what if a family member ctb'd or is actively suicidal?

[Crazy4u]

What would you do if a family member is actively suicidal or ctbd successfully?
how would you feel? would you accept and understand the decision?

I don't think my parents are suicidal but they are mentally and physically ill. They are also very poor. This might seem cold but assisted suicide is their best option if they want it.

Some of my siblings might be suicidal. I don't know for sure. One of them sent me a suicide note a few years ago. I didn't know how to respond or what to do. I live in a different country so far away. I would completely accept and respect the decision to ctb if they want to. I know how hard they have it in life.

 

[FuneralCry]

In my case, my family members enjoy life and they said they want to live until they are 100. If they were suicidal though, I would respect their decision. We all have the right to exit this world at a time of our own choosing and it is their life so it is up to them. Nobody should be forced to stay alive against their wishes.

 

[Foresight]

I would support their journey. My spouse has thoughts of suicide at times and I give him the space he deserves to explore that as an individual.

I'm no longer stunned when anyone chooses suicide. I get it. I would mourn heavily. I would possibly be shattered but their choice would be respected.

 

[Sanva]

the thing is that we're often most critical of ourselves & at the same time it's hard for someone on the outside to understand what it's like on the inside, even if you've been suicidal yourself. one of my family members was actively suicidal and I relate to their experiences but I can't deny that their death would be devastating to me&it pains me to see someone I look up to, who to me is intelligent & overall a great person go in that direction. i think people should be allowed to choose if they want to live or die, but there's just no denying that this will affect people around them.

 

[PDAnnie2610]

I'll be supportive and ask them if it's what they want or if it's a way to deal with pain. And in the end, I'll accept and be there for them if they really chose CTB. But none of my family are as 'ill' as me and my friends who are intent on leaving have left.. and I understand.

 

[TheBigGuiltHaver]

My case may not be the same thing as I don't have much for family, or at least family that I care about, but plenty of my friends are at least have depression, or at most are suicidal.
One friend of mine, my best friend, posted on their private account that they don't see themself living much longer, no plans to CTB any time real soon but they find it unlikely that they'd die any other way.
I haven't told them about my plan, they know I'm pretty depressed but not to any real extent. In the response, I wrote saying that I love them very much, that I certainly wouldn't be exiting life by old age (without blatantly saying that I have my plan in place) and for as long as they choose to live, that I'd love them till my final breath.
I feel in that response, I planted seeds for my own departure while trying to give the idea that I understand their struggle and without trying to demonize or motivate that decision, I'd still love them no matter the outcome.
All I'd want if a friend were to CTB is to at least give some sort of reason, whether before or after the fact. It'd suck to experience but life is how it is and for my circle, it's certainly a hard life to cope with given what deck of cards they've been dealt.

 

[allesistgut]

for me my friends are more important than my family. i lost one of them recently and i don't know, i understand and respect her decision but it still hurts and i can't help wondering somethings even though i'm planning to ctb eventually.

though, if i had known she was planning it before she ctb i honestly don't know how i would have acted. i love her and my other friends so much so thinking of losing them is so painful. and i know it's a bit hypocritical and somewhat selfish of me as i plan to leave, but i don't know it's difficult.

not sure if this will come across as how i mean as it's hard to really put how i feel about this into words.

 

[Crazy4u]

In my case, my family members enjoy life and they said they want to live until they are 100. If they were suicidal though, I would respect their decision. We all have the right to exit this world at a time of our own choosing and it is their life so it is up to them. Nobody should be forced to stay alive against their wishes.

Some people WANT to live a long life. I can never understand them

 

[whatevs]

It wholly depends on my outlook at that moment. If I was loving life I would exert myself trying to get them to see things like me, but if I was in the gutter I would be open about discussing helping each other with the deed or at least suggest some crazy shit instead, like a robbery or political attack (granted we shared our political views).

I think suicidal people should get more creative and try stuff like that more often, you are gonna end it anyway.

Some people WANT to live a long life. I can never understand them

their happy bruh

 

[Crazy4u]

I would support their journey. My spouse has thoughts of suicide at times and I give him the space he deserves to explore that as an individual.

I'm no longer stunned when anyone chooses suicide. I get it. I would mourn heavily. I would possibly be shattered but their choice would be respected.

I am impressed. Your partner is lucky to have you. You are a brave woman. I am like you. Suicide doesn't surprise me. We live in a crazy world

the thing is that we're often most critical of ourselves & at the same time it's hard for someone on the outside to understand what it's like on the inside, even if you've been suicidal yourself. one of my family members was actively suicidal and I relate to their experiences but I can't deny that their death would be devastating to me&it pains me to see someone I look up to, who to me is intelligent & overall a great person go in that direction. i think people should be allowed to choose if they want to live or die, but there's just no denying that this will affect people around them.

