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How fucked up was my life, and how fucked am I because of it?

  • Incredibly fucked up. Of course you'd get diagnosed with something called "Ass Burgers"

  • Quite fucked up.

  • Somewhat fucked up.

  • It's not that bad, you can overcome this; you can certainly reach your goals. Dream crazy, right?

  • Fuck off, you narcissistic cunt!


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I

Iscrewupeverything

Member
May 26, 2018
44
Post: (since the link doesn't work, post this into your address bar and search for it on google, it's the first result) longecity org/forum/topic/101525-how-do-i-eliminate-these-life-threatening-adhd-conditions-my-youth-is-being-wasted/

I posted this on some forum a while ago, and got generally bad advice from people (with an exception or two), especially on the suicide front. I initially was seeking perspective on my mental illness and extreme focusing issues, if my conditions were so severe, I would have to contact a neurologist. Didn't get much clarity: was told to continue therapy and psychiatrist visits, even though I explained that I was treatment-resistant and it wasn't helping; people diagnose me with Bipolar instead of just speculating, some guy even tells me to watch awkward rom-coms like "The 40 Year Old Virgin" and "Yes Man" and "do my best to relate without getting jealous", and also reminds me that I'm probably not highly intelligent (which is very inspiring...). Later in the thread you'll see me having an emotional breakdown from stress/hypomania (a temporary side-effect of the medication I was taking, which is essentially fuel to the fire), which explains my bizarre, overemotional posts. Some dude suggests I should commit burglary due to my extreme lack of resources. Then, towards the end, I say "heh, fukk it", and get all SanctionedSuicide-y; outline my suicide plan, which breeds some interesting replies.

Just curious to see what people here think of my story, how hopeless my case is. Feel free to pile on some suicide fuel: call me a horrible person (actually true), call me entitled, a brat, a misogynist (even though I, at the least, want to support feminism and women's rights) whatever you'd like.

In this horrible joke of a life, I haven't had anyone who has genuinely believed in me. I've been coddled by my parents, abused by teachers, and an afterthought by so-called friends and extended family members. I've fallen into a psychological trap: I've learned to pollute any atmosphere. Every good opportunity has been obliterated. I have at least 15 more years in prison to go - personally, I'd rather seek the death penalty.

"He who fights with monsters should be careful lest he thereby become a monster. And if thou gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will also gaze into thee."
 
Last edited:
I

Iscrewupeverything

Member
May 26, 2018
44
Ugh, I can't post links! Of course!
 
S

ScaredOfLife

Arcanist
Jul 9, 2018
441
Ugh, I can't post links! Of course!

I haven't read your page yet but you probably can't post links because you're still a new member. Maybe after some time and more posts on your part you'll be able to.

Ok - I'm going to read your page now.
 
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Temporarilyabsurd

Temporarilyabsurd

NOISE:signal
Apr 27, 2018
438
"He who fights with monsters should be careful lest he thereby become a monster. And if thou gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will also gaze into thee."


Wise words.

I relate to the spacing out / fantasizing coping mechanism , thanks for that .

Modeling consciousness / emotional states , the whole human condition , is still on the production line and probably always will be .

I saw my last therapist casually down the street and mentioned I was modeling my own world and they agreed they were as well .

All the scientists are doing is modeling.

We can be scuppered by diagnosis's ... being placed in a box no-one wants to be placed in .

We are all unique ... normality has it's limitations .

How we respond to our situations , and how that moulds our character is not 100% negative I hope.

There may be a silver lining , a specialization , even if society rejects it .

Generally , I am very uncomfortable with all the labeling and medication accompanying it .
 
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Temporarilyabsurd

Temporarilyabsurd

NOISE:signal
Apr 27, 2018
438
I disagree with this.

fair enough .

I've been on the couch for a week .

I'm going out now.

Into the world , the sun and wind , cars ... people ... activity .

Completely futile , uncomfortable ... etc etc etc .
 
S

ScaredOfLife

Arcanist
Jul 9, 2018
441
Whad'ya think.

I responded to the poll with "somewhat fucked up". I would like to tell you that you can achieve your dreams but it's hard for me to imagine achieving dreams because I myself can't imagine achieving my own because my life is fucked-up, too.
 
Temporarilyabsurd

Temporarilyabsurd

NOISE:signal
Apr 27, 2018
438
I actually talked to someone in real life yesterday .
Almost walked into an employment agency to get some work.

