What are Your Strongest Feelings about WHY You want to Leave this Life?

[¡!¡!¡!]

I have been abused, it caused me to have PTSD. I wasnt really socialised either so im "awkward" around people, i never know what to say and what to talk about even. My head is just a blank space, sometimes i dont even think about anything or feel anything. Im just there. And then i feel everything at once. I kinda stopped talking recently because there is nothing left to be said.
i have hcm (a heart condition) and a recently diagnosed hematological disease. Im not bed bound in any way and im not looking into ctb to end my physical suffering but it sure contributes to it.
Its my first year of uni and i have never felt so incompetent. Professors are rude, they look down on us, the place itself is very cold.
The coldness always gets me.

 

[faust]

The saddest things for me are to live knowing that:
I will never succeed in what I want
I will never be the same again
I live in an era where my interests and art worth nothing
Nothing can make me happy
My hobbies don't make me feel better
The things will inevitably go worse

 

[BadRNG]

I hate my self , I am ashamed , I don't know what to do..

 

[Trisolaris]

Brain damage from antidepressants that is permanent or at least long lasting. Chronic pain. Depression and anxiety.

 

[Chalken]

Mental illnesses, apathy, nihilism, a sense of doom and dread, not being comfortable in my own skin.

 

[Kneel]

Health issues, both mental and physical.
I have nothing or no one keeping me here anymore.

 

[Inferdan]

My

What are Your Strongest Feelings about WHY You want to Leave this Life?

Here are my deepest feelings on my reasons... I would love to understand your feelings on why you want to CTB... Thank you to anyone who wants to share and express themselves... a few of mine mention my religious beliefs, but it doesn't matter to me if you are atheist, new age, whatever you like, I welcome all... the point is to share YOUR feelings, no judgments, no filters, just your own personal feelings...

(and this is NOT a goodbye, just Sharing of thoughts/feelings)

Here are mine...

I just can't do this anymore... every month, every year... yet again, it still has never worked out, life still has never gotten 'better'... this is not me, this is my environment that is toxic to my soul...

I try my best in a society that is so unpredictable, with so many heartless people, so few trustworthy kind people...
I need more love, more goodness, more hope... It does not exist in this realm. Especially in this crazy American system, no affordable housing, no access to quality medical care without lots of money, constant violence all around us, and I can never find a good husband... so few true friends that really do care that really are there...

I cannot just keep going with this damaged nervous system, exhausted body, always on the edge of homelessness because of money... not based on who I am, or any good deeds or character... just money, cold & empty money, with the majority of my family having been physically abusive, emotionally abusive/distant, abandoning me, with only a few good family members... but here I am, BROKEN, once again, with none of my basic needs met... Starving inside spiritually, in a body that is the opposite of who I am inside, opposite of my Soul...

Peace in Heaven is what I need, not this physical realm with corruption, cruelty & evil monsters mixed in allowed to create so much damage, day after day... to me, and so many other good people like me around the world.

Enough is enough, I just want to go home soon... to fly away, far away & into the sky amongst the stars...

For me, there is freedom & peace escaping this world...

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My life has left me scarred, broken, instilling a never-ending cycle of stress that pressures my already torn mind to snap further and further. I wish to leave, for I know that there is no hope of recovery. My many visits to therapists and the words of my friends losing their beautiful meaning to them prove so. I already mentioned this a bit ago, but I have lost my passion to draw and develop my stories, which is a big thing to me. No longer do I feel of making my worlds, my interpretations of myself. I have fought for so long, and now, the emptiness grows. I find it hard to be cheerful. I guess now, I just want to go. I just want to go from this horrid, burning, corrupt world. I see the good, but it does not help anymore. I just want to go, that's all I want.

I also admire your point of view, though I don't follow it, and the nice touch with the gifs all in all make me smile. I wish you luck on your endeavours, and a peaceful passing.

