Few seconds of peace, then my brain gets a reboot, all the memories, the pain, they all penetrate my head like bullets. I want to sleep more, but I can't. I wake up feeling so frustrated, I'm sick to my stomach as I'm writing this. I don't want anything from this world. I just want to be at peace already. My stomach is too awful to do SN, and I am scared of carrying out other methods wrong and ending up brain damaged. Everyone is sick of me, of my endless rants, and BS. Like, I wake up, and WTF do I do next? I don't have the will to do anything. Everyone who ever said they loved me, they didn't mean it. Nobody meant it. I'll be dying knowing I'm a worthless fuck just like my mother said.
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Hystearical
In tears
- Jul 23, 2022
- 4,940
It's a mini trauma every day. I wish I knew what it was like to wake up without immense panic and dread overcoming me. Maybe once I knew but I long since forgot.
I just want the peace I get when I sleep but that doesn't have to be interrupted.Im so sorry. You've had so much trauma. You're not worthless. It's possible to be suffering and not able to cope yet still bring meaning to others just by existing, and Im really sorry you're not it seems in a position to see that right now, I hope you believe me cos its true and you need to hear it
Pluto
Cat Extremist
- Dec 27, 2020
- 6,749
Thank you, dear SS stranger <3 Thank you so much for your kind words
For real though, waking up is a mini trauma every day. Even when I sleep, I keep getting woken up at night by everything. It is what it is :(
EmptyBottle
2036-01-10T08
- Apr 10, 2025
- 2,190
I feel the same way. It breaks my heart that so many on here and a lot who are not feel the exact same way. Waking up sucks. I keep taking more of my blood pressure meds along with alcohol and suboxone hoping it make me stop breathing in my sleep. My wife told me I sometimes stop breathing and she has to wake me up. Now we are separated and she isn't here to wake me up but dang my body must want to stay alive because I know my mind doesn't. Where is a good fatal heart attack when you need one?
