What if I'm never able to do it

[rs929]

This is scaring me a lot. What if I never have the guts to CTB? I can't stand living like this for 50 more years. It's torture. But it might well impossible for some people to overcome their SI and do it. So there's a chance that I'll stick around. Anyone have some comforting words for me?

 

[Nightfoot]

Maybe things could change and get better at some point.

 

[Macedonian1987]

For me it was like this: I've been sad and depressed since 2003 and back then I said that I will never end my own life. But as my life got worse and worse with the passing years (especially in the last 2 years)… suicide is not a possibility, but a certainty. I cannot live like this any more, with all this sadness and chronic pain.

 

[eternalpace]

Your body often does a good job of adapting to pain... both physical and mental. I speak from experience. It was ten years ago that I was on this forum doing research and getting some good advice. My attempts (plural) at partial hanging didn't work.... and I gave up because the failures were just making things worse. Over the past ten years, things haven't gotten any better, but I've gotten used to the emotional hell and things don't have the same severe impact that they once did. With that said, I've moved states and I'm planning another try at things with an entirely different method. Time can be a friend in that it lets you make sure that things won't get better... and it lets you do the research needed to get things right the next time around.