Unfulfilled sexual desires ruined my life

[WantToQuit]

And yours?

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

More romantic than sexual, but yeah.

 

[Snake of Eden]

I relate. I made many reckless and life ruining decisions because I wasnt able to fulfill my sexual/romantic desires. I went out of my way to pursue those needs and I had encounters here and there but in the end I am left alone with no partner to have a ongoing sexual relationship with.

 

[Makko]

Cause of death: unfulfilled spider fetish

 

[BrokenArrow]

I found that one of the ultimate spoilers in life was that romantic partners and sexual conquests ultimately do nothing to quell the crippling anxiety/depression that I feel.

My dumb male brain tricked me into thinking lasting happiness or contentment could be attained by getting more pussy, being in a relationship, having someone profess their love for me etc etc.

It can alleviate it, for very short periods of time. But marriages often become prisons, people cheat all the time and just as the satisfaction you might get from eating a chocolate sundae rapidly fades, so does your satisfaction after the honeymoon phase of a relationship ends or a one night stand concludes itself.

The idea that sex can save you from depression is a fallacy and the reality many incels would be shocked to realise is that they would feel just as shit after getting laid/finding a girl as they did before.

 

[feggut]

Just be thankful God made your arms long enough to satisfy yourself.

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

The idea that sex can save you from depression is a fallacy and the reality many incels would be shocked to realise is that they would feel just as shit after getting laid/finding a girl as they did before.

What a joke. Water isn't needed since it only has a temporary effect, then?

 

[Darkmoon Queen]

I'm not sure how something as insignificant as a sexual desire can ruin your life.

 

[Makko]

Just be thankful God made your arms long enough to satisfy yourself.

God didn't give me tentacles and I resent that.

 

[BrokenArrow]

What a joke. Water isn't needed since it only has a temporary effect, then?

Straw man argument. A romantic relationship isn't necessary for survival in the same way water is required to keep your vital organs functioning.

I mean, maybe literally all your problems would be instantaneously solved forever if you got a gf. Who knows, everyone's different.

 

[feggut]

What a joke. Water isn't needed since it only has a temporary effect, then?

A person cannot survive without water. Sex on the other hand....

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

Straw man argument. A romantic relationship isn't necessary for survival in the same way water is required to keep your vital organs functioning.

Survival of the genes, bro. Have you heard of evolution?

I mean, maybe literally all your problems would be instantaneously solved if you got a gf.

I have one problem, so yes.

A person cannot survive without water. Sex on the other hand....

The real strawman, right here.

 

[feggut]

Survival of the genes, bro. Have you heard of evolution?

you do realize this is probably an unpopular argument for a pro-suicide forum right?
Whatever you're right. If a man doesn't get his vital pooseh his balls will swell to the size of basketballs and explode.

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

you do realize this is probably an unpopular arguement for a pro-suicide forum right?

I wasn't saying what you think I was saying.

 

[BrokenArrow]

Survival of the genes, bro. Have you heard of evolution?

I have one problem, so yes.

The real strawman, right here.

Well, plenty of other people are currently and will continue to have kids, so I'm fairly confident that evolution will continue onward regardless of the incel community.

If that really is the one factor driving you to consider suicide, then fair enough, I get it. Everyone here has their reasons and I'm not trying to kick the hornets' nest or start an argument.

My earlier point was really just to make the point that while burning desire for sex can certainly feel incredibly frustrating to the point of madness, the satisfaction in achieving it pretty much vanishes almost instantly. I guess if you're looking more for spiritual/romantic fulfilment then that's a different thing to purely sexual.

Anyways. I respect your reasons for being here either way.

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

Well, plenty of other people are currently and will continue to have kids, so I'm fairly confident that evolution will continue onward regardless of the incel community.

I'm an antinatalist, more or less. I do think that in some cases the child will have very good odds. Wasn't mentioning evolution because I love it, lmfao.

If that really is the one factor driving you to consider suicide, then fair enough, I get it. Everyone here has their reasons and I'm not trying to kick the hornets' nest or start an argument.

My earlier point was really just to make the point that while burning desire for sex can certainly feel incredibly frustrating to the point of madness, the satisfaction in achieving it pretty much vanishes almost instantly. I guess if you're looking more for spiritual/romantic fulfilment then that's a different thing to purely sexual.

Anyways. I respect your reasons for being here either way.

Based, same to you.