 

[Final Escape]

I had good parents (well, a good mom, at least), and I was gifted with a pretty good brain. Undergrad in Journalism, Masters in Accounting. I had a good job, a wife and kids, and now...well, my wife has kicked me out of the house, I haven't worked in nine months, and it seems as if my brain is almost trying to sabotage me. I have fought for years: changed prescriptions, read self-help books, tried meditation, and yet this brain doesn't work right. It's as if it wants me to fail. So, if I go, I'll shut this stupid brain off and relegate it to the ash heap of history.

It might be low testosterone I hate to tell u. Most people are really depressed because chemicals in medicine, food, drinks, water hurt our hormones. You can find testosterone online it's probably cheaper than if u go to a private clinic. U cannot go to a regular medical place to find out if it's hormones they will try to give u antidepressants lol! Testosterone is essential for mental well being in both men and women but women just need less of it. Also your thyroid can be sluggish too bc flouride in the water hurts thyroid function. You can buy DHEA at health food stores to improve testosterone production if u can't actually get testosterone.

 

[TAW122]

Here are mine in this thread I made a while back. I've been through a lot in life, I've improved and recovered time and time again, but ultimately, I have come to terms that even if things do get better, or so, it is bound to go back to shit again. At some point I've decided I had enough of this shitshow called 'life' and want to exit it. Also, the amount of effort and investment to maintain things or even get back to a functional state (or for fleeting moments of pleasure) are simply not worth it.

 

[purplemoon]

Here are mine in this thread I made a while back. I've been through a lot in life, I've improved and recovered time and time again, but ultimately, I have come to terms that even if things do get better, or so, it is bound to go back to shit again. At some point I've decided I had enough of this shitshow called 'life' and want to exit it. Also, the amount of effort and investment to maintain things or even get back to a functional state (or for fleeting moments of pleasure) are simply not worth it.

I understand what you're saying about eventually it's going to go bad again, and while some people say well that's life, well life is easier when you might be a different person, but we are who we are. Even if I delay mine, especially for my mother, and I just wait. Eventually down the road I would catch the bus anyway, because I cannot even imagine being in this insanely corrupt and violent, financially exhausting American society while i get old, more in pain, more vulnerable, at the mercy of a ruthless system.

I cannot see myself waiting too long as i cannot endure all of this crap on top of becoming disabled, older, and even more exhausted. I see it this way, in nature I would've already been eaten by a wild animal as one who cannot keep up with the herd anymore anyway, so maybe in nature i would have been long gone years ago. Of course God seems to have other plans.

Here are mine in this thread I made a while back. I've been through a lot in life, I've improved and recovered time and time again, but ultimately, I have come to terms that even if things do get better, or so, it is bound to go back to shit again. At some point I've decided I had enough of this shitshow called 'life' and want to exit it. Also, the amount of effort and investment to maintain things or even get back to a functional state (or for fleeting moments of pleasure) are simply not worth it.

I hear you on that... it's like about what? 10% of our waking time in life is decent with a few moments of relaxation or even a laugh?
My life is about 90% constantly empty work, work, work, work, work, empty errands, errands, exhaustion, trauma, frustrations, nonstop pressures and problems, and all for what?

At the most, 10% relief? How is that enough? How is that even a quality-of-life? When does the person actually get to Live, to enjoy? 1 or 2 hours a day?! Gosh, are they sure slavery has been completely abolished? Or is it just called by another name?

*Watch/Read "Animal Farm" that actually refers to the masses slaving away while A small percentage of the others benefit from all of their work living lives of luxury, while the masses are chasing after a so-called promised carrot on a stick, that never actually happens.

I don't know about you, but I'm also sick and tired of hearing people blurting out this phrase without even thinking about it: "well that's life" as if we agreed to it or something?!

I would never have agreed to being born into this giant insane asylum with scenery and illusions. Seems like a whole lot of people feel the same way!!


