Venting What have I done to warrant living over other more deserving people?

[Green Destiny]

Just this past weekend, someone a Family member of mine knew from work just died from Brain Cancer. I won't say this persons name but they were only 20 years old. I never got to meet this person but from what I've heard they were very well liked and loved dearly from everyone that knew this person. There's also a work friend I had who passed away in her late 40's last year from leukemia, she had an older son who had a baby which made her a Grandmother. She was such a nice person, especially to me. And yet i'm still here while they're not... which is why I ask why should I get to live while they can no longer do so? I'm not special. I just don't understand...

 

[HappiestDayOfMyLife]

I always feel guilty when there's people who want to live and they die, while I want to die and am still alive. I wish it were possible to give someone your life.

 

[Loser47]

It sucks there are people who wants to live are dying and here I'm wishing for death every single day is having to live

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

Simple explanation, no one is deciding who dies. It's all just GenesAndEnvironments.

 

[sorella santini]

Yes. My thoughts too.

My MIL died of COVID last month. Such a lovely woman. I would have traded places with her given the chance.

 

[sleepless]

I think about this all the time. You know how people often think life is unfair, such that some are richer, better looking, have a better life, job etc. In my own way I think that it is unfair, that my life would be more deserving, to someone who could better use it. I have read some of the most heart-breaking posts on this forum before, from people who suffer from terminal illness, and the way they describe the details of their pain every single day. I just couldn't help conceiving that they deserve a life so much more than I do.

 

[summers]

@Green Destiny considering all the rapists, murderers, and abusers living in this fucked up world, I would say you very much deserve to be alive. Sometimes people just get dealt a bad hand - luck of the draw. It has nothing to do with how good or bad they are relative to you - diseases don't care what kind of person you are. It's just statistics.

 

[signifying nothing]

Life, death - who is to say which is the better state to be in?

 

[Sslsh]

Karma maybe? At least that's the most convincing philosophical answer I can think of. There might as well be no reason at all and all this could just be environmental/luck/genetics and what not but we do tend to like attaching meanings to stuff that seem meaningless and random.

 

[iwanttodie000]

I think about that everytime. Here I am wanting to die for years and all of these people who don't want to die end up dying. I'd gladly trade my life for someone who wants theirs

 

[summers]

Life, death - who is to say which is the better state to be in?

Better or not, there is only one that is guaranteed for all of us...

 

[Neowise]

If the devil were to appropach me I'd sell him my soul but absorb the deadly diseases of 5 people that want to live but will die soon in order to die myself in peace soon Then my life would have had at least some sense.