What do people do about the loneliness?

[monetpompo]

It hurts to be alone, but I don't exactly have control over it. I used to be around my friends more often, but then all our schedules changed. I started resenting them later on when I became more depressed and suicidal, but I haven't ghosted them yet because if I left them I'd have no one. My sister's always been more social than me. She always seems to make things work, since people always seem to want to talk to her. I'm too blunt and that makes me come off as aggressive, even though I'm a nice person. I just have a hard time changing the way I act around people, instead of being able to switch the way my sister does. My best friend is good at changing the way he acts too, but he can't explain how he does it so he can't really help me. It's made it hard to get a job because I seem too abrasive and nervous at the same time. Being born a girl doesn't really help me make friends. Guys don't really feel any want to talk to me besides quick sex and girls seem too close with other people to want to talk to me. I don't like being trans because it makes things harder than it has to be. If I was normal from the start, I could probably be like my sister and have people want to chat with me and be my friend. I always seem to cut ties with most people I know because I start resenting them.

I feel like I've always done this to myself. It's kind of my fault that I'm lonely since I can't get along with most people. I remember calling the suicide hotline one day and telling a lady on the phone that I felt bad that I was alone, then told her I was going to see Mickey 17 in an hour when she asked me what I was doing after the call. She said, "Oh, are you going with someone?". I laughed a little and said "No. I couldn't find anyone that wanted to go with me". She probably felt bad and then said, "Oh!! That's fine, too! You can watch movies alone!". People always say they're introverted, but I doubt they're like me at all. They still manage to find people that want to spend time with them. Watching movies and Youtube videos is the only thing that makes me feel less lonely. I think back to the people I cut ties with pretty often. I still miss them, deep down, but there was always a reason that I had to cut ties with them. It's usually because they couldn't be there for me and I felt guilty for talking to them, because I felt like I needed to be someone worth their time. People always say I'm a nice person, but I spiral too much and don't do anything about it. I think it hurts the most when people say nice things about me when they never have time to talk to me anymore. I wish I could hear from them again, but I would never get a response back. It makes me feel so pathetic when I miss people I was never that close with to begin with. I can't make friends on dating apps because I get too anxious from the idea of ghosting or being too talky when people just want someone chill and not annoying. I wish I was someone people wanted. I'm too average.

 

[milkteacrown]

Hello again. We chat in DMs, but I strongly relate to what you mentioned on how men are interested for the wrong reasons while women seem uninterested in pursuing friendships.

I hope we can hang out more and become better friends, and you feel less lonely.

 

[iji]

Maybe by living, one can find it along the way eventually and learn.

 

[FoxSauce]

Well how I deal with just keeping it in moslty

You have some good points too

I guess people can be nice of they really stick with you theough thick and thin tho

Freindships are difficult as heck also sas relationships but is nothing bad for desiring one tho.

 

[dthxn]

Hello. I'm experiencing the same thing, and it's been like this for a while. I've grown used to being alone at this point. Sometimes it's suffocating, and other times it feels neutral.
I've completely detached myself from people, and my cat is pretty much the only source of affection I get from another living being. It's my fault-- I never spent the effort nor am I willing to. I think you need to put yourself out there. Volunteer, go to events, parties, etc. Show genuine interest in others, you know?
But on the other side, it's not so bad being alone. Or so I've convinced myself. I get to have a lot of time doing things I'm passionate about. Hobbies and whatnot.

I'm sure you have your redeeming qualities :)
In my opinion, everyone is unique, and average isn't really a thing unless you're a follower (as in you solely do what others do without following your own path). It's just no one has been able to see it. Whether it's their fault or yours, that's something you would know. Everyone deserves to be loved. To be wanted around. To feel like they matter.

I don't know-- I'm just rambling.

The main point is you can only find friends and loved ones if you open up. A few months ago, I called my mom and told her about this issue. She told me to initiate an outing. I remember being so mind blown because I had no idea I could do that. If you find someone through work/school you're interested in, maybe ask them out. Eventually, you'll find someone that you get along with.

