Discussion What brings you pleasure in your last days?

[da5ae5ae]

I have decided on the day and purchased the rope and figured out how to tie all the knots and where to do it etc. I have a few things to wrap up, admin wise.

All there is to do now is distract and try to experience pleasure. For me it has always been food. So I will be, and have been, eating all the snack foods that I only ever eat on occasion. It's been chippies, whittakers choccy, these yummy apricot and dark chocolate oat bars, and I just ordered McDonald's (it's not even that yum, it's maybe a bit more nostalgic). I might buy some salmon next week.

I have been tag teaming stardew valley with outlander (nearly finished :( so will probably move to latest RPDR all stars).

How do you try to feel good/at ease in your last days?

 

[DarkFriend.]

I'm not really sure. Just because I've never really had a set day yet . . . ( my close call was impulsive).

I've fantasized about what you have right now. Perhaps some peace?

Just the feeling of knowing it'll all be over and that really, nothing matters at all. Not a single thing.

I imagine that it must be so freeing. Basically I pretend that I have a set day, in order to try and . . . mimic the feeling I suppose.

Of course it fades, but I imagine that when you have your set day, life somehow becomes so much more enjoyable. Like a little vacation that you know you'll never overstay.

Seems nice. Perhaps it is time to plan mine soon.

By the way, those chocolate oat bars sound nice.

 

[da5ae5ae]

It is freeing. The closer it gets the more terrified I will feel and the less at ease I will feel. So maybe your message will be a great reminder to me to notice that, and to stay in the moment / be engrossed by whatever I'm distracting myself with / or try to remember how soon all the suffering will be over so that is something to be grateful for. Thank you, friend.

 

[dirkw83]

I'm the same as you with food, I love it... that's almost all my motivation to keep living lol. Also sleep, and the first coffee in the morning. But yes when I think about it there isn't much else to life.

 

[da5ae5ae]

I had to part with my child (fur variety) some time ago when I moved back to NZ. Not being with her certainly makes it easier. I can afford food that I want so for that I am grateful. Enjoy your food, sleep, and coffee :)

I'm the same as you with food, I love it... that's almost all my motivation to keep living lol. Also sleep, and the first coffee in the morning. But yes when I think about it there isn't much else to life

 

[burninghill]

My bed. When I think about dying the only thing I really think I'll miss is laying down in my bed. When I last tried to kill myself it was in winter and I backed out, all I could do was cry about how badly I wanted to be wrapped up in my heated blanket.
My room is almost a sacred place for me, nobody is allowed in there (not even my boyfriend lmao) so it's definitely something that brings me a lot of comfort.

 

[SASU-KE]

The problem is not much brings me pleasure anymore. I do enjoy my tea and coffee every day though. Those sound like some good snacks, OP.

 

[da5ae5ae]

My bed. When I think about dying the only thing I really think I'll miss is laying down in my bed. When I last tried to kill myself it was in winter and I backed out, all I could do was cry about how badly I wanted to be wrapped up in my heated blanket.
My room is almost a sacred place for me, nobody is allowed in there (not even my boyfriend lmao) so it's definitely something that brings me a lot of comfort.

I'm picturing 'you' all bundled up, cozy and safe. I also love the bed. I'm obsessed with showering at night as I know getting in bed feels so much nicer . Wishing you all the coziness, friend.
Honestly - how good are tasty beverages?! Tasty beverages are right up there alongside all the snacks.

The problem is not much brings me pleasure anymore. I do enjoy my tea and coffee every day though. Those sound like some good snacks, OP.

 

[LovesickLoser]

My days aren't exactly officially numbered yet, but sometimes videogames. There used to be a variety of things I "enjoyed" as copes before things got really bad. I can't say I find much enjoyment in anything these days, but there's the rare day I can sit down and still actually enjoy a videogame. Lately the only game that's still had such a positive effect on me is Elin though. It's a comfort game for me, and I even gave the dev a few hundred dollars through Kickstarter for rewards and such back when he was running his campaign. It's a very special game.

 

[da5ae5ae]

My days aren't exactly officially numbered yet, but sometimes videogames. There used to be a variety of things I "enjoyed" as copes before things got really bad. I can't say I find much enjoyment in anything these days, but there's the rare day I can sit down and still actually enjoy a videogame. Lately the only game that's still had such a positive effect on me is Elin though. It's a comfort game for me, and I even gave the dev a few hundred dollars through Kickstarter for rewards and such back when he was running his campaign. It's a very special game.