I regret , on one level my aloof , abrupt leaving of this thread yesterday ... I just wasn't into justifying my reasons for my opinions .

I sort of had a reply lined up in my mind but it has dissolved .

It was something about the potential 'plasticity ' of the mind.

What bugs me about the diagnosis acronym frenzy in psych evaluation is the concept of the self fulfilling prophecy .


I see you have put a lot of work into identifying your troubles and trying to figure them out . I am impressed with that , to sound patronising ... the ordering of chaos , trying to make sense of things .

I guess I feel like I am on the bottom floor of reality - in an objective materialist sense :

I regard all humans as animals that exhibit the same oppressive bullying tactics evident in all of nature .

It is a power struggle , and that is the bottom line.

We have become civilized and have laws and rules , institutions to thwart the most barbaric tendencies , but the drives and processes still remain .

Conform , bow to power , play the game , fit in with the most powerful , gratify the ego's of the bullys above us ...

It is disgusting and un-nerving .

It has basically destroyed me trying to negotiate the endless hypocracy and lies saturating the world.

The key difference in our world views is that I don't see myself as fucked up , I see the world as fucked up.

I certainly refer to myself as fucked up ... but I feel that is a negative internal put down.

Embracing contemporary models of behaviour ... labels of disfunction , are all housed inside our current paradigm , that on a good day is in decline and decay .

Anyway ...
Sorry for being a bullying prick yesterday - I was exhibiting the kind of abandoning behaviour I was raised with .
It's a horror .

edit to add : are you actually in prison ? I assumed it was a metaphor for life in general.

It makes me wonder if that is why I chose those words in my second reply to you ... as a cruel taunt in a bullying way ... " I'm going out , the wind , cars ... " etc ... my cruel taunting in retaliation for your disagreement .

We are all potentially pretty nasty beasts .
 
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B

Ben

Warlock
Sep 12, 2018
784
Ima be hones here people. If you give me the option to vote on how Fucked up your life is, with no context, yes ima vote on the harshest option. Fuck that "ohhh maybe if I vote for the option that will make OP feel bett...."naw naw naw we are all fucked up here and nobody is jumping that ship until their ticket is called.
 
S

ScaredOfLife

Arcanist
Jul 9, 2018
441
I actually talked to someone in real life yesterday .
Almost walked into an employment agency to get some work.

I regret , on one level my aloof , abrupt leaving of this thread yesterday ... I just wasn't into justifying my reasons for my opinions .

I sort of had a reply lined up in my mind but it has dissolved .

It was something about the potential 'plasticity ' of the mind.

What bugs me about the diagnosis acronym frenzy in psych evaluation is the concept of the self fulfilling prophecy .


I see you have put a lot of work into identifying your troubles and trying to figure them out . I am impressed with that , to sound patronising ... the ordering of chaos , trying to make sense of things .

I guess I feel like I am on the bottom floor of reality - in an objective materialist sense :

I regard all humans as animals that exhibit the same oppressive bullying tactics evident in all of nature .

It is a power struggle , and that is the bottom line.

We have become civilized and have laws and rules , institutions to thwart the most barbaric tendencies , but the drives and processes still remain .

Conform , bow to power , play the game , fit in with the most powerful , gratify the ego's of the bullys above us ...

It is disgusting and un-nerving .

It has basically destroyed me trying to negotiate the endless hypocracy and lies saturating the world.

The key difference in our world views is that I don't see myself as fucked up , I see the world as fucked up.

I certainly refer to myself as fucked up ... but I feel that is a negative internal put down.

Embracing contemporary models of behaviour ... labels of disfunction , are all housed inside our current paradigm , that on a good day is in decline and decay .

Anyway ...
Sorry for being a bullying prick yesterday - I was exhibiting the kind of abandoning behaviour I was raised with .
It's a horror .

edit to add : are you actually in prison ? I assumed it was a metaphor for life in general.

It makes me wonder if that is why I chose those words in my second reply to you ... as a cruel taunt in a bullying way ... " I'm going out , the wind , cars ... " etc ... my cruel taunting in retaliation for your disagreement .

We are all potentially pretty nasty beasts .

I agree - the world is fucked up. I'm only fucked up in the sense that I can't deal with it.
 
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I

Iscrewupeverything

Member
May 26, 2018
44
Looking for a suicide partner. Message me if you have N and live in the United States.