Discussion Was it worth having lived?

[freedompass]

No . i wish i were never born. .Was Just taught all the wrong information. Got addicted to useless trash like TV, news, sports, anything on Tv, media youtube got brainwashed into thinking i "loved" that crap. Never taught anything about reality . That and the useless animal needs/pleasures like eating that are also crap. Then i had to work so hard every day just to exist in this evil world. All the while just waiting until extreme torture like unbearable unending pain, homelessness, alsheimers, stroke, dementia, parasites, cancer,disease ,accident ,old age etc get me all for no purpose at all . Senseless extreme torture for no purpose at all , no reason . imo LIfe is the worst function in the universe. Even if i would've had a so called good life old age will get you no matter what look what happened to Robin Williams, Christopher Reeve, Terry Semel Yahoo billionaire got Alsheimers etc.

Oh gosh that last bit touches a nerve right now. At 60 I suppose the end is in sight but these days it's the new fucking forty hadn't you heard? I should be jetting off around the world around now, hiking up mountains and learning to hang glide. My mum is 90, and has always been pretty resilient, competent, independent and looked after her health. Now? the countdown to the end has most definitely commenced and she's fully aware of that as her body and brain begin to shut down in all their different ways. I stay in close contact by phone as I live 70 miles away. Watching an elderly parent die (albeit it takes years) faces you with your own mortality like nothing else and is a real rite of passage. My mum has done so much better in life than I have, yet even she feels miserable and hopes not to wake up the next day.

All of this drives home to me that I can't possibly allow myself to reach that age. I'm in worse shape by a long way, overweight, a non union fracture in my upper arm and shoulder, chronic lifelong mental health issues. Just can't happen, yet left to itself you can bet your life the damn body will cling on to the bitter end.

Interestingly the average life expectancy for a bipolar person is 55-66. I was so cheered when I saw that. Later I just thought. Hah, I should be so lucky. I'll be the exception that proves the rule.

Ironically I lie awake at night sometimes terrified of every little noise in the house and outside. My biggest fear is some kind of deranged sadistic killer entering my home and…well I'm sure I'm not alone in that haha imagine the terror you would feel if it happened. If you end up dead well that's well and good, being dead is not the problem. It's how the end comes about!

 

[Hurt]

There were happy moments but life became bad and it's not worth living anymore.

 

[noname223]

My life is a horror movie since I am 5 years old. My childhood could be compared a war time in Afghanistan. Maybe I exaggerate but I am pretty trauamized.

Damn I wished I would have never come into existence. Even if I got a random life of another person I would prefer the void. Life is so dangerous so much horrific torture can happen.

Though I don't deny that life can be beautiful. I had one hypomanic year which was very amazing. But the result of that manic episode was extreme psychosomatic pain. If that shit returns I gonna kill myself. People can't imagine how that pain hurt. Fuck that. I think most people don't experience pain on such a high level in their whole lifetime. And I experienced it in an extreme form at least 1 year. And in a little bit less but still torturous way for another 2 years.

 

[freedompass]

My life is a horror movie since I am 5 years old. My childhood could be compared a war time in Afghanistan. Maybe I exaggerate but I am pretty trauamized.

Damn I wished I would have never come into existence. Even if I got a random life of another person I would prefer the void. Life is so dangerous so much horrific torture can happen.

Though I don't deny that life can be beautiful. I had one hypomanic year which was very amazing. But the result of that manic episode was extreme psychosomatic pain. If that shit returns I gonna kill myself. People can't imagine how that pain hurt. Fuck that. I think most people don't experience pain on such a high level in their whole lifetime. And I experienced it in an extreme form at least 1 year. And in a little bit less but still torturous way for another 2 years.

So it went away by itself eventually did it? Was it in any way connected to a particular medication? This reminds me of that Canadian guy Adam Maier-Clayton who ctb from his dreadful psychosomatic pain condition. Apart from that he seemed mentally well. He made many videos about it as a way to publicise the cause of assisted dying even when not terminally ill. Maybe it worked, I seem to remember hearing that Canada is relaxing its laws around euthanasia/assisted dying.

 

[ornitier199]

Nothing.

 

[noname223]

So it went away by itself eventually did it? Was it in any way connected to a particular medication? This reminds me of that Canadian guy Adam Maier-Clayton who ctb from his dreadful psychosomatic pain condition. Apart from that he seemed mentally well. He made many videos about it as a way to publicise the cause of assisted dying even when not terminally ill. Maybe it worked, I seem to remember hearing that Canada is relaxing its laws around euthanasia/assisted dying.

I have watched almost every video of AMC. What a tragedy.

The pain went away after a mixed-manic state. Not sure if it was connected to a medication. Could have been an coincidence.

The pain lasted 2,5 years. It was extreme torture. I don't care that it went away eventually. The next time the pain returns it will probably last more than 1 year. I am not doing this again. I won't endure that. I have tried everything what I wanted to. Every recovery attempt backfired. There is no real reason why I should endure that again. It was extremely painful. Unimaginable.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I've actually seen some YouTube videos that some people believe we chose to be born- I guess you have to believe in the soul as being able to live and presumably make decisions outside the body for that to work... Not my belief but if it's true- life was falsely advertised...

