Venting vortex of thoughts

[livingdeadgrl]

I was just laying in my bed all day long and got this really terrible headache, and suddenly started to feel nausea, and even medications don't heal this symptons, then i realize the last time I eat was like 10 hours ago or something, I don't really know, and that's probably the reason I'm feeling like this bad, and this is a cycle that's keep repeating for days and, yes, I forget almost everytime. It's annoying because I don't feel like eating since I'm nauseous, but I want to stop the headache, but it won't stop until I eat, but I don't want to eat because I'm feeling sick, and I don't really want to leave my bed to do anything because nothing gives me pleasure, even eat, that's something that used to, but now I only do because I have to, and when I remember to. Besides, this situation made me think I don't remember the sensation of have the motivation to do something, start a project, really feel pleasure about anything??? I mean, I do things because I have to, because there's a voice in my brain saying that's what "normal" people should do, and I keep avoiding till I can't anymore, not because I actually feel the need to.
This hole vortex of thoughts is so fucked up and I don't know how to get out of it, I just don't feel like a person anymore, that have desires, interests, motivation, you know, that hole package of characteristics that make every human being unique. I panic when I have to talk to someone (which is rare), because I don't remember the personality I used to have and how can I "naturally" say phrases that sounds like I'm like everybody else and have plans for the future or I saw the last news that everyone is talking about or have fun in the past weeks. I just feel more and more disconnected from the world and like a vegetal and I know that's awful to say, but it's true, all I do is avoid having to do things because I don't want to. I don't want to get better. I don't even feel the urgency to CTB. I'm just a dumb NPC.
Whatever, thank you for reading my caotic thoughts, is there anyone who can relate to this?

 

[dreamscape1111]

yes, i definitely feel like that sometimes, it's part of life. but no matter how bad a state of mind we might get into, if we keep strong and hold out, eventually the bad weather must vanish and the ever-shining sun will prevail. notice how those thoughts rush by you, you are aware of them, they are not you.
also, have you tried hatha yoga stretches before? it helps me feel better after not moving for a long time and naturally gets me out of depressive thought loops. eating high vibe foods like fruits does the same thing, fills me with positive energy. meditation, focusing on the breath going in and out on its own and consciously relaxing the body's tensions while resting in the now for as long as you can is also a lifesaver. it's hard at the beginning, but with practice, it gets soo worth it and pays you back a millionfold.
hope this helps, just sharing what's helped me so far.