 

[feggut]

This thread proves how radically different and opposed people's value systems can be. All I can speak for is my own personal experience and what I've observed. I've witnessed what unfulfilled sexual/romantic desire leads to in other people, its a slippery slope of desperation and frustration which leads to an endless downward spiral of bad decisionmaking.

 

[Whale_bones]

I found that one of the ultimate spoilers in life was that romantic partners and sexual conquests ultimately do nothing to quell the crippling anxiety/depression that I feel.

My dumb male brain tricked me into thinking lasting happiness or contentment could be attained by getting more pussy, being in a relationship, having someone profess their love for me etc etc.

It can alleviate it, for very short periods of time. But marriages often become prisons, people cheat all the time and just as the satisfaction you might get from eating a chocolate sundae rapidly fades, so does your satisfaction after the honeymoon phase of a relationship ends or a one night stand concludes itself.

The idea that sex can save you from depression is a fallacy and the reality many incels would be shocked to realise is that they would feel just as shit after getting laid/finding a girl as they did before.

Very true. And anyone whose sole desire is to have sex can achieve that through a sex worker; it doesn't matter what a guy looks like, what his social status is, what his social skills are or what disabilities he has. Sex workers specifically serve people in these groups often, because it's a quick and easy way to achieve sex where none of these things matter. All any man who wants that has to do is maintain a minimum of hygiene and treat the sex worker decently (with the same amount of respect as you'd expect of anyone else.) If having sex is the most important thing in someone's life, then it only makes sense they'd spend money on that first before games, ordering out for meals, alcohol, TV, and all the other recreational things people spend money on (that usually add up to way more).

But as you say, having sex only fixes the problem of not having sex. Neither sex nor a relationship will just flip a switch and clean up all your problems in life, as much as we're all programmed to think that from the constant bombardment of love stories in movies, music and books, and relationships always being "the norm" in what we see around us. For way too long I forced myself to keep dating because everyone around me was obsessed with it and I thought I would eventually fit into that norm. It never happened.

 

[KiraLittleOwl]

I would say yes. Intimacy is very important for a healthy mind (I am not talking about hook ups)

 

[mondoCruel]

When I was young I had a really high sex drive, but no woman ever wanted me and I could barely "satisfy myself" due to living in a big religious house. By the time I was able to live alone my libido was mostly gone. It's something that always pissed me off

 

[ALifeNotWorthLiving]

I'm not sure how something as insignificant as a sexual desire can ruin your life.

You don't know how important it is until you lack it

 

[Darkmoon Queen]

You don't know how important it is until you lack it

I know what it's like to have sex withheld by a partner. And yeah, in a relationship, if someone is withholding sex for long periods of time, it's time to go. They're not validating you, they don't care about your needs and they're withholding intimacy. I wouldn't say it's life ruining but it's plenty of reason to be unhappy and leave, yeah.

But sex when you don't have love isn't THAT important. At that point, it's just like using someone to masturbate with.

 

[Disappointered]

What are people's thoughts on differences between men and women? I think for young men sex - even if it's really just an intensifying medium through which other more significant needs are fulfilled - is more important than for women.

The way things are going I'm really not surprised that every so often an incel loses it and takes out a bunch of people. It's a predictable outcome for the kind of sick society that has become the norm pretty much all over the 'western' world. It's clearly not about the most rudimentary elements of sex since sex workers could easily satisfy those needs as already pointed out but I can say for myself that being excluded socially as a young male to the extent of also being denied sex did fuck up my mind permanently, irreversibly. It was already way fucked up, yes, but I believe the social sexual exclusion significantly aggravated my other problems.

 

[Makko]

Very true. And anyone whose sole desire is to have sex can achieve that through a sex worker; it doesn't matter what a guy looks like, what his social status is, what his social skills are or what disabilities he has. Sex workers specifically serve people in these groups often, because it's a quick and easy way to achieve sex where none of these things matter. All any man who wants that has to do is maintain a minimum of hygiene and treat the sex worker decently (with the same amount of respect as you'd expect of anyone else.) If having sex is the most important thing in someone's life, then it only makes sense they'd spend money on that first before games, ordering out for meals, alcohol, TV, and all the other recreational things people spend money on (that usually add up to way more).

But as you say, having sex only fixes the problem of not having sex. Neither sex nor a relationship will just flip a switch and clean up all your problems in life, as much as we're all programmed to think that from the constant bombardment of love stories in movies, music and books, and relationships always being "the norm" in what we see around us. For way too long I forced myself to keep dating because everyone around me was obsessed with it and I thought I would eventually fit into that norm. It never happened.

