What are your thoughts on the "suicide doesn't end the pain, it just passes it on to others" mentality?

[SpencerSees]

I believe that unfortunately sometimes you can't avoid hurting other people. As sad it is to lose someone to suicide, they can't expect you to live in misery for who knows how many decades just for their own comfort.

 

[Division Day]

Honestly, I think it just reflects how little understanding people have of our experience. Yes, sometimes people are hurt and never really get over it, but is living with that grief actually anywhere near as bad as living with the things that drive us to suicide? I doubt it in most cases.

 

[BLEH:3]

Make you feel guilty for doing whats best. Uf you cant talk me into living and have to guilt trip me doesnt make me confident in the future

 

[avoid]

I think that, on face value, suicide does pass the pain onto others if there are people who mourn you. Their pain is different from yours but it's pain nonetheless. This is not to say that you should feel guilty for taking your life. Everyone experiences and processes pain differently. So perhaps you cannot live with the pain but the people mourning you can.

 

[Vesiira]

I don't necessarily think it's "wrong", but I also don't think it's fair to expect somebody to suffer eternally just so that their loved ones don't hurt for a short period of time in comparison. Curious to see what others here have to say.

this is a topic i feel so strongly about, but can never talk about to anyone else. since they want me to stay for them. i think it's so unfair when people tell the suicidal person they should stay and that it'll get better. that they won't feel like this forever. what do they know? they don't know how much hurt and pain we feel from trauma and just everything this world has given us. all we want is to not feel the pain anymore, but it's like they take that decision away from us. it feels so restricting. we feel bad about so much, why do we have to feel bad about wanting peace for ourselves too?

 

[Oathkeeper]

I don't care. That's literally why I'm suicidal. If you still care then how are you suicidal? I don't get that shit.

Alternatively, I think people can be driven to suicide by caring too much, and not be shown the same care in return.

 

[Scythe]

So what? Don't care. I'm not in a position to care if I'm dead. Maybe I'll die in an accident tomorrow anyways. We all die one day, you WILL most likely have someone close to you die in your life. I am not a good enough of a human to suffer so people can go on with their life. And a spiteful part of me wishes for them to feel the despair I feel for a bit. I know they cannot understand my reasons, but they can at least feel my pain. If they understand my reasoning, I feel that it would make accepting ny passing a little easier.

 

[gbi2]

In my case, the cause of my pain can be stopped by dealing with the source of the pain as it is passed on to me by others, the bullying, coercion, lying and manipulation of others into believing I'm the problem. I don't see why I should be the one to bear the pain they have passed to me. Stop them passing it on and then I wont do anything that will pass it on.

But there is no attempt to stop anything like that is there, all that happens is excuses are made.

 

[FuneralCry]

I know that pro-life people get offended by this but nobody is obligated to continue existing and I'm sorry but we all have our right to die, it's not about other people, they should just learn to mind their own business.

And we all have to die someday, I hate how people say things like what is in the title yet they chose to procreate, as after all those who procreate ultimately cause the person to die in the first place. We shouldn't have to be punished by suffering in this existence all because other people were selfish enough to cruelly procreate.

 

[natthebrat]

I think that perhaps it's true, but I have to do what's best for me first. Plus, a big part of the reason I plan to ctb is so I don't have to be a burden on those around me.

 

[kilowatt]

I don't see the point. There's gonna be someone griefing over me either way I die by my own will or in an accident. Yeah, maybe it being self-inflicted makes it slightly worse, but I don't see that factor making an enormous difference. Not to mention dying as planned because of your own idealizations and hopes is much better than suffering a painful death you wouldn't even expect.
To be honest I won't really have time to sob over someone else's pain if I'm busy being dead.

 

[wait.what]

The threadbare anti-suicide "argument" in the thread title is a line of thinking I really have no patience for. Someone who uses this phrase acknowledges that their listener is suffering to the point of longing for death, and yet the speaker still neglects to offer them the smallest crumb of compassion. Instead, the speaker's main concern is to keep the pain away from themselves. How self-absorbed can a person be?

Imagine saying, "Abolishing slavery doesn't eliminate any backbreaking work. It just passes that work onto others." Or if you prefer, "Not dumping toxic waste into your water supply doesn't eliminate any toxic waste. It just means I have to keep it closer to my water supply."

What's missing from all these zero-sum, NIMBY-like "arguments" for playing hot potato with undesirable things is that there are unaddressed, fundamental injustices and societal ills at the root of each. Ignoring basic problems in favor of making someone else responsible for the negative effects is deeply foolish and irresponsible at the very least. Trying to instill a desire to live in someone by assigning them the job of being your emotional waste hauler is patently bizarre.

