Discussion What are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.

[CTB Dream]

this all awfl unvrs this hpn any no psbl chng no psbp time travle this unvrs all nnsns

 

[violetforever]

please let the years of my anorexia and maintenance of being underweight to have caused permanent internal damage. please let my body start to fail deathly and rapidly from the weakened state ive put myself into. please let there be no way of saving me from this death that i want so badly.

 

[lost&lovesick]

Tired, but grateful for once

 

[CTB Dream]

rly awfl wrld no psbl any this losall this watdo alltrap

 

[mofkiy]

Despair, I lost everything that mattered to me, and I keep having nightmares about it. I'm exhausted and I want this to be over

 

[lonely_potato]

Hungry, but too anhedonic and nauseous to try and eat.

 

[ImpairedLowlife]

Excited. Feeling like I'm going back on the right track after being lost in life for quite some time

 

[sadopal]

i'm starting to slip into a dark place again. i lost my job and was so relieved to be unemployed (i know it's fucked up but i just can't handle jobs) but i had to keep applying cause im an immigrant on a visa and need to keep working until i figure out my permanent residence. getting my autism diagnosis was a relief cause it kind of proved i wasn't just lazy but at the end of the day it didn't really change my reality, i still need to sustain jobs until i get pr. so i kept applying for jobs and then landed one in the same company, i had been so excited to leave but also was relieved that i found a job. now expectations are building and im starting to not be able to see the point in living anymore. it took me so long to get out of that place and now im back. just feel so frustrated and hopeless. i've started vaping too cause that's the only thing that helps. idk, i just don't see a way out.

 

[worldsworst]

My head hurts

 

[darksouls]

I destroyed myself with hope

 

[Somewhat Suicidal]

I destroyed myself with hope

Have done that a few times, too. I'm scared of the next time.

Days seem to blend into each other. Nothing ever happens. I'm just hiding in my room, I don't want to hear or see normal people outside. I can't motivate myself to do anything except occasionally eat when hunger really gets bad, take my meds, write and read here to keep me occupied somehow and kill some more time by rewatching TV shows I like. It just sucks.

 

[star.trip]

What do I do when there's nothing left? When I'm alone and there will never be anyone for me? It's so distressing to know that I'll always be alone, to know that I'm incapable and that I'll never learn. Hope is an illusion, a dream that fades when you wake up and come face to face with reality

 

[Somewhat Suicidal]

The past few days I felt like I wanted to keep going and trying but now that feeling is gone again and I just want to be dead. Even on here I read what some people have in their lives that I am lacking and it just pains me to know that all these things are so far out of reach right now and probably will always be. I don't want to be in mental hospitals of various sorts for years, taking meds that come with annoying and dehumanising side effects while hearing about how even most of the people that will be around me there have far more fulfilling lives than me, lives that I wouldn't even find depressing at all and would be happy to have. I have no other place to go where I feel at home and safe from all these triggers either. My life is a messed up pile of shit and there is nothing in it that brings me joy anymore.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Depression.... All of this is pointless. Sorry I haven't been able to keep up with this thread like I used to.
Since I joined, life has continued to spiral downward. I'm not going to sugar coat life for anyone on here that this shit will get better.
If someone wants to ctb, I will not lie to them and see if they have exhausted all options. I will wish them well.
I am depleted, there is nothing left. Just a lifeless husk existing that has overstayed since birth. I want out.
I never want to come back.

 

[meiherasayuri]

I only see the past behind me, I miss you, I miss you so much, I know you didn't reciprocate my feelings, I know you loved him, I know it,I just want to cry because I miss you. I know you're at peace now, wherever your soul may be..... I just hope you rest in peace....

 

[NonEssential]

I look at the support helpline number but I don't have the guts to press the call button.

 

[naturalbornkitten]

Honestly I'm fine since I'm ignoring work today. But the moment my boss text me my day will be ruined lol. It's so cold and all I want to think about is dissapearing. Tday feels like I don't exist and I love days like this.

 

[yuku393]

I feel a sense of chaos and numbness; pain piles up on me day after day—old wounds remain unhealed, while new ones are inflicted.

 

[crayonscrayons]

I feel unwell and I just wish I knew how to feel better. often you can feel better for a short time, but it ends and you feel bad again afterwards as equally strong as you felt ok, but lasting a bit longer. and you can want to not bring people down but a lot of places say that you need to reach out, but it seems difficult to know when and how and who. so you can keep living, cleaning, etc, but it can be quick to realize again that you don't know what for. To me I think friends are one of the biggest reasons to keep up, but sometimes you can have that way of thinking fall apart suddenly and mysteriously due to maybe fear, and you realize that also there should be more like enjoying self presence, however happy moments in any circumstance or hour last very short sometimes, and I am glad I can think however I wish i could rationalize being happy a bit more often

 

[star.trip]

I feel weird. I pretend to be happy and cheerful when inside I feel shattered. People see what they want to see—or what they don't want to see. So "I'm fine." I feel like it's almost mandatory to be happy when there's always pain and suffering all around

 

[Special Week]

I just jerked off xD. Right now I'm kind of tired but I also can't stop thinking about how nice it would be to have a partner. I feel a mix of being in love and being lonely at the same time

 

[CTB Dream]

this lif all nnsns this no end,pain sffr, rly no psbl any no mthd no any all dtrio

 

[Redacted24]

Wondering why I'm never enough

 

[star.trip]

I feel like it's getting harder and harder to keep going. What's the point of having to work so hard to achieve so little? Is all that effort worth it for such a small reward?