Discussion What are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.

[KenDuh]

I feel tired, as if nothing makes sense, just repeating the same activities over and over again. Deep down, I want to improve and stop feeling this way, but I don't know how. Everything I try fails, so I'm still here, waking up every day in the same place, in the same bed, and I don't know for how long.

 

[MrJoker789]

Overwhelmed

 

[Dejected 55]

Blah blah blah bland. Why is it not over already? Why am I still here? Why can't I leave?

 

[huifu]

empty. even if i had a good day, even if i know people care, i can't stop wondering if love is really enough, this life is null and void

 

[amputatedandalone]

I hope I am gone before I am homeless.

 

[4colliez]

I give up to be honest. I thought things were good, turns out it meant nothing. Idk why I let myself believe in it. I'm worthless and I should stop acting like me or my feelings mean anything to anyone

 

[Bitch With An Apple]

Scheduled an appointment with a therapist. On the form it fucking asked me "what skills do you think you bring to your sessions?" or something similar. That was barely a paraphrase. Absolutely ridiculous, what is this a fucking job interview? Fucking dark. This world is so absurdly dysfunctional and antihuman I don't know why people think this way in such massive numbers. Like I'm supposed to perform psychic fellatio and go "oh I'm good at this and that". No fuck that and fuck you. I'm the one paying YOU dipshit. Services have been perverted into extortion. Like when I got charged $500 for blood tests I was pressured into getting with no prior knowledge but I guess I can get amphetamines delivered to my door for $8 as long as daddy says it's okay and I have a script (and there are people who have had their lives artificially ruined [jail time, etc] over using the exact same substances without said daddy's permission)
Fuck all of this fake shit

 

[IsolatedChaos]

I don't want to go back to my country. I hate it there so much. I'm currently on the first vacation abroad I've ever taken by myself and I am already worried about getting back "home". I can't fucking do this anymore I can't stay here and I feel trapped and there's no way out. I wanna die before I get there. I want to just never return at all. Just... Wait it out, run out of money, CTB. I'm so conflicted and I hate this fascist country I'm stuck with I hate it I hate it I hate it.

 

[Manaaja]

Some beings are so fucking submissive it's impossible to defend their rights.

The gods could come and fucking order them to be dominant or go to Hell, and they'd still be submissive and rather go to Hell.

Think of a shitstain, it can't move, it can't speak, but is it submissive? Hell no!

It's extremely draining to be around the submissive species.

 

[Dejected 55]

It is all pointless. Well, maybe to someone else there are points... but not to me. I say things, I do things, none of it matters to anyone but me. I don't need to be special or told I'm special... I just wish I mattered somehow. I don't need praise and a cheering section... but it would be nice if sometime I said or did something and could see that it mattered somehow. I can be anonymous or in shadow and never get credit or acknowledgement... it would be enough for me to know I said or did a thing that mattered to someone somewhere. Beyond that, sure, I wish I had acknowledgement from someone special in my life who mattered to me as much as I mattered to her... but that's a pipe dream beyond pipe dreams.

 

[amor.dor]

I feel like I have nothing left to see. I have the lethal poison in my hands (SN), but I think: will I see something interesting tomorrow? Deep down, I know tomorrow won't bring any novelty.
to be or not to be?
I feel like I have nothing left to do.

 

[Manaaja]

Have you noticed?

Girl: I want to be a housewife and homemother!
Everyone: How sexist! You don't need a man! Women aren't incubators! Go to work till you drop dead!
Girl dies.
Everyone: Omg, this is horrible. Why did she have to die? She was so important! She was a wife and mother! WIFE AND MOTHER!!!!!

When a girl is alive, she's seen only as (potential) worker number 58945892582, but when she dies, they instantly speak like she was only important because she was a mother and wife.

If you aren't a mother or wife, it makes you feel people would have been more okay with your death. As if you were less important if you didn't have a spouse and kids.
If you like or want to be a housewife or/and homemother, it feels really hypocritical, how you are prevented and critized from following your wishes, but when you die, people will only remember how many kids you printed out and whether you have a husband missing you.

 

[FadingSnowFake]

High again, more suicidal, why am I even still here? Why am I feeling like this and how did it even happen?

 

[idk i forgot xx]

Sorrow, I can't believe tarnishedstoner is gone.. The whole week he wasn't replying I didn't think to check the feed to see if he had posted something.. Two people who I'm close with are hospitalized, one for attempting - The person I was in love with said goodbye to me today, overall just alone and riddled with just a lot of stuff I don't want to get into.

Hope you're doing well.

 

[Dejected 55]

It all sucks. Most people suck. Nobody owes anyone anything, but that doesn't mean people should be cruel so often. It's even okay to not care, but why do you have to not care actively, by making things difficult intentionally for others? Being ignored also is horrible. Being ignored is technically better than being treated badly repeatedly... but being ignored is painful too. At least being acknowledge and then neglected means you are noticed. People take the time to see you and move around you to avoid you... rather than stepping on you or pushing you out of the way. It's all just unending horrible whether on purpose or by accident whether your fault or not. When does it end?

 

[dawnixxloxxt]

Throat hurts. Weed isn't hitting like it used to. Extreme and unbridled loneliness. Eating Goldfish.