I just looked up the game. It looks really fun! And 'overwhelmingly positive' on steam. If I survive, I will get it. It sounds very special. I am glad you have something that makes you feel something :-)

 

[toocraptoolong]

For me, it will be eating loads of chocolate and cake and hot chips. A trip to the beach, a swim. And maybe a trip to the zoo, because animals rock.
Or, I won't be bothered and will just stay in bed wishing I had more chocolate.

 

[da5ae5ae]

For me, it will be eating loads of chocolate and cake and hot chips. A trip to the beach, a swim. And maybe a trip to the zoo, because animals rock.
Or, I won't be bothered and will just stay in bed wishing I had more chocolate.

Yeah I was considering to take a little longer and do some nice things. I don't have a car. It would be so nice to be able to drive and play music and sing loudly, and to go somewhere like the beach. And can't agree more about the animals!! I have become obsessed with birds in the past year.
I just got more supplies today. And the choccy was on special so got two blocks! I encourage you to do those things. It will make you feel good. And if you don't - at least stock up on the choccies x x

 

[Cepheuss]

My date was april 14th before then i made plans with all my friends made sure i saw everyone, i watched my favourite films, played my favourite games and listened to music constantly. It put me at peace enough to know my decision was final.

 

[da5ae5ae]

I don't have any friends where I live currently (moved back to NZ some time ago). I don't know how you can do it ! I would feel guilty and sad and like a fake bish. But it's so nice for their sake. That is selfless and loving, I think. And re: music - yessss! I haven't been able to listen to music normally for a while now (it's either been techno or ambience). Until today !! I found someone's thread started since 2020 and have been listening again. Although it makes me feel very emotional. But I love it. Thank you for sharing your thoughts x x

 

[oilsaniok]

definitely food, good food happy me. But in my current condition is not enough

 

[angel164]

Food is amazing! I really wish you a peaceful and an enjoyable time, you deserve it <3 *hugs

for me I guess, I have always wished to have my last days enjoying the rain, Its kind of like I made it to be a sign from the universe, to tell me the exact time I will ctb, because where I am from we don't got much rain, so it will be significant. I love the rain.
Also like you, I would want to enjoy my favorite food on my last day, and go to the beach to watch the waves for a few hours before I do it.

 

[da5ae5ae]

definitely food, good food happy me. But in my current condition is not enough

Tell me what is your good food?

Food is amazing! I really wish you a peaceful and an enjoyable time, you deserve it <3 *hugs

for me I guess, I have always wished to have my last days enjoying the rain, Its kind of like I made it to be a sign from the universe, to tell me the exact time I will ctb, because where I am from we don't got much rain, so it will be significant. I love the rain.
Also like you, I would want to enjoy my favorite food on my last day, and go to the beach to watch the waves for a few hours before I do it.

Ahh yes that is so interesting how meaningful the experience of rain is to you. But I can understand - rain is fabulous! Today/this week has been a lot of heavy rain. And it makes being in bed feel so much cozier. That sounds like really nice things to do for yourself :-)

 

[xXiloveyouXx]

I had a bit of extra money so I bought the model kit I've been eyeing for 6 months :D can't wait to build it tomorrow

 

[da5ae5ae]

I had a bit of extra money so I bought the model kit I've been eyeing for 6 months :D can't wait to build it tomorrow

Wonderful! Would love a piccy or description of said kit if you are willing :-)))

 

[xXSufferingXx]

cartoons. food. nature. movies. etc

 

[shaggy_doo]

I have decided on the day and purchased the rope and figured out how to tie all the knots and where to do it etc. I have a few things to wrap up, admin wise.

All there is to do now is distract and try to experience pleasure. For me it has always been food. So I will be, and have been, eating all the snack foods that I only ever eat on occasion. It's been chippies, whittakers choccy, these yummy apricot and dark chocolate oat bars, and I just ordered McDonald's (it's not even that yum, it's maybe a bit more nostalgic). I might buy some salmon next week.

I have been tag teaming stardew valley with outlander (nearly finished :( so will probably move to latest RPDR all stars).

