Help wanting friends but also hate making friends

[ScaredCutter]

one of things in life i want to have is friends but it feels so hard not just because of my selective mutism and social anxiety but, i just cant bare to have any. i feel like im trapped in a friendship and have no idea what to do. im so comfortable around my boyfriend and 2 other friends i have (those 2 friends i dont always talk with and been w/ for over 2+ years) and, i always feel bad for making friends because it feels like im tearing my relationship apart. i feel like im not priorotising my boyfriend and i feel like im doing something really bad.

i feel like im putting others over him and i get really anxious like im hurting him. i also feel pressure in that i HAVE to play with them, that i MUST talk with them and it just makes having friends feel so hard because i just cant figure out what to do with it, i cant keep many nor do i talk wiht them for a long period. when i play/talk with them it feels like too much time has past and i havent given my bf any attention, i feel so gulity about it.

idk what i can do about this feeling because its been like this for a few years now and msot of these new "Friends" last a day or 2 because i feel so gulity. i hate making friends but i so badly want friends. i dont usually have ppl to play with but, i cant make friends to play with because i just cant stop feeling horrible ab it.

ive made 6 friends over the past 3 days but i feel so bad about it :(.

i can talk to ppl casually online but, when im asked to be their friend or accept a friend request, i just cant do it.

i cant explain it any better otherwise im just repeating myself over and over because its just endless.

 

[leftoperish]

It's the curse we have as the socially anxious. We tend to over think things and when we reach out for advice we get responses like "don't over think it bro" like i can fucking stop my brain from functioning lol. Sorry for the language but it gets me hot anytime i think about it. I'm not in a place to advice you but for real just do what makes you feel like your life is yours, i try to do that from day to day, sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't but all i can say is i feel like me all the time cause i did it for me but i feel you cause your boyfriend is "suppose" to be an extension of you also but i say fuck society he either gets with the program that is "you" or not at all. I really hope this doesn't come off as disrespectful but your post got me interested cause social anxiety is what is driving me closer to a cemetery day by day. All that's left now is just hoping I'll be pretty enough to get in one or be so unrecognizable, that an urn would be the best resting place lol. seriously tho its annoying cause i can't take the constant gas lighting from those who see through my fear and label me as an easy target

 

[Unlucky777]

Social anxiety is the worst. I'm the same way at the moment. I crave connection with people but at the same time I also hate it. I hate talking to people but I also crave talking to people. I'm feeling very disconnected from people and myself and it's very hard to "connect" with people feeling like this. I never used to have this problem before.