What finally did you in?

[Speedhax]

I've stopped caring about everything. I don't really like the cycles of life. All the happiness I thought I was feeling was fake, I have nothing left. I really just can't take any of this.

 

[weedoge]

No, in my province, it isn't illegal like it is in the rest of the country. All lawyers I consulted with either had a conflict of interest because they had used him as a legal resource (as he was supposed to be a local top dr) or passed because what I could actually sue him for would not be worth the potential reward. I have passed the three year deadline to sue him. The only thing left to do is report him to the order of dentists (as it was jaw surgery) for not reversing the cosmetic part of the surgery like I asked. That's not even including how my facial muscle now droops, contracts etc and how my face looks fucked up in several ways it didn't before. First surgery, he corrected my small open bite by moving my lower jaw a little bit but did a much more dramatic chin bone advancement than what I consented to and left a huge space between my jaw and chin bones. I looked like a freak. He did emergency surgery a month later to "correct" the giant space. This left me with a drooping chin muscle, my lower lip small and crooked in addition to other things and still looking fucked up overall, unnatural, gaunt and manly. I consulted with other doctors to reverse the chin bone advancement and to fix the muscle. Only the original surgeon said he was comfortable doing both these things as he had "fixed" the muscle issue before. He had suggested shaving the advanced bone down and I said no. After many heartfelt conversations where my mom told him how depressed, anxious and dysfunctional I now was, he promised me multiple times he would reverse it, including minutes before surgery. He does not admit it, but he did not reverse it. As if I'm some retard who doesn't know what my own face feels and looks like. The way he tried to fix my chin muscle was by fucking tying it to my braces, on which another surgeon commented by asking if he was even an oral surgeon. The non-reversal has been confirmed by other oral maxillofacial surgeons in case you're wondering.

Looking in the mirror, feeling my face and even just being awake are all triggers. The skin in my jaw constantly feels like it gets caught in the giant hole in my jawline. I never mention this to anyone, but I still have pins and needles plus inflammation in the area in my face. I also was never informed of all these potential risks that happened to me. I spent a long time crying and having panic attacks 24/7. I work but it's from home and when I do go into the office, I get triggered. I can't live my life. It is now impossible to reverse the bone position because of what he did. The legal term is medical battery, where the doctor violates your consent in surgery. I'm not even focusing on the uninformed consent aspect because a lawyer with a conflict of interest had told me that doctors are not obligated to say every possible risk.

Yes, I had a weak chin before all this but I was still cute. I've been dead inside since 24. I'm 28. Other damaging things have been present in my life and have had a cumulative effect, but nothing as unfixable and traumatizing as this. This man willfully ruined me and broke my soul. I may have even been sexually assaulted before (and will never know because I blacked out and cannot remember if I gave consent, only know it was very unlikely) but the level of violation and trauma from this is a million times worse. People around here get criminally charged for doodling on people's faces on election campaign signs but the psycho who did this to me walks away scot-free.

I began having severe insomnia starting months before the surgery because I was nervous about it, and this has lasted years. All I can think about is how I wish I had trusted my gut.

Medical services and the power they hold over us is more terrifying than most of us realise, I think. Sorry for your experience.

 

[windingdown]

Are you Baker acted?
How did you end up there 6times?
Part of me wants to get in one,
Putting my feelings on here is one thing
Saying how I Really Feel to somebody in Person has always been to Hard for Me to do, Maybe that's why I Never have got the exact Help I need for My Mental illness that has always taken over My ruining everything Good in my Life

What is Baker acted?

There is a lot of help available for mental illness! I am on Medi-Cal (free insurance for low-income people), and my psychiatric care has been quite good. Your county likely has mental health services on offer. And you can definitely check yourself into a psych facility if you need to, but be aware that you may not be able to leave when you want to if they consider you 'a danger to yourself or others'.

Psychiatrists spend their days speaking to people with mental illness, so there's no need to worry about sharing your experience with them. It's what they're trained for.

 

[nuclearsnake]

I don't think it was a single thing. Just years of trauma and living in a shit body. When I think about it I've always wanted to stop existing because that's the only way I could escape this pain and despair.

