stellaistired
Member
- Aug 7, 2025
- 12
I miss being able to feel emotion without there being an underlying sense of anticipation waiting for the other shoe to drop. Idk if I'll even make it to the end of August. I'm broke, in debt due to my own stupidity, one of the few reasons that kept me going has been long passed (my kitty), bf broke up because we're both having issues. I can't express emotion properly. Was always the stupid ass ugly undiagnosed cringe autistic kid who annoyed everyone else. I am the type of person worthless people would harass on tiktok and reels if I became well known. Instead of therapy my fucking mother just passed her issues down to me. All I feel is rage everyday, I find myself acting similar to how she did and I can't stand it. Stupid fucking job market is terrible. I would rather blow my brains out than do yet another job dealing with stupid POS customers. And of course the current job I'm moderately satisfied with can't even fucking afford to give me a proper Monday to Friday. I'm tired of trying to be what everyone expects me to be. I'm so angry and no matter how much I scream and cry, nothing chances. It's the same stupid shit everyday. One click of a gun and it's finally over. Might just try and get fent off the street since I hear it's painless. I either feel nothing or everything at once and I hate it. I just want to die painlessly if wasting my life working some fuckass job that I don't give two shits about is all there is. I've been an angry, bitter, hateful person even as a child thanks to my mother's anger issues. Always getting mad over my behaviorisms, the way i do things, stupid shit that nobody else cares about...I never asked to be born. The bitch should've aborted me. Everybody's all like "uUehh ThInK aBoUt hOw it woUlD aFfeCt others"-FUCK YOUR FEELINGS. YOU WANT ME TO STAY HERE SO BAD, FIX ME THEN. FUCKING FIX ME. MAKE THIS SHIT GO AWAY. Anything painless. I'm a little scared to try the gun method in the event I fail or end up dying in pain.
