I feel bad, but not enough to not do it. I feel they would finally understand that my suffering was real, and that's what makes me okay with it.
I get upset knowing how one person in particular would be completely broken and un-repairable, but she has my sisters and grand kids to be there for her.
One other person, would also be hurt and likely shocked, he knows I'm suicidal, but I doubt he thinks I would do it. He's a really caring person and has tried to help me a lot despite the hassle I've caused. I believe he is fed up and maybe angry with me but he still cares, and not only for me. I think he'd feel like he never did enough, which is untrue, as he's tried to help me more than anyone.
I wish I could let them save me, but unfortunately the shit I've dealt with just feels irrepairable, and as a result I do not like the person I have become. The only thing that could save me, would be if they could go back and stop the things happening that broke me down in the first place.