Discussion What are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.

[Manaaja]

Heaven is the opposite of hell, so only people who are the opposite of hell can go to heaven.

 

[trashhologram]

Annoyed by people who bully others. Yes, I can and am a bitch too, but usually not the instigator. There was a user in one thread here where it belittled others trauma because "there wasn't physical violence so it's not even bad". I really hope people like that get emotionally abused so they will learn how much more and longer it hurts than being punched. Fucking moron.

 

[Dejected 55]

Its all a swirling mist of horrible and hurtful and lonely and frustrating and anxious... over and over and over... day after day after day... and I keep waking up to a new day of more awful, and I keep going to sleep hoping I don't wake up again, but I always do... I always do... and I'm tired.

 

[enne]

anxious. not anxiety. i just want to escape. almost skin crawling desperation.

 

[scordatura]

I'm grieving for something I've not even lost yet. But it's looming and getting closer and closer. It's inevitable. I don't know what I'll do when it comes... I'm scared... I'm already alone... but I'll be even more alone... it's not something i want to lose. it's something i really want to hold onto but I can't... i just can't... I don't want to deal with the loss, another loss. I'll be even emptier than I am now.... and I'm really ... empty... just now

What will I have left and what will I do from then? Time goes so fucking fast it's brutal. Please give me some time to pause, I want to pause on the good parts. I want to pause on the good memories. Why is that way? from the moment it passes the memory starts to fade, until it's not even a haze in your mind, when your desperately trying to cling onto someones voice, and eventually you can't recall it. yet everything else, all the fucked up parasitic stuff, lives in your DNA for your own personal eternity? why? I'm terrified.

and you know the folk who say, along the lines of life is worth living for the few fleeting moments of good and connection... why is that the case? are you not tormented by it? like its there only to make everything else hit harder? when its torn away from you. the pain. the grief. the loses. the isolation. everything you once had...

i have a migraine. im confused. life just is constantly fucking brutal on all my senses. It's been a really rough day. I feel completely empty, i don't know what's worth living for? I'm constantly in fucking pain and peace only exists in one form...

please fucking help me...

but...
you'll never be answered...

 

[Bowerbird]

looks like it might be time for me to start planning my "way out"

things are just gonna get worse

i'll dig my way out... even if that digging ends in a grave

 

[Alcoholic Teletubby]

The number of "progressive" YouTubers who have seen fit to promote the phenomenon of lolcows or lolcow monitoring is concerning to me. Like... I can understand viewing certain individuals as weird or morally obtuse and wanting to issue a caution against their actions, but said YouTubers still end up encouraging the online stalking they claim to oppose.

 

[Yuja]

nothing. I don't know if it's neutral or not. It's not in a negative way either (I don't think?). Just feels like I'm living in the third person. I know there's a word for this feeling but I don't remember.

 

[buriedinmyhead]

Mildly suicidal

 

[Mio_Kamimachi]

Dizzy

nothing. I don't know if it's neutral or not. It's not in a negative way either (I don't think?). Just feels like I'm living in the third person. I know there's a word for this feeling but I don't remember.

Dissociation / Dissociative?

 

[Dejected 55]

I'm always waiting for shoes to drop. When is the next bad thing going to happen or materialize at my doorstep? When will I get that call or email or letter or knock at the door? Nobody visits me with good news... so anything coming my way is going to be bad at this point. It has all been downhill for a while and it only picks up speed the farther I go.

 

[Yuja]

Dizzy


Dissociation / Dissociative?

ah yes this was the term. thank you

 

[Salvation_]

above all else, tired i guess. i feel like returning to this place is inevitable. well, until you-know-what.... inexplicably, i feel like a dog. a dog that's always sad. i don't blame the dog for being sad, i blame it (myself) for existing. i have work in 9 hours so really, i shouldn't even be worrying about any of this stuff. but sometimes i like to close my eyes and pretend i could die tonight because it makes me feel better. i also know the night i die, it'll be a whimper. there will be no magic message stopping me from taking my last breath, no drama, just silence. it'd probably take a few days for anyone to notice. that's depressing, i guess. but i'm used to it.

 

[tender/branson]

alien

 

[Dejected 55]

I feel pretty much the way I always feel. I am miserable and tired and frustrated at nearly everything. For the moment I have food to eat, water to drink, and a roof over my head. None of that will last. I wish to die in my sleep each night but I never do. I don't like it here, in this world, not even a little bit. I want the end to be here, I want it to be with minimal pain if it can't be entirely without pain. I've had so much suffering and loneliness my entire life, I just want it all to stop. I'm done and no one cares or is coming to save me and show me love that I have never known or allow me to give all the love I have always wanted to give. I'm never going to amount to anything. Nobody will notice when I am gone. I was completely irrelevant. I never needed to be here.

 

[scordatura]

Am I giving myself false memories to cope? False futures, hopeful... hopeful for something that has a slim chance of happening? It makes me feel happy and I can get lost in it. Then, you remember. It's not real...

 

[isthisthingon]

Defeated and ready to go.