 

[InBetweenTheBars]

A strange sense of relief that I haven't felt in forever. I just know that it'll all be over soon

 

[Bowerbird]

If my mother knew this is how I would turn out, she probably would've aborted me

Imagine giving up your entire life and everything to raise a child for the next 18 years or so, only for said child to grow up into an autistic NEET that doesn't contribute anything to society and is just an overgrown lazy toddler that doesn't do anything and is just... inert. (I have lower-support needs and can function normally but I get tired easily and I'm very quiet and nonverbal and mostly it's talking/communicating that's the thing I need support in) A burden and waste of money, time and resources... My brain works fine, but the way it communicates is fucked up so I'm stuck in a weird grey area of "being able to do basic tasks but just being too lazy" and "I can't talk/speak like a normal adult my age, so I am crippled/impaired" like imagine a computer itself which works fine, but its just the wifi/bluetooth/how it communicates with other computers, is fucked up and doesn't work properly, so it isn't actually sending those signals properly so from the other end it looks like nothings happening and people think "huh this computer is rEsTaRtEd and stupid" (ideally we would trash it, its a heap of junk that just takes up space, but we invested too much money into it) (Another example, imagine someone who uses a wheelchair. They can walk sometimes, but not all the time. They understand and know perfectly fine how to kick a football and how football works, but they are unable to/struggle to be able to physically get up and kick the ball... so then they are just stuck in this weird grey area...)

How pathetic, what a disappointment.

In nature documentaries, animals bite the head off their offspring if they are crippled/runts. In history humans used to dispose of offspring if they were crippled/runts or otherwise defective. In modern society, there are many stories about parents/carers offing autistic children/adults (or otherwise complaining about them being burdens that ruin everyone's lives by just existing).

I feel like the nicest thing to do for myself, my family and society is to just ctb.

 

[Grog]

I just want to be your rock. You're safe with me, I promise.

 

[itsgone2]

to a certain person:
I'm sorry. I ruined both of our lives. I should have been so much more. You should be so much happier. And now I want nothing more than to end it all. I'm so sorry. You deserved so much more

 

[deny_conformity]

I feel like a cheap plastic knock-off of a human. My emotions feel skin deep and like they are faked to be "normal".

Why exist without feeling? I feel like I'm the colour grey. I don't know if I want to actually CTB or if I just want to feel and be normal.

 

[Dejected 55]

It's all bad. My life is bad. The world is bad. I'd stop and smell the roses, but there are bees and so many other people already trampled the roses anyway. Then the bees disappeared too. Fiction is depressing because it depicts worlds where there are good people caring for others and people meet and have good lives. This doesn't happen in the real world. Not just for me, but for lots of others too. It's all shit.

 

[Bowerbird]

I am mentally unwell and now some last minute meddling bullshit is coming in to make it worse

My fate isn't sealed yet there is still a chance I might see the light but also I'm worried it will be stolen from me right at the last minute. If that happens I am going to CTB. I have a method planned.

I've tried to stay strong and live but it's all so overwhelming its getting too hard I can't take it anymore it's too much I am in excruciating agony and if all of my suffering over the last few months has been worthless I'm going to just give up and CTB.

I'm mentally unwell, depressed, touch starved and have been holding on for all these months, knowing there will be light. If I don't get that light I'm going to die. I have taken too many hits I am drowning I can't fucking tread the water anymore

I just want to see her again she is my soulmate, the love of my life, I just want to be with her she is the only reason for me to live... what if she finds this thread what will se think of me I wonder. I want you I want you I just want to be with you I need you I want you I need you please I just want you. Please I need you here with me. Please I want to be with you I just want to be with you please if my CTB fails I just want you.

My mum hates me I'm a lazy unemployed burden and if/when she finds out about this she'll probably get pissed off and annoyed and snap at me about how lazy and disappointing I am, or be glad that the burden (me) is gone forever.


the least I could do with my life is be a homemaker/housewife to the love of my life. I would love that. I would love to cook her meals and look after her when she is sick, and be a sort of nursey homemaker/housewife to her. I want to look after her and be with her and spend my life with her.

 

[Unlucky777]

One moment I'm like "yeah life is going OK, things are taking shape in my life and starting to go my way"

Other moments I'm like "life is just not worth living, why do keep going"

I just want out really but I feel like wanting to live and CTB are playing a tug of war with me. If I do decide to CTB I know that it wasn't an impulsive decision, it's been building up for a long time.

On one had I want to stick around, on the other hand I really don't want to be here and I feel like life is just not worth living having to deal with stuff for a bunch of fleeting moments of peace (sleep is the only thing I truly love, which I'm not getting enough of)

 

[assassinlord82]

my tongue in my mouthsh because im always drinkkng

 

[Manaaja]

When you view my parents as Hitler, everyone else as common people of Nazi Germany, and I as a Jew, it's really easy to see how Holocaust happened.

The only thing required for evil to happen is for "good" people to do nothing.

 

[BlendedHeart]

Hurt my fucking back AGAIN. Fuck. Fuck. Every time I get hyped or focused on something, like the gym, stuff like this happens.

Can't I even have THAT? Fucking life.

 

[Dejected 55]

Had a mild sore throat yesterday and today... some weird woozy feelings also. Apparently have a mild case of something... but feeling sick is a better day than my normal view of the world... which is sad. Being sick is a distraction from my otherwise shit life and the state of the world that goes farther down the toilet with each flush of the day.