 

[bigj75]

I don't think it was a single thing. Just years of trauma and living in a shit body. When I think about it I've always wanted to stop existing because that's the only way I could escape this pain and despair.

this. External hardships are bad enough to deal with but internal problems like health and the mind are just hell.

 

[Maravillosa]

The auto asphyxiation How To video?
The blonde hair girl in that video made that look easy & almost Painless
when He showed the video of the Syrian girl do it & she was twitching she went rather quick but seeing her arms curl up and twitch changed my mind from going through with it last night to be honest I had my slipknot ready, I don't want to be awake & flopping like a Fish though

By the time the Syrian girl's arms curled up and twitched, she was unconscious. Sure, you will flop like a fish for several minutes if and when you hang yourself, but you will not be awake while it is happening.

 

[bigj75]

By the time the Syrian girl's arms curled up and twitched, she was unconscious. Sure, you will flop like a fish for several minutes if and when you hang yourself, but you will not be awake while it is happening.

I think this is how I wanna go.

 

[Maravillosa]

I think this is how I wanna go.

Same with me.

 

[whatmattersmost]

By the time the Syrian girl's arms curled up and twitched, she was unconscious. Sure, you will flop like a fish for several minutes if and when you hang yourself, but you will not be awake while it is happening.

How do you know?
I hope your right.
It seemed like she tried standing up a few times in the video.

 

[whatmattersmost]

What is Baker acted?

There is a lot of help available for mental illness! I am on Medi-Cal (free insurance for low-income people), and my psychiatric care has been quite good. Your county likely has mental health services on offer. And you can definitely check yourself into a psych facility if you need to, but be aware that you may not be able to leave when you want to if they consider you 'a danger to yourself or others'.

Psychiatrists spend their days speaking to people with mental illness, so there's no need to worry about sharing your experience with them. It's what they're trained for.

What is Baker acted?

There is a lot of help available for mental illness! I am on Medi-Cal (free insurance for low-income people), and my psychiatric care has been quite good. Your county likely has mental health services on offer. And you can definitely check yourself into a psych facility if you need to, but be aware that you may not be able to leave when you want to if they consider you 'a danger to yourself or others'.

Psychiatrists spend their days speaking to people with mental illness, so there's no need to worry about sharing your experience with them. It's what they're trained for.

Baker Acted, it's when a friend/family member can put you in a mental type of hospital against your will, happened to Me when I was about 25, I was only in the place for roughly over a week maybe 2 weeks, I didn't take advantage of the situation, instead I just said what I had to say to get Myself out, looking back I maybe should've communicated My True Feelings with the staff instead of Faking that I was 100% and them letting Me out, Sometimes we think we know best when we dont

 

[windingdown]

Baker Acted, it's when a friend/family member can put you in a mental type of hospital against your will, happened to Me when I was about 25, I was only in the place for roughly over a week maybe 2 weeks, I didn't take advantage of the situation, instead I just said what I had to say to get Myself out, looking back I maybe should've communicated My True Feelings with the staff instead of Faking that I was 100% and them letting Me out, Sometimes we think we know best when we dont

Got it, I call that being sectioned. And I hear you, nearly every time I've been in hospital I've still been a bit psychotic when I convinced them I was ready to leave. Another day or two may not have gone amiss, but at the same time my behavior was OK after leaving (except once, where I really needed further treatment).

 

[Deleted_9cKnXB34QG]

How do you know?

https://pdfs.semanticscholar.org/91d4/a151683bcca5497cfb4150fdd501835d0bdc.pdf

TL;DR it takes 8–18 sec to pass out.

 

[whatmattersmost]

Got it, I call that being sectioned. And I hear you, nearly every time I've been in hospital I've still been a bit psychotic when I convinced them I was ready to leave. Another day or two may not have gone amiss, but at the same time my behavior was OK after leaving (except once, where I really needed further treatment).

I didn't seek Help as I should have.
I can't go back in time.
I took meds,only to end up abusing them.
It is what it is now.
Are you on Meds?

