Discussion What are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.

[venerated-vader]

I'm bored out of my fucking mind and it's pissing me off. It's only like 3PM and i'm aiming to stay up so i can actually sleep at night. But honestly the day is just one long monotonous nothing-- you'd think I'd have the gumption to go do something if I'm so bored, but I suppose I'm too empty to bother. So I guess i'm going to sit here and stare at a fucking wall until I go completely insane or fall asleep idk

 

[Manaaja]

I'm bored out of my fucking mind and it's pissing me off. It's only like 3PM and i'm aiming to stay up so i can actually sleep at night. But honestly the day is just one long monotonous nothing-- you'd think I'd have the gumption to go do something if I'm so bored, but I suppose I'm too empty to bother. So I guess i'm going to sit here and stare at a fucking wall until I go completely insane or fall asleep idk

If you got nothing to do, ask if someone here needs your help for something.

 

[Quietist]

Tired of pain, suffering, sadness.

Can't connect with anyone.

Tired of feeling unsupported and like not one person can make space for me after vampirizing me for whatever they could extract whether it was sex, attention, or labor.

Now I get to look forward to another hellish four day weekend with the fucking brat, that will make my ulcer burn.

I hate my fucking father, I hate his brat, I hate my life, and I hate myself.

I want to be euthanized.

 

[Dejected 55]

I don't know. Post-failed attempt about 3 weeks ago, I landed in a mental hospital for a couple of weeks... let out, then right back in for another 5 days... been out a few days now in my house, but don't know how to feel.

Technically not as depressed as I was before... but nowhere near happy. My life still sucks, I'm miserable, and the real world of financial problems and obligations are about to fall in on me. I didn't plan on being here for this, I expected/hoped to be gone... but I failed... and there is no more plan... and I don't know how to feel or what I want anymore.

 

[Black_Knight]

I did my part for the group project today. Even though I'm failing everything I don't want to sink my groupmates with me. As usual my part was long and meandering and boring. These younger folk are so much more adept at making videos than me, my groupmates' video sections were honestly compelling. Mine was basically a slideshow of shitty stock photos lol. And it was too long, as usual. I don't know why but I'm figuring out I have a real issue with time. Everything I do takes too much time, is too late, or is too long. It's weird because suicidal ideation is all about cutting time short; I wanna be done with this shit already. Yet I live like time doesn't exist.

 

[LigottiIsRight]

I enjoy the highs of life, but I don't want (and have very little tolerance to) the lows. That pretty much sums everything up. With "highs" I mean pleasurable states, with "lows" the unpleasant ones (I think this is too obvious to say, but just in case).

 

[Manaaja]

Reading online newspapers be like:

Free online newspapers: There's currently a dangerous gas leak in the city, stay inside. We'll keep updating this news page throughout the day so keep checking.
Paid online newspapers: Yesterday, there was a dangerous g- PAY 10 EUROS A MONTH TO READ MORE!

 

[Dejected 55]

Had a brief conversation with someone today. Was trying to explain how not actively trying to kill myself doesn't equate to trying to be happy. I'm still miserable, have been for most of my life. I see no way for that to change. I can try to go back to just accepting it and not trying to end my life, but that doesn't mean I'm anything other than miserable all the time. Nobody understands.

 

[Dark Moon]

I'm pretty tired for some reason and also hopeless.

 

[Manaaja]

I learnt something about people.

If someone says (or writes) "I hate all [insert a human group here]!". A second person says (or writes) "I hate some [insert whatever human group you put in the first part here], because [provide good, logical reasons here]". The first will get support, love, acceptance. The second will get hatred, rejection, critique, tons of downvotes.

Socially powerful people hate without reason.
Socially low people hate with reason.
Socially powerful people hate all people of a certain group. They have the power and strength and confidence to do so.
Socially low people hate a few. They are timid, careful, unconfident, they don't have much strength and energy.

People will often side with people they think are socially powerful, while victim blaming and dissociationing with people they see as socially weak.

When you hate all people of a certain group and with no reason, people see you as powerful and sexy, someone they want to support and befriend. When you hate some and with reason, people think "you are socially outcast and weak, those people treated you badly, I don't want to be with you, I want to be with those leaders!".

Btw, I hate all people of certain human groups. No reason. ;)

 

[Irisse]

I'm stressed because I think I might go to jail. I didn't do anything evil but I did do something illegal and now idk, maybe I'm overreacting but I'm so fearful rn.

 

[Dejected 55]

I simply exist. That's all. I don't endure and make it through to the other side... I just exist as all the bad washes over me. It does affect me, it's just that I'm so damaged already it is hard to damage me much further. And so I exist... and I seem to have no other option but to exist.

