Story What emotional flashbacks are like

[CuriosityAndCat]

I used to get overpunished and physically and mentally abused over small things.

I had a strong flashback last Monday. I felt alone, weak, scared, so ashamed that I wanted to die and believed I didn't deserve to live. Freeze type panic attack because I might get attacked again.

It was intense enough that afterwards I wanted to kill myself so I wouldn't have to experience flashbacks or nightmares again. Also the idea I didn't deserve to live was struck in my head.

It's brought back near constant maladaptive avoidance coping behaviors and I've even been avoiding sleeping. I may also be dissociating as I've been losing track of time.

 

[The Burning Fool]

The thing is, even avoiding sleeping doesn't help with the nightmares because then the impulses will come while I'm awake in the form of... yeah, I guess emotional flashbacks. Idk, eating enough, getting enough sleep, exercising, socializing, that stuff kind of helps but I burn out and collapse again so quickly because I see no point to anything.