What holds you back?

[FuneralCry]

I only continue to suffer in this dreadful, cruel and deeply undesirable existence as I'm so cruelly denied the option to die peacefully that is guaranteed with no more suffering, it truly is the most horrific world where the suffering and torture of existing is seen as to force and prolong no matter what with suicide seen as a crime.

All I want is to cease existing painlessly and escape from all future suffering in this existence where there is no limit as to how much one can be tortured that just leads to decay and death anyway, for me non-existence truly is all I see as desirable, I just want to never suffer again with this existence I just always saw as a mistake finally all gone and forgotten, I just want to be permanently unconscious.

 

[natori]

Lack of prepwork and location spotting

 

[Defenestration]

Alzheimer of my mother

 

[infinitelove]

Same as many others here, not wanting my mum to go into depression the rest of her life out of grief.

 

[monetpompo]

This website to be honest. It has been lots of fun talking with like-minded people, and for the first time in my life, I feel understood.

not to take over your comment, but sasu is a double edged sword as a support forum because when people get attached to you or when you get attached to people, you want to stay for them. while it's good for people in recovery, making friends here has postponed my suicide numerous times on nights i would've wanted to die to not face a harder day. one of the reasons i want to stop using this site is so that i stop scrolling aimlessly and find a quiet night to die already. it's hard not to feel grim when everyone on this site could die and not come back, but you wouldn't know until you stopped hearing from them. i can't seem to let go of this website because it's the only place people still talk to me.

 

[Chemi]

not to take over your comment, but sasu is a double edged sword as a support forum because when people get attached to you or when you get attached to people, you want to stay for them. while it's good for people in recovery, making friends here has postponed my suicide numerous times on nights i would've wanted to die to not face a harder day. one of the reasons i want to stop using this site is so that i stop scrolling aimlessly and find a quiet night to die already. it's hard not to feel grim when everyone on this site could die and not come back, but you wouldn't know until you stopped hearing from them. i can't seem to let go of this website because it's the only place people still talk to me.

I think you are definitely right about that. I'm sadly relatively experienced in losing friends to suicide. Lost 2 besties and a few acquaintances, but still. It's never a fun experience to see somebody you like die. Will definitely think more about what you said and consider how I want to proceed. Thank you so much for your input monetpompo

 

[testtraveller]

Fear of my parent's reactions and how they'll cope in the future. I know my mum especially will be impacted, but I frankly can't keep living for what feels like forever (at least 20-30 years likely) before she passes to leave this world myself as well. My dogs are so sweet as well, caring and their love so pure and unconditional, but my family will look after them I know. There has always been a small fear of what things look like after death too, with my mum raising me Catholic and thinking all who suicide go to hell and instilling this into me and my thoughts. I try to imagine fading into peaceful nothingness or reincarnation instead. Death is unfortunately a very complex decision to make and come to.

 

[ScaredtoTry]

My cats and lack of SN

 

[Maxwell_Edison]

Not that I want to encourage suicide but, all of us generate very toxic non biolgically safe garbage daily, by living our modern lives. Full of single use plastics, chemicals, drugs that end up in our waterways and poison everything. The biological garbage that is our corpse is here regardless. Perhaps by living longer- we in fact generate more biological and hazardous waste.

I'm saying that as a theoretical counter argument. I'm not suggesting people should kill themselves because it's the more ecologically kind thing to do. Although- isn't it? Unless we happen to be some genius that can figure out how to reverse climate change etc. What do any of us contribute to the world by living? Asides from more consumerism and pollution?



As to the thread question though... I'm holding on for my Dad to go first. I suspect fear of failing an attempt may well hold me back after that. So effectively- obligation and fear are what keep me stuck here.

Funnily enough- from an environmental point of view. Especially with regards to the generation of garbage- the sooner I kill myself, the better for this planet. My job and lazy lifestyle generates a lot of waste.

Well it is a rather weird argument/reason for doing the deed I will give you that.... "For the earth" why should you care about some tree or small meaningless existence of a creature that will exist long after you die? I am personally a hedonist, so I believe that you should maximize your own pleasure before you think about "the greater good" if there is a "greater good". I like to believe that the people that like to brag about caring for the environment and shit are just pompous assholes with a 'holier than thou' attitude and a psychological need to deny their death by thinking that the deeds they perform would matter after their biological death.
Anyways hope you have a great time with your dad ^^

 

[rainwillneverstop]

Stay on topic, or it'll have to get locked

I think there's been enough angry replies based on a misunderstanding which has already been elaborated.

 

[caquico]

God is anti suicide and advised Elijah and Moses not to kill themselves when they begged him for death. Even if life is horrible He calls on us to pick up our cross anyway and keep it pushing. If God wasn't real I wouldn't care enough to keep living

Do you think god would forgive me for killing myself? I've tried to do almost everything. But even with his infinite help i still feel weak and misguided. I just don't want to suffer anymore you know. But the tought of god disappointed in me for failing him and everyone else eats me up

OP question-
Religion. The fear of failure. My grandmother and father.