• Hey Guest,

    We wanted to share a quick update with the community.

    Our public expense ledger is now live, allowing anyone to see how donations are used to support the ongoing operation of the site.

    👉 View the ledger here

    Over the past year, increased regulatory pressure in multiple regions like UK OFCOM and Australia's eSafety has led to higher operational costs, including infrastructure, security, and the need to work with more specialized service providers to keep the site online and stable.

    If you value the community and would like to help support its continued operation, donations are greatly appreciated. If you wish to donate via Bank Transfer or other options, please open a ticket.

    Donate via cryptocurrency:

    Bitcoin (BTC):
    Ethereum (ETH):
    Monero (XMR):
somiseriously

somiseriously

Sol Invictus
Apr 28, 2026
10
If you're not dead yet why are still here? Or what was the reason you lived for before u became like this.
 
  • Like
  • Hugs
Reactions: MudFlap, Forever Sleep and Aknu132
Maki9

Maki9

Member
May 8, 2026
25
I'm a coward, wbu?
 
  • Like
  • Love
  • Hugs
Reactions: dhk96, lilyrose, pthnrdnojvsc and 2 others
somiseriously

somiseriously

Sol Invictus
Apr 28, 2026
10
I'm a coward, wbu?
My parents are monitoring me 24/7 that and I want a perfect death and I've failed multiple times
 
  • Like
  • Hugs
  • Aww..
Reactions: MudFlap, LittleJem, Maki9 and 1 other person
Aknu132

Aknu132

Tenha um bom dia!
Dec 25, 2023
158
If you're not dead yet why are still here? Or what was the reason you lived for before u became like this.
Survival Instinct. Since 12 i want to CTB but my survival instinct it's very high, so i keep getting tortured by life to this day, now i have 21 years old, but i need to find a way to kms.
 
  • Like
  • Love
Reactions: MudFlap, w8forme, AltercatingVoices and 5 others
Bishop

Bishop

This is the way
Mar 24, 2024
316
Because dying is too hard.
 
  • Like
  • Love
  • Hugs
Reactions: MudFlap, dhk96, chaoschuckler and 3 others
morina

morina

Member
Apr 11, 2026
79
Cowardice, nothing else
 
  • Like
  • Love
  • Hugs
Reactions: MudFlap, dhk96, Bishop and 3 others
pthnrdnojvsc

pthnrdnojvsc

Extreme Pain is much worse than people know
Aug 12, 2019
4,381
fear of failing and remaining ALIVE but with more brain and body damage .

because they made all painless guaranteed suicide methods like Nembutal , Sarco suicide pod , me hiring someone to shoot me in the head 10x into crimes

all we have access to are risky diy suicide methods for which we have no real extensive data and experiments becuase they censored all that too .

and you have to defeat si , do it in secret , not be found etc to hide from the ER because the ER creeps will bring you back to life with brain damage
 
Last edited:
  • Like
Reactions: MudFlap, thaelyana and Talvikki
Wishingfordeath

Wishingfordeath

Life for me is just one long bitter night
Apr 8, 2026
32
I don't have any effective methods.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Bishop, pthnrdnojvsc and extremelyugly
somiseriously

somiseriously

Sol Invictus
Apr 28, 2026
10
What's perfect death to you?
Ig something that doesn't have a chance of me failing and surviving or getting saved by someone
 
  • Like
Reactions: MudFlap, Maki9 and pthnrdnojvsc
Bitterly_Nostalgic

Bitterly_Nostalgic

to me, my x-men
Apr 8, 2026
56
The love I have for my pets and family, especially my father and sibling. We're close, I know they love and support me, and the thought of hurting them by making a successful attempt is awful. I at least owe them and myself one more try at getting better, so for now, I live.
 
  • Hugs
  • Love
  • Like
Reactions: Yknot, MudFlap and LittleJem
extremelyugly

extremelyugly

Member
May 6, 2026
32
I don't have any effective methods.
This exactly for me as well. In this piece of trash country, you're locked in living if you're not "normal", which coincidentally would make any ways of CTB for those who are meaningless. Piece of trash country. Did I say I hate my country?
 
  • Like
Reactions: MudFlap and somiseriously
FoxSauce

FoxSauce

Emotionally unstable like an IKEA table
Aug 23, 2024
1,345
Coward and have some hope to maybe things will get better or I just cant seem to end it.

Plus I cant hurt the people around me
 
  • Aww..
  • Like
Reactions: MudFlap and SASU-KE
ScaredPossum

ScaredPossum

Member
May 6, 2026
27
I'm staying alive for my friends. A part of me also hangs on to see if I can get an artpiece into a gallery before I leave :')
 
  • Hugs
  • Like
Reactions: Yknot and MudFlap
Heddon

Heddon

Wretch
Jul 19, 2022
14
Found goals worth living for and discovered what actually felt meaningful to me.
 
