For me this really depends on the mood.
I am currently in a bad spot mentally. A lot of anxiety and I just threw up two 1,5 hours ago.
Sometimes I envy the non existing part.
But more often do I feel sad for them and their loved ones.
It often invokes the question of what had to happen that their life drove them to this decision. There is the David Foster Wallace story Good Old Neon that I love. Where the story of someone is told that killed themselves.
Personally, I think it is highly recommendable to explain the reasons for one's suicide to loves ones. Either in a note or prior to the event. On the other hand, maybe people will see it as a form of revenge that people always have to think about it and wonder. Moreover, maybe the loved one's reacted badly when they shared stories of their suicidaility.
Personally, I think many users on here underestimate how much it helps the loved ones when they understand the reasons for their suicide. On the details I am not so sure. Different cases have different context variables. I think my parents know I am suicidal. My dad often was ignorant though and told he would have never expected me to act on my suicidality. Even though I literally told him that I mean it seriously and that these not just thoughts. LMAO.
I think wrote down my reasons in this forum way too often. My core problems stem from abuse that I experienced in my childhood. This is why I am not sure whether it would be actually good to emphasize that. Honestly, these are only some roots of my misery. I am autistic since birth and in my family mood disorders are very common. There are way more reasons for my suciidality. And many people that I met in life contributed to my current situation.
There are various feelings that I have when I hear someone committed suicide. I ask myself whether there would have been alternatives. Whether it was the best for them. I am not sure how selfish all my feelings are. It is a difficult balance to feel empathy and at the same time being able remain a healthy balance to them. Sometimes I feel like there might be connection between me and them. Or at least that we had similar demons and that we share a certain existential pain. Or in general these existential sorrows and worries that are sort of unique. Sometimes it is easier to distract yourself from the pain. It is like going on a trip. You wander around the world, see beautiful things, experience new things, sometimes even feel some joy but you are at the same time aware that there will be a time point you will have to return to your old home. And all these unsolvable problems you have some day will haunt you. And all the existential fears that linger inside the back of your head will be there too. You might be able to run away from them for a certain time. At the same time it feels like your clock is ticking. And it is only a matter of time when time runs out. I am not sure whether in this metaphor suicide or death is really symbolizing a home. I never committed suicide and I cannot remember death. I think home for me is rather this unease in my soul that something bad is about to happen that accompanies me since my adolescent. That I am running away from something I cannot escape. That I try to find mechanisms to cope with. This unease is a feeling you are aware for a long time. You can try to forget it and try to fade it out. But you know one day you will have to face it. And all the fears that preoccupy your mind will be there. You will be there all alone. There will be no one to save you. You can only hope for the best but prepare for the worst. Whatever this means in this situation.
I am currently in a bad spot mentally. A lot of anxiety and I just threw up two 1,5 hours ago.
Sometimes I envy the non existing part.
But more often do I feel sad for them and their loved ones.
It often invokes the question of what had to happen that their life drove them to this decision. There is the David Foster Wallace story Good Old Neon that I love. Where the story of someone is told that killed themselves.
Personally, I think it is highly recommendable to explain the reasons for one's suicide to loves ones. Either in a note or prior to the event. On the other hand, maybe people will see it as a form of revenge that people always have to think about it and wonder. Moreover, maybe the loved one's reacted badly when they shared stories of their suicidaility.
Personally, I think many users on here underestimate how much it helps the loved ones when they understand the reasons for their suicide. On the details I am not so sure. Different cases have different context variables. I think my parents know I am suicidal. My dad often was ignorant though and told he would have never expected me to act on my suicidality. Even though I literally told him that I mean it seriously and that these not just thoughts. LMAO.
I think wrote down my reasons in this forum way too often. My core problems stem from abuse that I experienced in my childhood. This is why I am not sure whether it would be actually good to emphasize that. Honestly, these are only some roots of my misery. I am autistic since birth and in my family mood disorders are very common. There are way more reasons for my suciidality. And many people that I met in life contributed to my current situation.
There are various feelings that I have when I hear someone committed suicide. I ask myself whether there would have been alternatives. Whether it was the best for them. I am not sure how selfish all my feelings are. It is a difficult balance to feel empathy and at the same time being able remain a healthy balance to them. Sometimes I feel like there might be connection between me and them. Or at least that we had similar demons and that we share a certain existential pain. Or in general these existential sorrows and worries that are sort of unique. Sometimes it is easier to distract yourself from the pain. It is like going on a trip. You wander around the world, see beautiful things, experience new things, sometimes even feel some joy but you are at the same time aware that there will be a time point you will have to return to your old home. And all these unsolvable problems you have some day will haunt you. And all the existential fears that linger inside the back of your head will be there too. You might be able to run away from them for a certain time. At the same time it feels like your clock is ticking. And it is only a matter of time when time runs out. I am not sure whether in this metaphor suicide or death is really symbolizing a home. I never committed suicide and I cannot remember death. I think home for me is rather this unease in my soul that something bad is about to happen that accompanies me since my adolescent. That I am running away from something I cannot escape. That I try to find mechanisms to cope with. This unease is a feeling you are aware for a long time. You can try to forget it and try to fade it out. But you know one day you will have to face it. And all the fears that preoccupy your mind will be there. You will be there all alone. There will be no one to save you. You can only hope for the best but prepare for the worst. Whatever this means in this situation.
Last edited:
