Discussion What are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.

[stellabelle]

Like every day is the same. Groundhog Day over and over again. Wake up. Shower. Work. Eat. Netflix. Sleep. Tired. Joyless. Empty.

Seems like it. Well. Yes and no. Each day is just another redundant day of hell and high noon and being ignored until snap snap snappity snap snappity snap! And it's very fucking sad people do that just for "humor".

Or my own snappity snappity snappity snap snap snapping. Finally just snapped because of stupid fucking petty shit that people do to hurt others.

 

[eternalpeace]

Overstuffed and monstrously fat. (I have been bingeing non-stop since Christmas Eve, so at least it's a feeling that makes sense, I suppose).

 

[DunnoWhyButYeah]

I feel like I just want to hug and hug ... Endlessly. Lol.

 

[electrojellysoup]

This is too difficult. I don't want to be here. I don't want to be me. I'm pathetic and everything hurts.

 

[odradek]

I am empty, defective. I feel like everything I do is an act, like I'm just performing for the unlucky souls who have to interact with me in real life.

I can barely be in the moment. It's exhausting and draining and all I can think of is when I'll be alone again. Alone again to wallow in my depression.

I just want to be gone, back to the void. I am defective.

 

[Circles]

I'm going through a self bi-phobic phase and it's killing me. I wish I could accept myself, but fucking how? I don't even know I want to try with men, I just wish I could get this off my chest somehow. I'm honestly thinking of coming out to someone either my sister or my mom, but both scenarios are 50/50. I feel like if I'm going to try to recover somehow and in some way then I need some things off my fucking chest and this is one of them, but fuck.

Plus on the likely chance my mom doesn't like what I tell her and she doesn't like me anymore what then? Will I have to kill myself cause I have no one that loves me anymore? And what makes me doubt that I should even come out is that I probably won't even bother dating men to begin with cause of how scared I am of the situation. So should I even bother? I'm such a fucking toxic waste. Fuck these emotions, fuck being human and fuck everything.

 

[TheHatedOne]

I feel like my heart is about to explode. Every NYE I have this weird ass feeling I can't explain.

 

[GentlyFading]

Fuck my head hurts but also it's almost 3 and I haven't eaten or drank anything what did I expect.

 

[TheHatedOne]

I'm tired of loneliness and having no one but I can't have anyone cause I'll leave soon. I am nothing but a pos.

 

[GrumpyFrog]

Like my life is an abusive significant other, that I genuinely love, but I know I have to leave because it will not get better in spite of all the false promises and I will just keep getting hurt worse and worse.

 

[NeuroDamaged3]

Lonely. Unloved. Don't matter.

 

[chaocaco]

This is how I was feeling throughout dinner with extended family today (New year's eve).

 

[BitterlyAlive_]

I really, really want to kill myself today.

 

[StarryStarry]

Anxious

Fury and sadness

 

[Lost Magic]

I need to be gone this year or I will be saying the same thing next year and the year after that and so forth.

 

[rationaltake]

Had enough. Need to go. Have no life. Everything is agony. Stop. Stop. Stop it all.

 

[art]

Sadness fills my soul

 

[verywellthen]

I just keep making mistake after mistake, then overthinking them until i make a yet another mistake and feel awful for it. People give me chances over and over again and all i feel is having visions of the life i could have gad dangled in front of me, while i have to now make do with what is left of that due to my own stupidity, over-emotional reactions and wrong decisions. I could have had it all, love and a great world, and work and art and a home, but i destroyed those potential futures, i did it all... sometimes i feel i don't want to die, but i cannot live knowing those futures i destroyed, all just last year, all because of putting myself into things too much, not believing, and being careless.. and now i just spin in circles of self-pity and regret and hatred, fulfilling self-fulfilling prophecies i made, while prophesizing new ones day after day.

Yeah, it could be worse, but it could also be much better.

 

[TheHatedOne]

Shit happens I guess. And most of the time... there's nothing else that can be done about it other than just accept it. Sigh.

 

[Hirokami]

With all this daily stres I've been going through, I don't need to worry about ctb. I'm gonna die from a stroke at this rate ... Though, not before my all my hairs turn gray and I look like I'm 26 going on 60.

 

[maakies]

I wish suicide cults still existed. I would join the Jonestown one so quick.

 

[Lost Magic]

I wish suicide cults still existed. I would join the Jonestown one so quick.

I actually think it was sad that happened in Jones Town. They gave all their lifesavings to a mad, drug induced narcissist who brainwashed them and abused them on daily basis. The town they actually built was incredible though and it had potential to be a beautiful little utopia but Jones destroyed that with his delusional cult leader mind. I don't think hardly any of them actually wanted to die. They just wanted a better life for them and their kids and Jones didn't even spare them a future. I don't think Jones Town and that type of cult is one to idolise.

 

[maakies]

I actually think it was sad that happened in Jones Town. They gave all their lifesavings to a mad, drug induced narcissist who brainwashed them and abused them on daily basis. The town they actually built was incredible though and it had potential to be a beautiful little utopia but Jones destroyed that with his delusional cult leader mind. I don't think hardly any of them actually wanted to die. They just wanted a better life for them and their kids and Jones didn't even spare them a future. I don't think Jones Town and that type of cult is one to idolise.

Definitely not. Suppose I wouldn't really be convinced in those circumstances. But I imagine it is easier to do it as a group in that manner than it is alone.

 

[Mixo]

As soon as I have a semblance of hope, I see the progress of people around me and I just feel it all crashing back down to depression again. Even though survival is the name of the game now, the only thing I ever truly wanted from my life was home and family. Never had that. Just abuse and toxic shame and sometimes physical abuse. But I'm starting to see - if you don't have family in your bio family, your chances of being part of another group of people who sincerely, actively exchange care for each other (i.e. "family") without massive strings attached is just zero.

 

[BitterlyAlive_]

I hate myself.

 

[TheHatedOne]

I feel very anxious about tomorrow because I'm going to go through the last part of the process of dropping out university. However, it's possible that I still need something to be done and I might go there for nothing. They made this shit to be fancy and complex so you wouldn't be able to quit. Fuck them.

Also I need to do a covid test again. Fuck I'm so fucking afraid the pain was too much last time when I did it. It was among the most painful things I endured in my life. I'm so scared of it now. Gonna be a fun day.

 

[TheHatedOne]

I feel very anxious about tomorrow because I'm going to go through the last part of the process of dropping out university. However, it's possible that I still need something to be done and I might go there for nothing. They made this shit to be fancy and complex so you wouldn't be able to quit. Fuck them.

Also I need to do a covid test again. Fuck I'm so fucking afraid the pain was too much last time when I did it. It was among the most painful things I endured in my life. I'm so scared of it now. Gonna be a fun day.

Update: the test didn't hurt as much as last time. Phew.
Things went okay today, well, I'm surprised.

However, I feel despair getting slowly to me :).

 

[UseItOrLoseIt]

I feel so ugly today I wanna bury my head in the sand like an ostrich.

 

[ImsooDone1N]

Extreme loneliness, overwhelmed & just lost. Getting more & more lost, the world seemingly oblivious to my fear & suffering. I've asked for help. I just feel like a shell of who I once was. Now I'm just like a ghost; not dead, but not living either. I hate this feeling. I can't enjoy anything. I dont know how to get outta this rut, for lack of a better word, I fall deeper in each day. I'm completely gone.

 

[art]

Frightened