Venting Do you think your parents were/ are more pessimists, realists, denialists or fantasists?

[Forever Sleep]

Especially when it came to the decision to procreate. (Obviously- this is somewhat an antinatilist rant- ignore it if that will be triggering.)

I think my parents were denialists/ fantasists. They had such obvious indicators that everything was about to go to shit! My Mum had been diagnosed with cancer, they both leaned more towards being creatively talented and even then- I don't think it was all that easy to find work creatively. I wonder what they really thought would likely happen in all our lives. I wonder if they even thought that far.

You'd think people who were more pessimistic/ realistic might have more qualms about bringing children here but, I've even known depressed people want to.

I suppose I can't get my head around why they aren't more worried. What if their children turn out the same? What if they suffer in the same ways? Why inflict that on a being you love? I suppose all parents either think they will overcome things together or, maybe they just don't think about it at all. I suppose it is still only the minority that end up suicidal.

Also- have your parents changed in attitude? I think my Dad has become more pessimistic. I'm not so sure he would have children now. I just wish he'd come to that conclusion earlier!

He's also been saying he had no comprehension of how bad it would be to grow old and ill. I suppose that's true. I suppose our parent's parents (our grandparents) aren't usually very old when they start thinking about having children themselves. So- perhaps they're not fully contemplating that they are bringing a being here who will almost certainly one day experience old age and illness.

And worse- have no reliable or socially acceptible way to escape it. Maybe procreating wouldn't be so much of an imposition if we had a guaranteed way out- if things became to bad. Effectively though, we are born into a trap where all manner of nice and nasty things are possible.

To be honest, sometimes now, I just feel a sense of horror at what may- likely will be ahead of me. That my parents deliberately put me in this situation too. It's unkind I know but, I do so often curse them now for pushing this life onto me.

 

[foreverfalling]

I had someone tell me before that having their child was what gave their life meaning. All the while talking about how they had tried and struggled in life, and that their parents would push them to get married. I thought to myself well you've just created the same problem for your child, how could you do this? Breaking the curse requires passing it on to someone else, which is your children.

As for me, I think my parents are just naive and don't think too deeply about these things. I would pick denialist/fantasist from the list. Having a child was just the thing they thought they and everyone else were supposed to do. When young I had asked them why they gave birth to me before. They would just get angry and say how dare I ask that question, and that I should be grateful for them for giving me life.

My mum has a naive world view, that people should do the right thing, and if something that she thinks is wrong happens, then 'just call the police'. My dad is less naive but falls asleep quickly at night and doesn't seem to be bothered by existential questions and doesn't seem to think too far into the future.

I'm a 30 something year old man that still lives with them and is taken care of by them. I mostly stay at home all day and basically have had no friends nor romantic prospects. They've mentioned these things in passing a handful of times, but otherwise none of the painful problems I am or will have to face are mentioned at all. They seem oblivious to all this, either ignorance or a fantasy that happily live out the rest of my days exactly as I am right now.