Love David Bowie and in his words:
'Life wasn't worth the balance
Or the crumpled paper it was written on…'

 

[butterfly3]

No. I really do wish I was never born. It's just my honest truth. It would've been so much easier

 

[Spiritual survivor]

Yes and no. I experienced nice times but mostly my life has been filled with tragedy.

 

[freedompass]

I've actually seen some YouTube videos that some people believe we chose to be born- I guess you have to believe in the soul as being able to live and presumably make decisions outside the body for that to work... Not my belief but if it's true- life was falsely advertised...

Love David Bowie and in his words:
'Life wasn't worth the balance
Or the crumpled paper it was written on…'

Yup I've seen that stuff, mostly a New Agey type of idea. They like to say we're 'spiritual beings having a human experience' and describe this as being like some sort of vacation/adventure away from 'home' with our celestial family. Sounds delightful but I agree totally, we were sold a bill of goods, if that had been the case surely whoever got us to sign up was dishonest and unethical and neglected to explain what it would be like.

 

[Cactuscraze]

For me yes definitely. I've been in some really euphoric and happy positions In my life that I am glad I got to experience. I had surgery that left me with this nasty chronic pain that has tainted any life enjoyment ever since. I'm only 24 so would rather die young rather than live with this the rest of my life

 

[freedompass]

For me yes definitely. I've been in some really euphoric and happy positions In my life that I am glad I got to experience. I had surgery that left me with this nasty chronic pain that has tainted any life enjoyment ever since. I'm only 24 so would rather die young rather than live with this the rest of my life

That's interesting. I too have had euphoria galore as the veteran of many manic episodes lol. Those experiences are fucking amazing to be fair they really are, you could say it is like being on a whole bunch of different illegal drugs all at once. The downsides are too obvious to even list really. One of the less mentioned ones is the horrible existential loneliness of psychosis and its aftermath. That alone makes me want to do all I can to avoid future episodes.

You mention happiness, that commodity has been in short supply in my life. I am so sorry you have been struck down with chronic pain at such an early age. I hope it wasn't a medical fuck up that caused it, I've had my share of those. There's so much tragedy on this site, if only we could board a fleet of buses together and ride off into non existence or a wonderful afterlife! Whichever we prefer!

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Big NOPE!!!!!

 

[Klo]

No, never existing would be preferable to this

 

[Q-Dust]

The only thing I look forward to everyday is watching vtubers, I could be gone right now and I'd have zero regrets

 

[Randomgin]

Given the nature of this website, most of us are contemplating ending it. My question is, does that negate any value we gained from ever being born/living? Plenty of people say they wish they had never been born 'sometimes'. Is that actually true for you? Given the rather unpleasant nature of suicide are you still happy to have lived? Or would you have chosen to stay in a state of nothingness, no consciousness, no you, therefore no need for suffering or death?

Personally I would have preferred to stay in 'the void', and never become a person/individual with all that entails. I look forward to losing my identity as I kind of despise myself to be honest. Doesn't 'familiarity' usually 'breed contempt'? Well spending 95% of my time alone certainly qualifies as familiarity I reckon.

It isn't that I never had good times. Aspects of my childhood were quite idyllic, in many ways a sheltered existence. But does it compensate for the deluge of shit that came later? No, it emphatically doesn't. Did it have any lasting meaning beyond some pleasant hazy memories (probably rose tinted nostalgia)? I think not.

So yeah I'd be interested to hear from anyone who is actually glad they had a chance at living, despite being pretty sure it won't end well?

Or if you are like me?

I would've preferred never having existed. The pains that come with existing outweigh any good I've had. Non-existence means no pain, and while it means no good as well. The lack of pain outweighs the lack of good.

 

[Resinn66]

Given the nature of this website, most of us are contemplating ending it. My question is, does that negate any value we gained from ever being born/living? Plenty of people say they wish they had never been born 'sometimes'. Is that actually true for you? Given the rather unpleasant nature of suicide are you still happy to have lived? Or would you have chosen to stay in a state of nothingness, no consciousness, no you, therefore no need for suffering or death?

Personally I would have preferred to stay in 'the void', and never become a person/individual with all that entails. I look forward to losing my identity as I kind of despise myself to be honest. Doesn't 'familiarity' usually 'breed contempt'? Well spending 95% of my time alone certainly qualifies as familiarity I reckon.

It isn't that I never had good times. Aspects of my childhood were quite idyllic, in many ways a sheltered existence. But does it compensate for the deluge of shit that came later? No, it emphatically doesn't. Did it have any lasting meaning beyond some pleasant hazy memories (probably rose tinted nostalgia)? I think not.

So yeah I'd be interested to hear from anyone who is actually glad they had a chance at living, despite being pretty sure it won't end well?

Or if you are like me? I wish I had never been born. No matter the moments of joy. This struggle is not worth it. Really hard to find motivation in this nonsense

Given the nature of this website, most of us are contemplating ending it. My question is, does that negate any value we gained from ever being born/living? Plenty of people say they wish they had never been born 'sometimes'. Is that actually true for you? Given the rather unpleasant nature of suicide are you still happy to have lived? Or would you have chosen to stay in a state of nothingness, no consciousness, no you, therefore no need for suffering or death?

