I think i've lived too much

[qwert3948]

tomorrow is my birthday! don't wish me happy birthday, please.

i am reaching an age i truly never imagined i would reach. i'm really lost. or rather in agony
i really don't want to live, but i have atached myself too much to people i don't even love in my life.
i'm indebted to my mother and i feel like i owe her to be alive, but this does not bring me any real wish to live. it just makes me scared to die and what would happen to her

i'm not even sure if being alive is really what she wants sometimes. i feel like a burden, but she acts like i'm a problem if i appear sick (depressed/suicidal), so i try to avoid being a problem.

i never really cared about what would happen after i died, but i can't even pretend to not care anymore. it's just guilt holding me back. if it was love, at least i could try to heal, but i am really not interested in disapointing myself over that right now.

it really doesn't get any better. i just want to dissapear

 

[hippiedeath]

My parents caused me irreparable damage by their own unresolved damage. Generational curse. I know I will never get anything from them without a catch. I'm just trying to go against instinct to look for water at the well.

 

[Jisatsu]

It's not really a celebration when it feels more like being stuck in a life you didn't ask for. That mix of guilt and obligation is such a painful place to live in ... wanting to disappear, but also feeling tethered to people you don't even know how you feel about.
You don't need to pretend you're fine or force yourself into hope right now . Take it all one day at a time , embrace the small victories and do what everyone else does .... cope with life until you've had enough.
I myself am dealing with the idea of aging as well. I honestly hurts knowing that I don't want to live past another year. I've basically marked a expiration date for myself knowing that it's not every getting better for me after that day.

 

[AnxietyHangover]

I'm in a similar situation, I lived 29 years too many, but I live so my family don't have to suffer, they've suffered enough in their lives, made sacrifices so this is the least I can do for then. However, I won't live a day longer after their passing if I am the last one still alive. I often pray that something happens to me, but the burden of all of it will again fall on their shoulders. Life is a curse. It's a never ending struggle, but a struggle without meaning when you have no purpose in life. If they pass and I'm still alive I will be alone in this world. I would literally have no one, they are the only ones in this world that care about me. You can call me misanthropic but I don't like this world at all. Everyone and everything is cruel, cut throat. I truly wish I was never born. I feel like a science experiment, just how long can a person riddled with mental health issues live in this heinous world, and let's add some physical health problems as the cherry on top. I should've died 3 years ago when I had the chance and the poison in my hand. I was too much of a coward. I wanted to do it again last year, but cowardice, hope and guilt struck me again. This world is not worth living in. Everything is fast and cut throat, there is no empathy, just fake smiles and crooks looking to get rich.