People act like "well you have to work to make a living", blah, blah, blah...okay but why do you have to spend the MAJORITY of your life TIME working to avoid being homeless? (I mean if we are of the same species, and supposedly a community in society collectively, then why is it that there are increasing explosions of homelessness? It's like an invisible gun threat to my head every month... I must make x amount of dollars so i'm not living on the dangerous streets starving!! (*sarcastic* Wow, thank you heartless capitalists, Maybe I should have children so that they too can experience all of this suffering?) Seriously?!?

Guess we're not so united after all then?

Shouldn't everybody who is part of the the collective group of humans (country, society) have the minimal basic life sustaining requirements? Basic shelter, basic food? What the hell?!

There's nothing wrong with work, but it shouldn't really take over the majority of someone's actual lifetime? We should be getting the same amount of pay for half the hours, and I don't care about "that's just the way it is" line; this is the way it should be so people can actually have a decent life.

And then they have the nerve to complain or criticize people for wanting to ctb?!? Well, they should make this life and socioeconomic system more decent and not so absolutely exhausting and with people in USA spewing out

their brainwashed phrases/responses: "You're on your own", or "that's your problem if you become homeless", etc. Especially in America, it's all about everyone toughing it out on their own like a lone dolphin no matter the cost to the human being.

There are so many different types of personalities, strengths and weaknesses, there are only a small percentage of people that can actually live like that based on that theory of society. Most people eek through life now barely making it, or struggle through life.

So just who is the system really working for anyway? A small percentage? Then how can we be called a "society"??

It's a human-created system, and they can change it / make adjustments anytime they want, they just don't CARE enough to.

If there are almost no Safetynet programs for people generally, whether it's for help with rent, medical care, you name it, it's very little if anything, but yet they're "sad" if we kill ourselves? SO Which one is it?

Do they care or not? If they say they care then why aren't they helping us PREVENT a crisis in the first place?!

Oh, okay, well if they don't care about people suffering doesn't that just PROVE OUR ENTIRE POINT?!? To need/ want to CTB?!?

This species has very few good and trustworthy people in it with more than half being either very selfish or worse as sickening predators-bullies, and i really don't want to stay too much longer getting older and even more vulnerable to just suffer even more, struggle through never-ending trauma & damage, and all for for what?

 

[Ghost2211]

visual and neurological disability, my best friend and soulmate now cant stand me and is just using me till he doesn't need me anymore, financial ruin. More than all that is the very likely loss of my children to my ex if I don't just figure out how to make enough money after being a homemaker my entire adult life, and only have a high school education.

 

[purplemoon]

visual and neurological disability, my best friend and soulmate now cant stand me and is just using me till he doesn't need me anymore, financial ruin. More than all that is the very likely loss of my children to my ex if I don't just figure out how to make enough money after being a homemaker my entire adult life, and only have a high school education.

Sorry to hear you're going through that. Do you mind if I ask what kind of neurological issues you have? I've had a couple of them, and might have a few suggestions for you that might make it a little bit easier for you possibly, At least for mine it made a big difference in one of my previous neurological conditions.

Daycares often don't discriminate against age etc, Not that's a fun job or anything, but I'm just trying to think of ideas to help you a little bit. Although depending on your visual challenges maybe that would not work for you?

Hugs

 

[Ghost2211]

Sorry to hear you're going through that. Do you mind if I ask what kind of neurological issues you have? I've had a couple of them, and might have a few suggestions for you that might make it a little bit easier for you possibly, At least for mine it made a big difference in one of my previous neurological conditions.

Daycares often don't discriminate against age etc, Not that's a fun job or anything, but I'm just trying to think of ideas to help you a little bit. Although depending on your visual challenges maybe that would not work for you?

Hugs

They are Calling it complex migraine auras, but is an umbrella term for we don't know what's happening but you also have migraines. The primary symptom is transient global aphasia. For those not familiar with that it means cant understand language, read, type, and my speech comes out as gibberish. I've learned how to get the point across to people my brain needs a min to reboot, but it feels awkward to have to tell people that since I can't usually fake a conversation. I also get disoriented and it feels like walking around in a dream, as well as short term memory issues.

