hypnoticpoisoned
Magnolia Electric Co.
- Jan 10, 2026
- 12
Yesterday was my birthday, today is my last day off. My date is this Thursday. I have 3 days ahead of me. I work for all 3 of them haha. Thanks to some difficulties with one of the pharmacists at my store though, it isn't as bad as it could have been. I would have had to work 11-7 the 20th then 3-9 the day of. Now it's 5-9 & nothing respectively. Little mercies.
It's supposed to be a lovely 60°F sunny day. PSH in the woods in the morning.
I tried to off myself December first last year, & for the whole month it felt like the entire universe was talking to me. I have never felt such soul-crushing, heavy regret in my entire life, like my stomach was engorged with frozen stones. I'd go on these hours long walks at night all around my city & it would be silent & blizzarding, & I'd just think about suicide. I had this singular obsession with it. & These little things would happen & come together like it was all focused on me, & saying that was your fate & you ducked from it, you've missed your stop, chump!Christmas lights everywhere & families in their little houses. My fingers completely numb when I got home. I'd get cold rash on my thighs. It was one of the worst times of my life but I do want back.
I can't even tell you how little anything means anything right now. Totally random disjointed nonsensical noise. it actually makes me mad haha. I can't say that I'm glad I lived to see these past 6 months, a nothing facsimile of an existence. I think that it's going to be a very unceremonious death without goodbyes. I don't think I'll find the magic I used to see in the world again these next 3 days. So I won't have anything worth writing down for my family. I'm incredibly selfish & nothing. I'm scared to do it, but also scared not to. I don't know. It's a very terrible thing to be a human being with nothing to say.
It's supposed to be a lovely 60°F sunny day. PSH in the woods in the morning.
I tried to off myself December first last year, & for the whole month it felt like the entire universe was talking to me. I have never felt such soul-crushing, heavy regret in my entire life, like my stomach was engorged with frozen stones. I'd go on these hours long walks at night all around my city & it would be silent & blizzarding, & I'd just think about suicide. I had this singular obsession with it. & These little things would happen & come together like it was all focused on me, & saying that was your fate & you ducked from it, you've missed your stop, chump!Christmas lights everywhere & families in their little houses. My fingers completely numb when I got home. I'd get cold rash on my thighs. It was one of the worst times of my life but I do want back.
I can't even tell you how little anything means anything right now. Totally random disjointed nonsensical noise. it actually makes me mad haha. I can't say that I'm glad I lived to see these past 6 months, a nothing facsimile of an existence. I think that it's going to be a very unceremonious death without goodbyes. I don't think I'll find the magic I used to see in the world again these next 3 days. So I won't have anything worth writing down for my family. I'm incredibly selfish & nothing. I'm scared to do it, but also scared not to. I don't know. It's a very terrible thing to be a human being with nothing to say.
