What are the thoughts/feelings that are torturing you (the most)?

[venin]

- disgust and feeling uncomfortable with anything sexual
- violent intrusive or sexually intrusive thoughts every blue moon
- constantly remembering people that I no longer wish to talk to
- loneliness
- excitement and fear of job searching
- trying to stay sober from SH although I feel good and like I could beat my last streak
- weird feelings about my body/apperance
- anger about things/my life not going according to plan
- the thought of giving up instead of pushing through and hanging on
- the state of the world

is that what tinnitus is like? is that considered tinnitus? if you don't mind me asking of course

I always assumed that it was off and on kind of or random because I haven't looked much into it but I find it interesting and would like to understand

Why the disgust for anything sexual?

What kind of weird feelings about your body?

If you want to answer, ofc

I relate a lot to the others, especially about remembering things and people I don't want to think about anymore.

& the loneliness, of course

I appreciate you sharing this

I hope it gets tiny bit better

Never really thought about it but looking at it now, I think it's being a failure in school and at work, cutting people from my life and having no motivation to do anything. But I gotta remember that people have it worse.

This is also not the prettiest situations I mean that in a you deserve your empathy kinda way

I'm afraid that if I fail suicide, I will become a vegetable unable to commit again.

I think about that sometimes… that would be the horror of horrors.

And to not have someone willing to help you ctb afterwards

 

[Forever Sleep]

For me, it's mostly fear about the future really. I know I'm going to have to get a more stable job. It's a constant struggle at the moment to get myself to do the job I have got! And at the back of my mind, I don't want to do any of it. I just want it to be over but then I know I can't do it while my Dad is still here. So, I'm just in this ridiculous limbo where I keep thinking about dieing but that involves the practicalities of actually doing it. I have SN but I keep wondering if I'll have the guts to go through with it one day.

It's nowhere near as terrible as some people's experiences here I realise. I've had FAR worse periods in my own life but I suppose that's part of the problem- I know what awaits me in a wage slave job and I have no desire to put myself through all that again to sustain a life I don't even want to live.

 

[404]

it's highly unlikely than the person i trust and care about the most will come back and i think i'll end up ctb sooner or later

what's more is that i probably had a chance of recovering right before my friend left me which makes everything a lot worse to think about

and sometimes i just break down after looking at my body since i look so horrible compared to everyone but this thought isn't that torturing compared to the other ones above

 

[venin]

it's highly unlikely than the person i trust and care about the most will come back and i think i'll end up ctb sooner or later

what's more is that i probably had a chance of recovering right before my friend left me which makes everything a lot worse to think about

I'm sorry about that

For me, it's mostly fear about the future really. I know I'm going to have to get a more stable job. It's a constant struggle at the moment to get myself to do the job I have got! And at the back of my mind, I don't want to do any of it. I just want it to be over but then I know I can't do it while my Dad is still here. So, I'm just in this ridiculous limbo where I keep thinking about dieing but that involves the practicalities of actually doing it. I have SN but I keep wondering if I'll have the guts to go through with it one day.

It's nowhere near as terrible as some people's experiences here I realise. I've had FAR worse periods in my own life but I suppose that's part of the problem- I know what awaits me in a wage slave job and I have no desire to put myself through all that again to sustain a life I don't even want to live.

I relate so much to the last part

 

[winamp]

What kind of weird feelings about your body?

I feel like it morphs a lot so I avoid looking at mirrors for too long although it's a good thing that I don't obsessively look at mirrors anymore since used to have a hair/skin picking problem

I can't really remember the last time I actually had a good long glance at my face or entire body

I got a quick glance at my face yesterday actually while brushing my teeth and I looked okay my face looked weirdly smooth so I just moved on