2022]

Scared of consequences of failing to succeed and consequences of succeeding that my loved ones will suffer.

Kids. I worry about my yougngest child who has already attempted twice and is finally in a good place it seems. My two adult children are okay and I worry me succeeding will ruin their mental health too.

I am obviously depressed to the people around me but I don't think they know I'm suicidal. If I could do it in a way that they did not know was suicide then I'd be gone already.

I worry about leaving my wife with another mess to clean up.

Sad as it sounds I worry about leaving my coworkers/subordinates in a lurch.

Guess I'll just have to go on living for a few more months/weeks at a time until I finally am desperate enough to finally CTB.

 

[refused]

A small glimmer of a future that might still be possible for me. I can see it, but I'm not sure how much longer I want to chase that light. It's always such an internal conflict.

 

[passivethought121]

I'm lazy and I'm scared of failure. I'd rather live and suffer than fail and wake up in a hospital bed with a diagnosis, an awful GPA, and disappointed parents.

 

[FloodedForest]

Not knowing what happens upon death, but mostly my kids. They are young and I don't want to leave knowing I made this life 110% harder for them (a fact I know would happen).

 

[Cress]

I gotta try some additional medical treatment before catching the bus And I haven't found a source for SN

 

[Rainbow_Jumper]

A few things, actually. 1. My old ELA teacher. I still see him regularly and god he was the best teacher I've ever had. He's the reason I'm still alive, though he doesn't know it. 2. Lack of quick/easy/painless methods. I don't particularly fancy the idea of going out with a bang. 3. The fact that it wouldn't change anything for anyone except for me. Sure my problems and I would be gone from this world, but millions of people will still suffer from the same things. My death won't change that. Sure, maybe me living wont either, but I…I don't know. I just don't want to straight up leave without at least trying to make this world better for others? If that makes sense? Hope this comment doesn't get me banned-

 

[sserafim]

What is keeping you from ctbing rn? I always wish there was a guaranteed peaceful way, I probably wouldn't exist if there was, that's what has been holding from ctb. I feel like at one point I will take my own life even if it takes pain, I don't care anymore. I just wanna exit this life. I can't live with the sufferings anymore.

The fear, risk, and consequences of failure. I'm scared to fail an attempt. I'd hate to end up with permanent damage.

 

[penguinl0v3s]

Money. My parents are paying my rent and the lease has 1.5 years to go

 

[bugsinside]

SI. My parents, each for a different reason. I don't want my father to be sad since he's the only person I'm living for. I don't want my mother to think I'm selfish and then blame everything on me after I'm dead, but that's slightly less burdening. I also have this fear that when I die, people will dig up all the bad things I've done and I won't be able to defend myself. It doesn't really matter though because once you're dead, you're dead. There's nothing afterwards. Just eternal darkness and peace.

 

[RandomMacBeth]

I dont want to make my grandma and my uncle sad, the only one persons that really loves me and make me happy, i cannot make they sad, i will never CTB until both die, but surely i will after that.

 

[SLADE]

The hope of meeting someone who loves me as much as I love them instead of getting treated like a throwaway item after years. My ex loved and still loves my suffering. It's almost like they get off to it. It's sick.

I hold out hope for a family who I can love and cherish. I want to get married and have kids. Feels like that dream is impossible because of my mental state. What person would want to put up with all of my shit right now? Nobody. Maybe? I still have that small glimmer of hope that it's possible.

Feels like I'm losing time to make the dream a reality. It's truly sad. I have no one to blame but myself.

 

[turbomightbegone]

I'm scared of both physical pain and causing my friends pain. I'm extremely sensitive to physical pain and I'm also kind of scared of death. I also just don't want to upset the few friends I have, I've seen how they panic over me before and it hurts to see. I don't want my memory to make them regret everything for the rest of their lives. They deserve better.

 

[demitriusmigsysvotf]

Well, for me it's an interesting question. Right now I have this rollercoaster period, how I call it. Like when in one moment everything is awesome and then hour later I'm thinking about ctb. So, basically that's the reason. I always hope for good but it never ends well. Falling from high is more and more painful. Mentally I'm suffering really hard and only place where I can find people who would understand me - those discussions. Also, I'm just afraid of suffering before I die.

 

[imsotiredd]

1. My boyfriend. I love him more than anything in the world and I am terrified of hurting and traumatizing him... He's so good and doesn't deserve that... I guess I'm just waiting for him to inevitably realize how much of a burden I am on him.

2. I'm terrified of failing my attempt, experiencing excruciating pain for the rest of this life, and becoming physically or mentally incapacitated in some way that renders me unable to try again.

3. I don't want to traumatize or hurt anyone, especially anyone that will find me. I guess the best would be a neighbor complaining about the smell of my rotting body next door and for the police to come.... but I don't want to be a health hazard for my apartment either. I don't want anyone to get sick because of my stupid rotting dead body. Ideally, I want to disappear completely, with no trace. If it were possible to just disintegrate my body into nothing I would.

4. I don't want to burden another person with my death, economically or otherwise. That way there would be nothing to spend money on burying or having a wake for. I also don't want to transfer my debts to another person...

5. I'm scared of pain.

 

[Greyscale]

I lack a reliable method.

I'm starting to gravitate towards SN; however, due to the law and money issues, I'm unable to acquire it at the moment.

 

[needrelief18]

Fear. SI. Lack of painless method. I feel so alone. Doomed to this fate via lifelong mental health disorder.