  • Like
Reactions: MudFlap
allidoiswish

allidoiswish

.✦ ݁˖ ( ,,⩌'︿'⩌,,)
Apr 21, 2026
41
fear of surviving.. and my mother.
 
  • Like
Reactions: MudFlap
F

Forever Sleep

Earned it we have...
May 4, 2022
15,545
Obligation. Not wanting to hurt loved ones via my suicide.
 
  • Hugs
  • Like
Reactions: MudFlap, star.trip and dhk96
FuneralCry

FuneralCry

Just wanting some peace
Sep 24, 2020
48,617
Because I exist in this horrific, evil world where humans have made dying painlessly into a crime, all I want is to erase this dreadful, torturous existence so it's like I never existed at all, to suffer in this existence truly is an abomination.

All I want is to never exist again, for me ceasing to exist is the positive solution to find peace from the terrible torture and suffering of this existence I just always saw as a mistake, it truly is such horrifying extreme cruelty how humans are forced to suffer in this existence where there is no limit as to how much one can be tortured that never should had been imposed at all.

To me existence will always feel like the most terrible, undeserved punishment, all that imposing this existence ever does is cause harm, I always suffer so much from existing in this prison anti-suicide world where so many humans want to do all they can to make others be tortured for as long as possible and existing will always be torture.
 
  • Like
Reactions: MudFlap and extremelyugly
DonLockwood

DonLockwood

Actor
Jan 22, 2026
55
Hurting of loved ones and the faint possibility of it getting better.

also the fact that I cant get any of the methods right haha
 
  • Like
Reactions: MudFlap
Pluto

Pluto

Cat Extremist
Dec 27, 2020
6,932
images
 
  • Yay!
  • Love
  • Like
Reactions: hwid, returntothestars, whywere and 2 others
Bowerbird

Bowerbird

Autistic Bird NEET
May 27, 2025
92
1. Doves
2. A girl
 
  • Like
Reactions: softfur and AKS-74U
S

SendMeHome

Member
May 9, 2026
5
No reason, I just won't kill myself, at least not right now. Fear of condemnation for suicide in the life to come.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Maxzine9
3rdworldsadness

3rdworldsadness

Can you ever stop the suffering?
Dec 22, 2024
179
Im afraid of turning into vegetable state if I failed my attempts and that will cost me so much and people won't pay for it they want to take everything. I don't have any foolproof method at the moment and I have quite sympathy for the child once I was. I had hopes when I was a child that all my suffering and everything will become better but it turned out worst And I have so so much problem and I feel so stuck. I fear most of the things now. :(
 
  • Like
Reactions: MudFlap and extremelyugly
F

Forveleth

I knew I forgot to do something when I was 15...
Mar 26, 2024
4,285
I am waiting for my subconscious to signal that I am ready to die. I do not make an attempt unless I feel ready.
 
T

thelostautistic

Mage
Jul 31, 2025
555
I think fear has kept me going for a long time. I've always felt very scared of dying. At the moment though I'm trying to stay for other people. I feel really guilty about the pain I'll cause if I leave.
 
  • Like
Reactions: MudFlap
softfur

softfur

sweet dreams my angel, at last goodbye
Mar 22, 2026
42
critters dependant on me
 
  • Like
Reactions: Maxzine9
Yuja

Yuja

Student
May 6, 2026
31
If it were me a couple of years ago I would have said that there weren't any viable ways for me to CTB other than maybe jumping but I don't want anyone else to be traumatized if they saw that (also too scared to actually jump). Now that I'm in college, I've found passion for my studies and want to see where it takes me. If it goes nowhere in the next couple of years I will definitely CTB but otherwise I'll keep going.
 
  • Like
Reactions: MudFlap
H

hiiiii

Member
Aug 27, 2023
19
it used to be because i knew it would emotionally destroy my mom, and i really hate the idea of her crying let alone having like a long-term depressive episode over me. she once told me that if i did actually ctb she would do the same afterward, but now i realize that was just like a weird emotionally charged plea for me to #staystrong and she probably (hopefully) didn't mean it since she has 2 other children to take care of. i think now i'm mostly alive in hopes of getting to have sex or kiss someone. i also want to feel like a functional competent adult at least once.
 

Similar threads

hurts2b
Replies
1
Views
173
Offtopic
Dinnerwith6
Dinnerwith6
AS.star
Replies
2
Views
215
Offtopic
Le temps perdu
Le temps perdu
Yknot
Replies
3
Views
168
Offtopic
Le temps perdu
Le temps perdu