 

[CTB Dream]

this all v awfl lif all pain sffr loop no psbl doany no psbl doany

 

[SchizoPolyGymnast]

I despise this body that I'm in. It's disgusting on every level and just won't comply no matter what I do to it. I really wish I could cut it up.

 

[turbomightbegone]

legitimately why did I think it'd be a good idea to volunteer to voiceact a character? i clearly cant pull the tone off and I sound fucking disgusting. not to mention I'm a lazy piece of shit that can't even bring myself to try again and again. it's almost been a week dude i almost want to go through a painful death right this instant just so that I'd have an excuse for not completing those lines

 

[elle.xoxo]

Pain. Ig. Physical pain. It's very painful to live in my body right now..Probably going to relapse into self harm after being clean for more than 5 months. I wish i could just end this, I am questioning why dying is so complicated. Guilt..Knowing i have someone who loves me dearly but the guilt of not being able to reciprocate it due to my chronic sadness is eating me alive. They said they will pay for my therapy..i don't know how to tell them that i have no hope left for this lifetime. Nothing-ness..I still feel like nothing while feeling all of the things above..yeah, doesn't make sense and no i'm not drunk. I just feel numb, I am trying to take things easy, flow any way that life takes me..but there is still a part of me just lying here waiting for something to hit me so i could die..praying each night that i don't wake up the next day. Peace..Knowing that i can still choose to end my life whenever i want to, maybe it's difficult and painful..but nothing compared to what i'm going through..

 

[Mio_Kamimachi]

i am so incredibly nauseous right now. i tried to eat something earlier and just threw it right back up. everything hurts. i cannot even keep water or juice down at the moment. maybe my body is finally giving up on me. it does not matter though, i just need to keep going somehow. i am shaking and so cold even though it is around 30 degrees celsius outside. i am just so nauseous and tired and dizzy.

 

[Dejected 55]

I just want out, I want it all to stop. I've been done for a while and failed at my attempts. I just can't.

 

[k.mihaaa]

I feel empty. Like if you slice me open, you'll find nothing there. Just black emptiness. I go through life mechanically, and it's like every emotion I feel is fake. Like they're really just at the surface. Beneath, there's nothing. It's weird. I know what to feel but I don't feel it.

I'm hurting and because of that, I end up hurting others. I don't want to cause pain anymore. I don't want to feel pain anymore. I just want it all to end.

I feel a lot at the same time and my emotions are a lot more extreme now and will switch on and off like lights. I also live mechanically and just do things because I know I have to. Like eating, drinking, walking, talking, listening to music, watching movies, doing crafts and so on. I think of so many more things I could say in this reply I don't even know what to say. I feel calm, worried, ecstatic even, angry, disgusted(especially after an event today), happy, sad, afraid and I can't put anything into words properly and I just want to kill myself so much and I have so many intrusive thoughts like oh what if I stabbed those people what if I just told them all to fuck off and shut the hell up I don't want to go anywhere tomorrow I hate them all so much I don't want to even hear their names

 

[turbomightbegone]

i think I would've been able to finish my lines today if my mother didn't decide that screaming at me through the door for 10 minutes straight was a good idea

 

[Bishop]

Despair

 

[urgent]

Like a wounded animal writhing in anguished pain as people walk past and drive over without slowing down. Not understanding how no one cares at all but to look at me glad it's not them.

 

[The Eternal One]

Felt a strong uptick in my suicidal ideation for the past days, it hasn't been this bad for years. Old coping mechanisms aren't helping. Unlike so in the past, there's no solid reason for this at the moment, especially, considering how much worse a lot of people have it in the world.
I don't feel like I can talk to anyone about this, because I myself often don't know what to reply when confronted by someone else's suicidality (which makes me feel like world's most terrible person).
I don't know how to put to words how badly I want to die right now. It gives me a physical headache and suffocating feeling in my chest and throat.
Unfortunately, I can't do this right now, so there's an additional experience of feeling imprisoned, trapped, locked in place with my suffering.
On top of everything, I deeply hate myself for even having this experience. I have no right or reason to feel this way. I must be a very bad person for being in so much pain over nothing.
There's also extreme sense of fear over reincarnating back into this hellhole - fate I don't wish upon anyone. God, I hate parents so much for selfishly bringing children into this world.

 

[star.trip]

I feel so empty, with no future, and like a fool. I've no hope left for anything. No matter how many times I try to fight, I always lose. What's the point of always losing?

 

[FoolsExpedition]

Some things I'm feeling right now:

Jealousy- i get jealous of the people on here that get so much interaction, attention, posts and comments on their profiles and things they post in the forums and well wishes. How bad do you have to be that not even other downbeaten people want anything to do with you?
And I really hate feeling negative emotions, I know that i have RSD and that at least explains it but feeling these negative emotions makes me feel like a monster, like i'm so far up my own ass that maybe i deserve bad things. and even saying that, i feel like i'm acting self-important

Guilt- if i had been stronger, calmer, less rash, maybe they'd still be here.

Anxiety- fear of the future, upcoming birthday

Exhaustion- fatigue has been hitting me hard, i can't sleep and then when i finally do it's something like 14 hours at a time and i don't wake up feeling refreshed or well at all