If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here to listen! Feel free to DM me to rant about whatever you want or just talk in general <3

 

[monetpompo]

rambling cuz i saw your message just now lol

Volunteer, go to events, parties

She told me to initiate an outing

I've always been fixated on how I don't have a car and how that often makes it hard to arrange things in general, since I have to figure out the ride situation with my friends who can't drive and the friends who can drive but live farther away. Living in texas, every outing is about if you can drive. I tried to invite a girl from my class to see a movie with me, but she said she lived in a different part of town and was too far from me. I could/could've gotten lunch with her, but she usually drove to eat lunch on her own and she had a class an hour after the one we attended together. Little things like that, and also that she liked chatting with other people in the class more than me, makes it hard to open up. I've just been wanting to keep to myself more in general because I feel too negative and too insecure to hold conversations that often without getting anxious.

Not having a car makes it hard for me to do or go to much of anything since I'm pretty much reliant on if my dad or someone else will drive me. I can't afford driving lessons, so it's always been like this. Dates are the only real cheat code to having no car, but I can't stand the process of those anymore. I also live in the suburbs, which makes it hard to go to events without spending money or driving somewhere far just to have something fun to do. I burden my dad every time I want to go out and have fun. I wish it wasn't like this. I know no one's expecting to hear from me or do things with me so I take it as an excuse to let myself go or shirk my responsibilities. Back when I was more social, I still didn't really connect with most of the people around me, so I don't mind going through this that much when I know I wasn't that fulfilled back then either.

The idea of just being able to ask people to hang out with me comes with strings since there isn't much I can offer people or anywhere I can go with them. It makes trying to chat with them feel futile now. Like another one of those things that sets me apart from other people and makes me feel like there's no way out, even if there is. It feels like I can't ask people for help, even if they want to help me, because things can't work like that for me. I find myself wanting to take up as little space as possible and be seen outside as little as possible so people start forgetting that I exist. I don't want people to feel bad that they can't help me out of something I caused.

 

[Electra]

Planning ctb, what else?

 

[Blueberry Panic]

I have constant distractions ... hobbies or sometimes the best thing to do is just sleep... make friends in your dreams.....

I'm weird

 

[bankai]

I agree loneliness is terrible. But allowing people to get into your life is also an opportunity for them to do terrible things to you. I've experienced that as well. Loneliness isn't so bad compared to that. Statistically, more people will be bad than good that you meet. Just remember that. So if you want to play the social game. It's definitely going to be tough.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Truthfully, I'm lucky enough not to feel it too much. I tend to remind myself how unreliable people are if I start wondering. Or, I remember the more unpleasant times.

I'm fairly good at distracting myself. Playing games, coming on here, watching mindless YouTube videos. I work a lot too- when I do have projects on.

My bigger problem is trying to force myself to do all the domestic crap that's needed. That's literally like pulling teeth for me. I spend most of that time intensely hating being alive and feeling resentful that I was born and can't really suicide while my Dad is still alive. It probably sounds ridiculous but, that's what makes life torcherous for me. And, that takes up so much time.

I suppose I'm scared I may start to feel lonely one day. Although, I've gone a good 20 years alone ok. I actually used to look forward to alone time when I had to be around others. I think I must be weird though.

Do you put yourself in a lot of social situations? Joining clubs, doing sports etc? I definitely think friendship requires a lot of effort. I made my best friendships at uni. Mutual interest in a subject, mutual worries helped. Although, even there, we have drifted apart and have very different lives now. Being older (45,) a lot of my friends have children now so, their priority is with them.

I think it used to bother me more than it does now. Similar situation with romantic relationships. It used to be something I so wished for. Then it became more like acceptance that it likely wouldn't happen. Now, it's more relief that I don't have strong tethers in my life. I suppose I learnt to really value my independence. Plus, I'm biologically an only child. I think maybe sometimes that sets us up to be self suficient in a way.

I think a lot is in 'finding your own tribe' as my friend used to put it though. That makes it so smooth and easy to just get on. For me, that tended to be other creative people. I guess because it was such a big part of our lives and, we experienced similar emotions around it. I think same interests may be the best place to find them. I hope you can.