 

[purplemoon]

They are Calling it complex migraine auras, but is an umbrella term for we don't know what's happening but you also have migraines. The primary symptom is transient global aphasia. For those not familiar with that it means cant understand language, read, type, and my speech comes out as gibberish. I've learned how to get the point across to people my brain needs a min to reboot, but it feels awkward to have to tell people that since I can't usually fake a conversation. I also get disoriented and it feels like walking around in a dream, as well as short term memory issues.

that's got to be extremely difficult, so sad to think of what you must go through. I don't have that condition, I have had migraine auras most of my life,
I remember though that they went from being two days long to about two hours long at the most after I inhaled some kind of medicine long ago, it triggered something that seem to help minimize the intensity, as pills did not work for me. Maybe you could ask your neurologist to try a few inhaler (similar to what an asthma med does) types of medicine for migraines instead?

I cannot even imagine what you go through on a daily basis, I'm so sorry for what you go through.
Were you born with it?

Do they have any idea when it started or what do you think? What do you think happened to you?

 

[yetme]

I'm dying from antibiotic resistant bacteria which is slowly eating me alive. The pain is agonizing. On top of that debts and medical bills are piling up. People tell me hang in there, but there is nothing to hang on to...
Life is cruel

 

[purplemoon]

I'm dying from antibiotic resistant bacteria which is slowly eating me alive. The pain is agonizing. On top of that debts and medical bills are piling up. People tell me hang in there, but there is nothing to hang on to...
Life is cruel

That's horrific, i'm so sorry you're going through that!!!! I don't know if you have ever tried anything herbal? Obviously i have no idea what that's like, i'm just trying to think of anything that might help a bit?

What about Garlic in everything ... natural anti-biotic bacteria can never have resistance to? Like putting garlic in a blender and put in lots of food to get in your bloodstream?

Garlic and olive oil poultice on your chest to get into your lungs to help kill off more bacteria possibly?

Diatomaceous earth food grade also helps remove toxins in the entire body (organs, blood etc) It helped me detox from mercury poisoning. and it also does not have a chemical basis for removing toxins, but a physical one, which means the bacteria can never buildup any resistance to it because diatomaceous earth on a microscopic level literally cuts through all sorts of parasites, viruses, even mercury. It is literally little tiny fossils skeletons that drag out stuff from the ocean, and It's sweeps through the colon and also some of it goes into the bloodstream so again start picking up and collecting all sorts of things that don't belong in your body. It's not even expensive either, I think a 1 pound bag cost 7. None of these items hurt you in anyway, with zero side effects.

COLLOIDAL SILVER literally CURED a friend's son who had a MRSA infection for months and no amount of dermatology meds helped... Until/ When my friend finally decided to just go ahead and try it, and it cure him within one week as they put topical applications with baseline on the MRSA and he also took about 3 tablespoons full for a few days. My friend said the doctors were stunned.

Colloidal silver literally kills millions of both bacteria and viruses on contact...

It's impossible For bacteria or viruses to build up resistance to it because it doesn't work by chemical, it works by physical decimation of the invading cells, it renders neutral the biological elements of bacteria/viruses starving them of oxygen etc

if anything, please try the colloidal silver?

It's cured every single person eventually get in to try it and it cures the flu, cures words, it cures everything, I've never seen it fail on anyone I suggested it to.

My favorite quality is this one, You could get it either on Amazon, or natural grocery stores, super supplements, etc. and the smaller the number, the more powerful it is. You can just look for what they call "ppm" of 10 to 25 ppm on the bottle (molecule size)




Hugs

 

[IvanK]

There are several reasons for me. I had written in my other posts about this.
I had a very difficult childhood due to domestic violence. I have seen my mom suffer throughout her life and then die a very painful death.
This experience made me realise that this world is not a decent place for everyone. Surely, for many people life is a fairly decent experience. Good for them. Let them continue living.
But many people and many living things suffer without any apparent rhyme or reason and then they die. Just imagine a person suffer almost their entire adult life for no fault of theirs and then just die so pointlessly.

