Venting unhelpful responses from non-suicidal people

[e4shin]

my mother said "if you can't handle being upset or being in this world, the knife's in the kitchen". I'll never forgive her for saying that. I was so young.

 

[Kit1]

my mother said "if you can't handle being upset or being in this world, the knife's in the kitchen". I'll never forgive her for saying that. I was so young.

That is just plain unacceptable and child abuse. I am so sorry that you had to grow up hearing such abusive comments that are clearly damaging (especially as a child from someone who is supposed to be your primary caretaker).

 

[cetacea]

my mother said "if you can't handle being upset or being in this world, the knife's in the kitchen". I'll never forgive her for saying that. I was so young.

i hope you know that was cruel and unfair of her. it is sick that she clearly has no compassion for her fellow human, especially one that she brought into this world. the truth is that if you "cant handle being upset or being in this world", you need support & love. it might not fix things but it's leagues better than being goaded into CTB by your own mother

 

[vipatherappa]

my mother said "if you can't handle being upset or being in this world, the knife's in the kitchen". I'll never forgive her for saying that. I was so young.

i hope that you are currently old enough to live away from your mother on your own (e.g. not in foster care or cps) because that shows a callous disregard for your well-being that's absolutely shameful for any carer.

 

[february in alaska]

Anything revolving around "don't CTB for the sake of [someone else]"

As selfish as I feel sometimes, this feels like the most selfish thing anyone could say. Most people including myself are already going through great lengths to not hurt anyone in the process and have tons of guilt and pain about that already

 

[Cloud Busting]

"Oh, you could start a business of your own! You could join a commune, or live off the grid! Don't let being a wage slave depress you."

There is literally no choice but to participate in capitalism in this world, no matter what you do. Even living off the grid, or working in a commune, you gotta generate an income somehow to make a living.

Working for a living by force is a reality I can't work around. Don't be fucking naive.

"Your life is valuable! You matter!"

Dude, I'm literally just a speck of dust, a bunch of quarks and mass and matter on a rock orbiting in space. I absolutely do not matter. And that's what depresses me.

"People love you!"

Sure, which means if they truly care, they would be relieved I was no longer suffering or in pain. They would naturally grieve, but they'd understand. If they can't, they're the selfish ones. Not me.

"You know where you'd go right? Hell."

I'm already there lmfao might as well leave the transitionary one for the permanent one.

"There is hope."

How do you know? And why should there have to be?

"Help is available!"

Clearly you have never been through the mental health system.

"Oh, if you really wanted to die, you would just do it."

Gee, thanks. Glad to know dying is my only way to prove my pain is real.

 

[penguinl0v3s]

"Take a break from working"

I will literally get dropped out of the university I paid more than $100k for if I do

 

[dreamingofrest]

what are some really unhelpful responses youve gotten when venting to people who have never had a desire to CTB/never been in true despair?

ive heard stuff like "it just sucks seeing you consider and justify suicide despite the people that love you" "its not worth it being with me?", or insisting i just have to try harder

on the other hand, you can share what responses have been helpful, for me being told "you dont have to die trying, it's okay to ease up when need be, as long as you're safe and sound" was much more comforting

Some of the most unhelpful stuff I've heard is the whole "It will get better!" and "You're lucky, you actually have things good!" Like, it's not my choice to feel like this.

 

[Cloud Busting]

my mother said "if you can't handle being upset or being in this world, the knife's in the kitchen". I'll never forgive her for saying that. I was so young.

Im so sorry you were told this.

I confessed to my grandmother I was experiencing suicidal thoughts at 13. Her response was, "you don't want to kill yourself. If you did, you wouldn't have told me. You'd just slit your little wrists and go bye-bye."

I never said I wanted to die. I said I was having thoughts of suicide. Even at that young of an age, I understood the difference. I was hoping for help on how to cope with or stop them. I learned from that day on, no one gives a shit.

I second whoever said you should look into living on your own if you don't already

 

[SMmetalhead36]

"Do you not think about the effects you doing this would have on other people, like your family?"

From my dad. I felt disgusted when he said this to me. I know it was out of pure worry and fear that I would do this again and that I might still contemplate it but the fact that he thinks that I should only keep myself alive so that I can prevent sorrow from my family instead of fulfilling what needs to be done in order to give his child complete peace disturbs me to a level I can't begin to describe.

