Story What cause that makes you guys here?

[tired0zymandias]

I've been reading this forum about a month and finally decide to became a member.

And I love it so far, you guys are amazing and enlightening me so much.

Now I found my method, resource, but not sure where and when I will execute it. Because like a job, life is required a handover too lol.

Okay back to the topic.

Why am I here?
1. I'm jobless for more than 3 months
2. I got fired 3 times this year
3. So many debts, but once I died all my assets can cover it
4. Can't get over of my ex. Last year I attempted suicide because of her. But I got rescued. I love her so much I don't want nobody else.

So that's my story why I'm here with you guys.

And I would love to know why you guys are here

 

[lita-lassi]

im here to watch sn slap fights

 

[リンさん]

At the risk of sounding like a complete weirdo, but my *main* reason is the interest that I take in suicide methods. Research, reading first hand reports, debates, thinking about how to execute various methods properly, where to source materials. Maybe even writing something of my own once I get my hands on some of the stuff that I need for experiments.

I also struggle a lot with health, so there's no way I'm living a long life as it is. I'm determined to do it on my own terms, by the method I choose.

And talking to people is fun sometimes, you know? Connecting with others and supporting each other. Just talking in general. I don't see this website as soulless, dry data I can take advantage of. It's an outlet for people seeking comfort and understanding, and a way for others to provide this much needed help.

 

[The Burning Fool]

Mental illness has made me unable to work or seek help or even leave the house for the most part.

 

[avaruus]

I've been here for over a year now.
Mostly just lurking and waiting for some new sudden, peaceful method to become available.
I've been more active in the last couple of weeks tho, it makes me sad that other people are sad and suffering, so i also try my best to support others here.

 

[FuneralCry]

Existing makes me wish to sleep eternally, of course. I don't see existence as something desirable and I see it as preferable to not exist under all circumstances. I very strongly believe that existence just causes harm, only death can bring me peace from all future suffering, the thought of no longer existing comforts me so much.

 

[Foreverix]

I'm here because I no longer believe I'm mentally ill, but have come to understand that I have control over whether or not to continue or terminate my life. I don't suffer from physical or psychic pain consequently. I've just come to enjoy the freedom my plan gives me and believe my termination will be a net benefit to the larger population and the earth.

That said, the community here is great. I feel like I've found my bunch and I enjoy all the different views. I don't delight in other members' pain, but I feel much less alone in my thoughts and perspectives. That counts for a LOT in my book.

When you don't have light, it's better to share the darkness.

 

[dmdmdm]

I've been reading this forum about a month and finally decide to became a member.

And I love it so far, you guys are amazing and enlightening me so much.

Now I found my method, resource, but not sure where and when I will execute it. Because like a job, life is required a handover too lol.

Okay back to the topic.

Why am I here?
1. I'm jobless for more than 3 months
2. I got fired 3 times this year
3. So many debts, but once I died all my assets can cover it
4. Can't get over of my ex. Last year I attempted suicide because of her. But I got rescued. I love her so much I don't want nobody else.

So that's my story why I'm here with you guys.

And I would love to know why you guys are here

1. Scared of Future
2. Same situation with ex
3. Nihilist

 

[Dr. Henjin]

im here to watch sn slap fights

That made me audibly lol, which is really hard for me nowadays thanks

 

[Lost_my_soul]

I'm here as people here understand the pain one is going through, unlike my parents who just push mental illness aside, like its not even a thing.

 

[Kempel556]

I joined so I could find people that go trough similar situations that im going trough, too make me feel less lonely in this world filled with sadness and suffering. At least here I can be at ease

 

[LeBroom]

I made an account a while back, less to accompany my journey but more as a kind of mark, like a tangible thing I can point to in my head that demonstrates that I really am suicidal (sometimes I struggle with impostor syndrome whey it comes to my mental illnesses, even after a lot of therapy and a multitude of diagnosis).
Now that I started to really use the site the motivation is a little bit different, it's almost a way to keep me on track and manifest my intentions, or at least manifest them in a sensible way so that I can avoid a really spontaneous method, which will probably result in horrible pain, or worse, me surviving.

 

[HighFlight]

I am here to help me decide whether to continue with life, or if I am just wasting oxygen by staying here.