I spent several years thinking and understanding what the meaning of all this suffering is. I couldn't find any convincing argument. May be I am not smart enough. But I did spend a significant amount of time reading everything I could lay hands on, listening to every argument. It is just a world where one living thing has to eat another in order to survive.
This is my strongest reason.

There are other reasons like severe depression and anxiety. I also have an autoimmune disorder which has left ugly scars all over my body. It is difficult to find a partner. Even if I do, I might pass all these anxieties and disorders onto next generation.
Its too much work and effort for me to act normal.
I am also not interested in dedicating my life to some higher cause like environmental activism or serving humanity. I tried but its just not my cup of tea.

All these reasons combined and also the fact that nobody will be severely affected by my leaving, have resulted in me considering suicide.

 

[rllyfckinempty]

i've been struggling with suicidal thoughts and depression since around 11 or so, everyone around me keeps telling me things are worse before they are better and i think that saying in itself is what has caused me to lose hope. when does it stop being bad? i'm pretty sure it doesn't ever stop being bad, i think society is just trying to trick us into having hope and to look forward to something that isn't ever going to be there

 

[purplemoon]

There are several reasons for me. I had written in my other posts about this.
I had a very difficult childhood due to domestic violence. I have seen my mom suffer throughout her life and then die a very painful death.
This experience made me realise that this world is not a decent place for everyone. Surely, for many people life is a fairly decent experience. Good for them. Let them continue living.
But many people and many living things suffer without any apparent rhyme or reason and then they die. Just imagine a person suffer almost their entire adult life for no fault of theirs and then just die so pointlessly.

I spent several years thinking and understanding what the meaning of all this suffering is. I couldn't find any convincing argument. May be I am not smart enough. But I did spend a significant amount of time reading everything I could lay hands on, listening to every argument. It is just a world where one living thing has to eat another in order to survive.
This is my strongest reason.

There are other reasons like severe depression and anxiety. I also have an autoimmune disorder which has left ugly scars all over my body. It is difficult to find a partner. Even if I do, I might pass all these anxieties and disorders onto next generation.
Its too much work and effort for me to act normal.
I am also not interested in dedicating my life to some higher cause like environmental activism or serving humanity. I tried but its just not my cup of tea.

All these reasons combined and also the fact that nobody will be severely affected by my leaving, have resulted in me considering suicide.

i can relate to you on so many of those points...

This physical realm can be really freakish, for example, parasites. Or as you said, your auto-immune condition. Tons of creatures eating/consuming each other, if you think about it, is bizarre once you consider the suffering it creates. Herbivores are at least not really creating suffering in the plants they eat, so why do all the others attack and eat each other?

Cancer cells, viruses, bacteria all create immense suffering for every living thing on the planet for the most part.

If each could just generate from within, it would be so much better for all. Then they could focus more on joyful interactions instead of hurting.

I don't think it's a matter of you not being smart enough, good enough, etc. it's this entire survival system but is mostly human made, they put so much pressure on people that causes their anxiety and depression, and many people out there are superficial with no integrity, or judge people on their looks instead of what's on the inside of their character.

Only a small percentage of humanity seems to understand this and actually do look at their inside character and others' character.

Too many are like thoughtless consumers who cannot think or feel beyond simplistic 'what's for dinner' like organic tissue with no soul.

It freaks me out on a deeper level sometimes, like i'm begging to be around the rare kindred spirits like myself. I don't literally believe in 'zombies', but symbolically... it's almost as if huge amounts of people have become 'zombified' and

Metaphorically feel like I'm running around trying to shake people into waking up, wake up!
Please, why won't you won't wake up?!?

Then I just fall down on my inside and want to give up completely, just fly away from here and go to God.

I don't belong here, I've never belonged to this world. Do you ever feel like that?





It's very doubtful that it's your fault; the system is rigged from the start to be so difficult for the majority. This species has only a small minority of truly good people.

