Discussion What are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.

[deadeyesnowman]

Secretly wishing to get murdered brutally.

 

[The Unanswered Q]

Dead inside, too tired to do anything, but not tired enough to get to sleep.

 

[Michi_Violeta]

My cousin just told me, almost tearing up, that I should take better care of my self and my family was worried about me. That she knew I could do it because I'd done it before.

That's the keyword. Before. Before life broke me AGAIN. Always getting up, always back down, and you have to deal with it. And that's life. Disappointment after disappointment and more and more trauma and everyone just tells you to deal with it because you got family and friends, as if that wasn't the bare minimum we all deserve, as if I hadn't made an effort to have more than that because I was told all my life that I was doing good and I deserved more.

I just don't want to go anymore. I don't want to be force-fed, I don't want to live just out of debts of gratitude and guilt. I wanted to be happy, I tried, and all I asked was for one person not to stab me in the heart and one dream to finally work after almost ten years of effort. I DON'T FUCKING WANT TO MOVE ON AND THE MORE THEY FORCE ME TO, THE LESS ME I BECOME. Please, God, bring my Michi back or just fucking end me, give me the courage to end it all, I don't care anymore.

 

[Alcoholic Teletubby]

Why is everything and everyone so shit at the moment? It's absurd and keeps stoking my naive homicidal power fantasies, where I picture killing the "bad people" to stop them from hurting other people with their bullshit.

Like... has there ever been a better moment to CTB? Right now feels like a good time.

 

[Griever]

I bought white roses for my dead best friend and I will put them on my desk, I even bought a new vase for the white roses

 

[fleetingnight]

I can't imagine someone being nice to me without it being pity. Every time someone is nice to me, I think it through, and the only conclusion I can come to is they think I'm pathetic and are trying to help.

 

[Rynalia]

AaaaAAAAAAAaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH

 

[Griever]

I was just going through my finances because I wanted to know how much I have left to live on after all the deductions for this month, and I was so engrossed that I had an anxiety attack and now I'm getting so sick that I feel like I'm about to throw up. It's only the beginning of the month and I'm almost out of money due to my impulsive purchases I've made over the past few days. I'm going to get through this month financially, I know that because I've always done it, but this is the worst month so far that I've made so many impulsive purchases that I'm almost out of money. Luckily, my fixed costs are all covered, but right now I just want to die so I don't have to worry about how I'm going to get through the month financially. I hate myself and my life so much.

 

[SVEN]

I feel very dark.

 

[Daenerys Targaryen]

angry at AI

 

[Griever]

Yesterday I felt very bad and today I feel a little better, thanks to the lovely people who replied to my thread and helped me, but the desire to die will always remain

 

[matchalavendercake]

beyond terrible, as expected lol. also i was hoping i will ctb sometime this month but i found out a relative's bday party is coming up sometime next month, and mom and sister are helping decorating for that party.. i know i am going thru the most mental pain i have ever felt, but now since that's happening i guess i'll have to postpone ctb again, bcs i do not want to potentially end up making them not wna go to that party anymore due to me ctb. i want them to have a good day there, so i guess i'm going to have to endure js a bit longer… but i rlly don't know if i'll even be able to endure, everything js hurts so fucking badly sighhh

 

[NSA]

Nothing like yet another fight with the absolute morons i share DNA with to remind me i really am just waiting around to die.

I could do it now. But I don't want to yet. Sure would be nice to not have to hear them bitching in the meanwhile though.
We need an emoji for "relatable".

 

[Promised Heaven]

I wanna take weed so badly
I want comfort
I want reassurance

 

[enduringwinter]

Tired of my life and who I am.

Back then, whenever I feel bored or lonely I'd start doing things but now I just cant be bothered. I feel like I've seen it all and I don't want to lift a finger.

 

[Dejected 55]

Profound misery and detachment from everything. Pain and tears from observing connections in others that I know I am capable of but have never experienced myself. Sad realization that I could be a really good, funny, supportive, loving person but have never had a fair chance to be so, and knowing that whether I live weeks, months, or decades longer, I will always and forever be alone and isolated and misunderstood.

 

[sukiduki]

i feel sad that it won't really change anyone much when i die. but that's part of the reason i wanna die. i have no reason to stay here. also i'm so sick and tired of my mom. being around her feels like actual hell. i wanna escape so badly. i wish all my family obligations could wrap up faster so i can peace out as soon as possible.

