Not really quoted here- more paraphrased from an idea from Freud. Not that I'm generally a Freud fan.
Do you think it's true? Do you think you'll change much when your parents have passed on? Did you change- if they already have? For the better or worse? Sorry- if it's distressing to think about.
The major difference for me- is that I will finally feel free to suicide. My Mum passed when I was young but, I've long been holding on so that it doesn't upset my Dad.
I suppose- to be brutally honest about it, I can also imagine feeling free of responsibility and expectation. Not that I'm expected to care for them. But, I am expected to financially support myself and take care of my own needs. Some of which I do still neglect- as far as I can get away with.
I suppose though- I do wonder how it will feel to have no one checking up on me. What time do I start working? What work do I have to do? Am I charging enough? Am I considering my future? Am I doing all the other things expected in life?
While I'm sure it wasn't my families intention at all. I'm sure they did/ do want me to be happy- my whole life has become about work, one way or another. The irony being, they believe they gave me so much freedom to pursue what I wanted. I suppose it's work ethic I'm refering to. I've always been a slave to it.
I suppose really though, I've never felt entirely free to enjoy life. Even when doing more leisurely things, I don't relax. I'm worrying about work and everything else. I'm wondering if that will change- when I no longer have anyone checking up on me. I wonder if I even could live hedonistically for a time. Whether I'll ever be able to entirely relax.
It's not like I am even working as hard as I used to- in a practical way. I procrastinate so much now. Still- the mindset is still more or less there.
Less over recent years though- at least. Fixating on suicide as a goal at least means I don't need to worry about a pension and financial future. More, that I just need to tread water with finances- while I still need to.
Of course- in a practical way, I simply won't be able to live hedonistically/ care free without money and- that requires working. So- it's unlikely I'll even be able to break free from the cycle- for that long anyway.
I wonder if I'll ever feel truly free though. Or, whether these thoughts are so intrinsic, there's no shifting them.
How about you? Are there negative or positive thought processes you feel like you got from your parents? Will they likely still remain when your parents aren't around? Were you able to break free of them, despite them still being alive maybe?
Do you think it's true? Do you think you'll change much when your parents have passed on? Did you change- if they already have? For the better or worse? Sorry- if it's distressing to think about.
The major difference for me- is that I will finally feel free to suicide. My Mum passed when I was young but, I've long been holding on so that it doesn't upset my Dad.
I suppose- to be brutally honest about it, I can also imagine feeling free of responsibility and expectation. Not that I'm expected to care for them. But, I am expected to financially support myself and take care of my own needs. Some of which I do still neglect- as far as I can get away with.
I suppose though- I do wonder how it will feel to have no one checking up on me. What time do I start working? What work do I have to do? Am I charging enough? Am I considering my future? Am I doing all the other things expected in life?
While I'm sure it wasn't my families intention at all. I'm sure they did/ do want me to be happy- my whole life has become about work, one way or another. The irony being, they believe they gave me so much freedom to pursue what I wanted. I suppose it's work ethic I'm refering to. I've always been a slave to it.
I suppose really though, I've never felt entirely free to enjoy life. Even when doing more leisurely things, I don't relax. I'm worrying about work and everything else. I'm wondering if that will change- when I no longer have anyone checking up on me. I wonder if I even could live hedonistically for a time. Whether I'll ever be able to entirely relax.
It's not like I am even working as hard as I used to- in a practical way. I procrastinate so much now. Still- the mindset is still more or less there.
Less over recent years though- at least. Fixating on suicide as a goal at least means I don't need to worry about a pension and financial future. More, that I just need to tread water with finances- while I still need to.
Of course- in a practical way, I simply won't be able to live hedonistically/ care free without money and- that requires working. So- it's unlikely I'll even be able to break free from the cycle- for that long anyway.
I wonder if I'll ever feel truly free though. Or, whether these thoughts are so intrinsic, there's no shifting them.
How about you? Are there negative or positive thought processes you feel like you got from your parents? Will they likely still remain when your parents aren't around? Were you able to break free of them, despite them still being alive maybe?