It's not your fault, it's not You sweetheart.


Plus, is it incorrect to think all human babies are born innocent??...

Or are we born with our true character??

 

[yetme]

visual and neurological disability, my best friend and soulmate now cant stand me and is just using me till he doesn't need me anymore, financial ruin. More than all that is the very likely loss of my children to my ex if I don't just figure out how to make enough money after being a homemaker my entire adult life, and only have a high school education.

That's horrific, i'm so sorry you're going through that!!!! I don't know if you have ever tried anything herbal? Obviously i have no idea what that's like, i'm just trying to think of anything that might help a bit?

What about Garlic in everything ... natural anti-biotic bacteria can never have resistance to? Like putting garlic in a blender and put in lots of food to get in your bloodstream?

Garlic and olive oil poultice on your chest to get into your lungs to help kill off more bacteria possibly?

Diatomaceous earth food grade also helps remove toxins in the entire body (organs, blood etc) It helped me detox from mercury poisoning. and it also does not have a chemical basis for removing toxins, but a physical one, which means the bacteria can never buildup any resistance to it because diatomaceous earth on a microscopic level literally cuts through all sorts of parasites, viruses, even mercury. It is literally little tiny fossils skeletons that drag out stuff from the ocean, and It's sweeps through the colon and also some of it goes into the bloodstream so again start picking up and collecting all sorts of things that don't belong in your body. It's not even expensive either, I think a 1 pound bag cost 7. None of these items hurt you in anyway, with zero side effects.

COLLOIDAL SILVER literally CURED a friend's son who had a MRSA infection for months and no amount of dermatology meds helped... Until/ When my friend finally decided to just go ahead and try it, and it cure him within one week as they put topical applications with baseline on the MRSA and he also took about 3 tablespoons full for a few days. My friend said the doctors were stunned.

Colloidal silver literally kills millions of both bacteria and viruses on contact...

It's impossible For bacteria or viruses to build up resistance to it because it doesn't work by chemical, it works by physical decimation of the invading cells, it renders neutral the biological elements of bacteria/viruses starving them of oxygen etc

if anything, please try the colloidal silver?

It's cured every single person eventually get in to try it and it cures the flu, cures words, it cures everything, I've never seen it fail on anyone I suggested it to.

My favorite quality is this one, You could get it either on Amazon, or natural grocery stores, super supplements, etc. and the smaller the number, the more powerful it is. You can just look for what they call "ppm" of 10 to 25 ppm on the bottle (molecule size)




Hugs

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Thank you for your support!

Yeah I've tried colloidal silver - didn't help, also herbs, antibiotics, experimental treatment - I've got into new drug trials. didn't help either. The only thing that slows down the infection is vegeterian diet. I can't take any for of fat. oil is a big no for me as it causes bacteria to replicate. Also no meat, protein, milk etc..
I'm just tired living in constant agony, It's my 3rd year and I got significantly worse during last year. I've made some mistakes during treatment and accidently got the infection into my lungs. in 3 month in got into my heart and into my brain... I've never thought I would die in such a horrific way. I've always imagined something nobel like rescuing a child or fighting a fire, but not like this... life has its own plans. fuck it.
I'm gonna start dry-fasting soon. I 've heard long fasts like 7-11 days without food and water can cure cancer. The longest I've managed was 4 days. That's when your body starts to break itself . So this is my plan.

 

[purplemoon]

Thank you for your support!

Yeah I've tried colloidal silver - didn't help, also herbs, antibiotics, experimental treatment - I've got into new drug trials. didn't help either. The only thing that slows down the infection is vegeterian diet. I can't take any for of fat. oil is a big no for me as it causes bacteria to replicate. Also no meat, protein, milk etc..
I'm just tired living in constant agony, It's my 3rd year and I got significantly worse during last year. I've made some mistakes during treatment and accidently got the infection into my lungs. in 3 month in got into my heart and into my brain... I've never thought I would die in such a horrific way. I've always imagined something nobel like rescuing a child or fighting a fire, but not like this... life has its own plans. fuck it.
I'm gonna start dry-fasting soon. I 've heard long fasts like 7-11 days without food and water can cure cancer. The longest I've managed was 4 days. That's when your body starts to break itself . So this is my plan.