 

[Dongle]

Checked the hell out of the online D&D game I'm in, and have been basically since it started 3-4ish hours ago. I haven't really wanted to play in a long time but I don't want to have to get into the reasons why, were I to talk about it.

 

[onetimereject]

I feel silly, i'm recently diagnosed as type 2 diabetic, i get high blood sugar reading without meds, but even on lowest dosage of meds, my blood sugar kept crashing.

I'm diabetic yet i have to consume sugar to live.

 

[Alexei_Kirillov]

Wishing that I had never gotten an eating disorder. My body has stuck me in a trap from which I will never emerge, because all exits involve tradeoffs that I'm unwilling or unable to tolerate. Either I deal with the problems of recovery, or I deal with the problems of my ED. Both bad options that cause suffering. It's like being asked whether I want to be shot or stabbed (although I guess that analogy doesn't work as well on a suicide forum lmao).

 

[dewdrop]

I feel really scared. Everything around me is distorted. It's like I'm zoomed out of my body, the static in my ears is so loud, and everything is wobbling. I can hear LOUD screaming, demanding i do bad things. my vision is static. i feel something breathing down my neck. My soft bed feels like hard concrete. am i Going to die?

 

[Alcoholic Teletubby]

This may not necessarily belong here, but I'd rather try than not try. As many of us can attest, the desire to pass on peacefully would be the most preferred way to CTB. However, we do not have that being an option, lest we be already on the brink of death. I stumbled across this while browsing Insta today:
https://www.instagram.com/unfriendlydisabledblkblogger/

To summarize, this young woman is undergoing end-of-life care after developing congestive heart failure and a drug-resistant bloodstream infection. In Switzerland, she wants to move forward with voluntary assisted death (VAD). She has the choice to proceed with this treatment, therefore, I wanted to share her story and see if members of the forum might be interested in aiding her in donating funds towards her travel expenses for said procedure. I know we're all struggling, so I merely want to spread the word to ease her journey.

 

[matchalavendercake]

beyond terrible, as expected lol. also i was hoping i will ctb sometime this month but i found out a relative's bday party is coming up sometime next month, and mom and sister are helping decorating for that party.. i know i am going thru the most mental pain i have ever felt, but now since that's happening i guess i'll have to postpone ctb again, bcs i do not want to potentially end up making them not wna go to that party anymore due to me ctb. i want them to have a good day there, so i guess i'm going to have to endure js a bit longer… but i rlly don't know if i'll even be able to endure, everything js hurts so fucking badly sighhh

yea i decided i'm js gna try escaping this stupid hellhole when i soon get the opportunity to, whether it be in this month or in a very few months, it js better not take long. i don't want them to care and i don't want to burden anyone anymore, especially when i never belong in this universe anyway. i need them to be glad that i finally don't have to suffer in this body i've been trapped in anymore, and then forget i even existed. this body is so fucking useless and disgusting, i will never ever think of that body as myself now. why js why was my soul put in this universe by mistake?!?!?!? i have completely dissociated from this universe and i'm so fucking thankful i did, i cannot wait to finally escape soon!!!!!!!!!! nothing will ever stop me, nothing!!!!!!!!!! and i mean it, i really truly genuinely do.

 

[Electra]

Alienated. And abandoned.

 

[BlendedHeart]

I've been reading and watching a lot of stuff about Carl Jung. Maybe it isn't the most healthy interpretation of his books, but it has made me understand I need to stop dedicating time and thoughts to people who have long forgotten about me. It is hard, but maybe it will help me to ease my mind a little.

Specially on these Saturday nights, when my frustrations, my depression, my loneliness come to haunt me.

 

[broken_stoic]

Intense rage and wishing someone would kill me.

 

[Ihatemonday]

Violated

absolute same

 

[darksouls]

I feel empty. Like if you slice me open, you'll find nothing there. Just black emptiness. I go through life mechanically, and it's like every emotion I feel is fake. Like they're really just at the surface. Beneath, there's nothing. It's weird. I know what to feel but I don't feel it.

I'm hurting and because of that, I end up hurting others. I don't want to cause pain anymore. I don't want to feel pain anymore. I just want it all to end.

inner emptiness,desperate,my depression causes me mental pain

 

[Griever]

I'm glad that I was able to watch Final Destination in the cinema yesterday and that I was able to buy one of my games from my wishlist

 

[L9 CHOCOIRL]

Feelin quite glorious today