I wonder what differentiates those of us who decisively know they want to end it and do it and those of who sit on the fence, one leg in and one leg out, never really sure, never really trusting our desire to end it, but just wallowing in neverending suffering, wishing to end it but never getting the guts to take a stand and finally end it once and for all. Whew that was a mouthful. What is the difference between us?
I'd imagine it's that final push which most people are waiting for. Something like the loss of a loved one, a breakup, or getting laid off.
Das Nichts
Dead Man Walking
- Apr 8, 2023
- 521
For me it's the confidence that it will never change. Because I can only change myself to a certain degree.
AkaRed
Come on! Let’s go, we’ll make our future together.
- Apr 20, 2023
- 216
I think our own experiences, developed personalities and so many other factors come into play. Maybe even it comes down to where we live, who we interact with and how we spend our time both on and offline. It's honestly a really fascinating phenomenon, and I think it ultimately comes down to an individuals development over time.
I think anyone is capable of CTB, but what pushes them towards or against it is entirely unique and circumstantial. And not everyone even comes to that line in their lifetime, which is also just as interesting.
<3
I think anyone is capable of CTB, but what pushes them towards or against it is entirely unique and circumstantial. And not everyone even comes to that line in their lifetime, which is also just as interesting.
<3
dimstar
Poor little woodpecker
- Mar 17, 2023
- 320
For me being on the fence is due to worrying about passing my pain to those few that are close to me.
Ah I hear that. My confidence wanes and waxes with that. Pretty confident it will never change but then a tiny something in me says wait, but what if...
I suppose it depends on what you are weighing up- I'd say the majority of people are afraid of actually attempting- possible pain, fear and the attempt failing. Many of us really don't want to hurt the people left behind- so- we can be holding on for them. Some are also fearful of a possible (bad) afterlife. Then- there's just how much you feel you can cope with in your life. I wonder whether people who go through with it have finally been backed into a corner- I guess the reason for that is different for us all- but whatever the reason, it motivated them enough to take the risk of CTB. Put it this way- if CTB was fail safe, accessible and painless- how many people would already be gone? I guess it comes down to the courage to take the risk and the feeling of utter desperation that overwhelms everything else.
Thanks for the clear thoughtful response. I know the feeling of being backed into a corner well, where it feels life is shoving you to ctb. I'm there almost every day, I've come close to doing it but something pulls me back every single time so far. Must be something more that keeps you in that corner long enough to go through with it. Truth is, the idea of doing it terrifies me to no end. I wish it wouldn't. I wish I wouldn't keep grasping at life despite the hell that it has become.
I suppose there's just so much we're having to wrestle with in our heads. There's SI for a start- our bodies and primal brains are going to fight like mad to stay alive. But I suppose we've also absorbed societies views of death and suicide- which are both negative and fearful. Plus- as a species, I think many of us don't like unknowns and death is the greatest unknown there is. Worse- none of us can be 100% sure our attempt will succeed.
I'm sorry. I feel a different frustration to you. I haven't got to attempting yet because I don't want to do it to my Dad. I feel trapped here because of that. I really don't know how I'm going to be when the time comes. I think it will have to be fear that motivates me in the end. The fear of living is going to have to outweigh the fear of dying. I'm so sorry you are suffering so much.
Yes thats true about societies and the unknown. That's validating.
I watched this youtube documentary about a young woman whose family supported her throughout the assisted suicide process. They were willing to let her go because they knew how much suffering she experienced with her mental health. Wouldn't that be nice to have that? I'm so sorry you feel trapped because of your dad.
That makes sense too- the fear will have to be greater. For me, the slight hope for better days will have to die out for long enough and the fear of death will have to go down. No idea how any of those things will happen though.
And thank you for your last sentence there.
Das Nichts
Dead Man Walking
- Apr 8, 2023
- 521
Then you wait. You can always catch the bus at a later time, or not at all.
unnormal9
SOLDIER T.
- Apr 12, 2023
- 1,139
Pain limit has already been reached. My pain tolerance is very low.
FuneralCry
Just wanting some peace
- Sep 24, 2020
- 38,945
Those who went through with it I believe just got so determined, I admire their courage, I see beauty in choosing to end all the suffering and returning to non existence. And of course some people were fortunate enough to have a reliable method to free themselves but sadly for some people suicide is so unnecessarily difficult, which is a cruel consequence of existing in this anti choice society. I'm tired of feeling trapped here, I know that if I had a method like Nembutal I would be long gone by this point.
I am like if I do not wake up the next day for me it is ok but I don't want to plan to cbt yet because it requires a strong decision. Life is pain, there is no doubt about it, but I wonder what can I still do before leaving consciously with a plan. I think also there are situations were people feel straight that there is no real hope for change and go straight with ctb.
If I would be sure that there is no change in the future, there would be no point for me staying longer
If I would be sure that there is no change in the future, there would be no point for me staying longer
locked*n*loaded
Archangel
- Apr 15, 2022
- 7,256
Yes, as others have said, it's the breaking point. We all have one. Some of us are just more fragile, if you will, than others. There's only so much shit a person can take.
I think ^this is one of my favorite quotes on this platform.
Our existence surely is important and meaningful for things to go on; for another day to happen, regardless if a good or a bad one…
But if I am not there/here, that's okay too. Ssomeone else can or will take my place.
Sure, it's not going to be the same when it's a different person; I have qualities as well as deficits others don't have or don't have, it's just going to be different.
I just found peace in knowing and feeling that it is okay if I don't exist, the world will go on with & without me.
Back in 2018 I found a nice quote at https://metanoia.org/ that goes;
> Suicide is not chosen; it happens
> when pain exceeds
> resources for coping with pain
and I felt that.
What keeps me from actively ending my life right now is, one not having the right tools to be confident in succeeding to ctb; but also, my coping resources and support through some people currently being somewhat above the level of desperation and pain there is…. I don't know if that makes sense, OP. Maybe it does
locked*n*loaded
Archangel
- Apr 15, 2022
- 7,256
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