Noone can understand the inside even people who are closed to the suicidal person. It is hard to talk about deep pain and intense feelings. Many people don't listen. If they listen, they forget or don't remember the correct details

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I probably wouldn't care beyond the surface level of how it could affect me. For example if my mom died I'd mainly be concerned about finances and boring stuff like that. If my nonautistic sister wanted to commit suicide I'd just be more concerned that her doing so before I could go would put me on everyone's suicide watch and make it difficult for me to do it myself. I don't think even the thought of other family committing suicide after my death would be enough to change the trajectory of my own suicide.

I long stopped caring about anyone who can't accommodate my lizard brain's instincts to reproduce including friends and family alike. I hope to make it clear that my lack of concern for their emotions after I die will be enough to make them move on more easily but I can't promise that.

 

[Crazy4u]

I'll be supportive and ask them if it's what they want or if it's a way to deal with pain. And in the end, I'll accept and be there for them if they really chose CTB. But none of my family are as 'ill' as me and my friends who are intent on leaving have left.. and I understand.

being ill makes life so hard. I wish we all had better health

My case may not be the same thing as I don't have much for family, or at least family that I care about, but plenty of my friends are at least have depression, or at most are suicidal.
One friend of mine, my best friend, posted on their private account that they don't see themself living much longer, no plans to CTB any time real soon but they find it unlikely that they'd die any other way.
I haven't told them about my plan, they know I'm pretty depressed but not to any real extent. In the response, I wrote saying that I love them very much, that I certainly wouldn't be exiting life by old age (without blatantly saying that I have my plan in place) and for as long as they choose to live, that I'd love them till my final breath.
I feel in that response, I planted seeds for my own departure while trying to give the idea that I understand their struggle and without trying to demonize or motivate that decision, I'd still love them no matter the outcome.
All I'd want if a friend were to CTB is to at least give some sort of reason, whether before or after the fact. It'd suck to experience but life is how it is and for my circle, it's certainly a hard life to cope with given what deck of cards they've been dealt.

I fully understand because I have a broken family. You are truly a great friend! unfortunately, being suicidal is a silent feeling. Unlike any other feeling you might have, you cannot say it out loud. What a shitty world we live in

for me my friends are more important than my family. i lost one of them recently and i don't know, i understand and respect her decision but it still hurts and i can't help wondering somethings even though i'm planning to ctb eventually.

though, if i had known she was planning it before she ctb i honestly don't know how i would have acted. i love her and my other friends so much so thinking of losing them is so painful. and i know it's a bit hypocritical and somewhat selfish of me as i plan to leave, but i don't know it's difficult.

not sure if this will come across as how i mean as it's hard to really put how i feel about this into words.

it is not feel nor selfish. It is a normal feeling. You are a great friend. You also didn't know so you couldn't have helped. Sorry for your loss

It wholly depends on my outlook at that moment. If I was loving life I would exert myself trying to get them to see things like me, but if I was in the gutter I would be open about discussing helping each other with the deed or at least suggest some crazy shit instead, like a robbery or political attack (granted we shared our political views).

I think suicidal people should get more creative and try stuff like that more often, you are gonna end it anyway.

their happy bruh

I think suicidal people don't have energy to be creative. That's the issue.

I probably wouldn't care beyond the surface level of how it could affect me. For example if my mom died I'd mainly be concerned about finances and boring stuff like that. If my nonautistic sister wanted to commit suicide I'd just be more concerned that her doing so before I could go would put me on everyone's suicide watch and make it difficult for me to do it myself. I don't think even the thought of other family committing suicide after my death would be enough to change the trajectory of my own suicide.

I long stopped caring about anyone who can't accommodate my lizard brain's instincts to reproduce including friends and family alike. I hope to make it clear that my lack of concern for their emotions after I die will be enough to make them move on more easily but I can't promise that.

Only someone serious about ctb can write what you wrote. Being numb and careless about life is a real thing with ctb. I am like that too I don't care about stuff these days

 

[Looooser]

I don't know anyone in my family that is suicidal. I do have one friend that ctb and I deal with a lot of guilt because of it. I had lost contact with him for about a year and I had no idea that he was suicidal. He helped me through my divorce and meth addiction a long time ago and I wasn't there for him when he needed me. I don't even know why he was suicidal.

My ex brother in law ctb last year and even though I wasn't part of the family anymore I felt very sad for my daughter and ex wife. He had a brain injury that really bothered him so I completely understand how he must have felt. By using my experiences with suicidal thoughts I was able to console my daughter and ex so at least I was helpful in that regard.

