What activities in life make you reluctant to ctb?

[morgzfreeman2345]

Literally listening to music brings me massive pain, every song just brings up emotions that make me sick. I can't stay focused long enough to read a book. I've never liked movies and TV, moreso don't want to feel like a lazy fuck as I've had to move back in with my parents in my 30's after a divorce with my ex wife taking a business that was the only thing I enjoyed in this fucking world. But I get to keep the hundreds of thousands in debt...and the guilt of having gotten manic and over expanding.

What makes me reluctant...my parents and brother. But they'll have to deal. Cause this shit is happening before I miss a life insurance premium.

 

[FuneralCry]

Nothing ever makes me feel reluctant to leave this world, I don't wish to associate with existence in any way, only the thought of being gone appeals to me. I see existence as being a burden, and to me pretty much everything feels like a chore or in some way just causes more suffering.
I'm tired of just passing the time, all that life is, is just an useless and unnecessary distraction from the fact that we will inevitably cease existing, and I could never have any interest in any of this. All of my waking moments are spent wishing to be gone and I've never understood other people's interest in life. I just think that in my case I'm not meant for existing, I don't like the concept of life and just the state of being conscious and aware is something that I see as being undesirable.

 

[Unsure and Useless]

Reading a book (preferably romance, fantasy, mystery, and/or horror), or any kind of story for that matter. With how long books have existed, there's probably a book out there that I'll absolutely love, and it feels like such a shame to just miss out on a perfect story.

Playing a heavily modded Stardew Valley also helps. I put way too much time adding mods to the game rather than actually playing it, but it makes the experience more enjoyable since the characters will occasionally tell me how they appreciate my existence. (Plus, I get a somewhat dating sim experience! I'm such a loser, honestly.)

 

[Source Energy]

I'm glad I'm not the only one with the books. I have bookshelves from floor to ceiling and I love to immerse myself in fiction. For a few hours, I feel better, and I think that maybe, just maybe, I can hold on. Reality hits hard the next day :(
It's hard to come to terms with the thought that no matter if I ctb now, or I die at 80 ( Gawd forbid that long lol ), there will be so many books I wanted to read and never got the chance. Ghh.

 

[LossOfPlan]

Books, music and the fact that I moderate a small community. In that same community someone already ctb few years ago, and although not many people remember them I still think about them nowadays. In another community that I used to moderate someone tried to ctb but ended up in a hospital. They're still alive but the community thinks they're dead. It's strange to be honest. I should've probably told someone that they are alive but I haven't talked with them in a while so I don't really know how they're doing.

I guess I am afraid to know. Truth to be told. Last time we talked they had told me that they have cancer on both of their arms. I am currently low on energy myself so I barely have the energy to respond to people, but I'll try reaching out to them in few hours.

(Sorry for the unnecessary info I just had the urge to share)

 

[itsallpointless]

Sexy sex sex sex