I cannot tell you how many times I've heard that l!

1. You're too young to die, you have so much life left to live.

2. What will your family do without you around.

3. Life can't be taken away by your own hand when it belongs to God or else you'll go to Hell.

4. Your pain and suffering is temporary, give it time.

5. And you think ending your life is going to solve all your problems but you're ignoring the fact that it'll create new terrible ones for those left behind.

6. If you do this, you've proven one thing and that's you don't give a shit about anyone but yourself.

7. Suck it up, there's millions of people who have it worse than you and yet they still find a way to live so why can't you.

I have heard all of these before!
The classic " you'll be ok" and the classic " suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem" . I told idiots that a lot of problems are not temporary. Everytime I hear these, I'm instantly triggered. That's why I no longer vent shit to anyone or reach out for help anymore. I'll mix my SN with alcohol and drink till I no longer exist. Fuck this life!

 

[NeedAnEscape]

"Suicide is the permanent solution to a temporary problem." A 'temporary problem' that's been going on for 5+ years and has never gotten better since it started.

"Just go to a therapist." Tried that, didn't help, and I don't want to go back.

"Suicide is selfish and it will get you sent to Hell." If God is so loving, why would he send people who suffered so much in life, to the point that they decided to end it all, down to Hell for eternal torture? If God is this barbaric, then I never want to meet him.

The sentiments of pro-lifers have made me feel incredibly isolated. I feel more understood on this forum, than I do around mental health professionals.

 

[Lost in a Dream]

My personal favorite is "God put you here for a reason". Why should I even care? If I didn't consent to being created by them, I should have the option to go back to nonexistence. An all powerful being could grant that wish much easier than doctors, but they have to exist and actually care enough to help.

 

[IDoNotExist]

1. Your only gonna pass it on to those who love you
2. You will harm everyone around you mentally
3. It's not worth it
4. Suicide isn't a solution (the typical)
5. Your going to hurt the people who love you
6. (this wasn't directed at me but to other people but it still made me angry) It's stupid. They are all selfish because they are hurt their family.
7. All your effort will go to waste.

No.1, 2, 3, 5... I hate it when I hear these cause I hear it all the time. Like- are you telling me I'm selfish because I wanna die? But aren't you more selfish for wanting to keep me in this hell hole and continue see me suffer? How am I selfish? I simply want to be at peace and your denying me that, how selfish of you.

No. 4.. The typical response. It's everywhere I swear to god. It's starting to annoy me a bit when people say that.

No. 6.. My mum was talking to me about suicide cause she heard that someone committed suicide or smth. She was complaining about how that person has hurt the people that love them and how it will only pass it to someone else. It made me a bit angry but there was nothing I could do about that cause she would probably drop me off at a mental hospital cause If I say anything. I loathed the part when she said it was stupid and that that person is selfish.

(I want to say something about No..7 but idk what to.)

 

[Mongoose]

"Life is amazing. Life is beautiful!"

That one both just hurts me so much and makes me so angry

 

[gbi2]

Take this one for example

Suck it up, there's millions of people who have it worse than you and yet they still find a way to live so why can't you.

A comedian here in the UK said something in a show about people saying things like this. He said someone said to him that they always enjoy their life because they know there are people worse off than them, and he said that's like saying "I love eating because I know there are people in the world starving".

 

[Deleted member 65988]

He said someone said to him that they always enjoy their life because they know there are people worse off than them, and he said that's like saying "I love eating because I know there are people in the world starving".

Precisely, it's absolutely fucked up in every way, it means you are taking pleasure you are not suffering as bad as someone else but that shows a pathetically low level of self-conscious and empathy for another human being. How can anyone enjoy good things just because someone else has it worse, that's not a valid reason to enjoy things like that.

 

[daze]

my mother said "if you can't handle being upset or being in this world, the knife's in the kitchen". I'll never forgive her for saying that. I was so young.

Oh thats a very messed up thing to say to a child :( im sorry you had to hear that at such a young age

 

[gbi2]

I got another unhelpful comment yesterday:

"You're over-dramatizing a bit ..."

