What are you waiting for?

[charlotte_]

I want to at least finish my story before I go. Also, a stupid little part of me still clings on this shitty life and fear death. I don't know how to get rid of it.

 

[Quinlor]

The right question is not what you are waiting for, but what makes you want to continue living. In my case, for example, I currently live for my father and my family. I don't have friends, a girlfriend or a proper job. When my ex left me, I fell apart and tried 4 times ctb, but I suddenly realised how selfish I was being at that moment, so I will probably wait to be totally alone in my life to end it.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

To see if i can compete at the national championship first. If i do, ill delay my suicide for a few months or a year. In order to compete i need to:

1. Qualify
2. Raise enough money to travel to it
3. To actually go.

The next month will decide if i CTB in the summer, or a bit later.

 

[dwindlingfirst]

I don't want to hurt people, also I'm a little scared to be honest. I want to do it sooner than later though.

 

[TAW122]

There are some personal goals that I'm hoping to achieve (or at least try to fulfill if possible), and of course, if I do fail to meet them, then it would add further towards my CTB fuel. Additionally, waiting for the right time and circumstance is important as a plan and attempt made rashly would likely end up in disaster and failure (especially if not thoroughly planned and executed).

 

[Walilamdzii]

I don't want to traumatise the people who love me, so I guess sort of waiting for an opportune moment... combined with not feeling like I've got my head around methods to be totally sure they won't fail.

 

[RasinBoxECT]

I promised myself I would stick it out till November in the hopes that things would improve with the life changes I made. I got a new job and moved states. So far no dice. The knowledge that my leaving will hurt my family and friends still gives me pause too.

 

[Sweet Tart]

In the absence of access to any humane ways to ctb, I guess I'm waiting for the next traumatic thing that will make a violent death seem like a needed comfort.

I don't care what my body looks like when found, but I don't want to experience dying in a pool of blood or anything gruesome. As a kid, I thought slitting my wrists and bleeding out into the bath would be beautiful, but that no longer appeals to me at all.

 

[CigaretteAesthetics]

im waiting for the nerve.

 

[hanax.]

my coping mechanism is daydreaming, and i've daydreamed almost every second of my waking life. it all consist of my 'ideal' life. i've became desperate to bring it to reality that it's starting to drive me insane, those daydreams become 'key' that stops me from ctb. i'm not ready to die, but what i want is too impossible to achieve. it has something to do with money, a mid-range amount of money for something i've always wanted to have for years, yet never had the chance to get. i'm sick of being poor, i won't deny that. and people thought of me badly whenever i express those feelings. i've always thought, "i've never had a present parent, can't i at least find peace with doing something i love?" but money hinders it. i was given my last hope. i could get it on september. but, i have been waiting for long and i'm almost reaching my limit. i thought of ending everything tomorrow, that way i'd be able to live in my dreams. but i know i might change my mind. reality is just to cruel. i'm so tired. from the bottom of my heart, i want to rest.