What do you do when you can't accept an undesirable situation, but can't change it either?

[paredler]

I'm 30 gay male and in the gay community there's a huge pressure to become muscular.
After my second suicide attempt, my body chemistry has been disrupted and it has affected my spine. I suffer from two bulging discs that make it hard for me to walk and very hard to exercise. Even before the attempts, I didn't respond well to physical suffering. I don't respond well to suffering at all, that's why I attempted twice. The muscle dream is dead to me, or rather, it has never actually been real. I tried to exercise in 2018, before the attempts, but after two months I collapsed mentally. I have zero self discipline. Very few times in my life I managed to exert self discipline and it has always gone at some point. Most of my life I have lived on automatic pilot because that's the mode with the least amount of physical and mental pain there is.

It's been a year since I last had sex and this sexual starvation drives me insane. I don't know what to do.

What do I do?

 

[Life_and_Death]

there's a huge pressure to become muscular

accept that you shouldnt be around people that force you to be something youre not or cant be. youre better off with someone thats actually loves you not the fake you youre portraying

sometimes though, all you really can do is accept it.... im dealing with a way less than desirable situation (have been for years) and thats all i can do