 

[darkenmydoorstep]

My thoughts (harsh) are I don't much care. We are all responsible for ourselves (unless we have a child.) If they're that messed up by it they can go do the same thing (and many do and who could blame them).

 

[asian.neet]

I don't necessarily think it's "wrong", but I also don't think it's fair to expect somebody to suffer eternally just so that their loved ones don't hurt for a short period of time in comparison. Curious to see what others here have to say.

I think its a very selfish argument. Projecting your anxiety and sadness on the person that's gonna CTB just because you want them alive sounds very possessive and denies the autonomy of the suicidal person. I also think we're programmed to think that way though because of the Christian notions of life and how its like "LiFe iS sO pReCIOus" at least in the west and also probably survival instinct in a way

 

[アホペンギン]

Suicide does indeed pass on pain to others but there are 2 things to consider. The first being that it is impossible to predict to what extent those around you will suffer from the pain passed onto them and the second one is that it is never the same amount of pain that you had to endure while you were alive.

This "passing on pain" aspect of suicide is arguably why people are so against suicide.. They condemn you to further suffering for their own sake, to avoid suffering at such degrees BUT, like I said before the pain passed on is never the same amount. I know a lot of people here, including myself, who are only still alive because of this, the worry of passing onto pain to others.

I think the best thing everyone involved can do in such a situation is what would be best for themselves. The suicidal person can relive themselves from their suffering and the others who they left would just have to be accepting..

 

[umopep!sdn128]

This may sound ungrateful, but I don't care what people think, even those closest to me. Firstly, there are a maximum of 10 people in the world who care about me and who will remember me if I die. But even my father and mother, I believe, should not stop me. I may be stopped by the hope somewhere in the depths of my soul that there is a chance to fix everything, the fear of undesirable consequences from attempting suicide, but not by my parents. I believe that if they really love me, they will accept any decision I make and will respect it and they will be smart enough to understand that it is better for me. If not, they don't really love me, which means you can't lose what doesn't exist.

 

[RandomMacBeth]

I don't necessarily think it's "wrong", but I also don't think it's fair to expect somebody to suffer eternally just so that their loved ones don't hurt for a short period of time in comparison. Curious to see what others here have to say.

About the first part I agree, CTB does eliminate the pain. The second part isn't entirely wrong, in most cases there will be someone to mourn your death, but I don't think that should be considered.

I don't think it's a selfish thought. I think it's even more selfish for a person to come up to you and say ''how will I or your family be after you're gone?''. This is basically throwing your feelings and pain in the trash and only caring about what others will think after your death.

 

[Wouldpecker]

Suicide passes my pain onto others?

Sounds like not my damn problem.

 

[TheRottingContinues]

Maybe the person that the pain "passed on to" will be better at dealing with it then my pathetic ass

 

[Archness]

Some people have no one who'd miss them, but that aside, the topic of people's grief in the aftermath of one's suicide really depends on many things for oneself. However, the choice to end one's life is still their own personal choice. While other's grief is something to consider, just 1 person missing you isn't an absolute "Do not kill yourself", period. While we can consider others feelings, when it comes to personal matters, other's feelings cannot dictate those decision.

That's my thoughts on it in general. As for when it comes to me personally? Everyone could definitely "get over" it, won't care, or otherwise it wouldn't be that much for them.

 

[whateverr]

Alternatively, I think people can be driven to suicide by caring too much, and not be shown the same care in return.

Yeah, that's true I guess. Maybe suicide is a disease of extremes.

 

[just_a_guy]

I think it's like a lot of "clever catch phrases" that people come up with that they think sounds good and is probably meant to guilt someone into staying alive in the hope that the person wanting to exit starts to see things in the conventional way. I don't like the phrase because guilt should not be a reason to do anything. If anything, suicide shares the pain with any loved ones you may have and shows them just how heavy it was for you. If you have loved ones you're leaving behind, it's definitely a consideration you as an individual must make but just like we allow people to smoke and slowly kill themselves, or get addicted to drugs and possibly od, we must also allow someone who wants the dignity of death by their own hands to make that decision.

 

[SilentSadness]

I don't accept the argument because it's actually not an argument but a form of manipulation. Everyone dies eventually so if death "passes on pain to others" then suicide does not change the outcome. It is also not fair to force someone into this world and then claim that their suicide passes pain onto you. There is not much more to say because it's just an extremely toxic and manipulative thing to say.