 

[Crazy4u]

I don't know anyone in my family that is suicidal. I do have one friend that ctb and I deal with a lot of guilt because of it. I had lost contact with him for about a year and I had no idea that he was suicidal. He helped me through my divorce and meth addiction a long time ago and I wasn't there for him when he needed me. I don't even know why he was suicidal.

My ex brother in law ctb last year and even though I wasn't part of the family anymore I felt very sad for my daughter and ex wife. He had a brain injury that really bothered him so I completely understand how he must have felt. By using my experiences with suicidal thoughts I was able to console my daughter and ex so at least I was helpful in that regard.

I am sorry for your loss. I hope your friend is in peace now.

Your last statement surprised me. I am lost for words. It makes me feel sad because if you are like other suicidal people, you probably keep the pain inside. You help them grieve when you are at a low point yourself

 

[Looooser]

Very true. I feel good about myself when I can help someone but no one truly knows the pains and guilt that haunt me.

 

[PDAnnie2610]

Very true. I feel good about myself when I can help someone but no one truly knows the pains and guilt that haunt me.

Same here. That's why I do what I did.

 

[silverspring]

I've lost two siblings, some cousins and a lot of friends to suicide. To be honest, it makes me feel like absolute shit to feel the way I do sometimes because I know the pain it causes. The messes it can leave. Which causes me to feel guilty about what will happen if I ever go through with it. I've had attempts before and my family has always shamed me for my actions. In fact, today is the five year anniversary of my sister CTB and I don't even talk to my family anymore since she did, because I think they drove her to it. This has been a ramble, but yeah, losing people to it has made me anxious and feel terrible; but also, why not?

 

[jimmy7754]

I've lost two siblings, some cousins and a lot of friends to suicide. To be honest, it makes me feel like absolute shit to feel the way I do sometimes because I know the pain it causes. The messes it can leave. Which causes me to feel guilty about what will happen if I ever go through with it. I've had attempts before and my family has always shamed me for my actions. In fact, today is the five year anniversary of my sister CTB and I don't even talk to my family anymore since she did, because I think they drove her to it. This has been a ramble, but yeah, losing people to it has made me anxious and feel terrible; but also, why not?

:( were they painful methods too? This is terrible.

 

[allesistgut]

it is not feel nor selfish. It is a normal feeling. You are a great friend. You also didn't know so you couldn't have helped. Sorry for your loss

i really appreciate your kind words thank you.

 

[Crazy4u]

I've lost two siblings, some cousins and a lot of friends to suicide. To be honest, it makes me feel like absolute shit to feel the way I do sometimes because I know the pain it causes. The messes it can leave. Which causes me to feel guilty about what will happen if I ever go through with it. I've had attempts before and my family has always shamed me for my actions. In fact, today is the five year anniversary of my sister CTB and I don't even talk to my family anymore since she did, because I think they drove her to it. This has been a ramble, but yeah, losing people to it has made me anxious and feel terrible; but also, why not?

I'm very sorry for your loss :( I have never lost anyone to suicide and I'm (lucky) in this regard. Your family has no right to shame you. They just make things worse. I believe you when you say "they drove her to it".

 

[silverspring]

:( were they painful methods too? This is terrible.

The methods my family and friends chose, if that's what you meant, very much yes. Some of them so awful that it made me feel very ...dare I say "weak" about the options I went for in the past. I know it shouldn't be looked at it from that point of view, because they still harmed me in the long run. But I have a lot of OCD tendencies and losing so many people to suicide has definitely set off a part of my already traumatized brain into some very bad ways of thinking that's led to numerous attempts. I think what scares me the most is that my sister was actually dead for three days before anyone knew. Technically today isn't the day she actually ctb, it's the day she was found, and what went to her obituary. They didn't know until months later that she'd been gone for a few days. It breaks me to believe that if and when I take the plunge, it may be longer, because I'm very isolated. It's just me and my pet rats in my apartment and everyone lives so far away from me and if I'm lucky, I see one or two people once or twice a month - if that. After these losses I fear that my death will be a big mess because I unfortunately have so many secrets and very little energy to tidy it all up before I make a choice. Does that sound terrible and selfish?

I'm very sorry for your loss :( I have never lost anyone to suicide and I'm (lucky) in this regard. Your family has no right to shame you. They just make things worse. I believe you when you say "they drove her to it".

