I've been in mental health recovery for years now, through various services, and so on. Recently, for some reason, my brain uncovered a new memory from some childhood trauma that has largely, if not entirely, caused my mental health problems to begin with.
I have a psychiatrist, therapist, and I was making progress until things got a lot worse for some reason in the past few weeks. But two days ago, I went through what I guess it could be considered as psychosis but It is one of my bouts of breakdowns where I become extremely suicidal, agitated and distressed.
Usually, it has been relatively easy to deal with for my family. But for that day, nothing they did really helped, I was stuck in that loop of distress. I began crying as to why one of my sibling's stopped trying to help me and asking why they aren't saving me, when I was faced by sudden aggression. Sure, I can see how it was my fault to be honest. I was persistently searching for my medications with the intention to OD, which was kept hidden in my older sibling's room for safety reasons. Amidst my breakdown or whatever it was, my sibling began shoving me, screaming in my face, before smashing a bookshelf on the floor that hit my leg.
Nonetheless It didn't help at all and It only made my mental state worse. My entire family was in shambles simply because nobody could help me, and knowing I'm basically a poison to my family keeps me stuck in a negative mental cycle of just more and more suicide ideology...
I Just want help on two things. Firstly, How do you deal with it, being the one to ruin your own family because your brain is stupidly fucked?
And secondly, was that a valid reaction to my breakdown, did I actually deserve it? Because I really can't tell. I know I'm a lot to handle, but for some reason, I feel wronged by such a burning reaction. Maybe the answer is obvious to anyone that isn't me, but I really can't tell.
I'm sorry if my post is annoying or common.
I have a psychiatrist, therapist, and I was making progress until things got a lot worse for some reason in the past few weeks. But two days ago, I went through what I guess it could be considered as psychosis but It is one of my bouts of breakdowns where I become extremely suicidal, agitated and distressed.
Usually, it has been relatively easy to deal with for my family. But for that day, nothing they did really helped, I was stuck in that loop of distress. I began crying as to why one of my sibling's stopped trying to help me and asking why they aren't saving me, when I was faced by sudden aggression. Sure, I can see how it was my fault to be honest. I was persistently searching for my medications with the intention to OD, which was kept hidden in my older sibling's room for safety reasons. Amidst my breakdown or whatever it was, my sibling began shoving me, screaming in my face, before smashing a bookshelf on the floor that hit my leg.
Nonetheless It didn't help at all and It only made my mental state worse. My entire family was in shambles simply because nobody could help me, and knowing I'm basically a poison to my family keeps me stuck in a negative mental cycle of just more and more suicide ideology...
I Just want help on two things. Firstly, How do you deal with it, being the one to ruin your own family because your brain is stupidly fucked?
And secondly, was that a valid reaction to my breakdown, did I actually deserve it? Because I really can't tell. I know I'm a lot to handle, but for some reason, I feel wronged by such a burning reaction. Maybe the answer is obvious to anyone that isn't me, but I really can't tell.
I'm sorry if my post is annoying or common.