I had similar from a therapist earlier this week. When I told her that the NHs had withdrawn their job offer after leaving me on the dole for 3 months using up all my savings and then the reason they stated is based on an untruth, they said so now I know I've just got to find another job as they aren't going to change their mind again so just apply for more jobs now.

I started shouting at her saying I can't believe I'm having to explain to her they can't withdraw an offer based on lies for example they can't decide they don't want a blonde haired person working for them but try and pick fault with something in their work history to cover the real reason. She then did the usual thing of saying it's not for her to discuss things like that with me.

Some people really just aren't thinking, all they are doing is finding something to say that absolves them of feeling like they have to give you support.

In your case, even if they were correct that you were over dramatizing, it is commonly understood that when you have suffered such things as you have, trivial things get harder to deal with aswell. They seem bigger problems than they are and so to the sufferer they are as bad as any other problem and needs the same attention and thought to help get over them as bigger problems. So the person who said that has made a moot point anyway.

Yes I am over dramatizing a bit, that is a symptom of the deeper problem.

 

[Deleted member 65988]

Oh thats a very messed up thing to say to a child :( im sorry you had to hear that at such a young age

Woah, holy fucking shit, what kind of incompetent and apathetic parent would even say that. A lot of people should've been vehemently barred from having kids

 

[SMmetalhead36]

My personal favorite is "God put you here for a reason". Why should I even care? If I didn't consent to being created by them, I should have the option to go back to nonexistence. An all powerful being could grant that wish much easier than doctors, but they have to exist and actually care enough to help.

I couldn't have said it better myself! It's like what reason :/

 

[Krokodile]

If you even think about the word suicide in most corners of the Internet you get the phone numbers spammed in your face. This spam is never accompanied with an explanation of how calling a phone number is supposed to magic your problems away.

 

[Winterreise]

"it sucks for us all."

 

[Cloud Busting]

I want to say something about No..7 but idk what to.

All effort goes to waste. What difference does it make if it's by natural causes or your own hand? It makes sense to not want to put effort into something you'll eventually lose.

"Life is amazing. Life is beautiful!"

This one makes me sad.

When I'm in a healthy place, I agree. When my friend anhedonia stops by and overstays their welcome, beauty never evokes joy. Hearing that when I'm a dark place pushes me lower.

I had similar from a therapist earlier this week. When I told her that the NHs had withdrawn their job offer after leaving me on the dole for 3 months using up all my savings and then the reason they stated is based on an untruth, they said so now I know I've just got to find another job as they aren't going to change their mind again so just apply for more jobs now.

I started shouting at her saying I can't believe I'm having to explain to her they can't withdraw an offer based on lies for example they can't decide they don't want a blonde haired person working for them but try and pick fault with something in their work history to cover the real reason. She then did the usual thing of saying it's not for her to discuss things like that with me.

Fire that shitty therapist and hire a lawyer. If possible, I'd look into another therapist if you're still interested in pursuing therapy.

"it sucks for us all."

Honestly… this one kinda helps me? It reminds me I'm not alone in this. Suffering is universal and everyone was forced on this planet against their will. It motivates me to extend my compassion to others and shine a light whenever I can.


Here's a new one to add:

"Nothing is ever that bad."

Um, if I am genuinely considering suicide, fuck yeah it is. It's possible suicide isn't the only solution, but it's clear I can't live like that if dying is an option.

 

[gbi2]

Fire that shitty therapist and hire a lawyer. If possible, I'd look into another therapist if you're still interested in pursuing therapy.

Thank for the reply.

It's an assigned therapist via free healthcare so I don't have a choice but I'm not really listening to her anyway. I'm just astounded that someone can be so wrong. Other therapists call people who make excuses for bad behaved people and join in telling people to 'move on' in one way or another as 'enablers', because they allow the mistreatment to continue.

Here's a new one to add:

"Nothing is ever that bad."

Um, if I am genuinely considering suicide, fuck yeah it is. It's possible suicide isn't the only solution, but it's clear I can't live like that if dying is an option.

To people who say things like that I want to say to them "Ok if it isn't that bad, you shadow my life for an undetermined time while I live through it, every morning, evening, shit day, the lot and see how you feel at the end. If it isn't that bad you will have no problem living beside me and dealing with everything that happens for me."