Thank you for saying that and validating the sentiment. It's a long story, but to sum it up I lost my oldest brother when I was very young to suicide and nobody ever sat me down and talked to me about it. It was something that confused me very much as a little girl and I never recovered from knowing what happened. A lot happened during that time in my life, and before, and I just feel like I never got the support a child who went through the things I went through deserved. I feel like that's the story for so many and it hurts me. My sister went through substance abuse for a very long time after the loss of her husband and my family was so tired of her "shit" and kept throwing her in rehab and throwing religion to heal her in her face, and not enough love and understanding, empathy or open ears and hearts. That's why I feel like she just gave in and the attempt actually worked this time around. I won't go into intense detail and sorry this got so long but god, it hurts. And it sucks to know I may end up in the same boat and not have a chance to maybe not ctb and feel loved.

Sending love to you, too.

 

[Hurt]

If someone close to me ctb it would definitely make me more suicidal than I actually am. And probably I would ctb soon after. I know how it feels to want to die everyday. I'm so sorry for everyone who is suffering.

 

[Crazy4u]

If someone close to me ctb it would definitely make me more suicidal than I actually am. And probably I would ctb soon after. I know how it feels to want to die everyday. I'm so sorry for everyone who is suffering.

You are not alone. Some members here are the same. Thank you for your kind words

 

[AnestheticVoid]

My uncle ctb. At first I was really fucked up about it because he was my father figure in a way. I made peace with it though. I hope my family quickly does the same for me.

 

[Crazy4u]

My uncle ctb. At first I was really fucked up about it because he was my father figure in a way. I made peace with it though. I hope my family quickly does the same for me.

sorry about that. I hope so too (if you choose to ctb)

 

[lyles]

I am going to be totally honest, for as much as I philosophically agree with points that have been made about human autonomy and the question of deserving to control your death as well as life, etc, etc, I wouldn't be okay with it. I have only stayed alive at times for certain family members and if one of them dies then I am going with them. I wouldn't survive the next 24 hours after finding out. There are just people in life I refuse to live without. The struggle is that I know I am the same person for others, so I feel I can't do anything either. It is an odd place to be put in. Where I understand both of the sides and morally may even agree with one but my feelings dictate the reaction and rest.

 

[AnestheticVoid]

I am going to be totally honest, for as much as I philosophically agree with points that have been made about human autonomy and the question of deserving to control your death as well as life, etc, etc, I wouldn't be okay with it. I have only stayed alive at times for certain family members and if one of them dies then I am going with them. I wouldn't survive the next 24 hours after finding out. There are just people in life I refuse to live without. The struggle is that I know I am the same person for others, so I feel I can't do anything either. It is an odd place to be put in. Where I understand both of the sides and morally may even agree with one but my feelings dictate the reaction and rest.

Do you think that's free will at play or fate?

 

[Crazy4u]

I am going to be totally honest, for as much as I philosophically agree with points that have been made about human autonomy and the question of deserving to control your death as well as life, etc, etc, I wouldn't be okay with it. I have only stayed alive at times for certain family members and if one of them dies then I am going with them. I wouldn't survive the next 24 hours after finding out. There are just people in life I refuse to live without. The struggle is that I know I am the same person for others, so I feel I can't do anything either. It is an odd place to be put in. Where I understand both of the sides and morally may even agree with one but my feelings dictate the reaction and rest.

no judgment. I understand. Thanks for being honest.

 

[lyles]

Do you think that's free will at play or fate?

I don't believe in fate in general, personally! Maybe I just don't understand the concept in a way that has really sold it to me before, but I am more predisposed to assuming it to be either free will or a natural process.

no judgment. I understand. Thanks for being honest.

Thank you for your kindness. <3

 

[Rabhen]

What would you do if a family member is actively suicidal or ctbd successfully?
how would you feel? would you accept and understand the decision?

I don't think my parents are suicidal but they are mentally and physically ill. They are also very poor. This might seem cold but assisted suicide is their best option if they want it.

Some of my siblings might be suicidal. I don't know for sure. One of them sent me a suicide note a few years ago. I didn't know how to respond or what to do. I live in a different country so far away. I would completely accept and respect the decision to ctb if they want to. I know how hard they have it in life.

If someone I am close to were to let me know they feel like me, I would first and foremost turn them on to this site, it has kept me here, albeit temporarily, and helped me feel less like a nasty freak and just a really cool freak. Second, it would depend on the person and their reasonings, though I adamantly feel no person has the right to determine for another what is or is not too much to deal with, sometimes just asking/being asked can alter a thought pattern. Third, I would NOT try to talk them out of it, while letting them know I am here for them as best I can be for who I am, however they need me, however hard that may seem and unless I find I cannot, then I will walk away and allow them to be who they need without me, my love and thoughts all the way with them. Fourth - I would leave myself open to the possibility I may have to endure this existence so that another can fully understand they are loved, if it would take my staying here to prove my love for another so that person could feel worthy to stay, I would, for the right person.