As I understand this common complaint, the core of it is not about missing out on the genital frictions but about being sexually/romantically unwanted. Prostitutes can't help with that. You can negotiate frictions but you can't negotiate or manufacture attraction. The only actionable advice is "work on yourself" which assumes that the traits that make you unattractive can be fixed though effort which is not necessarily the case. Because of this the issue has no clear solution.

I also don't see how it's being expected to "clean up all your problems". Feeling wanted/attractive is a basic fixture of human self esteem and having your self esteem lifted from rock bottom can be expected to give you the energy and motivation you're been missing to make changes to your life.

This is all misunderstood to the point of comedy all the time but it looks like a pretty simple analysis to me.

 

[motel rooms]

Being able to fulfill my sexual desires 24/7 is ruining my life

Just be thankful God made your arms long enough to satisfy yourself.

 

[user_name_here]

WantToQuit are you a blogger or a journalist? You put more info in your thread title than your actual post, but somehow still managed to fish out replies with more effort than yours and you didn't share anything.

 

[Gustav Hartmann]

Isn´t it the other way round? Fulfilled sexual desires can ruin your life. Especially if you are necrophile, pedophile or a sadist. Or less extreme, promiscuity might ruin your family.

 

[Snake of Eden]

Being able to fulfill my sexual desires 24/7 is ruining my life

Your meme finding super power impresses me

 

[Whale_bones]

As I understand this common complaint, the core of it is not about missing out on the genital frictions but about being sexually/romantically unwanted. Prostitutes can't help with that. You can negotiate frictions but you can't negotiate or manufacture attraction. The only actionable advice is "work on yourself" which assumes that the traits that make you unattractive can be fixed though effort which is not necessarily the case. Because of this the issue has no clear solution.

I also don't see how it's being expected to "clean up all your problems". Feeling wanted/attractive is a basic fixture of human self esteem and having your self esteem lifted from rock bottom can be expected to give you the energy and motivation you're been missing to make changes to your life.

This is all misunderstood to the point of comedy all the time but it looks like a pretty simple analysis to me.

That's why I was specifically talking about just sex in that whole first paragraph talking about sex workers; it's a whole different discussion when you bring romance, intimacy and relationships into it, but many people say it is *solely* sex that they need, solely the lack of sex that is the worst thing in their life. Or genital frictions as you call it, I like that, now I'm tempted to start using it in the future

Besides seeing it said elsewhere, I've seen this topic come up time and again here on SS and many times there's replies where commenters specifically state that they're *not* talking about romantic intimacy or any kind of relationship. They want to achieve the act of sex, and not doing that is the worst thing in their life. I guess you could say they're lying, and that they secretly actually want intimacy, but I try to avoid psychoanalyzing people I don't know, and when so many say it, I don't think it would make sense to say they're all lying. Some people are really only focused on the act of sex.

As the comment I replied to said, our society DOES give us completely unrealistic ideas about both sex and relationships. For men, they are surrounded from a young age with the idea that getting pussy is what makes you a man, you need to be having sex and getting chicks to be at all successful or worthy, what age/how many times/how often you have sex is extremely important. Not doing all that the "right" way makes them feel like failures even if they could otherwise be happy.

Women have their own entire set of standards, but as we are mostly talking about men who say that not having sex is their biggest problem in life, I won't go into that now. All of the things I listed about have very *real* impacts on men's lives; you could say they should just "brush it off" and ignore it, but the reality is that this is a constant, ongoing thing that's everywhere in society, from their friends, to their male relatives, to any male role models they may have, to TV, movies and music. If you live in that world, it's going to impact your life.

All of those expectations are built up to be extremely important and put pressure on men to achieve them. When those ridiculous standards can't be met, it can have a very negative effect on self-worth, the concept of success, self-confidence and all the other things they've been taught their whole lives are tied to achieving these standards. And considering things like losing your virginity young and having lots of sex with many different beautiful women are things on that list, there's very few men that happen to meet those standards, and all the ones that don't have already "failed" when measured against that criteria. So this is a very real thing, and while different men are affected differently depending on their support structure and other factors, it has a very widespread effect.

 

[Snake of Eden]

Besides seeing it said elsewhere, I've seen this topic come up time and again here on SS and many times there's replies where commenters specifically state that they're *not* talking about romantic intimacy or any kind of relationship. They want to achieve the act of sex, and not doing that is the worst thing in their life. I guess you could say they're lying, and that they secretly actually want intimacy

Other than intimacy being validated and feeling desirable are big reasons why having sex is very important