How do you try to feel good/at ease in your last days?

To feel good watch a movie or get drunk for me if i dont distract myself im in constant stress getting drunk makes me forget about my problems

 

[twilightvader]

When I tried to kill myself a few days ago… I watched Buffy the slayer, told to my "boyfriend" how much I love him.

That's what I want for my last day, a good day.

Seeing my family for the last time, telling them how much I love them even if they don't love me.
After, I want to watch my favorite series, have good food, drink beer and finally listen to music when I will do my own protocol.
I want to listen to music when I CTB.

 

[Enoufis_Enouf]

Food would be awesome as a final comfort.

I have had an eating disorder all my life, so it would be nice once I set a date, to finally let it all go, and eat what I want, and not worry about what my body looks like for once. And taste all the things I've denied myself for so long. And then just ctb because my decision was final. I have yet to set a date however.

 

[Oiled Sandwich]

Knowing that I don't have to care about anything anymore. Especially the stupid "Life script" I never had the choice of accepting or declining in the first place.

 

[iamjustapebble]

the fact that maybe someone will feel bad after I'm dead

 

[da5ae5ae]

To feel good watch a movie or get drunk for me if i dont distract myself im in constant stress getting drunk makes me forget about my problems

Truly I never understood the drinking to forget problems. I definitely have spent a lot of time in the life binge drinking but it was always for removing the inhibitions / helping me to feel comfortable and let loose. I am glad that you have that.

Food would be awesome as a final comfort.

I have had an eating disorder all my life, so it would be nice once I set a date, to finally let it all go, and eat what I want, and not worry about what my body looks like for once. And taste all the things I've denied myself for so long. And then just ctb because my decision was final. I have yet to set a date however.

Ahh I relate so hard to this as someone with mild to moderate disordered eating for 20 years. What are the foods you dream of ?? At least fun to think about, hey!!

Knowing that I don't have to care about anything anymore. Especially the stupid "Life script" I never had the choice of accepting or declining in the first place.

I sincerely hope you get to have that break from the crippling guilt and shame of not being able to perform . Some people still hate themselves right up until the last minute. I really hope you can find acceptance and peace within yourself

 

[shaggy_doo]

Truly I never understood the drinking to forget problems. I definitely have spent a lot of time in the life binge drinking but it was always for removing the inhibitions / helping me to feel comfortable and let loose. I am glad that you have that.

Ahh I relate so hard to this as someone with mild to moderate disordered eating for 20 years. What are the foods you dream of ?? At least fun to think about, hey!!

I sincerely hope you get to have that break from the crippling guilt and shame of not being able to perform . Some people still hate themselves right up until the last minute. I really hope you can find acceptance and peace within yourself

I just drink some beers man i feel better i usually care too much about stuff is just alcohol kind of makes u euphoric and even if you're gonna die it feels like it dont matter

 

[da5ae5ae]

the fact that maybe someone will feel bad after I'm dead

Hey you know what - I used to feel this way too. It is such a hard place to be , feeling so alone and like no one cares or loves you (is my assumption of what you are feeling). I don't know you , or what you are going through dear internet stranger, but I am listening and you do matter.

I just drink some beers man i feel better i usually care too much about stuff is just alcohol kind of makes u euphoric and even if you're gonna die it feels like it dont matter

Ahh so I think I maybe understand - how it kind of quiets the thinking noise a little , whilst simultaneously making you feel a little warmer/nicer/carefree. I do enjoy a lovely sour beer if I don't so say myself !

 

[KatalinaKrimson]

I don't want pleasure. I don't deserve pleasure.

I don't want something that just distracts and placates me. It's just something that threatens to postpone my mission and just cause more and more suffering in the long run.

I'm thinking of cutting out music, friends, and any website or old meme page that makes me laugh or smile. Maybe I ought to just make this website the only one I really look at until I finally go

 

[da5ae5ae]

I don't want pleasure. I don't deserve pleasure.

I don't want something that just distracts and placates me. It's just something that threatens to postpone my mission and just cause more and more suffering in the long run.

I'm thinking of cutting out music, friends, and any website or old meme page that makes me laugh or smile. Maybe I ought to just make this website the only one I really look at until I finally go

Fair enough. Do what's best for you !