Darn, I was really hoping one of those might help you. I've also read over the years that when people fast for more than two days that their system actually successfully reverts into detoxing the entire body because it doesn't have to work on digesting anything.

I really hope your fasting helps you!!

 

[yetme]

Darn, I was really hoping one of those might help you. I've also read over the years that when people fast for more than two days that their system actually successfully reverts into detoxing the entire body because it doesn't have to work on digesting anything.

I really hope your fasting helps you!!

thank you for you kindness! I wish people were more like you!

 

[purplemoon]

Thank you for your support!

Yeah I've tried colloidal silver - didn't help, also herbs, antibiotics, experimental treatment - I've got into new drug trials. didn't help either. The only thing that slows down the infection is vegeterian diet. I can't take any for of fat. oil is a big no for me as it causes bacteria to replicate. Also no meat, protein, milk etc..
I'm just tired living in constant agony, It's my 3rd year and I got significantly worse during last year. I've made some mistakes during treatment and accidently got the infection into my lungs. in 3 month in got into my heart and into my brain... I've never thought I would die in such a horrific way. I've always imagined something nobel like rescuing a child or fighting a fire, but not like this... life has its own plans. fuck it.
I'm gonna start dry-fasting soon. I 've heard long fasts like 7-11 days without food and water can cure cancer. The longest I've managed was 4 days. That's when your body starts to break itself . So this is my plan.

Your story is certainly a strong example of why they need to provide N legally, instead of people struggling who are already in pain that have to take more risks with limited methods.

I wish i could make it better for you.

 

[EndItNorth]

I'm older, alone, and not financially stable. I am one accident away from being homeless, maimed or crippled. I am terrified. I live paycheck to paycheck, severely underpaid, in a mind numbing job. I have applied for other jobs, but my mental illness (bi-polar) keeps me back. I barely have 4 or 5 good months a year, most of the year is a battle of depression, paranoia, OCD, anxiety. I am tired. At this point in my life I feel like I should have some peace of mind. Instead I find myself in deeper holes needing to get out of, still trying to survive. My Therapist says I just need to view things as "temporary" and work through them, and "learn the lesson that life is trying to teach me me." I just want to start yelling at him. My meds are useless and I am not interested in trying new ones or bringing old ones back. All I have learned is that life is unfair and you cannot count on anything going right. I feel as though good things that happen to me are only luck, and bad things are the norm. I try and make my universe as small as possible to keep from having random bad things to keep happening to me. It doesn't work. I have no safety net. I have enough presence of mind to know, this is no way to live. I live a life of fear. It isn't normal. CTB is a way for me to take control. For me to take control of my fear, my mental illness, my universe, my destiny.

 

[IvanK]

i can relate to you on so many of those points...

This physical realm can be really freakish, for example, parasites. Or as you said, your auto-immune condition. Tons of creatures eating/consuming each other, if you think about it, is bizarre once you consider the suffering it creates. Herbivores are at least not really creating suffering in the plants they eat, so why do all the others attack and eat each other?

Cancer cells, viruses, bacteria all create immense suffering for every living thing on the planet for the most part.

If each could just generate from within, it would be so much better for all. Then they could focus more on joyful interactions instead of hurting.

I don't think it's a matter of you not being smart enough, good enough, etc. it's this entire survival system but is mostly human made, they put so much pressure on people that causes their anxiety and depression, and many people out there are superficial with no integrity, or judge people on their looks instead of what's on the inside of their character.

Only a small percentage of humanity seems to understand this and actually do look at their inside character and others' character.

Too many are like thoughtless consumers who cannot think or feel beyond simplistic 'what's for dinner' like organic tissue with no soul.

