What if anything holds you back from taking your life?

[maka]

My teachers, my sister, and my cats.

My teachers are the most amazing people I've ever had in my life, and they make me so very happy. The thought of leaving them after graduating kills me. I will miss them more than anything in the entire world.

My sister practically raised me. When my life went to shit she was always there for me. She herself is vulnerable, and I don't want to leave her behind. Even though she's older than me, I want to protect her and be there for her. She's my everything.

My cats are fucking stupid and I love them for it. They're too stupid for life and don't deserve to be left for the rest of their lives wondering where their mommy went. I can't go a day with out them licking my fingers and rubbing their fat little tummies. I can't leave them.

 

[Sailfisher]

Hoping to have another chance at correcting a career change mistake.

 

[Dartz]

Apathy mostly, getting the motivation to fucking do it instead of spending 20 hours a day in bed

 

[CursedForDisaster]

Family is the only reason I'm still here . I used to convince myself things could be better by thinking "what if I get my life together?", but lately I've given up. I can no longer suffer for them... but that's me.

 

[Halo13]

I'm glad you have your dog, loving an animal is so wonderful. I've thought about getting a dog, but as I don't already have one, I feel it would be wrong of me given how I feel. I am sure you are suffering, but your little baby will always love you unconditionally

I relate as he was given to me for free after being rescued. I was torn about having him. Then a couple months later I was sobbing really hard one day planning out the last details of my ctb, typing my suicide letter and last wishes and clearing my phone. He shoved himself in my lap and licked the tears off my cheeks. I seriously can't bear the thought of doing this to him but I can't go on like this, either.

He's so attached to me from abuse it's terrible to imagine him coping without me. It's been a long road with this fuzzy guy and he doesn't trust people. He won't even eat unless I feed him - no treats from other people. Folks think I spoil him when actually he requires specific everything due to his life before I had him. I have no idea how that'll work with a new owner as it's a trust issue plus extra effort than a normal dog. He's a good boy though, deserves it.

 

[Tally]

I relate as he was given to me for free after being rescued. I was torn about having him. Then a couple months later I was sobbing really hard one day planning out the last details of my ctb, typing my suicide letter and last wishes and clearing my phone. He shoved himself in my lap and licked the tears off my cheeks. I seriously can't bear the thought of doing this to him but I can't go on like this, either.

He's so attached to me from abuse it's terrible to imagine him coping without me. It's been a long road with this fuzzy guy and he doesn't trust people. He won't even eat unless I feed him - no treats from other people. Folks think I spoil him when actually he requires specific everything due to his life before I had him. I have no idea how that'll work with a new owner as it's a trust issue plus extra effort than a normal dog. He's a good boy though, deserves it.

Are you set in your thoughts to go?

 

[KnightBlade]

The little rugrat in my profile. She has literally saved my life. I live hundreds of miles away from my family and have few friends, so she has filled in the vacuum. I cannot imagine life without her.

But, I have not been the best owner due to the depression and anxiety. She deserves better. I am holding on long enough until I find her a good owner. I am very picky.

 

[Tally]

The little rugrat in my profile. She has literally saved my life. I live hundreds of miles away from my family and have few friends, so she has filled in the vacuum. I cannot imagine life without her.

But, I have not been the best owner due to the depression and anxiety. She deserves better. I am holding on long enough until I find her a good owner. I am very picky.

She is gorgeous. Imagining these poor things without the mummies and daddies, now feels sadder than suicide itself

 

[Halo13]

Are you set in your thoughts to go?

Yes. I have been attempting to ctb for the past 18 years, started very young and have exhausted all options for treatment of the mental health aspects. The chronic pain side of it and an incurable, progressive disease aspects combined with no effective relief from emotional anguish is my final push to go. I have no quality of life.

 

[Tally]

Yes. I have been attempting to ctb for the past 18 years, started very young and have exhausted all options for treatment of the mental health aspects. The chronic pain side of it and an incurable, progressive disease aspects combined with no effective relief from emotional anguish is my final push to go. I have no quality of life.

I'm sorry

 

[Halo13]

I'm sorry

Don't be. I imagine the next life will be much better, even if it is just eternal slumber. Are you set in your plans?

 

[Anchors]

Family, fear of failing, effort of getting supplies... and a bit of misplaced hope that things could somehow get better

 

[Tally]

and a bit of misplaced hope that things could somehow get better

That's the amazing bit after so much - no idea where it comes from or why

 

[Antonin49]

I think about leaving this world so often every day and feel closer than ever these past few months, however the thought of abandoning my cat Tony keeps me for the present. After all the love we've shared, to choose to just leave him to the indifferent universe that made me feel so alien and insignificant, is too hard to contemplate for long. I wish we could go together. Its a struggle but one that remains, as I cannot abandon him so that he feels the same crushing way I do. Still I can't help but wish I could be more hopeful and postive for his sake.