1) I'm old, and already started to deteriorate physically.
2) i have numerous mental health issues, including treatment-resistent depression, general anxiety, PTSD, and ADHD (not diagnosed until adulthood)
3) I grew up in a troubled home, with a verbally abusive dad.
4) Dad attempted to murder my mom, and assaulted my bother while I was away at school. I came home to be with them, and ended up having to cleanup the blood.
5) Dad passed away, and i have learned more about him since his death, including his own MH issues. I was never able to reach closure with him.
6) Bullied heavily during middle and high school.
7) I've never reconciled my childhood issues.
8) I'm very lonely - after kids were born, wife spent all her time focused on them, ignoring me to this day.
9) Kids both have their own issues transitioning into adulthood. (I should have been more present with them before they got to this point.)
10) Through all of this, I buried myself in work and appeared highly functional. Work blew up a few years ago, and I've lost the ability to be highly functional. I struggle every day with work, but expectations arr high due to previous level of work.
11) The time it will take to work through all these issues could push me into an age group where everyone is simply waiting to die anyway.

As much as my peers, family, therapist, etc. would hate the fact that I am here, this site has demonstrated that kindness and humanity still exists, especially from those who have gone through so much pain and suffering. My decision is still not been made. But until that happens, I can only hope that I can show the same compassion that I've received.

 

[drennedrat]

My mental health keeps getting worse and I'm sick of the ups and downs. I also don't foresee a future for myself; im in a lot of debt, can't afford school, don't know which career I'd be able to work, don't want my brain to deteriorate further and put me into another manic episode. I think i have a few more things to tie up so I'm not going to leave this week like I'd planned. But I will be headed out soon, and this forum gives me the support and methods I need to go through with my plans. I love how welcoming everybody is here.

 

[S like suicide]

More than 10 years of severe depression caused especially by my toxic and shitty family,I am just tired deep in my sould after all i wemt throught and I can't wait succeeding in ctb

 

[Meditation guide]

Aside from obsessing about my own death this is a taboo subject and so naturally I'm drawn to it.

 

[Mea Culpa]

A long winded history of mental illness, abuse, lonliness and trauma. I found this site by complete accident to be honest. But it feels nice having others just like me that I can relate to and a more clear cut way of getting better information on methods since search engines censor allot.

 

[GoneForever]

I'm here to prepare for the worst mostly. This includes planning my CTB and information/resource gathering. Some reasons aside from that include:

1- I was too anxious and depressed to hold down a normal job. Now I'm going to college to see if I can land a home office job hoping I can at least do that but it's not looking too good.
2- I am anxious for the future and what cruel fate awaits me.
3- No relationships but when you're like me that's not necessarily a bad thing. Still gets lonely most of the time though.
4- Too slow and weird to fit in with the rest of society, which resulted in me being bullied most of my life.
5- My family can't take care of me forever.
6- Sexually abused as a kid. Mostly gotten over it now but it still sucks.
7- Paranoia and generally mistrusting/suspicious of other people and what they might do to me.
8- Too weak in both mind and body to survive on my own.
9- A constant feeling of despair that I have to battle every day.
10- This world is cruel and unforgiving and I just want to die.

Having said that, I can't CTB just yet as I have unfinished business to take care of like taking care of my elderly grandma as she is the only person that really needs me( My parents will probably get over me CTBing pretty easily). Oh, and I would like to be a contributing member of society for at least a little while before CTBing. I don't know how long I'll be staying here but I hope it's not too long...

 

[Scythe]

Used to be just, society fucking sucks, I don't want to be a part of captialism, and I will never become what I want to be. now not wanting to stay around for AI fallout has been added onto the list.
This is the summary of it, there are more, tiny details that don't matrer as much, and things I would rather be kept secret.

 

[Ashe]

I'm autistic, chronically depressed, anxious, paranoid, I can never remember to actually maintain myself, stuck in dead end jobs with no real advancement for the last 10 years, lonely, heartbroken, my trust for 99% of people I meet has been destroyed and simply I've had no desire to be alive ever since I was a kid.

 

[tired0zymandias]

At the risk of sounding like a complete weirdo, but my *main* reason is the interest that I take in suicide methods. Research, reading first hand reports, debates, thinking about how to execute various methods properly, where to source materials. Maybe even writing something of my own once I get my hands on some of the stuff that I need for experiments.

I also struggle a lot with health, so there's no way I'm living a long life as it is. I'm determined to do it on my own terms, by the method I choose.

And talking to people is fun sometimes, you know? Connecting with others and supporting each other. Just talking in general. I don't see this website as soulless, dry data I can take advantage of. It's an outlet for people seeking comfort and understanding, and a way for others to provide this much needed help.

Yeah, I agree with you. Here I found so many great and kind people . Life is not deserve us.