 

[𝗟𝗼𝗻𝗲𝗹𝘆]

• "text me again when u feel better"
• "it's not that bad, other people have it worse"
• "it'll get better"
• "same"

 

[FieCher]

Just do "yoga" or "just go to an appointment even if you are tired, it will give you energy".. I already did & no, most of the time it doesn't give me what I needed - Karen..
These kind of answers make me feel like an idiot..

 

[Cloud Busting]

It's an assigned therapist via free healthcare so I don't have a choice but I'm not really listening to her anyway. I'm just astounded that someone can be so wrong.

Healthcare systems often suck. You often have to pay out of pocket for a decent therapist, which isn't accessible for everyone. Therapists who bill under universal healthcare or welfare are often overworked, (healthcare worker shortage doesn't help,) many of their agencies are underfunded, and burnout is rampant. Your therapist sounds lazy and over it, ngl.

One therapist I had who was actually worth a shit had a private office, so she was expensive (even on sliding fee,) and didn't take my mom's insurance. She challenged me to open up about my mother and believed our dynamic was my largest life stressor (she was right) and wanted to start family therapy. My mom attended one session, thought she was a bitch, and refused to continue funding my sessions. I couldn't afford them on my own (I was only 19.) It sucked; I would've really benefited (also she introduced me to ACT which is honestly really cool.)

I'm really lucky my current therapist is a great fit. He does take state insurance but actually seems to take pride in his job. That he only accepts a limited number of patients is probably why. lol. Of course, I was on a year-long waitlist beforehand, despite being assessed as "high risk." I didn't get a call back from a behavioral health interventionist because I didn't have insurance. I only have this therapist because I attempted and am thus considered an emergency.

Just how inaccessible and mediocre mental health care is for working class people is something those who spout, "go get help!" will never understand.

Is there any way you can call the healthcare office and request a new assigned therapist? Also, is this voluntary or mandatory in your case?

To people who say things like that I want to say to them "Ok if it isn't that bad, you shadow my life for an undetermined time while I live through it, every morning, evening, shit day, the lot and see how you feel at the end. If it isn't that bad you will have no problem living beside me and dealing with everything that happens for me."

People handle and perceive all situations differently tho. Someone else in my shoes may be able to handle my situation more efficiently. It's why I hate the, "someone always has it worse than you," argument. What is considered unbearable is relative and depends on the person's perspective.

It's a very shallow sentiment however that dismisses the seriousness of one's suffering. It doesn't dig deep enough to solve the problem. It's essentially saying, "grin and bear it." Hell no, shit's gotta change or else dying is my only option.

"text me again when u feel better"

I probably won't feel better for a while.

If you can't deal with me at my worst, you don't deserve to be my friend.


-----------

I have two more:

1) Life/God only throws what you can handle at you.

I hate such submissive attitudes. It's essentially saying, "grin and bear it." Dig deeper and help me find a solution please. It's something lazy people say to shut you up and avoid putting effort into helping others.

2) "God didn't want you to go. It was divine intervention. He saved you"

So you're telling me an almighty authority figure has more say over my decisions than I do? Don't I possess at least some degree of free will?

I know some people find such pathos comforting, but to me it is dehumanizing and strips my power and agency away.

 

[Humble]

I've had my fair share of mean comments said to me when I opened up about struggling; my parents both called me "weak" and an "attention whore," etc., for telling them I overdosed and that I was terrified and needed help. I am doing much better now, but I still can't forgive them for what they said.
I have a question. I want to help comfort anyone who needs or wants it. What's the best thing to say? I've noticed there's a lot of debate on what to say and what not to say. I would love to hear direct advice and how I can help.

 

[Cloud Busting]

I've had my fair share of mean comments said to me when I opened up about struggling; my parents both called me "weak" and an "attention whore," etc., for telling them I overdosed and that I was terrified and needed help. I am doing much better now, but I still can't forgive them for what they said.

That's terrible. I wouldn't forgive them either.

I have a question. I want to help comfort anyone who needs or wants it. What's the best thing to say? I've noticed there's a lot of debate on what to say and what not to say. I would love to hear direct advice and how I can help.

This question may be more pertinent to ask in this thread.

 

[urwelcomelb]

one time, my friend told me that me killing myself would make my best friend kill themself too. that didn't deter me, that just made me feel like a monster for having suicidal thoughts, and made my thoughts worse.