Venting vent message to a friend

[Jx708]

i guess it is a symptom of feeling like i can't be what you want me to be..?
i'm not really sure. and i'm definately not in the clearest headspace at the moment.
apparently the police are going to conduct a wellfare check on me today or tomorrow or something.
i understand that i don't see the world in the clearest way. and i know that my vision is skewed.
but sometimes its so hard to see what everyone else sees, or understand what they are trying to say.

i don't know what happened. it feels like i'm so deep underwater.
i don't want to have communication issues. i want to talk to you!
but something inside of me makes it so hard. i want to overcome it but i don't know how.

i started taking ssri's again. i'm starting to not care anymore, i just want to not feel so broken.
it seems like people want to talk with me.... i see but i can't understand,,

i'm trying to find a good psychologist, and maybe psychiatrist if it will help.
its pathetic but i'm trying.
i'm nothing special. i hope that the sadness i caused you can be replaced with a life of joy.
you believe in me.... it almost feels like a gift too nice to accept.
i have a long way to go - i want to get to the end before i can present myself to you, for all you have done for me.
i understand that is not how it works. i can't seem to get over it.

when i am broken, it is too scary to let other people know.
i'm sorry.