 

[RacilyDank]

I just wanna know what other people have experienced when they finally got to the point and said enough is enough. Was it a certain experience or trauma that you had? I know we all have a different threshold for pain and suffering, but I always wondered what makes people just finally give up. We have all fought through a ton of shit, but it seems to me that sometimes things in life get to be insurmountable. I just wanna compare my experience to yours if that's okay. I would always manage to get through mental and emotional pain, but I just can't make it through chronic physical pain and extreme discomfort. It has completely broken me down and even if i did get to feeling better, this whole experience has left me so broken that I am no longer the same person. I no longer have the same drive and fight in me. I don't think it will ever come back. I always used to think what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, but some things really have a of breaking your spirit down completely. Thank you for all the responses.

I've suffered from episodes of crippling anxiety and depression for over 17 years which eventually caused a chronic pain condition.

After a particularly bad episode which left me unable to work for 2 years and homeless I finally got my feet back on the ground, got a great job on really good money doing what I love, recovered from my condition and reconnected with someone I truly love and had an intense relationship.

My anxiety/depression came back, I couldn't mentally function anymore and struggled with work, the person I love ended our relationship under really bad circumstances, I got my own place and now I've lost my job.

Now I'm mentally ill again, am in constant physical pain, lost the person I loved the most in my life, lost my job and now have rent to pay with no hope of getting back to work.

 

[FadedMemory]

I had an anxiety attack so bad that people got mad at me and they want nothing to do with me anymore. Though it was just a cherry on top of other mistakes I made with those same people.
Add failing college entrance exams on top of it.
Basically I lost everything in a month.

 

[killmepls]

Finally realizing that I cannot fix my life. And even if I did (impossible) I would still never be happy

 

[RacilyDank]

I had an anxiety attack so bad that people got mad at me and they want nothing to do with me anymore. Though it was just a cherry on top of other mistakes I made with those same people.
Add failing college entrance exams on top of it.
Basically I lost everything in a month.

People who'd get mad at you for having an anxiety attack are not people you want in your life.

And failing your college entrance exams is not the end of the world, you can always retake them when you are in a better place mentally, and anyway some of the most successful people I know never went to college. It isn't everything.

 

[Volatile]

I had a very good life. Then I developed psychosis and had a series of psychotic breaks. I've had 6 psychiatric hospitalizations in the past year and a half. I am currently stable, apart from suicidal depression. My current (I think accurate) diagnosis is schizoaffective disorder, though I've been diagnosed bipolar and schizophrenic also. Schizoaffective is like a combination of the two.

My life doesn't have to be over. I'm sure that with ongoing treatment (medication and psychotherapy) I can stabilize. But this experience has absolutely pulled the rug out from under me. I feel permanently wounded. I can never regain the self that I lost. She believed in beauty and a grand future. Like others here say, I have no fight left in me. There's this whole universe of disability and poverty, of meaninglessness and empty days, that's come into view for me. I scarcely knew it existed before. I used to really enjoy life, but this? I can't live like this. Nothing feels enjoyable or worthwhile, and life stretches ahead of me like an empty wasteland.

How does one know if they have psychosis or psychotic breaks?

 

[bigj75]

What really did me in was experiencing everything good and realizing I'm still depressed even when good things happen.

Admiration from girls, money, friends, etc. Right in the middle of it all I realized no matter how much better things get I'm still going to be depressed .

 

[windingdown]

How does one know if they have psychosis or psychotic breaks?

Psychosis is essentially delusions. Psychotic breaks are distinct episodes of delusional behavior. E.g. I threw a lot of my belongings out of my third-story window because voices were telling me to. Or I was rolling around on the sidewalk because I thought I had to act homeless, or I would go to prison. Just totally fantastical things. It was all voices talking to me.

If you're wondering whether you're experiencing psychosis, or whether you've had psychotic breaks, you might Google about psychosis symptoms. You can also look up books on psychosis on Google Books.

 

[Speedhax]

Today for the first time I didn't think about CTB in a long time. The fuck is going on.