forgottenabout
Member
- Dec 12, 2022
- 63
-
Hey Guest,
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CowsAgainstCapitali
Member
- Dec 11, 2022
- 93
Extreme anxiety and fear of failure. I used to be highly functional and work cool jobs before everything fell apart. Now I have all this pressure to be employed again, but the problem is I won't be able to hold any job down for more than a week, even a great one. Sorry, but laying in bed really is the best I can do right now.
not-2-b-the-answer
Archangel
- Mar 23, 2018
- 11,012
Dread
Depression
Unmotivated
POS
It takes everything out of me to get through the day. I have 0 energy. I hate being outside. I hate being around people.
aforestfire
"for truly, i am no longer a part of the world."
- Dec 17, 2022
- 88
the utterly true that i had ruined my own future is way too much to take. my wish sometimes, is to distanciate myself the more i can from who my childhood self wanted me to be, and i already don't recognize myself by now. sometimes i think that my way to healing is to become a whole new person, but i'm someone that me as a little kid would be scared of because i'm too much like my abusive dad; i'm walking directly towards self-destruction more than anything tbh. probably it will take a while for me to actually ctb, i want to become a giant wound before committing, but this is so exhausting and nonsensical. i am so exhausting.
i don't want to think about those things, i don't want to think about anything, actually. someone beating me up to death would give me exactly what i deserve.Last edited:
StolenLife
Warlock
- Sep 19, 2022
- 740
Group therapy exhausts and irritates me.
Murasa
"The Great Little Captain"
- Dec 3, 2020
- 1,756
Everything has felt so empty and gray lately, I guess this is the opposite to love to be alive, the creeping indifference, the slow alienation of one's emotions and soul.I live a bleak existence.
I had no instruction manual, no support system, and no one to turn to in my life, and I still don't.
The environment I grew up in was unhelpful; my choices during my life further created a world of nightmarish memories and only made my life darker and more difficult.
Now:
I sit in my darkness, looking for a light but not finding a way out.
I have been trying to find hope in my life for decades, and it is so dark I see none.
I do not see any doors to open or keys to use.
I am so deep in the abyss of darkness that I can't see anything positive.
I have no skills that would allow me to light up this dark hole I am in so that I can even begin to see and understand what I am dealing with.
Sitting here, I think, have I done the impossible and dug a hole so deep in my life that I have crossed the point of no return? a point where there is no ladder tall enough and no rope long enough, am I really at the point where I can't save myself and recover?I feel like a fat cow. Got upgraded from a fat pig to a cow. Every time I come back from the hospital my weight gets all fucked from eating shitty hospital food. Gonna go on a fast tomorrow, probably for the next two days. Then eating very little calories to compensate.
Every time I come back I feel even more suicidal than before.
Irony, haha. Every hospitalization leaves me feeling more dead inside.
Rainy_days
Experienced
- Dec 21, 2022
- 256
Feel like my mind is eroding away. I keep writing like couple sentences in response to different threads but what I say is so dumb and banal that I just delete it. But since everything I say is self absorbed negative cringe even on a good day, it is probably better this way.
CTB Dream
Injury damage disabl hard talk no argu make fun et
- Sep 17, 2022
- 2,850
Rememb befre no injury no damage, was no good still better this. Now all lose all slef lose why stay , rememb moment was live now die , last moment all remember now go criminal crime injury damage me now stay vege ,alllose
vultureilse
ready to go, just waiting for the right time!
- Dec 31, 2022
- 144
at the moment really exhausted in a way that no amount of sleep will fix and full of anxiety. i really hate that feeling in my stomach when im stressed. trying to distract myself with random shit on youtube but its not really working
firesteak
Some goodbyes set you free
- Dec 31, 2022
- 33
Right now i feel hopeless, lost in a world of shit.
ApartmentSui
dissociated
- Dec 7, 2022
- 12
Alcoholic Teletubby
Rip in piss
- Jan 10, 2022
- 491
I enjoy engaging in conversations with older people. But God, please stop talking about death. Like, in-depth.
Generally! Why do people keep telling me about their family members either dying or getting murdered?! Geez—I'm sorry to anyone who I've trauma dumped in the past (and future.)I'm feeling really lonely at the moment. Thanks for asking
aforestfire
"for truly, i am no longer a part of the world."
- Dec 17, 2022
- 88
this feeling kinda came out of nowhere, but i wish i had someone to hold me.
Zegers
Enlightened
- Dec 15, 2021
- 1,758
When i see those celebs btching about the hard life they've had... Have they ever think how they would live if they had not become popular?
No parties, no meeting new people, just a boring life with a maybe dead-end job. Not saying they don't have problems, of course, problems are inherent to human but i think they should pay more attention to the doomer who puts gas in their car or serves them coffee.
There is one of them who irritates me especially, you have been loved and golden since you were about 12 dude, what hard life are you talking about?
Rocinante
My name is Lucifer, please take my hand
- Aug 26, 2022
- 1,469
I feel a fear that paralyzes my mind...Last edited:
Eternal Pessimist
Student
- Oct 16, 2019
- 197
I just can't get my head around the fact that it's 2023. For some reason that seems like a much more futuristic date to me than 2022. It also means that I would have to go back 5 years now, to 2018 in order to have even the most basic building blocks for a normal life in my possession. The way my life and especially my mental health have gone since then is too depressing to contemplate.
Alcoholic Teletubby
Rip in piss
- Jan 10, 2022
- 491
My brain has been attacking me all day. :(
Zegers
Enlightened
- Dec 15, 2021
- 1,758
I'm sick and anger. Sometimes the anxiety is overwhelming.Last edited:
WhatPowerIs
Enlightened
- Jun 19, 2022
- 1,058
Yesterday was the worst day of my life it feels like. I don't know what to do anymore.
trayansh
Dead Inside
- Sep 17, 2022
- 40
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
WhatPowerIs
Enlightened
- Jun 19, 2022
- 1,058
I can't sleep and I can't stop crying. My head aches from all the crying I've been doing today.
rationaltake
I'm rocking it - in another universe
- Sep 28, 2021
- 2,703
I'm so sorry. I've seen your posts and I know how hard it is.
WhatPowerIs
Enlightened
- Jun 19, 2022
- 1,058
Thank you for responding. I wish replies in this thread were more frequent. It is extremely difficult. I am completely lost.
rationaltake
I'm rocking it - in another universe
- Sep 28, 2021
- 2,703
I was stunned when I read the thread today. I was thinking how heart-wrenching it must be for you and Cathy. Even for me as a bystander who appreciated him and wished him well it feels like time has stopped. It seems to me that people need to mourn dear friends.
WhatPowerIs
Enlightened
- Jun 19, 2022
- 1,058
Something we don't talk about… what do you do after you made a friend on here and they have chosen to take their lives? It is a hazard of being on this site but it doesn't make the pain of it hurt any less. And furthermore, the pain that the friend must have had in their own live to choose to take their own life… there's just so much going on. It's hard to comprehend. I don't know. I don't know anymore…
rationaltake
I'm rocking it - in another universe
- Sep 28, 2021
- 2,703
I can tell from his profile posts how much he appreciated you. There's no way round it. It hurts when a friend makes that decision. You were there for him and that's all anyone can do. I hope you can be kind to yourself too.
