Story Went to a meetup

[NumbItAll]

I finally found something on Meetup.com that looked suitable, a simple nature walk for people in my age range (20s and 30s), and not too many people either. My first thought was "fuck, I can't think of an excuse not to go." I had doubts of course because of my social anxiety, but that is all bullshit lies that we tell ourselves. Yes, you belong there, no, nothing bad will happen, and even if it sucks it will be over in an hour and who cares. I took a Xanax for good luck and went, and it was pretty good, nothing life changing. I skipped the drinks afterwards because I hate alcohol, which rules out like half of all potential social activities. Everyone was nice but I didn't make any kind of meaningful connection. I doubt any of this will make any difference for me but I'm hoping maybe it will encourage my fellow terminally online NEET shut-ins, who have a little more hope than me, to try something different, even if it's just to see what happens. Beware the spotlight effect, nobody really gives a shit what you're doing in public, everyone is worried about themselves and will forget about it the next day. Doubtful it will be any worse than continuing to rot at home, but even if it is, it will be over quickly / you can just leave any time. Also I'm open to suggestions for other ways to meet new people, but I don't really like anything so that pretty much rules everything out. I mostly only like things if it's with someone I connect with, but I almost never connect with anyone so it's all pointless. Oh well.

 

[Sulyya]

Never heard of that site - neat. I've got a bit too much social activity for my comfort already but that seems like a good idea for people who are getting lonely and maybe stirring around in their own heads too much from it.

Personally re alcohol, I never care if there's someone with me who doesn't drink and its a bar or something - I've done that. Get water and just order snacks and other people can have a drink. I don't like drunk people so that's worth avoiding but otherwise it shouldn't be a problem, but hey peer pressure with that does extend into adults sadly.

 

[TransilvanianHunger]

Kind of reminds me of a "photo walk" I attended a few years ago in a nearby city. Just a random bunch of people around my age, walking around the city and taking photos of things. Didn't know anyone and I kind of felt out of place at the start, but it ended up being fun and I took some photos that I really like to this day. Talked to a bunch of people about photography, went out for drinks afterwards, then came back home. No long-term friendships were made or anything, but it was a nice change of pace.

I skipped the drinks afterwards because I hate alcohol, which rules out like half of all potential social activities.

From my personal observations (I do drink alcohol but I know people who don't), many folks are very accommodating and understanding when someone in the group doesn't drink alcohol, and will include them in social activities regardless. There are others who basically get together to get drunk and don't know how to do anything else, but in general I'd recommend not assuming that you won't be able to participate in a social activity simply because you don't drink alcohol.

Beware the spotlight effect, nobody really gives a shit what you're doing in public, everyone is worried about themselves and will forget about it the next day. Doubtful it will be any worse than continuing to rot at home, but even if it is, it will be over quickly / you can just leave any time.

The spotlight effect can be really powerful, yes. Definitely something to try to keep in mind when you're out and about, afraid of looking like a fool for whatever reason—most people are also worried about not looking like fools themselves, and aren't focused on what others are doing.

 

[Zetsubou]

I used to go to a yoga meet-up before COVID cancelled everything. Maybe I'll try Meetup.com again now that things are relatively back to normal.

On a similar note, volunteering is also a great way to get out there. I volunteered for a Pride event a few months ago and it was fun.

 

[jdog2498]

facebook groups and discord also have similar groups. maybe join a cult they seem pretty happy

 

[NumbItAll]

Update: went to hang out with someone from the last meetup and he turned out to be a total clown. Spent half the time bragging about how much money he's made and the house he bought which is now empty since he dumped his gf when it got "too serious." Cool story bro. Now he badly regrets doing that and it was hard for me not to say she deserves better, but it seemed like he was struggling enough already. He also showed me all his dating app matches when I have none so I had to tell him that was a triggering topic. This just reminded me of why I've been isolated for so long, normal people come off as psychopaths to me.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Update: went to hang out with someone from the last meetup and he turned out to be a total clown. Spent half the time bragging about how much money he's made and the house he bought which is now empty since he dumped his gf when it got "too serious." Cool story bro. Now he badly regrets doing that and it was hard for me not to say she deserves better, but it seemed like he was struggling enough already. He also showed me all his dating app matches when I have none so I had to tell him that was a triggering topic. This just reminded me of why I've been isolated for so long, normal people come off as psychopaths to me.

That sounds terrible. In a way I'm glad he revealed who he was from the get-go. Some people take a while to reveal their poison.