 

[Roadkill]

The only thing that keeps me from killing myself is the fear of failure... I am so scared of failing and ending up blind, disfigured, paralyzed, or a vegetable

 

[bacardirum]

The only thing that keeps me from killing myself is the fear of failure... I am so scared of failing and ending up blind, disfigured, paralyzed, or a vegetable

Yes that would be bad, stuff of nightmares really. I would hate to think that not only did i fail in my attempt, but that I was unaware of failing and a burden on other people to take care of me, or even worse, failing, being in a vegetative state, and knowing!

Thanks for all the replies, I guess the majority indicatate family, pets, or the fear of failing/afterlife.

 

[Roger]

Family. Dogs.
But in the last two days there has been a development (anticipated) which has pushed me to the edge. I am in a different place now - hope for any sort of future is now gone.
I still have all the fears, of pain and failure, but I am trying to overcome them.
My life has turned out to be like the Titanic . Comfortable nearly all the way, and fairly lucky, but with a reckless disregard for potential dangers, which I thought were too remote to happen. But they did.
My sinking has not been immediate, but after my iceberg struck the end has come gradually but inevitably, and there is no lifeboat for me.

 

[diyCTB]

I am 35 years old. My father died and I live with my 76 years old mom. We are very attached to each other and she is constantly worried about me when I am not near. I think my suicide will be very traumatizing, if not more for her. This is what holds me back from suicide and I think it will be very immoral if I attempt, knowing my mom will be left alone.

 

[bacardirum]

Great age 76 years old...

 

[Xena]

And one more thing.. tbh, nature is so beautiful, and none of these fucking assholes on earth take care of it. If I'm making even the tiniest, most insignificant difference on this planet by showing her the love and respect she deserves, that's enough for me. At least it's somethin. :)

Thats lovely :)

 

[HelpPlease]

The act of it- the method- family

 

[pleasethistime]

pity for mom. only thing.

 

[Deleted member 1768]

An interesting turn of events today: I'm hospitalized trying to have seizures so that the doctor(s?) Have something to look at. If all goes well, I might just get rid of epilepsy and regain my freedom!

Ummmm, Comp. I am a little confused. I have epilepsy, and never know when I might have a seizure. How can you make one happen? What do you mean "get rid of epilepsy"? Regaining your freedom is easy for me to understand, the rest not so much. The majority of seizures for me are triggered by specific drugs, and I am constantly terrified that they will give me something in er. that will cause one, and I will end up in a psych. ward ( due to post ictal events) at which point they would give me more unsuitable drugs which would cause one seizure after another. This happened to me once before, and it is not something I will ever overcome.

 

[Ivenocare]

Family, if I am in right mood, I can try; then it is SI, if not that if in right mood; then I get inturupted haha.

 

[Severen]

The only thing that keeps me from killing myself is the fear of failure... I am so scared of failing and ending up blind, disfigured, paralyzed, or a vegetable

It's impossible to fail with N though, right?



Sometimes, I'm afraid, I'll just be forced to re live my life... That would be some horrible shit...

 

[Deleted member 1768]

It's impossible to fail with N though, right?



Sometimes, I'm afraid, I'll just be forced to re live my life... That would be some horrible shit...

Severn the only constant in living is change. All things are transient, and as we change so too does the world. To come back to living after death can never be the same as that which was left behind. Even if reincarnation exists, and I believe that all things are possible, our world moves on. Consider AI's, they are not prevalent as yet, but they sure will be after we die, and thus the external forces to which we are subjected to now will not be the same. Ask yourself how you could 'live through all this again' if those issues you have been dealing with for most/all of your life are simply gone from the equation?

 

[GeorgeJL]

The thought that if I don't overcome I will get an even worse reincarnation.

 

[Deleted member 1768]

I have to be honest, I thought once my mother passed away I would be able to commit suicide, she died not so long ago, the funeral and all that stuff was so depressing. I was really close to her, and when she was alive the thought of knowing the news of me being dead to her was enough to hold me off doing anything, but now that she is dead, I still have my father alive, and I now feel the same way but it has switched to him. I always have this underlying issue of letting down 2 people who made me. I guess for me this has always held me back, though if my dad were not here I do not believe I would have any barriers left.

What holds you back (if anything)?

Money.

 

[dreamsofdestruction]

Suicidal moods have ebbs and flows. And while on the whole my mood has definitely dipped below the threshold where I can make an effort to improve my life now, I don't always feel ready to go either.

And when I do, it's usually not as bad that I would rush and jump off the next bridge.

But I've now started to tie up all the loose ends that really need tying up and acquiring a means of ending my life and so eventually it will all be prepared enough that there will not be a lot of effort required to do it when I feel ready to go and then I'll be able to do it.

 

[wanttodie]

The only thing that keeps me from killing myself is the fear of failure need to die when I do it