Mental illness has made me unable to work or seek help or even leave the house for the most part.

I'm sorry to hear that, I was spending a year because of MDD and cannot functioning because of panic disorder too.

Hope you find what you looking here buddy!

I've been here for over a year now.
Mostly just lurking and waiting for some new sudden, peaceful method to become available.
I've been more active in the last couple of weeks tho, it makes me sad that other people are sad and suffering, so i also try my best to support others here.

Yeah I find that you are so kind.

We here all so sad, suffering and scared at the same time. I know you active here and you're trying your best to comfort us to reach our goal.

Well I still hope I can find the N even now I'm ready all with SN. Hoping you find the best way buddy!
Me too I hope I didn't exist in the first place. Life is trying, happiness is just temporary, pain is forever.

1. Scared of Future
2. Same situation with ex
3. Nihilist

What is your situation with your ex? If I may know.

Actually my ex knowing that I will go to ctb and she texting me that she said I deserve to be happy in this life even I made a mistakes. And it kinda makes me feelings something but even tho she come back to me I already made up my mind.

I'm here as people here understand the pain one is going through, unlike my parents who just push mental illness aside, like its not even a thing.

Its hard for them to absorb it I guess. My family is so kind, that they are supporting me with all the sickness that I get.

I actually very sad that I'm going to leave my beautiful family. But there's nothing I can't do. Even a beautiful and supporting one can't hold me.

My mental health keeps getting worse and I'm sick of the ups and downs. I also don't foresee a future for myself; im in a lot of debt, can't afford school, don't know which career I'd be able to work, don't want my brain to deteriorate further and put me into another manic episode. I think i have a few more things to tie up so I'm not going to leave this week like I'd planned. But I will be headed out soon, and this forum gives me the support and methods I need to go through with my plans. I love how welcoming everybody is here.

Well we have same reason here. A debt and a manic episode.

I really love people here including you!

 

[SmollMushroom]

I'm here because:

1. I am in an inescapable situation and see no way out, so I'm desperate for any information/resource I can find
2. I'm waiting for some kind of N-like substance to show up to ctb, if not N itself (that would be top)
3. I think talking about my issues with anyone willing to listen helps me quite a bit, and also confronting with other people issues
4. I feel this is one of the few places in the internet where one can discuss about almost anything without being constantly judged or attacked.
5. I would say I'm also here to help others, but I'm very ignorant and I don't think I could be much of a help to anyone. But I still try most of the times!

 

[that_guy2611]

Lonely,always single guy. Nothing to look forward to and nothing to live for. There's no cure for this.

 

[Innereye]

chronic illness, lifelong poor Health, and the resulting consequences (addiction, loneliness, boredom, unsatisfaction, disability)

Outside of selfish reasons I also want to understand and perhaps do what I can to help other people's suffering.

 

[tired0zymandias]

I'm here to prepare for the worst mostly. This includes planning my CTB and information/resource gathering. Some reasons aside from that include:

1- I was too anxious and depressed to hold down a normal job. Now I'm going to college to see if I can land a home office job hoping I can at least do that but it's not looking too good.
2- I am anxious for the future and what cruel fate awaits me.
3- No relationships but when you're like me that's not necessarily a bad thing. Still gets lonely most of the time though.
4- Too slow and weird to fit in with the rest of society, which resulted in me being bullied most of my life.
5- My family can't take care of me forever.
6- Sexually abused as a kid. Mostly gotten over it now but it still sucks.
7- Paranoia and generally mistrusting/suspicious of other people and what they might do to me.
8- Too weak in both mind and body to survive on my own.
9- A constant feeling of despair that I have to battle every day.
10- This world is cruel and unforgiving and I just want to die.

Having said that, I can't CTB just yet as I have unfinished business to take care of like taking care of my elderly grandma as she is the only person that really needs me( My parents will probably get over me CTBing pretty easily). Oh, and I would like to be a contributing member of society for at least a little while before CTBing. I don't know how long I'll be staying here but I hope it's not too long...

That's amazing how you want to finish your business here in this cruel world.

Currently I'm kinda handover my life, because I don't want to bother anyone.

Well, I wish you a good life before you're decide to ctb :)

chronic illness, lifelong poor Health, and the resulting consequences (addiction, loneliness, boredom, unsatisfaction, disability)

Outside of selfish reasons I also want to understand and perhaps do what I can to help other people's suffering.

Sorry to hear that bro, that must be so much pain :(

I understand what you're going thru rn but are you planning on ctb or still observe?