What are your last thoughts going to be?

[Trav1989]

My last thoughts will be of how much I cared only to not receive anything back in return with the hope that nothing will come afterwards.

 

[dimgobaith]

I don't know..
maybe it'll be shit I made a mistake
Maybe it'll be I'm sorry
Maybe it'll be sadness that no one found me or cared enough to try
Maybe it'll be relief

Maybe I won't have one at all

 

[ngmi]

It's impossible to really know for certain in advance, if you've never been in that space before.

But I think I'll feel relief, that there's finally nothing more to worry about, no more work to be done, no more stakes to fear, no more debts to pay.

Maybe I'll get a sudden burst of inspiration, wish I had tried pushing myself a little further, tried calling her one more time, tried achieving one more goal. Much as I wish those thoughts WON'T come, that I'll only commit to ending things when I'm permanently exhausted, they might show up to troll me anyways. At least then it'll actually be too late.

 

[ebg]

"I hope I don't shit myself" also probably hoping good memories made during life eternalize somehow

 

[LunarLight]

My last thoughts will be for my partner, probably.

 

[AboutTimeToDepart]

Hopefully relief, knowing that it's finally all over, or about to be anyway. Realistically though, probably the guilt of leaving my family behind - seems kinda inevitable I suppose.

 

[asa]

I'll more than likely regret the choices and decisions I've made over the past 18 years.

 

[Surai]

When everything is crumbling around me in a mess of emotion or chemicals while my body stains to hold on grasping at my legs while i fly out and when that grip finally releases while Im already leaving i would look up and be like "holy fuck"

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'd like them to be appreciating memories of the people I loved and lost. I doubt they will be though. I suspect I will be afraid and in pain. I'll likely just be having a whole bunch of bitter thoughts towards God- if there is one. Why did you build so much inescapable suffering into life? Towards my parents (worst of all- I don't want to feel like this but...) Why did you bring me into this? Towards society: You're such a bunch of sadists forcing people to die alone and with such risky methods. I expect it will basically be a whole lot of anger unfortunately.

Perhaps not though, maybe I'll be able to get myself into a calmer state of mind where I know this is just something I need to do and endure to get the result I want. I suspect it might be like going in for an operation. There's all this preparation. There's all this fear about what might happen. There's even fasting involved for some of them. But, you just know you need to hold it together and go through it. The operations I have had turned out to be a walk in the park compared to other things. I hope CTB will be the same although, I doubt it.

 

[AllTheseQuestions]

It's really difficult to answer that question, but somehow I'm convinced that SI and the corresponding thoughts that go with it are what will preoccupy me. Honestly, considering that the reason for my eventual CTB is the breakup of the relationship with the woman I only truly loved and that I am the one who ended that relationship (despite the fact that I loved her and that I still love her more than anything). We are literally one soul in two bodies and this feeling of guilt eats me up and prevents me from functioning further in this life. We are still somehow connected on a mental level (dreams, thoughts), but she cannot (because of her hurt) get over my mistakes and doesn't believe that I love her, and I don't seem to have any possibility to prove it to her. There is no such thing as not I would do it to prove it to her and somehow get her back. This stalemate is unbearable, my loneliness without her is absolute and I know that no one can ever replace her. I have the possibility to have more relationships and I even know that several women are emotionally attached to me and that he loves me but I really am not able to have any emotional or physical contact with any other woman except her. I can't be alone but I can't be with anyone else but her, this is unbearable and indescribably painful. Only because of her I'm still not CTB because maybe all is not lost for us.

I'm sorry to hear this my friend. It seems to me that some of us men are really on the extreme end of the distribution when it comes to sensitivity to the breakdown of romantic love.

 

[AtheistCDsissy]

I'm not sure I'll have the coherency to think of anything, it really depends on the circumstances. But my plan is to try to think about a warm, grassy field on a very bright sunny day and hope to fade out on that thought/feeling.