 

[ctwc]

Empty

 

[TwistedNightmares]

I feel like each day is just getting worse for me somehow, and I hate the fact that I am still alive and trapped within this existence.

 

[Alex_Was_Here]

No one cares, she doesn't fucking care. I keep trying and she's basically fucking ignoring me, she was the one who told me she wanted to be friends, she told me she wanted me in her life. Yet shes fucking ignoring me, I keep holding myself back and trying to give her time but it's killing me, it's actually killing me. I try talking to old friends but no one wants to fucking deal with me. I feel so alone so isolated, I was gonna wait for Christmas cause I thought it would be romantic, now I'm just waiting for my SN to arrive.

I love you

I hope no one tries to get close to me when I die, I hope no one claims they knew me. I hope to never feel like this again.

 

[KenDuh]

Uncertainty, I need make decisions, but I'm not a god to decide

 

[corpse]

I've just scheduled my goodbye thread and there's still some time until then, but time flies.

 

[i like apple juice!]

i lost my drive to do things. i can still go to class, i can still do my assignments, i still eat, i still shower, i still talk to my friends, but there's nothing behind it anymore. i don't think there has been for a while, ever since i started seriously considering killing myself. i have no will to advance myself at all anymore, the only thing that pushes me forward is time and instincts. i literally cannot think about the future anymore unless i'm thinking about suicide. i used to 3d model, i had a game i was working on, a website i was making, physical electronics i was tinkering with. i can still draw, sometimes, to express some abstract feeling i can't describe onto paper. but when i get back from class and i walk into my apartment and i don't have anything to do i just lay on my bed and cry or sleep. i don't want to work on my projects anymore. there's no point if i'm going to die so soon. and as time goes on and i remain locked into this suicidal state i feel my grip on things loosen more and more. i used to be wracked with thoughts like "i should tell a friend about this" or "i should seek professional help" or "i should call 988 because i am sitting under a noose i just tied for myself." and i just don't really think things like that anymore. i'm not wrestling with the idea of suicide anymore, i'm just kind of sitting with it. i lost my will to act, i lost my will to hope for the better, and now i'm just stuck in this limbo where i'm waiting to die. it feels like i've crossed some event horizon where i've given up so much on myself that i can't reverse it anymore. i hate myself, so fucking bad. a peaceful life is never going to come for me. all i can hope is that i still deserve a peaceful death.

 

[cosimaniehaus]

I'm frustrated and angry, and have homicidal thoughts, not very uncommon these days

 

[Black_Knight]

when I first transferred, I got a postcard in the mail from my university
it's supposed to be a good thing, they only give them out to their top 20% favorite applicants
it had the insignia of the school on it
I know it sounds schizo but to me it looked like a smiling demon, with huge teeth
but I was proud of being able to transfer so I kept it displayed
just tonight I started thinking of it like it was some kind of sigil invading my space
I burned it.

 

[EmptyBottle]

I've just scheduled my goodbye thread and there's still some time until then, but time flies.

Had I not checked chat... I could have not known it was scheduled! urgh... there needs to be an urgent "Critical: [Username] posted a goodbye thread" notification with bright colour and maybe make the purple navbar red.

 

[FadingSnowFake]

I just can't anymore. Nothing is right about this, where I am, it's all wrong, one big mistake, should never have happened.

 

[SchizoGymnast]

I'm so incredibly sleepy and my body feels gross. Wishing I could read my book. Wishing my supervisor would get off my ass. Wishing I had clean bed linens to come home to.

 

[a.hamza.13]

Depressed!

 

[EmptyBottle]

annoyed that the arduino-clone won't even print to serial! (tried a few times)

 

[Dejected 55]

Each day I wake to pretty much the same bland feeling. Fortunately I'm not in physical pain like I have been in recent weeks. But inside I feel emotional pain all the time. That sticks with me. My mind wanders sometimes into the fantasy of "what if" I could have what I need in life, and that gets more depressing to know I can sometimes imagine a better life, but that is as far as I'll ever come towards having that better life. I am tired of enduring and existing and going through the motions... but as I learned recently, I really cannot escape from this world. I am stuck here until whatever out of my control thing happens next, and next, and next, and so on... until one day I finally die from whatever is going to eventually take me... but I have no say in any of it. Life just happens around me.

 

[CTB Dream]

me no psbl doany alld time mov mov all dtriort this rly trap no psbl any

 

[KenDuh]

Withdrawal from some psych meds

 

[Bowerbird]

I want to be with her so FUCKING BAD I feel like I'm going crazy

 

[itsgone2]

I'm finding a new level of just not caring about life. Everything seems so incredibly pointless. I'm at work. All the normal business discussions are happening. It's all dumb. Life is dumb. I'm just completely checked out.
Mentally I'm so ready to ctb. Just no guts I guess.