Personally I would have preferred to stay in 'the void', and never become a person/individual with all that entails. I look forward to losing my identity as I kind of despise myself to be honest. Doesn't 'familiarity' usually 'breed contempt'? Well spending 95% of my time alone certainly qualifies as familiarity I reckon.

It isn't that I never had good times. Aspects of my childhood were quite idyllic, in many ways a sheltered existence. But does it compensate for the deluge of shit that came later? No, it emphatically doesn't. Did it have any lasting meaning beyond some pleasant hazy memories (probably rose tinted nostalgia)? I think not.

So yeah I'd be interested to hear from anyone who is actually glad they had a chance at living, despite being pretty sure it won't end well?

Or if you are like me?

I wish I had never been born, no matter the moments of joy. Life is not worth living imo. What's the purpose of all this suffering, there Should be a way out painlessly. We, humans, are maybe the only life specie in the universe and it's like we won the lottery

 

[freedompass]

The only thing I look forward to everyday is watching vtubers, I could be gone right now and I'd have zero regrets

Haha I love it. I have YouTube on almost constantly while my phone is pretty much an extension of my left hand at this point. Just lately I switched to Netflix for a while, quite enjoying the true crime docs on there. I like all things dark. Cults, prison, homelessness, drug addiction, serial killers, mental illness. 'Oh but that's so depressing' they chorus. 'For you maybe' I retort.

It's all just a distraction. It doesn't advance my personal growth in any way. Pretty much given up on that, and when you acknowledge you're no longer even growing as a person what is the point anymore?

 

[ClownMe]

To me, no it wasn't.

 

[Conker]

 

[Fengshuiside]

Well it depends. I personally believe in reincarnation and hope that all the progress I have made in this life will be useful in my next life and I don't need to repeat the same mistakes again. I've learned a lot in my life after all and I've pushed through such a mental hell, it'd suck if it all was for nothing. However, this place is such a nasty hell hole, that I'd rather not reincarnate but we'll see what happens.

But if there's only emptiness after death and no reincarnation, I would still be pretty happy. I made awful decisions in my life and hurt people close to me, but at least hopefully I was good company for people that chose to spend time with me. And if I knew it was going to be just emptiness after death, it would be a relief. Then I could just end this suffering any time I want to and cease to be.

 

[Eternal Oblivion]

Void for sure

 

[WhatAMess]

I didn't have a particularly tragic or difficult life like many in here but even then I have no pleasant memories at 22. To me nothing really matters, even the little moments where I might feel some happiness are followed by a realization that it was just a passing, meaningless emotion in the grand scheme of things. This view on life is probably one of the main factors that brought me to where I am today. So I don't really find any worth in my life. The only thing coming off of it is that now I have to take my own life.

 

[BrokenLine]

No, I really don't think it was.

 

[freedompass]

Well it depends. I personally believe in reincarnation and hope that all the progress I have made in this life will be useful in my next life and I don't need to repeat the same mistakes again. I've learned a lot in my life after all and I've pushed through such a mental hell, it'd suck if it all was for nothing. However, this place is such a nasty hell hole, that I'd rather not reincarnate but we'll see what happens.

But if there's only emptiness after death and no reincarnation, I would still be pretty happy. I made awful decisions in my life and hurt people close to me, but at least hopefully I was good company for people that chose to spend time with me. And if I knew it was going to be just emptiness after death, it would be a relief. Then I could just end this suffering any time I want to and cease to be.

Kinda refreshing to hear that. I used to have ideas and beliefs along those lines back in my 40's when I had a bit more hope and faith. There is absolutely no way in hell I want to come back here under any circumstances, I don't care how supposedly advantageous! I've had my aversion therapy, when I go that needs to be it. I can conceive of other worlds, other dimensions, bodies that aren't literally full of crap, gross and subject to illness, death and decay. I've experienced being 'a god' haha while in bipolar mania and that was cool as fuck. Oh man I hear you that we don't want it all to be for nothing. Perhaps if you have some kind of faith, a real sense of something transcendent, you needn't fall into despair.

 

[Fengshuiside]

Kinda refreshing to hear that. I used to have ideas and beliefs along those lines back in my 40's when I had a bit more hope and faith. There is absolutely no way in hell I want to come back here under any circumstances, I don't care how supposedly advantageous! I've had my aversion therapy, when I go that needs to be it. I can conceive of other worlds, other dimensions, bodies that aren't literally full of crap, gross and subject to illness, death and decay. I've experienced being 'a god' haha while in bipolar mania and that was cool as fuck. Oh man I hear you that we don't want it all to be for nothing. Perhaps if you have some kind of faith, a real sense of something transcendent, you needn't fall into despair.

Yeah I have no deep "knowing" about the spiritual side of life, I can only guess. I've researched global corruption and see the insanity in the world enough to be convinced that there can't be a hell after death. Or if there is, it can't be any worse than this so I'm all for it.