sorararara
not much to look at
- Feb 12, 2023
- 45
how am i always just 2nd (at best)
no matter what i do, no matter how hard i try, i'm never anyone's favorite or their first pick for anything.
it doesn't matter if i've known them for longer or if i support them more than anyone else, i'm just never good enough lololol
ever since i was little, i've always been the "convenient" friend, someone that others could fall back on the second they lost everyone one else. i guess remembering those times is pointless. everyone is shameless and fucking stupid when they're little, but nothing has really changed so it's hard to ignore that.
even recently, there have been so many times where i've made close friends, talked to them every single day, supported them through everything, did everything for them, etc. just for them to eventually drift away because they find new friends. i try so hard to keep the relationships going, but it never really works.
i'm not even mad at these people, i just feel guilty for feeling so selfish. i know they don't intentionally do this. these people are still here for me, and i'm eternally grateful for that, but i just want to understand why i always get "replaced" (for a lack of better words.)
i've tried looking back, reflecting on my mistakes, and changing. i realize i've done some stupid shit in my friendships. i've done pathetic shit to keep friendships alive. i can't figure out what i've done wrong in these recent friendships. i reread months-worth of text messages and think through all of the things i've said during past calls, but i can't figure out where things go wrong. they always just end up getting close to someone else and then i'm no longer needed.
what about me is so revolting that no one can remain close to me for more than a year or two? :,)
no matter what i do, no matter how hard i try, i'm never anyone's favorite or their first pick for anything.
it doesn't matter if i've known them for longer or if i support them more than anyone else, i'm just never good enough lololol
ever since i was little, i've always been the "convenient" friend, someone that others could fall back on the second they lost everyone one else. i guess remembering those times is pointless. everyone is shameless and fucking stupid when they're little, but nothing has really changed so it's hard to ignore that.
even recently, there have been so many times where i've made close friends, talked to them every single day, supported them through everything, did everything for them, etc. just for them to eventually drift away because they find new friends. i try so hard to keep the relationships going, but it never really works.
i'm not even mad at these people, i just feel guilty for feeling so selfish. i know they don't intentionally do this. these people are still here for me, and i'm eternally grateful for that, but i just want to understand why i always get "replaced" (for a lack of better words.)
i've tried looking back, reflecting on my mistakes, and changing. i realize i've done some stupid shit in my friendships. i've done pathetic shit to keep friendships alive. i can't figure out what i've done wrong in these recent friendships. i reread months-worth of text messages and think through all of the things i've said during past calls, but i can't figure out where things go wrong. they always just end up getting close to someone else and then i'm no longer needed.
what about me is so revolting that no one can remain close to me for more than a year or two? :,)