It freaks me out on a deeper level sometimes, like i'm begging to be around the rare kindred spirits like myself. I don't literally believe in 'zombies', but symbolically... it's almost as if huge amounts of people have become 'zombified' and

Metaphorically feel like I'm running around trying to shake people into waking up, wake up!
Please, why won't you won't wake up?!?

Then I just fall down on my inside and want to give up completely, just fly away from here and go to God.

I don't belong here, I've never belonged to this world. Do you ever feel like that?


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It's very doubtful that it's your fault; the system is rigged from the start to be so difficult for the majority. This species has only a small minority of truly good people.

It's not your fault, it's not You sweetheart.


Plus, is it incorrect to think all human babies are born innocent??...

Or are we born with our true character??




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Thank you for your kind words! More than the feeling of not belonging in this world, I feel that my work here is done.

 

[Pol]

I've had this feeling for years, on and off. I've given myself a chance, many times. I feel like my existence is a waste of resources, opportunities, and time. Things better of given those who really need it to get ahead in life. Most of the time I feel empty. It's difficult to say what I want, but I'm certain with what I need - peace of mind.

 

[Innereye]

I don't want to but I feel trapped and it looks like the only way out

 

[SugarbushMtn]

To stop the overwhelming pain.

 

[purplemoon]

I'm older, alone, and not financially stable. I am one accident away from being homeless, maimed or crippled. I am terrified. I live paycheck to paycheck, severely underpaid, in a mind numbing job. I have applied for other jobs, but my mental illness (bi-polar) keeps me back. I barely have 4 or 5 good months a year, most of the year is a battle of depression, paranoia, OCD, anxiety. I am tired. At this point in my life I feel like I should have some peace of mind. Instead I find myself in deeper holes needing to get out of, still trying to survive. My Therapist says I just need to view things as "temporary" and work through them, and "learn the lesson that life is trying to teach me me." I just want to start yelling at him. My meds are useless and I am not interested in trying new ones or bringing old ones back. All I have learned is that life is unfair and you cannot count on anything going right. I feel as though good things that happen to me are only luck, and bad things are the norm. I try and make my universe as small as possible to keep from having random bad things to keep happening to me. It doesn't work. I have no safety net. I have enough presence of mind to know, this is no way to live. I live a life of fear. It isn't normal. CTB is a way for me to take control. For me to take control of my fear, my mental illness, my universe, my destiny.

i'm sad you are going through that, and even if you were to never catch the bus, your therapist is not even being realistic, as they are just fellow human beings, and don't have all the answers. They think they do of course. 100 years ago you wouldn't even be hearing that kind of nonsense, they've created this whole psychology field with the delusion that they have somehow found all the answers. If they had, then why is it They don't really cure people?

If there was a cure, there wouldn't even be any anxiety, depression, ptsd, etc so to speak, or it would be easily fixed if they truly had the so-called answers. they call it medicine, or medical treatment, but it never fixes the person.

It's a human created set of delusions, that they think might be correct, but then they find out later they were wrong. But yet they call it "medicine".

I wouldn't even value that person's opinion, especially what "lesson life is trying to teach you"? It's not trying to "teach" you anything, it's this human-created system full of unnatural stress.

Do whatever you think helps you find some type of relief, maybe she or he is a nice person, I don't know. Whatever you do, I hope you find comfort.

 

[strawberrygirl]

I had good parents (well, a good mom, at least), and I was gifted with a pretty good brain. Undergrad in Journalism, Masters in Accounting. I had a good job, a wife and kids, and now...well, my wife has kicked me out of the house, I haven't worked in nine months, and it seems as if my brain is almost trying to sabotage me. I have fought for years: changed prescriptions, read self-help books, tried meditation, and yet this brain doesn't work right. It's as if it wants me to fail. So, if I go, I'll shut this stupid brain off and relegate it to the ash heap of history.

I really want to hug you in real life. Most times people just don't understand. They think you have the brains, a normal family and that you should not be entitled to feel sad like it's not a human right for you.. hugs mate.