trashisland
outsider
- Aug 5, 2025
- 140
I have no future. I took a gap year from university telling people it's just for me to take a break before I returned, but the real reason is that I dont want to go at all. I only felt the need to go because id be the first in my family to do so, and because I felt that was the obvious next step. but I dont want it. school absolutely ruins me. I feel like a failure. everyone else my age is already going and making something out of their lives. I can't work either. not because im disabled or anything, but because work ruins me too. I couldn't even handle two shifts at the only job I ever had and im relying on money from the govt rn, which I feel so bad for getting because it makes me feel even more like a failure. I have no desire to work either and im very asocial so I couldn't fit in any workplace. and also I can't save money, I always end up spending it. idk what to do anymore. I think when this gap year is over I'll have to ctb, I see no other choice. I can't do anything because im pathetic and thinking about my next steps makes me genuinely sick. I just hate this life I dont have anyone supportive around me either. im completely alone in this and knowing I have to make that choice when this break is over hurts me so much. I just dont know what to do anymore. everything is so suffocating
